Is there a chance to get her back?

[HerefordEscapistMan]

Hi Guys.

I have recently broken up with a girl I have been with for 3 years.
We said that we'd never leave each other until one day, she thought I was too immature and said that we can't be together.
We broke up and then, I kept trying to talk to her about it, ultimately it just pushed her further away until one day she said that she still loves me but she needs a new start and needs to get away. That was a week ago now and I am really struggling because I just want her back.

Do you guys think there is a chance she will take me back at all (now or in the future)? Or am I ultimately doomed? I just miss her so much and she means the world to me.

Cheers for reading,
HerefordEscapistMan.

 

[JasonBurnout16]

Did she explain what she meant by you acting immature? Did she give any more information about why the breakup was happening? It's a bit hard to comment without knowing everything in more detail.

What I would say is to move on honestly. You've spent three years with this girl and it seems that what she wants now is time apart. I'd say give her that - stop the texting, the contacting her. Unfollow her on social networking sites so you no longer get updates about her life. As much as you can try and block her out and move on with your life. At first it will be really, really difficult and you will miss her. However time does heal wounds and you will begin to forget about her.

If she gets back in contact with you, then great. Just make sure that you are ready to get back in contact with her. If you're not, just say you need more time. If she doesn't get back in contact with you, that's fine also, because you're choosing to move on.

Nobody knows what the future holds but for now I would move on. You're not ultimately doomed; you'll find someone else with time and have the same experience with them.

Good luck pal!

 

[HerefordEscapistMan]

When she said immature, it was because I spend a lot of time on computers (I'm a freelance web designer) but she only thought I was playing video games on them and that I wasn't trying to take my life anywhere which was not true but she couldn't see that. No matter how hard I tried to explain.

Yeah I thought that might be the only way. I am currently doing my best to avoid contact with her, I have deleted her number, blocked her on facebook and the like. I try to block her out but every thought I ever have leads me back to her and talking to friends helps but as soon as they stop talking, the pain and thoughts come flooding back with no remorse.

Yeah, you're right I just gotta try and forget not matter how much she means to me.

Thanks for the advice bud.

 

[Lilani]

When she said immature, it was because I spend a lot of time on computers (I'm a freelance web designer) but she only thought I was playing video games on them and that I wasn't trying to take my life anywhere which was not true but she couldn't see that. No matter how hard I tried to explain.

Yeah I thought that might be the only way. I am currently doing my best to avoid contact with her, I have deleted her number, blocked her on facebook and the like. I try to block her out but every thought I ever have leads me back to her and talking to friends helps but as soon as they stop talking, the pain and thoughts come flooding back with no remorse.

Yeah, you're right I just gotta try and forget not matter how much she means to me.

Thanks for the advice bud.

It sounds like she doesn't have a lot of respect for your words or your actions. Even IF all you did was play video games on the computer, unless she felt you were spurning her for them then what you do in your free time is none of her business. If she's willing to take her perception of you and berate you for it rather than talking it over and getting your side and believing it, then that's a pretty strong indication she isn't a good listener. And if she doesn't want to listen, then I don't see why she's worth your time. Find somebody who respects you and is willing to listen, not somebody who gets the wrong idea and refuses to listen.

 

[HerefordEscapistMan]

It sounds like she doesn't have a lot of respect for your words or your actions. Even IF all you did was play video games on the computer, unless she felt you were spurning her for them then what you do in your free time is none of her business. If she's willing to take her perception of you and berate you for it rather than talking it over and getting your side and believing it, then that's a pretty strong indication she isn't a good listener. And if she doesn't want to listen, then I don't see why she's worth your time. Find somebody who respects you and is willing to listen, not somebody who gets the wrong idea and refuses to listen.

Well no I only play video games when she isn't around. Also she listened to me most of the time. Just when I talked about making a living with computers that she started to say I was immature.

 

[JasonBurnout16]

When she said immature, it was because I spend a lot of time on computers (I'm a freelance web designer) but she only thought I was playing video games on them and that I wasn't trying to take my life anywhere which was not true but she couldn't see that. No matter how hard I tried to explain.

Yeah I thought that might be the only way. I am currently doing my best to avoid contact with her, I have deleted her number, blocked her on facebook and the like. I try to block her out but every thought I ever have leads me back to her and talking to friends helps but as soon as they stop talking, the pain and thoughts come flooding back with no remorse.

Yeah, you're right I just gotta try and forget not matter how much she means to me.

Thanks for the advice bud.

Freelance web designer is a job whether she sees it as one or not. If she couldn't see past what you were doing then that was her problem and not yours. So that reason... well it wasn't a viable reason at all. What does a mature job look like? 9-5, 5 days a week? If you are making money, doing something you enjoy screw whether that is immature or not!

It is very difficult to break up with someone you are attached to and they do come creeping into your thoughts and your conversations. You just have to trust in me when I say those feelings do fade over time, more and more each day. It could be a few weeks, maybe even a few months but then one day you'll go to bed and go "I haven't thought about her all day". And that thought won't bother you either. But like you said talking to friends does help - this time is a great time to put yourself back out there, to start socialising and to catch up on those things you couldn't do because you had a girlfriend.

Just stick it out. Things will work out fine in the end - they usually do!

 

[HerefordEscapistMan]

Freelance web designer is a job whether she sees it as one or not. If she couldn't see past what you were doing then that was her problem and not yours. So that reason... well it wasn't a viable reason at all. What does a mature job look like? 9-5, 5 days a week? If you are making money, doing something you enjoy screw whether that is immature or not!

It is very difficult to break up with someone you are attached to and they do come creeping into your thoughts and your conversations. You just have to trust in me when I say those feelings do fade over time, more and more each day. It could be a few weeks, maybe even a few months but then one day you'll go to bed and go "I haven't thought about her all day". And that thought won't bother you either. But like you said talking to friends does help - this time is a great time to put yourself back out there, to start socialising and to catch up on those things you couldn't do because you had a girlfriend.

Just stick it out. Things will work out fine in the end - they usually do!

Yeah exactly but I think she thinks as you said that a "proper" job is toiling away somewhere 5 days a week, it could just be her naivete that makes her think that but regardless I hope she sees that as long as your are making money it's a job.

It really is because for the past few weeks all I have been thinking of is her, I just can't stop, I even have dreams/nightmares about her. I hope so because right now I just want her back and I know she doesn't want me back. Yeah I have even asked my best friend if she wants to go out for a drink to catch up.

I will do my best anyway.

 

[Lilani]

Well no I only play video games when she isn't around. Also she listened to me most of the time. Just when I talked about making a living with computers that she started to say I was immature.

Then, again, she isn't being respectful of you. If she wants you to change your favored career path then she isn't worth your time. If you're putting in the work and striving toward a goal then she has absolutely no reason to call you immature, and if she can't see that then just get her out of your life. Someone who truly loves you wouldn't want to hold you back or stop you from pursuing something that you enjoy and that is doing you good.

 

[HerefordEscapistMan]

Then, again, she isn't being respectful of you. If she wants you to change your favored career path then she isn't worth your time. If you're putting in the work and striving toward a goal then she has absolutely no reason to call you immature, and if she can't see that then just get her out of your life. Someone who truly loves you wouldn't want to hold you back or stop you from pursuing something that you enjoy and that is doing you good.

Yeah that's true and now she is out of my life anyway, without my choice. That is what I told her but she exclaimed that she does love me for me but that doesn't seem true.

 

[Lilani]

Then, again, she isn't being respectful of you. If she wants you to change your favored career path then she isn't worth your time. If you're putting in the work and striving toward a goal then she has absolutely no reason to call you immature, and if she can't see that then just get her out of your life. Someone who truly loves you wouldn't want to hold you back or stop you from pursuing something that you enjoy and that is doing you good.

Yeah that's true and now she is out of my life anyway, without my choice. That is what I told her but she exclaimed that she does love me for me but that doesn't seem true.

It isn't true. Love shouldn't compel you to drive people away from their passions. I don't necessarily understand my boyfriend's love of sports and I don't really love them that much myself, but I do know they make him happy and he isn't unhealthy in the way he loves them (he doesn't skip work to see a game or anything), and that's enough for me. I actually find it very amusing, seeing how excited or frustrated he gets sometimes.

 

[HerefordEscapistMan]

It isn't true. Love shouldn't compel you to drive people away from their passions. I don't necessarily understand my boyfriend's love of sports and I don't really love them that much myself, but I do know they make him happy and he isn't unhealthy in the way he loves them (he doesn't skip work to see a game or anything), and that's enough for me. I actually find it very amusing, seeing how excited or frustrated he gets sometimes.

You see, she used to be like you, she was fine with it and she was amused by the way I got excited about video games as well, it was when she went to a friends house that she started thinking that I wasn't "mature" and started belittling my work with computers.