Is there any reason to get married nowadays?

[Saladfork]

Personally, I see no reason why and quite a lot of reasons why not.

To be fair, the horror stories of guys getting thrown out of their houses and made to pay support to boot are probably in the minority, but it does happen, and often enough to make it a concern.

Further, there isn't much advantage to it even if everything works out. There are a few tax benefits, sometimes, but live together for any significant amount of time and you'll be considered common-law for those purposes anyway (Well, here in Alberta anyway, I'm not actually sure about other places come to think of it).

So why get married? I suppose there can be religious reasons for some people, but are there any others?

Edit: I should clarify that I'm talking about being offically married, specifically, not just being in a loving relationship.

 

[Ryotknife]

tax breaks, financial reasons. I know there are some insurance agencies which does the who common-law thing (travelers for example) couldnt tell you if the US has them.

Some people fantasize a perfect wedding for most of their life.

 

[Dark Knifer]

I think there are a few more laws and stuff about it. Like if the woman gets pregnant and the guy bolts marriage makes sure he can't just leave and never help again. It also has its downsides like you mentioned but yeah. Also helps with taxes, bank accounts, getting loans plus weddings can be pretty good days.

It just makes some things in law instead of having to prove that they were living together or whatever you just flash the marriage certificate. So doesn't mean much in the real world I suppose but those benefits can help in some circumstances I'm sure.

EDIT: Also makes it much easier to become a citizen of a country if you married a citizen of that country. At least here in Australia makes it easier to get a visa and what not.

Take that with a grain of salt though as I am no expert.

 

[Twilight_guy]

Finances, ownership and parental laws, religious reasons, and psychological reasons. Any one of them is more then enough reason to get married. You must be utterly confused as to why gay couples fight so hard to be able to marry and then are so happy when they can do so. You have my pity.

 

[Saladfork]

Finances, ownership and parental laws, religious reasons, and psychological reasons. Any one of them is more then enough reason to get married. You must be utterly confused as to why gay couples fight so hard to be able to marry and then are so happy when they can do so. You have my pity.

I understand why they want the right to, and I fully support it, but why exactly they'd go through with it once they can is what I don't get.

 

[Revnak_v1legacy]

Because such horror stories are born of bad statistics, unrealistic expectations, and social pressures. Marriage itself can be quite nice, and it is certainly better for raising children.

 

[Saladfork]

Because such horror stories are born of bad statistics, unrealistic expectations, and social pressures. Marriage itself can be quite nice, and it is certainly better for raising children.

If both parents were around to raise them, I wouldn't think it would make much difference if they were married or not.

 

[Revnak_v1legacy]

Because such horror stories are born of bad statistics, unrealistic expectations, and social pressures. Marriage itself can be quite nice, and it is certainly better for raising children.

If both parents were around to raise them, I wouldn't think it would make much difference if they were married or not.

If both parents plan on being together the whole time than why not sign the documents and get the social support that the title of marriage gives you? And actually there is a noticeable difference that can be attributed to the lack of commitment involved if you don't get married, so yeah, huge difference still. In fact, single parents are often better than parents who are just living together, though that is partly due to economics. If you want kids, marriage is the best option. If you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, there's little reason not to get married. Those are the reasons to get married.

 

[Saladfork]

Because such horror stories are born of bad statistics, unrealistic expectations, and social pressures. Marriage itself can be quite nice, and it is certainly better for raising children.

If both parents were around to raise them, I wouldn't think it would make much difference if they were married or not.

If both parents plan on being together the whole time than why not sign the documents and get the social support that the title of marriage gives you? And actually there is a noticeable difference that can be attributed to the lack of commitment involved if you don't get married, so yeah, huge difference still. In fact, single parents are often better than parents who are just living together, though that is partly due to economics. If you want kids, marriage is the best option. If you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, there's little reason not to get married. Those are the reasons to get married.

Not getting married isn't necassarily a sign of lack of commitment, though. As I mentioned, my personal wariness about marriage has more to do with the possibly extreme consequences if it ends poorly.

I'm fairly sure most people, when they get married, expect it to last for a long time (if not forever), because otherwise they wouldn't have bothered in the first place. The number of people who divorce afterwards (40% of first marriages in 2006) [http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/story/2010/10/04/vanier-study004.html], though, seems to indicate that quite a few of these people grow apart, despite the intial certainty that they'll remain in love for a long time. If this many people were wrong, how can I ever be certain that I'm right?

 

[Revnak_v1legacy]

Because such horror stories are born of bad statistics, unrealistic expectations, and social pressures. Marriage itself can be quite nice, and it is certainly better for raising children.

If both parents were around to raise them, I wouldn't think it would make much difference if they were married or not.

If both parents plan on being together the whole time than why not sign the documents and get the social support that the title of marriage gives you? And actually there is a noticeable difference that can be attributed to the lack of commitment involved if you don't get married, so yeah, huge difference still. In fact, single parents are often better than parents who are just living together, though that is partly due to economics. If you want kids, marriage is the best option. If you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, there's little reason not to get married. Those are the reasons to get married.

Not getting married isn't necassarily a sign of lack of commitment, though. As I mentioned, my personal wariness about marriage has more to do with the possibly extreme consequences if it ends poorly.

I'm fairly sure most people, when they get married, expect it to last for a long time (if not forever), because otherwise they wouldn't have bothered in the first place. The number of people who divorce afterwards (40% of first marriages in 2006) [http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/story/2010/10/04/vanier-study004.html], though, seems to indicate that quite a few of these people grow apart, despite the intial certainty that they'll remain in love for a long time. If this many people were wrong, how can I ever be certain that I'm right?

Those numbers are dropping. They also are misleading as they include people who have been married one year and fifty with the same weight. Divorces per thousand marriages is far less misleading. And it is generally a sign of lack of commitment, and when it isn't, then the question immediately becomes "why the fuck not?" and the answer is either no reason or a lack of commitment. If you're ready, get married. If not, you aren't ready to fully commit, so you aren't committed, so you are not in the best situation to have kids. To be completely fair though, this is a generalization and does not apply to every situation.

 

[Wadders]

Because such horror stories are born of bad statistics, unrealistic expectations, and social pressures. Marriage itself can be quite nice, and it is certainly better for raising children.

Whilst I don't doubt that marriage can be nice - I myself would like to be married - I disagree that it is necessarily better for raising children in every case. Sure there will be some families who will benefit from the support and financial benefits, but my parent are unmarried, still together, and never once have I doubted their abilities as parents to support me morally or financially. We are not rich, but they have spent and saved shrewdly - were pretty comfy don't want for much.

It does not do well to generalise, but I see your point. An old friend from high school had a kid last year, aged 21, whilst still in university. For him and his partner marriage was of course a sensible move.

 

[Revnak_v1legacy]

Because such horror stories are born of bad statistics, unrealistic expectations, and social pressures. Marriage itself can be quite nice, and it is certainly better for raising children.

Whilst I don't doubt that marriage can be nice - I myself would like to be married - I disagree that it is necessarily better for raising children in every case. Sure there will be some families who will benefit from the support and financial benefits, but my parent are unmarried, still together, and never once have I doubted their abilities as parents to support me morally or financially. We are not rich, but they have spent and saved shrewdly - were pretty comfy don't want for much.

For you it may have worked. For you it may have been the best way to do it. But generally that is not so, and here we are not talking about specifics, but generalities.

It does not do well to generalise, but I see your point. An old friend from high school had a kid last year, aged 21, whilst still in university. For him and his partner marriage was of course a sensible move.

Sociology, one of my favorite fields of study, is entirely generalizations. I love it. It can do incredibly well to generalize, as long as you remember that what you are doing is just that, generalizing.

 

[Rawne1980]

I got married because I love my wife and because we wanted to.

Problem?

Edit. I'll elaborate.

I see it a lot on this forum .... Quite a lot of people are clueless in a relationship or just can't, won't or don't want to be in one.

That's fine.

Some of us actually have a healthy relationship and quite like it. So we get married if we want to.


The real question is, what the fuck has it got to do with anyone else why some people want to get married?

 

[Wadders]

Because such horror stories are born of bad statistics, unrealistic expectations, and social pressures. Marriage itself can be quite nice, and it is certainly better for raising children.

Whilst I don't doubt that marriage can be nice - I myself would like to be married - I disagree that it is necessarily better for raising children in every case. Sure there will be some families who will benefit from the support and financial benefits, but my parent are unmarried, still together, and never once have I doubted their abilities as parents to support me morally or financially. We are not rich, but they have spent and saved shrewdly - were pretty comfy don't want for much.

For you it may have worked. For you it may have been the best way to do it. But generally that is not so, and here we are not talking about specifics, but generalities.

It does not do well to generalise, but I see your point. An old friend from high school had a kid last year, aged 21, whilst still in university. For him and his partner marriage was of course a sensible move.

Sociology, one of my favorite fields of study, is entirely generalizations. I love it. It can do incredibly well to generalize, as long as you remember that what you are doing is just that, generalizing.

Fair enough, point made. Your statement that marriage is "certainly better for raising children" seemed to infer that you thought unmarried parents were, as a rule, inferior at raising their offspring, but you cleared that up. Probably I just misinterpreted you.

As a related issue though, I still disagree with the idea that people should marry just because it's seen as the done thing. If a couple do not deem themselves to be in need of the financial benefits, and have no religious convictions, then why should they need a ring and the word of a clergyman to attest to their commitment to one another?

Edit: Just to clarify, I'm not arguing against marriage. I'm saying people ought not to marry if they themselves see no reason, just because it is the normal thing to do.

 

[Saladfork]

I got married because I love my wife and because we wanted to.

Problem?

Edit. I'll elaborate.

I see it a lot on this forum .... Quite a lot of people are clueless in a relationship or just can't, won't or don't want to be in one.

That's fine.

Some of us actually have a healthy relationship and quite like it. So we get married if we want to.


The real question is, what the fuck has it got to do with anyone else why some people want to get married?

Because I'm bored, I like arguing with people and this was the first subject with discussion value I could think of?

 

[BloatedGuppy]

You must be utterly confused as to why gay couples fight so hard to be able to marry and then are so happy when they can do so. You have my pity.

Because OP doesn't share your values he "has your pity"? What a bizarrely condescending tone to take with someone.

And it is generally a sign of lack of commitment, and when it isn't, then the question immediately becomes "why the fuck not?" and the answer is either no reason or a lack of commitment.

"Why the fuck not" is not really a valid reason for anything. It's perhaps one notch above "YOLO". Commitment is a psychological state that is utterly independent of the legal/religious tradition of marriage. One is not really indicative of the other.

I admit I do find it odd that a community like the Escapist, which is predominantly comprised of young adults and trends very heavily towards socially progressive/liberal values, tends to dive in with both feet when it comes to the tradition of marriage. It's a tradition I tend to associate with very "old world" values regarding what constitutes a family and a need to institutionalize and ratify a very ephemeral concept (romantic love). I don't really have an issue with marriage, per se, but I do find it irritating that it seems to be viewed as fait accompli that the natural end state of any romantic relationship is this one hoary tradition, and if you don't pursue it that is an indication that something is lacking or broken. "Oh, you're not in lockstep with our conservative social tradition? You have my pity."

 

[Revnak_v1legacy]

Because such horror stories are born of bad statistics, unrealistic expectations, and social pressures. Marriage itself can be quite nice, and it is certainly better for raising children.

Whilst I don't doubt that marriage can be nice - I myself would like to be married - I disagree that it is necessarily better for raising children in every case. Sure there will be some families who will benefit from the support and financial benefits, but my parent are unmarried, still together, and never once have I doubted their abilities as parents to support me morally or financially. We are not rich, but they have spent and saved shrewdly - were pretty comfy don't want for much.

For you it may have worked. For you it may have been the best way to do it. But generally that is not so, and here we are not talking about specifics, but generalities.

It does not do well to generalise, but I see your point. An old friend from high school had a kid last year, aged 21, whilst still in university. For him and his partner marriage was of course a sensible move.

Sociology, one of my favorite fields of study, is entirely generalizations. I love it. It can do incredibly well to generalize, as long as you remember that what you are doing is just that, generalizing.

Fair enough, point made. Your statement that marriage is "certainly better for raising children" seemed to infer that you thought unmarried parents were, as a rule, inferior at raising their offspring, but you cleared that up. Probably I just misinterpreted you.

As a related issue though, I still disagree with the idea that people should marry just because it's seen as the done thing. If a couple do not deem themselves to be in need of the financial benefits, and have no religious convictions, then why should they need a ring and the word of a clergyman to attest to their commitment to one another?

Edit: Just to clarify, I'm not arguing against marriage. I'm saying people ought not to marry if they themselves see no reason, just because it is the normal thing to do.

I'd argue the social value is reason enough. There really isn't a reason not to in the case of people who plan on staying together anyway is essentially my point.

 

[Casual Shinji]

Because... you love eachother.

Did it take a long time for this obvious answer to get mentioned, or is it just me?

 

[Revnak_v1legacy]

You must be utterly confused as to why gay couples fight so hard to be able to marry and then are so happy when they can do so. You have my pity.

Because OP doesn't share your values he "has your pity"? What a bizarrely condescending tone to take with someone.

And it is generally a sign of lack of commitment, and when it isn't, then the question immediately becomes "why the fuck not?" and the answer is either no reason or a lack of commitment.

"Why the fuck not" is not really a valid reason for anything. It's perhaps one notch above "YOLO". Commitment is a psychological state that is utterly independent of the legal/religious tradition of marriage. One is not really indicative of the other.

I admit I do find it odd that a community like the Escapist, which is predominantly comprised of young adults and trends very heavily towards socially progressive/liberal values, tends to dive in with both feet when it comes to the tradition of marriage. It's a tradition I tend to associate with very "old world" values regarding what constitutes a family and a need to institutionalize and ratify a very ephemeral concept (romantic love). I don't really have an issue with marriage, per se, but I do find it irritating that it seems to be viewed as fait accompli that the natural end state of any romantic relationship is this one hoary tradition, and if you don't pursue it that is an indication that something is lacking or broken. "Oh, you're not in lockstep with our conservative social tradition? You have my pity."

The social value is significant. There is a massive value to following traditions, though there can be some negative consequences, a lacking of those is certainly reason enough. And I would not argue that it is the end state of all relationships. It is the beginning of a relationship one intends to be permanent. And I don't pity you. I may, at my worst, pity your lack of understanding, but no more. And marriage does generally allow for far more functional families. It is arguably among the biggest factors in raising children. It's not just replicating the old ways, the nuclear family is in fact comparatively modern.

 

[Saladfork]

Those numbers are dropping. They also are misleading as they include people who have been married one year and fifty with the same weight. Divorces per thousand marriages is far less misleading. And it is generally a sign of lack of commitment, and when it isn't, then the question immediately becomes "why the fuck not?" and the answer is either no reason or a lack of commitment. If you're ready, get married. If not, you aren't ready to fully commit, so you aren't committed, so you are not in the best situation to have kids. To be completely fair though, this is a generalization and does not apply to every situation.

But 'Why not?' isn't much of a reason to do it, either. I'm not saying people shouldn't get married or that they're wrong to do it, I just don't get why you would ever get married when you don't seem to gain anything by it over just staying unmarried with your would-be spouse.

I am interested to know if you have any evidence to back up the theory that married parents are generally better for kids, and in what ways.