Is there anything worse?

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BlackNoel

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Feb 28, 2010
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Hello peoples. So I, like many out there, am a connoisseur of terrible movies. I've seen the worst of the worst, but now I'm having trouble finding my next hit, since I think I may have scraped the barrel's bottom clean. I've endured:
- Plan 9 from Outer Space
- Glen or Glenda
- Manos: Hands of Fate
- Monster A-Go-Go
- The Crawling Eye
- Future Wars
- Most of the MST3K catalogue, actually.
- Birdemic: Shock and Terror
- Dragon Wars: D War
- Santa Clause Conquers the Martians
- Santa Clause and the Ice Cream Bunny
- The Room
- Troll 2
- Zombi 90
- Transfomers 1-3 :p

I think that's it, at least the most notorious ones. So I ask you, escapist: Is there anything worse?
 

HardkorSB

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Mar 18, 2010
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Bride of the Monster by Ed Wood, much funnier than Plan 9.
Battlefield Earth, it's just so much fun.
The Twilight series with rifftrax commentary. Pure gold.
Reefer Madness is awesome as well.
 

DoPo

"You're not cleared for that."
Jan 30, 2012
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Dungeons & Dragons wasn't a really good movie, as I recall, and that was before I even played the actual D&D (but I did know about it).

Alien vs Predator was...well tolerable at best. It could be called other worse things but I'd rather not think about it too much.

Any long running horror series, I've noticed, produces quite crap around the middle and then goes downhill. Try Nightmares on Elm Street and Friday the 13th for example. Do note, that me and a friend of mine enjoyed watching Jason X (it's the 10-th film with Jason Vorhees of Friday the 13th - hence the X) - it was rather good. Just not as a horror movie, but it was a really decent comedy - we got lots of laughs out of it.

And there was a Chinese film called...Vampire Hunters or something to that effect. It is the only movie I have not watched till the end. And I had rent it. On top of that it was me and friends of mine at home - we were going to play some cards and needed something to run on the TV as a background. The movie was so bad that we stopped it, after several minutes, never mind that we weren't actually watching it.

And there is always the new Star Wars trilogy.
 

Scarim Coral

Jumped the ship
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Oct 29, 2010
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I take it have to be either somewhat old (a couple of years ago) or retro? Otherwise how did you not check out films like The Last Airbender, Green Lantern, Catwoman and Dragonball Evolution already?
 

217not237

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Nov 9, 2011
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Try "Megashark Vs. Giant Octopus," the sequel, "Megashark Vs. Crocosaurus," or maybe "Transmorphers."
 

BlackNoel

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Feb 28, 2010
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Ah, yes. I've done the Megasharks and sharktopus, as well Battlefield Earth. My word was that ever awful.
 

Strain42

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Mar 2, 2009
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Any movie made by The Asylum or Vídeo Brinquedo

Give those a try. I got some enjoyment out of their GOD AWFUL Sherlock Holmes film.
 

Esotera

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May 5, 2011
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Octopus. [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0221905/]

Okay, this is just as bad as it gets. Let me hit the high points:

1) The main character. This guy has all the courage and charisma of Pee Wee Herman (no offense to Pee Wee). He's a CIA agent, and after seeing a terrorist blow up the embassy he works at, killing all his co-workers, and then killing his best friend, this guy still can't bring himself to shoot the terrorist. He does stand there pointing his gun forever though. Finally he saves the terrorist.

2) The first scene on the submarine. This is a nuclear attack submarine, yet we find the crew, on the bridge, playing strip poker while rap music blares in the background. The captain walks in and - this is what will leave a person speechless - doesn't seem to find this to be out of the ordinary. This also serves to introduce us to the main female character, and makes her seem like a bar whore. Someone addresses her as "Doctor", while at the same time her panties are on a guy's head. A Hooters Girl doing a beer bong would be more convincing as a Ph.D. than this woman. And a lot classier too. I mean, is there actually anyone out there who thinks that nuclear attack subs are run like college frat houses? And is it possible that this same person is allowed to write screenplays? And let's not even get into the fact that the captain of this boat previously had captained another sub, which he ran aground. To penalize him for this, the military gives him the job of...captaining a nuclear attack sub.

3) The idea that terrorists could hijack a cruise ship and then somehow use it to chase a submarine. Are the film makers aware that submarines travel UNDER the water, and can't be detected by any equipment available on a cruise ship? I mean, it's just impossible to fathom the level of stupidity these people have put into this movie.

Overall, I love cheesy B movies, and a few major plot holes don't bother me much. But this thing...what can one even say? You've got an unbelievably, unwatchably horrible male lead, a scummy whore female lead, a bunch of action sequences that are so incomprehensible in their stupidity that it makes a person become nauseous and disoriented, and finally a giant octopus that does all the work of killing the terrorists that the CIA agent was too much of a cowardly putz to accomplish. Hooray for the octopus. Pity the audience.

How in the world do screenplays like this actually get made into movies? I would think this stuff would be passed around from studio to studio and laughed at until the writers left the state in shame, or maybe even left the country. I mean, there are movies made for $100, 000 in Bulgaria that put this thing utterly to shame.

Just either search for 1/2 star films on imdb, or watch really crappy tv channels. It's a lot easier to find bad movies than good movies.