Is roleplay sex okay?

[Plurralbles]

if you're asking it means you have doubts, which means it's not okay.

 

[artanis_neravar]

Okay, so here's the story.

I have a female friend whom I chat with online. We've known each other for quite sometime, we've talked on the phone, we've seen what the other one looks like, but we have never met in person. She has a boyfriend, I am single. We like to do roleplay in a private online chat room where we make our own characters and they interact with each other and stuff. It's a lot of fun to me and we've done that for a while, but assuming you read the title I think you'll know where this is going. So it's gotten to the point where one of my characters is veeeeery close to having sex with her character (They are a couple). The argument is that since we're just roleplaying and its our 'characters' having sex not us, then she's technically not cheating on her boyfriend and it's ok. But I still have a niggling little doubt in the back of my head saying that this is wrong.

So can roleplay sex be labeled under real sex or not?

Here's a question for you, has she told her boyfriend about it? if the answer is no, then my next question why not? if it's not cheating then she should have no reason not to tell him, in fact hidding it would be a worse crime than the RP sex itself.

 

[ShakyFt Slasher]

Yes it is completely wrong. I would be REALLY mad if my gf did something like that with another man.

 

[Macheteswordgun]

Kids these days. Damn i just said that and I'm not that old..... Of course you feel that way it "is" cheating but it also depends if he finds out or he knows/cares so thats all on if he finds out knows etc and how you to feel about it if you want it fine if she doesn't want to do the online rp thing then cesta la ve

 

[doomboy29]

Whatever floats your boat.

 

[MaxwellEdison]

Ask her BF first.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

So can roleplay sex be labeled under real sex or not?

First of all, how detailed do you plan to RP the sex? Making out, walking to the bedroom, and then fade to black? You're fine.

If you're talking about a play-by-play, then you've moved on to cybering with RP characters. That's pretty much internet phone sex.

Also, it's great fun. ^^ Have done, enjoyed much.

However, that is also intruding on relationship territory, IMO.

So really, it depends on how far you intend to go. Think of it this way, if she were an actor, and you were in a play together where you had to kiss on stage, would that be cheating? No. However, if you were going to star in a porno with her, that's another story.

 

[zeldagirl]

Roleplaying, while fun, usually provides us a way to connect with other people through fictional (or sometimes non-fictional) characters that aren't use. Yet, we are intricately linked to that character - part of us is infused into the roleplaying. We are the ones playing a role, making the fictional character act out in certain ways, but it is at its core still *us*.


That being said, talk to your RP partner about it. Not her character, but the roleplayer herself. Ask her if she's talked to her boyfriend about this, and understands the potential emotional ramifications of going through with this. Ask her if she has been open with her boyfriend, and if you feel comfortable, ask her (and yourself) why it is your "characters" have gone down this path - I'm willing to bet it's more than just a roleplay. I've seen in RP communities that it's often very easy to get caught up in becoming emotionally attached or attracted to an RP partner. Make sure that you communicate VERY clearly.

After that, if the bf is okay with it, and both of you are, establish boundaries - what will or will you not write? Is there anything off limits. How invested will the roleplay be.


First step though is to talk with her about it, and make sure she's doing this for the right reasons. If it is an emotional affair on her part, well, I guess we'll cross that bridge when you come to it.

 

[Grabbin Keelz]

Here's a question for you, has she told her boyfriend about it? if the answer is no, then my next question why not? if it's not cheating then she should have no reason not to tell him, in fact hidding it would be a worse crime than the RP sex itself.

I see that you and many other posters share the same opinion with me. How about a hypothetical question then?
Lets say that she claimed her bf was ok with it so we continue the rp, but really she never asked him. I trust her word on it, but later the bf finds out and gets upset. Should I be held accountable for believing her?
Remember, Hypothetical question. I don't think she would actually lie to him, but just for sake of curiosity.

 

[artanis_neravar]

Here's a question for you, has she told her boyfriend about it? if the answer is no, then my next question why not? if it's not cheating then she should have no reason not to tell him, in fact hidding it would be a worse crime than the RP sex itself.

I see that you and many other posters share the same opinion with me. How about a hypothetical question then?
Lets say that she claimed her bf was ok with it so we continue the rp, but really she never asked him. I trust her word on it, but later the bf finds out and gets upset. Should I be held accountable for believing her?
Remember, Hypothetical question. I don't think she would actually lie to him, but just for sake of curiosity.

I say no, will he think that way? can't tell, but moral I would say that you are in the clear, especially because if she didn't tell him then there is something else going on, most likely she would have been looking for a reason to sabotage her relationship anyway

 

[manic_depressive13]

Ugh, not really sure. If my significant other was doing something like that, I definitely wouldn't be able to look at them the same way. Then again, I don't know if that's because I would consider it betrayal, or because I think cyber-sex is fucking weird. Honestly though, even if she was single, why would you do that? It's so...

Not judging!

 

[eclipsed_chemistry]

-snip-

Okay, I'm a bit naive about the whole 'range of sexual emotions and repercusions' thing. You know, what is cause for jealousy, what are the appropriate social cues for sexual interest, yada yada. However, there is something I'd like to know, are there obvious similarities between your character and yourself, and her character and herself? I mean, if they are 'RPG-esque embodiments of your own desires, interests, etc' then even I can tell that the role-playing sex means way more than just fiction. But if you are a shy, introvert, and your character is an obnoxious twat who found love (her character), did a whole bunch of things you'd never consider doing and ultimately isn't 'you' in any sense, and the same applies for hers, then I'd say that th sex is just an extension on the story you two have co-created. But while I'm sure I'm spot on in the first scenario, I'm more than a little unsure about the second situation, so if it is teh second, ask somone more experienced on this thread about it.

EDIT:

I, for one, would consider it cheating. Can't really put into words why I just feel that way

It is called an emotional affair.

I've never really understood this. I mean, if your feelings for your current partner are waning and you've found a new love (without sex) that is replacing your present one (but secretly). Then sure, Bam! Betrayal. But why can't you have a deep emotional attachment to more than one person? It doesn't make sense to me (then again, I've never been in a relationship, so I'm not really sure about the whole motivation behind emotional monogamy).

There's an EXTREMELY fine line between "deep emotional attachment" and love, and usually that fine line is reserved for things like family members, members of the same sex who are bound by sexual preference (for instance, two male friends who are not homosexual) and the like. In some ways, emotional affairs are almost worse. Physical affairs are bad, sure, but mistakes can be forgiven, but staying with someone when you love someone else deeply is horrible. There may be reasons for staying together, but hell, have some decency for the other person and just end it.

 

[SillyBear]

snip

That's cheating in my books. But, who knows, maybe the boyfriend is cool with it. I really doubt it though. I personally think you are out of order.

 

[Biosophilogical]

-snip-

Okay, I'm a bit naive about the whole 'range of sexual emotions and repercusions' thing. You know, what is cause for jealousy, what are the appropriate social cues for sexual interest, yada yada. However, there is something I'd like to know, are there obvious similarities between your character and yourself, and her character and herself? I mean, if they are 'RPG-esque embodiments of your own desires, interests, etc' then even I can tell that the role-playing sex means way more than just fiction. But if you are a shy, introvert, and your character is an obnoxious twat who found love (her character), did a whole bunch of things you'd never consider doing and ultimately isn't 'you' in any sense, and the same applies for hers, then I'd say that th sex is just an extension on the story you two have co-created. But while I'm sure I'm spot on in the first scenario, I'm more than a little unsure about the second situation, so if it is teh second, ask somone more experienced on this thread about it.

EDIT:

I, for one, would consider it cheating. Can't really put into words why I just feel that way

It is called an emotional affair.

I've never really understood this. I mean, if your feelings for your current partner are waning and you've found a new love (without sex) that is replacing your present one (but secretly). Then sure, Bam! Betrayal. But why can't you have a deep emotional attachment to more than one person? It doesn't make sense to me (then again, I've never been in a relationship, so I'm not really sure about the whole motivation behind emotional monogamy).

There's an EXTREMELY fine line between "deep emotional attachment" and love, and usually that fine line is reserved for things like family members, members of the same sex who are bound by sexual preference (for instance, two male friends who are not homosexual) and the like. In some ways, emotional affairs are almost worse. Physical affairs are bad, sure, but mistakes can be forgiven, but staying with someone when you love someone else deeply is horrible. There may be reasons for staying together, but hell, have some decency for the other person and just end it.

Sure, if you are staying with the other person out of convenience, but what if you loved both of them? By that logic you couldn't be with either of them because it wouldn't be fair. But if you love both of them, but will always put the one you are with first, then what's the problem? Loving two people doesn't mean you only love them each half as much. Unless your partner is very much invested in emotional monogamy and your emotional attachment to the other person can cause them pain, then what's the problem? Honestly, I don't get it. If one relationship doesn't detract from the other ... : /

 

[Yoshemo]

I personally don't think its bad. Now if you start doing webcam stuff, then its too far

 

[Yoshemo]

double post because of the captcha >.>

 

[Spade Lead]

Ask the boyfriend. There we go problem solved

This. If I was the boyfriend in question, it would be cheating, but that is just my opinion.

 

[LiberalSquirrel]

As a writer myself, I wouldn't find a problem with it- I don't really treat my characters as extensions of myself, or I would be one very strange girl indeed. If I ever got into a situation like yours/hers (which I... can't exactly imagine happening, but that aside) I'd view it as something that the character was doing, and not myself. I wouldn't be emotionally invested in it at all.

Still, I agree with the majority of the people in this thread in that she should ask her boyfriend.

Lets say that she claimed her bf was ok with it so we continue the rp, but really she never asked him. I trust her word on it, but later the bf finds out and gets upset. Should I be held accountable for believing her?
Remember, Hypothetical question. I don't think she would actually lie to him, but just for sake of curiosity.

Well, bluntly... of course not. How would you be able to tell that she was lying?

But, just for my curiosity's sake... who would "hold you accountable for believing her?" If the only person in this entire relationship you know is her, she obviously can't blame you for her lying to you. I feel like I'm missing something here. Do you actually know her... or know someone close to her... in real life?