Is there ever a dominant partner in a relationship?

[Relish in Chaos]

Ever since I read this book on body language, I've been thinking about whether or not there's always a dominant partner in a relationship, or most couples are fairly equal. Because, I know this could just be pseudo-psychosophical (yes, I combined the words "psychological" and "philosophical") mumbo-jumbo, but they suggested that when a couple holds hands, the fact that the front of a man's hand is normally facing the front could imply that he's the dominant partner.

I mean, what do you think about this? I'm just snowballing things here, aside from that flimsy thing I read in that book about body language. It's Body Language for Dummies, by the way.

 

[Phasmal]

I can only answer for my personal experience, but I'd have to say: Yes and no.

I mean, you can have one person be more dominant about one thing and the other be more dominant in a different situation. That's more true to my experience.
It's usually more about what someone is comfortable taking control on. Boyfriend tends to handle things when we go out because I really am quite shy around new people and don't like talking to people.
Whereas I pretty much am in control of things to do with our families and things inside, cause he's just too forgetful to care about day to day stuff, so it's my job to kick him up the butt now and then to remind him of things.

Think it would be pretty boring if one person was always the dominant one.
Unless you're into that.

 

[vv85]

*shrug* every relationship is different.

Plus depends what you define as 'dominant'. Partner A resists action, while partner B always initiates. Is B dominant because they force action, or is A dominant because they restrict B's actions.

EDIT:
'they suggested that when a couple holds hands, the fact that the front of a man's hand is normally facing the front could imply that he's the dominant partner'.
My god, thats like saying if someones got a toothier grin implys they're happier, or if someones taller it implys theyre more grown up... Not to completely disregard body language, but thats going a bit far imo.

 

[HardkorSB]

All those domestic abuse cases around the world suggest that yes, there are dominant partners in relationships.

 

[Me55enger]

All those domestic abuse cases around the world suggest that yes, there are dominant partners in relationships.

Good point. And because of this point, I feel there should be a differentiation between Dominant and dominant.

From what I know, no. A healthy relationship will not result in one being predominatly dominant. There is a practical equality in a relationship that means both of you fill predetermined/naturally developing roles within it.

 

[Yuno Gasai]

I can only draw on my own experiences and observations here, but..

I don't think there are ever properly clear-cut and defined 'roles' within a (healthy) relationship. Relationships are, at their core, about give and take. There will be times when one of them is more dominant or submissive than the other, but that doesn't mean that overall, they are the one who is always in control. I am, of course, assuming that domination and submission in the bedroom (or agreed outside of it) is a completely different beast.

If you look at abusive/toxic relationships, then things change rather dramatically. There is a dominant partner who seeks to get their way, almost irrespective of the cost.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

That hand-holding thing sounds like bollocks, but yeah, there are dominant partners in relationships although not in all of them. In my relationships I've always been more submissive really (I'm not talking about the bedroom) because I'm quite indifferent about most things and I'm happy to go along with what my partner wants. Dominance isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just a different dynamic, if the submissive partner was unhappy with being dominated then that would be a problem. The main thing is that both parties are comfortable with the dynamic of the relationship.

 

[kurupt87]

The title is missing the word "not".

 

[Bluestorm83]

Is there more often or not a more "Dominant" person in a relationship? I'd have to say yes. But it's less "Domination" and more like Leadership. When it comes to one-to-one personal interaction, I prefer to go with the flow than to direct the action. But in my most long-term relationship I actually had to take up that leader's mantle, because my lady was ALSO about going with the flow... and if one of us didn't step up and actually keep things moving we'd just have kinda languished. Frankly, being the "dominant" personality bugged the crap out of me and eventually made me give up, because that's how I have to be on the outside, you know? Never got to be the inner me.

But a relationship, a REAL relationship, is a Symbiosis. People talk of equality and partnership and give and take and all, and that's all good stuff, but it doesn't really get to the heart of the matter. In a real relationship, which is just a fancy human word for a mated pair, these two people should have one mind and purpose for it to work. As long as they're of that united mind and purpose, then who cares which one more often takes the reins?

 

[Kanova]

What a stupid fucking question. Do you actually think every single relationship is the same? That every relationship, each person is totally equal?

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

Depends on the relationship and people involved. In my opinion, a partnership is mostly equal footing, with various aspects being taken over or handed off by one or the other involved. None of it should be seen as domination though, but rather willing subservience in favor of skill. My wife and I do this, we each take aspects of our relationship and focus on our strengths. Where one is weak, the other is strong and together we make a stronger whole. No one dominates in our relationship, no one should.

 

[WolfCross]

From experience I would say a resounding yes, even if taken from the most jaded standpoint available that in a given relationship there's always one person who is more likely to do the dumping implying that one person is more 'into' the other person (giving that other more control) or one person needs the relationship less.

 

[FoolKiller]

but they suggested that when a couple holds hands, the fact that the front of a man's hand is normally facing the front could imply that he's the dominant partner.

Actually this is biological but not the way you think. It has to do with height. Holding hands with someone who is a different height than you and has different arm lengths affects the comfort level of hand holding.

 

[gazumped]

When you say you're wondering if 'most' couples are fairly equal, where are you looking to for your evidence? 'cause there's still many places in the world where wives are expected to submit to the will of their husbands, it's in their vows.

And then there are many other countries/cultures where it used to be the case and even though it's at least trying to promote gender equality there are still some members of younger generations haven't shaken off the values of their parents and grandparents.

And then add on all the couples who might not be following cultural expectations but one is just naturally more of a leader than the other (so that's not limited to heterosexual couples, too).

So although I can't speak for the exact numbers, it would surprise me if most couples achieve equality in their relationships.

Still, I'd be wary of those body language things. There's a lot of things I've read about the physical closeness reflecting how emotionally close a couple is. But sometimes it's just too dang hot and sweaty to clasp palms together or cuddle at night!