Is there any reason to get married nowadays?

[Sidmen]

As one of those hopeless "forever alone" types, marriage has always confused me. At one point, I believed it to be a spiritual religious contract between two people where they swear oaths to forever love each other. Then I realized that almost half of them end in divorce - essentially turning everyone into liars and oath-breakers.

Then I grew up, and realized that marriage has nothing to do with religion (oh, sure, the ceremony has roots in the church, but most of the people getting married aren't religious). It's nothing more than a legal entanglement forced upon people through peer pressure. "I love her, so need to be married... because my mom wants me to."

I don't have anything against marriage, or people who value marriage. But I just can't help but feel like the whole thing is over thought and made more complex than it ought to be.

 

[Libra]

I'm not too sure myself. I guess I'm jaded though, because all the maried couples I knew ended up going through hate-filled divorces after 10+ years of marriage, while the only awesome relationship I know is of my aunt & uncle, who aren't married.

Of course, in the US it's a different story I guess, what with all the financial rights tied to marriage

 

[Pimppeter2]

Tax breaks, actually legally being considered "family", insurance benefits. Pretty good reasons.

 

[DrunkOnEstus]

I knew after a certain point that I was definitely going to be with my wife forever, but the actual marriage aspect was totally pressured upon me. Elaboration:

We live in a very fundamentalist Baptist region that some in the U.S. call "The Bible Belt". The ramification for us being that we couldn't find a single landlord who would rent us a place without seeing a marriage certificate. It's a very religious thing, that's just how it is. We had to lie to one and say we were siblings to avoid being homeless, as I was NOT going to get married just for that reason.

Also, her family started asking when the invitations were coming. It's just plain important to a lot of people, and being a social construct it's one of those things you do almost for the benefit of those in attendance. That's not entirely true, as many girls (my wife included) grow up dreaming about the day, destined to never forget it. I love her, I was honored to help make that dream realized, simple as.

That doesn't cover all the legal and other benefits, which I guess is nice. I don't have any kids, so I suppose I'll see that matter much more when I approach that bridge.

 

[Saladfork]

I think the question is more about the specific ceramony of marriage and why you enter into it. Not why people want to spend their lives together in a healthy relationship.

I personally don't get the actual marriage side of things, even if I do get why people would want to totally share their lives with someone. It just seems like a hassle to me.

Exactly. I probably should have specified that in the OP, now that I think of it.

 

[micahrp]

If she dies and your not married, her relatives can be awarded custody of your kids. Penn Jillette (love his athiesm books) and his wife did not want to get married, but after consulting many lawyers none could gaurantee he would get custody.

 

[Strazdas]

lack of social pressure. thats what it all boils down to. i probably should mention that marriage provide no financial benefits, but still 99 percent of unions are marriage here.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Love?

Love is not a product of marriage. Marriage is a social/cultural/religious construct that is entirely divorced from any human emotion. It's like asking why people go to church, and responding with "happiness, of course, you moron" as if you couldn't possibly have one without the other or that the elaborate set of beliefs and codes of morality involved in religion were a natural consequence of a single emotion. We engage in social/cultural/religious traditions for social/cultural/religious reasons, not emotional ones.

He's asking about the ritual itself.

And that, my friends, is why men on the internet have such trouble with women. All the charisma and class of a blunt mallet.

I'd like to take this moment to reflect on my post from page 1, where I implied that advocates of marriage were ideologues. You're doing a fantastic job of supporting my argument. I thank you.

 

[emeraldrafael]

In the US there's tax breaks involved. other than that, Idont know, maybe it looks better on adoption papers. I always say if you ever get married marry someone who earns more than you and make sure you get alimony if you break up.

i think its still a nice gesture, and there wouldnt be a problem to it except everyone marries the wrong person thinking they're the right person and are then stunned whenit doesnt work out.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

i think its still a nice gesture, and there wouldnt be a problem to it except everyone marries the wrong person thinking they're the right person and are then stunned whenit doesnt work out.

"The wrong person" and "the right person" are myths, given to us by Hollywood. People are not static, they are constantly changing. The "right person" at 20 might suddenly not be so right any more at 30, through no fault of anyone involved. There's a certain amount of guesswork involved in telling someone you're going to stick with them forever. If you're fortunate, you'll grow into one another. Some people aren't so fortunate. They then, in addition to having their relationship fall apart painfully, get to enjoy smug people telling them they "picked the wrong person" like getting into a relationship was the equivalent of picking fruit at the supermarket and they grabbed a rotten pear like a moron.

It's true that sometimes we make bad relationship decisions that could easily have been predicted to be stupid bets, but then we also have cultural truisms like "opposites attract", so realistically you never really know which relationship will go the distance. Sometimes it's the people who look the best on paper who were the worst fits of all.

 

[Brutal Peanut]

There are plenty of reasons people get married now-a-days, and everyone has their own interpretations of marriage and what it means and what it's for. My husband and I discussed what our expectations and thoughts were on marriage as soon as it was brought up, so everything would be clear and out in the open. I think talking it over and being able to bring up certain uncomfortable scenarios (e.g.: divorce, prenuptial agreements, child custody etc.) without being overly sensitive and defensive is incredibly important. If you can't discuss important topics, especially about a subject you believe to be life-changing with your partner, then you probably shouldn't go through with a marriage. It's not a bandaid for a bad relationship. You'd think that would be common sense, but people make the mistake of thinking that everything will be okay if they get married. **EEEEEEE** [small]that's my buzzer noise[/small].

Despite telling him I didn't need to be married to him to stay with him and care for him for the rest of our lives, he still proposed. I love and adore him, so I said 'Yes' and signed a couple of papers. Everything else is just gravy on these delicious mashed potatoes. I love mashed potatoes,..... I hope my sister made some for Christmas dinner.....wait....what was I talking about?

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Two people love eachother and wish to celebrate that with their friends and family.

Marriage is designed as the celebration of love. Do people use it for more shady reasons? Yes, but that's hardly an issue. That's it. It's only a celebration of two people who love eachother with those close to them. That's all it was ever supposed to be.

It's an entirely symbolic point. Some people don'y buy into it, but to imply that it's symbolic reason means nothing and to look at it from a completely utilitarian point of view is beyond cold.

A marriage (and by extension a wedding) serves as much use as a birthday party or a christmas tree. But it means a lot to the people who want to have them.

Again, you are trying to associate the emotions people who get married are having with the ritual itself. I don't need you to sell me "love" or "happiness" or "celebration".

Let's say I have a ritual. It's common among my people. When two people love one another, they dress up in skin tight purple lycra, weave thorns into their hair, and prance for 12 hours in a moonlit glade whilst reciting epic poetry in faux Scottish accents. When you ask me why this particular ritual, I say "Pfft...love of course, you moron" and roll my eyes at you as if the thought of anyone not appreciating why my particular ritual was essential to love was unthinkable, and that you must be impossibly dense not to find it as meaningful as I do.

I have no issue with the fact that people find rituals and traditions that are meaningful to them. It could be the silliest thing in the world, and if it has meaning to you I want you to fill your fucking boots, because it's awesome that you found something meaningful. Where we run into problems is when you then attack other people for not sharing your enthusiasm, or understanding your ritual, or for stating that your ritual has no meaning for them. Which is something that advocates of marriage so frequently seem to feel is perfectly appropriate. Don't like our kooky cultural/religious ritual? Well then you must not understand LOVE. It's fucking ridiculous.

 

[Kargathia]

Because such horror stories are born of bad statistics, unrealistic expectations, and social pressures. Marriage itself can be quite nice, and it is certainly better for raising children.

If both parents were around to raise them, I wouldn't think it would make much difference if they were married or not.

If both parents plan on being together the whole time than why not sign the documents and get the social support that the title of marriage gives you? And actually there is a noticeable difference that can be attributed to the lack of commitment involved if you don't get married, so yeah, huge difference still. In fact, single parents are often better than parents who are just living together, though that is partly due to economics. If you want kids, marriage is the best option. If you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, there's little reason not to get married. Those are the reasons to get married.

While the figures about married couples being better parents are true, it is rather questionable whether married people are in a better relationship, or people in a better relationship get married more often. My money is on marriage being an indication of long-term commitment, and not a cause.

On the whole, reasons to get married tend to be either economic in nature (extensive range of benefits), or sentimental. Both are equally valid, but equally importantly: personal. Some people like to, some don't. Can't blame either.

wait....what was I talking about?

Mashed potatoes. Undeniably and unfathomably more important than whatever else was going on in here =)

 

[Not Matt]

Well.............. You get a cake out of it, a a pretty ring..................... Aaaaaaaaaand that's about it.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

I love mashed potatoes,..... I hope my sister made some for Christmas dinner.....wait....what was I talking about?

Mashed potatoes. Undeniably and unfathomably more important than whatever else was going on in here =)

I had my Wisdom teeth out about a week and a half ago. My diet has been 75% Mashed Potatoes since then, it feels like. While it was glorious at first, I'm beginning to think if I never seen another Mashed Potato in my life it'll be too soon.

 

[emeraldrafael]

-snip-

when I say the wrong person, I mean someone you can live with. I know people change, but if yourein a good relationship unless they pull a drastic 180 transformation (which if so then there's something else wrong or most likely could have been prevented with some small actions) then you should generally be able to cope and adjust as well. I like my dads philosophy of living with a person for at least 2 years before you even think about marriage. Gives you enough time ot see the person, see the family, see if theres anyhting at all you think could be early signs this wont work and generally is a strong indication of how the relationship will go.