Is there something wrong with me?

[DuctTapeJedi]

Holy crap, I just typed all of this, and it didn't post.
Prepare for a wall of text. I'm sorry about all of this, I'm just really depressed (already in counseling) right now.

First, let me start off by explaining how this whole problem started. My mom is one of those people who's constantly trying to improve people (specifically me) through harsh, negative criticism. Recently she read that antidepressants may cause weight gain, so her newest idea is that I should stop taking my Prozac so I'll be able to find a boyfriend. She says that there's something wrong with me that I've never expressed an interest in getting a boyfriend, and that if I lost the weight, I could find one easier.

I know she's out of her mind, but abusive relationships are hard to get out of, especially when it's your parent. I have no intention of stopping my medication, however.

I've never been upset about being single. A relationship has just never been high on my list of priorities. But after spending a whole Thanksgiving vacation with her, it's really hard to get it out of my head.

I'm 21, and I've never been on a date or had a boyfriend, or anything like that. Part of it is that the only person who's ever expressed interest in me is a guy who believed that he had magic powers. Is there something wrong with me that no sane person has ever expressed interest, and that I've never taken the initiative? I am over weight, but I'm also funny, smart, and always do my best to help others. Sometimes I feel like it's because I'm so unattractive that subconsciously, I assume that every guy is out of my league.

Short version: What's wrong with me? Why am I not good enough for anyone? Should I Sparta-Kick my mom in the chest? (joke- I'm a pacifist)

Again, I'm sorry for the wall of text, I just needed a vent.

EDIT: A few people have brought up my dad. He's actually really cool, I've never had a fight with him, and I don't even remember him ever yelling at me as a kid. (My mom did enough for both of them.)
Also, my sister is my best friend, which makes it really hard for me to think about leaving permanently.
Also, I just wanted to add that this version of my mom is an improvement over the one I experienced in my childhood. I remember a solid month where she referred to me as "it."
EDIT 2: I have tried talking to her about it, I've been trying my whole life. Nothing gets through to her. She knows quite well how much she's hurting me.

 

[BlumiereBleck]

Only if you think there is. I'm sure you're a pretty girl.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

Sound like you need to get the hell away from your mother. You need personal growth, whether it be at university or simply moving out. I know they are pretty extreme but the simplest soloution to a problem is to avoid it.

 

[Irridium]

Your fine. Don't go rushing into relationships because others pressure you to, then they'll just lead to failure making you more depressed.

Just wait, do what you feel is right for you. If your not interested in relationships, then don't go for them. And just tell your mother that your not interested in a relationship. Thats all you can really do.

 

[Gigaguy64]

No, there is nothing "Wrong" with you.
If you need the medication then you need it, nothing you can help.
and you need to talk to your mom, and let her know how her Criticisms make you feel.

And if having a relationship is that important then yes you should take initiative.
Even though you will be rejected, if you don't try then you will never find someone.
If you just act like yourself then one day im sure you will find someone.
And if a relationship isn't really that important to you right now, then don't worry about it.

Im 19 and never had a girlfriend but i don't let it bother me, even when im criticized about it.

 

[Kirkby]

Actually maybe a Spartan kick is in order... U dont sound like you have anything seriously wrong with you to me. If youv never wanted a bf then y let it bother you? Its what makes you happy that counts. I can see why you might be upset thinking no one has ever fancied you but are you sure thats the case? If iv found out one thing about humans its that we generally dont say what we think. Iv never met you but im willing to bet a good couple of guys fancied you, hey they may of even left subtle hints but you said youv never been interested in having a boyfriend so why would you pay attention to unwanted hints? Theres always someone out there who will fancy you

Iv got really critical parents as well, i honestly find that ignoring half the stuff they say is the best thing to do, do what makes you happy and everyone else can deal with it.

 

[DuctTapeJedi]

Sound like you need to get the hell away from your mother. You need personal growth, whether it be at university or simply moving out. I know they are pretty extreme but the simplest soloution to a problem is to avoid it.

I'm in college now, this happened over break. However, my ultimate goal is to be a career mission worker with my church or get a job with a Red Cross type organization. This way I can, you know, leave the continent. It just sucks because I'm really close with the rest of my family.

Abusive relationships are incredibly difficult to get out of, especially when it's a parent.

Prozac? fuck me I would recommend you stop, not cause of having to rush off and have someone validate you, but cause of how many depressants develop suicidal tendancies on that shit!

I appreciate your concern, but that only happens in a tiny fraction of cases, and antidepressants do far more good as opposed to the risk. It is important, though for people to watch for and recognize that side effect. However, I've been taking these medications for the past eleven years with no major issues.

 

[spartan1077]

AK SNIP!.

For starters-I'm glad you're taking steps to get out of depression rather than circling down into a pit of dispair that ends in suicide.

It doesn't matter that you have never had a boyfriend. Dating isn't the greatest thing ever, and concentrating on getting a better job or more money is more important than useless sex. As for the "no sane person is attracted to" you, that's bullshit. The more likely thing is that no person has admitted an attraction to you. Not everyone is running around telling the girls they like, that they like them. That is a trick of your subconcious and your concious mind. Nothing is wrong with you AT ALL, and you are perfectly good for people. Ignore your mom as well and wait until you can leave that *****. Also-how "overweight" are you? Because I know some girls who think they are overweight but definitly arn't. Just take some breaths, and enjoy life for what it is. A shithole where you can vent your frustration over teh interwebs.

 

[Patrick Dare]

What matters is if you're happy. If you don't care about being in a relationship then there's no harm to being single. Your mom is either trying to force societal norms on your or, because of those norms, assumes that you must not be happy because you're not in a relationship. Personally I think needing to be in a relationship to be happy is unhealthy, it sounds like you can be happy on your own which is a good thing. I've been single for a few years and I don't care. I'm not specifically looking for a relationship and I haven't met anyone I like enough to date and I'm perfectly happy with this. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. Do you feel like you're not good enough for anyone or are you assuming that because of the lack of a relationship? Just because you don't have a b/f and some crazy dude was interested in you doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.

As far as being overweight goes, yes it's unhealthy and yes it may cause some people to find you unattractive but the way I see it is 1)plenty of people do plenty of things that are bad for them and I think that's their personal choice, if you're fine with the way your body is that's your choice 2)there are people who are into everything, even overweight men/women.

 

[Dectomax]

First of all, there's nothing wrong with you at all. Every being is unique, we all have our own traits and our own views. I give you a massive clap ( CLAP!!! )for not bowing down to peer pressure especially from you parent(s?).

You need to put the thought out of your head. This is your mums view, not yours. It is irrelevant to your own needs and desires. Relationships? If I'm to be honest, there over-rated. I'm 18, I've been with one girl and that was enough for me. Your 21?! Why tie yourself down with a relationship? Party? meet with friends, go out and enjoy life! There are so many things which will make you smile if you pay attention to the detail. Have you ever woken and just watched the sun rise, watched the shadows grow? Nature provides it's own anti-depressants and I'll give you a tip, there better than any drug!

On a related topic, I've gone through this stage before. You feel down, you feel like the lowest of the low. You don't know why you wake in the morning, because what's going to come out of it? Well, something which opened my eyes..."One grain of rice can tip the scales". You, as a person are magnificent, think about what you've done, all the people you've made happy, even if it's only a smile on the surface, you could have changed that persons day.

Venting is the best way for it, get it off your chest and get it out of the system. I give big props to anyone who can openly share their feelings and deepest fears, it shows a certain type of character. That's another point, how many of your friends would divulge their worries to complete strangers? Another remarkable trait you own!

If you want to chat about it, or just ask questions ( I've been in a fairly similar situation and I know having people to share with is a godsend ) Just give me a PM.

Remember, you are an awesome person!

Dectomax

 

[Imp Poster]

Sometimes I feel like it's because I'm so unattractive that subconsciously, I assume that every guy is out of my league.

Short version: What's wrong with me? Why am I not good enough for anyone? Should I Sparta-Kick my mom in the chest?

The first sentence here is the wrong attitude. And what happened to, "all guys are assholes/jerks/dicks until proven otherwise" attitude.

You have to value yourself above all others especially guys. If you are funny and smart, no guy is out of your league.

 

[DuctTapeJedi]

I just wanted to thank everyone who's posted such nice comments. I don't really have any friends, so positive reinforcement can be a little hard to come by sometimes.

 

[Zhougdog]

Well you like venture brothers...so the answer is no.

 

[Skorpyo]

There is nothing wrong with you. Your mother is whacked.

Here's what you do, if you actually DO care about getting into a relationship:

Take the initiative. Really, that's all it takes.

 

[Slaanax]

First off don't ever go off medication it could do way more damage than staying on them, with out consulting your physician. Don't concern yourself to much about relationships and everything else I'm 25 and in the same boat as you, cept for the whole having a penis thing.

 

[spartan1077]

I just wanted to thank everyone who's posted such nice comments. I don't really have any friends, so positive reinforcement can be a little hard to come by sometimes.

I know what you mean with the no friends and the positive reinforcement is hard to come by- but we're all trying to help Also, (may seem crazy) but I talk to myself or inanimate objects and then give myself positive reinforcment when I need it. it boosts confidence

 

[DanDeFool]

Has it occurred to you that you might not actually be clinically depressed?

From what you've said, it sounds like you might have just received a lot of negative programming growing up (family can be a big source of this, especially if your mom has gone out of her way to bring you down). Maybe it stuck, and now you just have a very crappy outlook on life and low self-esteem. From what I've read, these are issues that can be resolved, but it's something you have to work on internally. Medication can help, but it's not the be-all, end-all solution to the problem.

You might talk to your primary care physician (NOT your psychiatrist) about getting a second opinion on your depression. Perhaps look into psychotherapy instead.

 

[khaimera]

Is there something wrong with you? That's relative but the fact that you are asking us the question means that your unconscious is telling you that there is.

I'd guess that you would love to have a great boyfriend and part of your depression is linked to that fact. I think thats why you mentioned the guy with magical powers, instead of leaving it out of the story.

I'm reading alot into this, but you needed a fresh perspective beyond all the "relationships don't matter that much" cliche answers you'll always get on this site.

 

[DuctTapeJedi]

Has it occurred to you that you might not actually be clinically depressed?

From what you've said, it sounds like you might have just received a lot of negative programming growing up (family can be a big source of this, especially if your mom has gone out of her way to bring you down). Maybe it stuck, and now you just have a very crappy outlook on life and low self-esteem. From what I've read, these are issues that can be resolved, but it's something you have to work on internally. Medication can help, but it's not the be-all, end-all solution to the problem.

You might talk to your primary care physician (NOT your psychiatrist) about getting a second opinion on your depression. Perhaps look into psychotherapy instead.

The medication does help a lot. I've been in therapy since I was ten or eleven, I forget, when my teachers found out I was suicidal. I've been in and out of therapy for over ten years, and I've seen many different doctors. Most recently, I've been seeing my school's psychologist, and all of them seem to say the same thing.