Is she worth it?

[Not George Carlin]

First off, this is my first time creating a topic so I don't expect this to get more than 3 replies.

So I've been in love with this girl for a little over 6 years since the first time she told me to shut up. I've been up all night talking to her until I noticed that she posted on facebook that a "he" had put her life back together. I blushed at the sight of that assuming that she was talking about me since I had helped her through suicide, parental problems and 2 break ups. Then she tells me to guess who it is when I ask her about it, she tells me to guess. Now when that stuff happens my immediate reaction isn't to say "ME!!!1!!" so I just guessed all my best friends.

Turns out I guessed correctly...

She tells me that my best friend asked her out today. I tell her that that bums me out and when she asks why I let it slip that I love her. Dumbest fucking thing I've ever done, I know. So she doesn't know what to do know. I tell her she doesn't need to do anything and that I only want her to be happy (digging a deeper grave with that, yes). She's still speechless. When she asks why I was so pissed I tell her that I was going to ask her out yesterday but turns out she lost her phone so I couldn't. What makes me even more pissed off is the fact that she said she would have said yes.

So, was she worth it? What should I do now that I told her I love her, which I do, but still. She told me that we're going to talk about it again later so I need responses pretty quickly.


UPDATE: We talked about it. I told her it would be best if I left her alone for a while but she told her boyfriend (my best friend, in case you forgot) how I feel for her. So now he hates me and I'm pretty sure I'm going to find myself getting jumped soon... that's right, shit just got real. Any ideas how to avoid the brawl? I really don't want to fight (he's still like a brother TO ME) but I will if I have to. He thinks I'm trying to separate them and I'm not. I just want them to be happy.

FINAL UPDATE: Well, my story has somewhat of a bittersweet ending. My friend told me to lay off her and that he doesn't to hate me. After finishing up a long conversation with her, I said goodbye for what was probably a while. So now, she's happy with him. He's happy with her. I'm not getting jumped but now I have to sit back and try to get over her.


Oh well...

 

[mrvenom]

Only you can decide if she is worth it or not. Just wait it out and talk to her about it.

 

[Neo10101]

Well, you obviously care a lot about her, plus you have already helped her through a lot. It seems like you may be the best person for her.

 

[Aedes]

Uuuh, sorry to hear... :s
First things first, what you should do is wait. She said you two will talk about it later so no need to rush things up for now. She just found out you love her while she had plans to go out with your friend. That's a lot to digest.
I think you shouldn't wait more than a week or a week and a half to talk with her for your own emotional sake. I believe it's enough time for her to put her ideias in order. Or so I hope.
That's as far as I can help you. Good luck buddy!

Btw, there's one more thing that's bugging me:

She tells me that my best friend asked her out today.

What kind of friend is that?! Didn't he know you like her? I could forgive him if you kept it as your little secret or something because that would be a giant WTF moment if he knew all along.

 

[Zantos]

If she's really happy with your best friend then just be happy for her. Anything else is, well, selfish. You had 6 years chance to do it and you didn't. Let her know that you're happy for them, if you get angry at them over this it's just going to make things worse and lose out on her friendship. And don't even think about trying to break them up so you can be with her, that's just low.

 

[Zaverexus]

Ouch.
I hate to say it, but at this point with the situation you've put yourself in there isn't any "right" course of action, and very few that will end well, which in a way frees you up a bit:

You can do whatever you want at this point, what will happen will probably happen whatever choice you make, as she has probably decided (whether she knows it or not) what she is going to do.

Your future is in her hands now, so I recommend doing some hard thinking to make sure that, if it does go your way, you really want it to and see what happens when she calls.

 

[xxcloud417xx]

This might be the guy that's pretty much let every girl he's ever had feelings for slip by him talking here but...

You're not dumb for telling her how you feel about her. Honestly man, even now I question myself for not telling this one specific girl that I had feelings for her. So just do what you can and win her heart.

Before anything though, don't say well I'm happy if she's happy with another guy. Sorry but that's the fucking loser mentality I had. Ask yourself instead if YOU can make her happy. And if you know 110% that you can, and I mean without a SHADOW of a doubt and you truly believe it in your heart. Then win her over and love to love her.

Because fuck yeah she's worth it. 6yrs... same here bro and I didn't do anything, nothing sucks more than saying hi to her newest BF and she introduces you as just a good friend, trust me.

 

[Drtfgf5]

its a VERY difficult decision to make on this one... Ask her out for talking over a cup of coffee, things can go on from there to a good relationship ECT.

 

[Not George Carlin]

Btw, there's one more thing that's bugging me:

She tells me that my best friend asked her out today.

What kind of friend is that?! Didn't he know you like her? I could forgive him if you kept it as your little secret or something because that would be a giant WTF moment if he knew all along.

He didn't know. I've been swamped with work since I really started building up the courage to ask her out. I doubt things would have worked out differently even if I had. He'd probably say something along the lines of "You had your chance, bro. Get over it."

In fact, he told me that when I told him that I really did love her...

I know he's not a great friend but he's really one of the only ones I have left...

 

[xxcloud417xx]

Btw, there's one more thing that's bugging me:

She tells me that my best friend asked her out today.

What kind of friend is that?! Didn't he know you like her? I could forgive him if you kept it as your little secret or something because that would be a giant WTF moment if he knew all along.

He didn't know. I've been swamped with work since I really started building up the courage to ask her out. I doubt things would have worked out differently even if I had. He'd probably say something along the lines of "You had your chance, bro. Get over it."

In fact, he told me that when I told him that I really did love her...

I know he's not a great friend but he's really one of the only ones I have left...

You need new friends man... sorry to say. Tell him you're going to fight for her then (not necessarily physically) maybe that'll show him that she's worth more to you than she does to him. Could make him back off altogether depending on his type of personality.

 

[Not George Carlin]

Btw, there's one more thing that's bugging me:

She tells me that my best friend asked her out today.

What kind of friend is that?! Didn't he know you like her? I could forgive him if you kept it as your little secret or something because that would be a giant WTF moment if he knew all along.

He didn't know. I've been swamped with work since I really started building up the courage to ask her out. I doubt things would have worked out differently even if I had. He'd probably say something along the lines of "You had your chance, bro. Get over it."

In fact, he told me that when I told him that I really did love her...

I know he's not a great friend but he's really one of the only ones I have left...

You need new friends man... sorry to say. Tell him you're going to fight for her then (not physically) maybe that'll show him that she's worth more to you than she does to him. Could make him back off altogether depending on his type of personality.

Meh, even if we DO fight physically I know I can take him. We've fought before and I've taken down bigger guys than him. Even so, I've known him for just as long if not longer. It wouldn't feel right to do that. Sure he hates me but I see no reason to hate him back. He didn't do anything wrong accept not loving her the way I would. He thinks she's a slut and I can tell. Fuck, he flat out told me she was once. But, on the other hand, why would he be so defensive over her if he did think of her like that? This whole thing confuses me.

She does know that he's my best friend but she doesn't know what she should do so she's leaving all the speaking and stuff to me (she's not the "brightest bulb on the tree" but she's a good woman at heart). I don't want to fight him but if I do it will prove nothing. Just that I back stabbed my best friend for someone who's "not worth it". She hates back stabbers, I can tell...

 

[xxcloud417xx]

Btw, there's one more thing that's bugging me:

She tells me that my best friend asked her out today.

What kind of friend is that?! Didn't he know you like her? I could forgive him if you kept it as your little secret or something because that would be a giant WTF moment if he knew all along.

He didn't know. I've been swamped with work since I really started building up the courage to ask her out. I doubt things would have worked out differently even if I had. He'd probably say something along the lines of "You had your chance, bro. Get over it."

In fact, he told me that when I told him that I really did love her...

I know he's not a great friend but he's really one of the only ones I have left...

You need new friends man... sorry to say. Tell him you're going to fight for her then (not physically) maybe that'll show him that she's worth more to you than she does to him. Could make him back off altogether depending on his type of personality.

Meh, even if we DO fight physically I know I can take him. We've fought before and I've taken down bigger guys than him. Even so, I've known him for just as long if not longer. It wouldn't feel right to do that. Sure he hates me but I see no reason to hate him back. He didn't do anything wrong accept not loving her the way I would. He thinks she's a slut and I can tell. Fuck, he flat out told me she was once. But, on the other hand, why would he be so defensive over her if he did think of her like that? This whole thing confuses me.

She does know that he's my best friend but she doesn't know what she should do so she's leaving all the speaking and stuff to me (she's not the "brightest bulb on the tree" but she's a good woman at heart). I don't want to fight him but if I do it will prove nothing. Just that I back stabbed my best friend for someone who's "not worth it". She hates back stabbers, I can tell...

I still think you need to show him you're serious. Maybe just tell him you were going to make the move and honestly from what you said of what he thinks of her I think he's only interested in a physical relationship and wants her for all the wrong reasons. If he's a friend, he'll back off since it's obvious you're the one who wants her more and for better reasons. If he leaves and doesn't want to be your friend anymore, my honest opinion is that you haven't lost much, and if she goes to you instead, think of what you would gain.

 

[LetalisK]

Ironically, telling her you loved her may be the best thing to happen in this situation. Now things will get incredibly awkward between you, her, and your best friend and you might actually be FORCED to move on. Seriously, she's not worth all this trouble. You don't want to be with someone who you help out with serious problems and she gives all the credit for "fixing" her life(HA!) to a dude that simply asks her out. And if she really wanted to be with you, she would be. Tell your friend to have fun and move on. And this time don't spend 6 years being the repressed shoulder to cry on.

Also, next time, take the credit.

 

[Aedes]

A couple more points I would like to adress here:

Meh, even if we DO fight physically I know I can take him. We've fought before and I've taken down bigger guys than him. Even so, I've known him for just as long if not longer. It wouldn't feel right to do that. Sure he hates me but I see no reason to hate him back. He didn't do anything wrong accept not loving her the way I would.

...

I don't want to fight him but if I do it will prove nothing. Just that I back stabbed my best friend for someone who's "not worth it". She hates back stabbers, I can tell...

Fighting phisically over a girl is never a good course of action. It may sound noble but it gives the aura of "the winner takes the prize", you know. And it's not like she'll fall to the winner, not even she'll accepted such a thing.
Also, as you already stated, you wont look good on her eyes if such a fight happends.

He thinks she's a slut and I can tell. Fuck, he flat out told me she was once. But, on the other hand, why would he be so defensive over her if he did think of her like that? This whole thing confuses me.

I could think on a few things...
He have the chance to have something that you don't. Primal instinct on the act if you wish.
From what you said of your friend so far, it sounds to me he's more of an ass in search of a quick fun than to try a long term relationship. I can't really blame him though. He didn't try to steal her from you as far as he knew.
Do you think he'll be mad if you actually get the girl instead of him?

She does know that he's my best friend but she doesn't know what she should do so she's leaving all the speaking and stuff to me (she's not the "brightest bulb on the tree" but she's a good woman at heart).

And that's why I hold true to my previous post, you have to wait, but not too long. If she let you do the talking, you might have one golden chance on your hands. It's not like she's already promised to your friend.
Once you get the chance to talk with her, you both might try as well go out on a date. Coffee shop, cinema, whatever, just grab the chance and show you're the best option.
If it doesn't work... well... It's time to move on.

 

[sockypants]

You don't want to be with someone who you help out with serious problems and she gives all the credit for "fixing" her life(HA!) to a dude that simply asks her out.

This. Not worth the effort on your end, buddy. it might seem hard at first, but you'll get over her and move on.

 

[Eusebius]

Why do you expect he is going to bring physical violence against you? This doesn't sound like the sort of situation that would result in an actual fight. You didn't do anything to the girl besides admit you had feelings for her. It sounds like at most you'll get a "stay away from my girlfriend" warning from the guy, which you should probably listen to, since she has a boyfriend and doesn't appear to share your feelings.

Also, it's probably not a good idea in the future to wait six years before expressing interest in a girl. She doesn't sound like a jerk or anything, it sounds like since you were friends with her for that long without expressing any interest in her, she came to think about you only as a friend. Most people don't wait six years.

 

[CommanderKirov]

First off, this is my first time creating a topic so I don't expect this to get more than 3 replies.

So I've been in love with this girl for a little over 6 years since the first time she told me to shut up. I've been up all night talking to her until I noticed that she posted on facebook that a "he" had put her life back together. I blushed at the sight of that assuming that she was talking about me since I had helped her through suicide, parental problems and 2 break ups. Then she tells me to guess who it is when I ask her about it, she tells me to guess. Now when that stuff happens my immediate reaction isn't to say "ME!!!1!!" so I just guessed all my best friends.

Turns out I guessed correctly...

She tells me that my best friend asked her out today. I tell her that that bums me out and when she asks why I let it slip that I love her. Dumbest fucking thing I've ever done, I know. So she doesn't know what to do know. I tell her she doesn't need to do anything and that I only want her to be happy (digging a deeper grave with that, yes). She's still speechless. When she asks why I was so pissed I tell her that I was going to ask her out yesterday but turns out she lost her phone so I couldn't. What makes me even more pissed off is the fact that she said she would have said yes.

So, was she worth it? What should I do now that I told her I love her, which I do, but still. She told me that we're going to talk about it again later so I need responses pretty quickly.


UPDATE: We talked about it. I told her it would be best if I left her alone for a while but she told her boyfriend (my best friend, in case you forgot) how I feel for her. So now he hates me and I'm pretty sure I'm going to find myself getting jumped soon... that's right, shit just got real. Any ideas how to avoid the brawl? I really don't want to fight (he's still like a brother TO ME) but I will if I have to. He thinks I'm trying to separate them and I'm not. I just want them to be happy.

No woman is worth a friendship ruined.

I'm sorry to tell you but the minute you found out it's your best friend she is going out with you should have shut your mouth and swallow it down.

It's not only the code of conduct in these situations. It's the feeling of betrayal from a close buddy that hurts the most in a situation like this.

My advice? Apologize to the guy and possibly he will see your side of it and leave it be and you might keep a best friend.

If not, you might loose one and you will be forever remembered as "The guy who attempted to steal his best friends girlfriend". Even though that might have not been your intention, you will be remembered as such...

Women come and go, friendship persists through the years.

EDIT: Just to make it universaly clear. No matter how he reacts. BACK OUT. If you try to make a move on her now on soon it will just get more nasty.

 

[Not George Carlin]

Why do you expect he is going to bring physical violence against you? This doesn't sound like the sort of situation that would result in an actual fight. You didn't do anything to the girl besides admit you had feelings for her. It sounds like at most you'll get a "stay away from my girlfriend" warning from the guy, which you should probably listen to, since she has a boyfriend and doesn't appear to share your feelings.

Also, it's probably not a good idea in the future to wait six years before expressing interest in a girl. She doesn't sound like a jerk or anything, it sounds like since you were friends with her for that long without expressing any interest in her, she came to think about you only as a friend. Most people don't wait six years.

First off, he has a history of violence, he's not good with words. I did get that warning but I still just can't shake the feeling. Also, we weren't friends when I figured out that I loved her. Sure, I loved her for 6 years but we only started talking a few months ago.

First off, this is my first time creating a topic so I don't expect this to get more than 3 replies.

So I've been in love with this girl for a little over 6 years since the first time she told me to shut up. I've been up all night talking to her until I noticed that she posted on facebook that a "he" had put her life back together. I blushed at the sight of that assuming that she was talking about me since I had helped her through suicide, parental problems and 2 break ups. Then she tells me to guess who it is when I ask her about it, she tells me to guess. Now when that stuff happens my immediate reaction isn't to say "ME!!!1!!" so I just guessed all my best friends.

Turns out I guessed correctly...

She tells me that my best friend asked her out today. I tell her that that bums me out and when she asks why I let it slip that I love her. Dumbest fucking thing I've ever done, I know. So she doesn't know what to do know. I tell her she doesn't need to do anything and that I only want her to be happy (digging a deeper grave with that, yes). She's still speechless. When she asks why I was so pissed I tell her that I was going to ask her out yesterday but turns out she lost her phone so I couldn't. What makes me even more pissed off is the fact that she said she would have said yes.

So, was she worth it? What should I do now that I told her I love her, which I do, but still. She told me that we're going to talk about it again later so I need responses pretty quickly.


UPDATE: We talked about it. I told her it would be best if I left her alone for a while but she told her boyfriend (my best friend, in case you forgot) how I feel for her. So now he hates me and I'm pretty sure I'm going to find myself getting jumped soon... that's right, shit just got real. Any ideas how to avoid the brawl? I really don't want to fight (he's still like a brother TO ME) but I will if I have to. He thinks I'm trying to separate them and I'm not. I just want them to be happy.

No woman is worth a friendship ruined.

I'm sorry to tell you but the minute you found out it's your best friend she is going out with you should have shut your mouth and swallow it down.

It's not only the code of conduct in these situations. It's the feeling of betrayal from a close buddy that hurts the most in a situation like this.

My advice? Apologize to the guy and possibly he will see your side of it and leave it be and you might keep a best friend.

If not, you might loose one and you will be forever remembered as "The guy who attempted to steal his best friends girlfriend". Even though that might have not been your intention, you will be remembered as such...

Women come and go, friendship persists through the years.

EDIT: Just to make it universaly clear. No matter how he reacts. BACK OUT. If you try to make a move on her now on soon it will just get more nasty.

Let me make it clear that I'm not trying to separate them or steal her away or anything. I just told him how I feel. Of course he did threaten me that he would do SOMETHING if I dated her AFTER or IF they broke up. Which pisses me off because if they broke up that means that one of them stopped feeling for the other. Yet he can't see what happens to me while she and I still have feelings for each other.


Lastly; he's not as much of an ass as he sounds. He has helped me out every now and again but not as much as I have for him. You might change your mind about him if you heard his side of the story. But maybe not...

 

[artanis_neravar]

Why do you expect he is going to bring physical violence against you? This doesn't sound like the sort of situation that would result in an actual fight. You didn't do anything to the girl besides admit you had feelings for her. It sounds like at most you'll get a "stay away from my girlfriend" warning from the guy, which you should probably listen to, since she has a boyfriend and doesn't appear to share your feelings.

Also, it's probably not a good idea in the future to wait six years before expressing interest in a girl. She doesn't sound like a jerk or anything, it sounds like since you were friends with her for that long without expressing any interest in her, she came to think about you only as a friend. Most people don't wait six years.

First off, he has a history of violence, he's not good with words. I did get that warning but I still just can't shake the feeling. Also, we weren't friends when I figured out that I loved her. Sure, I loved her for 6 years but we only started talking a few months ago.

First off, this is my first time creating a topic so I don't expect this to get more than 3 replies.

So I've been in love with this girl for a little over 6 years since the first time she told me to shut up. I've been up all night talking to her until I noticed that she posted on facebook that a "he" had put her life back together. I blushed at the sight of that assuming that she was talking about me since I had helped her through suicide, parental problems and 2 break ups. Then she tells me to guess who it is when I ask her about it, she tells me to guess. Now when that stuff happens my immediate reaction isn't to say "ME!!!1!!" so I just guessed all my best friends.

Turns out I guessed correctly...

She tells me that my best friend asked her out today. I tell her that that bums me out and when she asks why I let it slip that I love her. Dumbest fucking thing I've ever done, I know. So she doesn't know what to do know. I tell her she doesn't need to do anything and that I only want her to be happy (digging a deeper grave with that, yes). She's still speechless. When she asks why I was so pissed I tell her that I was going to ask her out yesterday but turns out she lost her phone so I couldn't. What makes me even more pissed off is the fact that she said she would have said yes.

So, was she worth it? What should I do now that I told her I love her, which I do, but still. She told me that we're going to talk about it again later so I need responses pretty quickly.


UPDATE: We talked about it. I told her it would be best if I left her alone for a while but she told her boyfriend (my best friend, in case you forgot) how I feel for her. So now he hates me and I'm pretty sure I'm going to find myself getting jumped soon... that's right, shit just got real. Any ideas how to avoid the brawl? I really don't want to fight (he's still like a brother TO ME) but I will if I have to. He thinks I'm trying to separate them and I'm not. I just want them to be happy.

No woman is worth a friendship ruined.

I'm sorry to tell you but the minute you found out it's your best friend she is going out with you should have shut your mouth and swallow it down.

It's not only the code of conduct in these situations. It's the feeling of betrayal from a close buddy that hurts the most in a situation like this.

My advice? Apologize to the guy and possibly he will see your side of it and leave it be and you might keep a best friend.

If not, you might loose one and you will be forever remembered as "The guy who attempted to steal his best friends girlfriend". Even though that might have not been your intention, you will be remembered as such...

Women come and go, friendship persists through the years.

EDIT: Just to make it universaly clear. No matter how he reacts. BACK OUT. If you try to make a move on her now on soon it will just get more nasty.

Let me make it clear that I'm not trying to separate them or steal her away or anything. I just told him how I feel. Of course he did threaten me that he would do SOMETHING if I dated her AFTER or IF they broke up. Which pisses me off because if they broke up that means that one of them stopped feeling for the other. Yet he can't see what happens to me while she and I still have feelings for each other.


Lastly; he's not as much of an ass as he sounds. He has helped me out every now and again but not as much as I have for him. You might change your mind about him if you heard his side of the story. But maybe not...

Well that last part there is kind of a dick move on his part.

Can you clear a few things up for me?
Are they still dating?

What did she have to say about it when you talked again? anything or did she let you do all the talking, which you might have mentioned earlier?

How important is it that he understands? do you think he will hold a grudge or get over it?

 

[Not George Carlin]

Well that last part there is kind of a dick move on his part.

Can you clear a few things up for me?
Are they still dating?

What did she have to say about it when you talked again? anything or did she let you do all the talking, which you might have mentioned earlier?

How important is it that he understands? do you think he will hold a grudge or get over it?

Yeah, they're still dating, if they weren't I'd have asked her out already. When we talked again she said she was speechless and confused so I told her I thought it would be better if I left her alone. I did that for two reasons. One is so she could gather her thoughts and the second is the fact that I thought he'd be offended if I kept talking to her.

I think he understands how much I love her but I don't think he likes it, if he's willing to end our friendship over her then I think he WILL hold a grudge, that might even screw over a lot more of my friendships because of that for multiple reasons. One is because he introduced me to a lot of people like two of his ex-girlfriends and his neighbor with whom I've become good friends with. Another is the fact that he might spread rumors like I stole his girl, or that I stalked his girl, or that I'm gay which will eliminate all of my other friends. I really can't afford to loose this friendship.

SIDE NOTE: I didn't stalk his girl, nor am I trying to steal his girl and I'm definitely not gay, he'd probably say that I am though which sucks. What sucks even harder is that people would probably believe him. He's a charmer which is probably how he won her over.