Is this really so unreasonable?...relationship question.

[DarkRaynePhnx]

I am currently with a guy who I have know for 4 years now. We have been dating for 4 months. When I am around him he is everything a girl could want...attentive, charming, and a lot of fun. The problem is when we are not together is is a bit of a dick. I have made what I believe to be a simple and reasonable request (call me and chat for 5-10 minutes on the the days we don't see each other) We are both busy people I work 40-50 hours a week as an assistant manager and he is a full time student at ECPI. He claims that his school work and project are very important and take up wost of his weekday time, along with his friends. I only get to see him on the weekends.

I was under the impression that relationships require communication. How can a relationship thrive if you only speak to someone 2 days a week? Am I being unreasonable? Any advice?

 

[Jedoro]

So you two don't even talk at all during the week?

Frankly, to me, it doesn't sound like he wants people to know about the relationship. Now, I'm not a relationship guru by any means, but I remember that when I dated a girl, I wanted to at least talk to her once a day, hopefully see her.

But yes, relationships do require communication. I don't see a problem with chatting for a few minutes a day.

Call me crazy, if you like.

 

[superspartan004]

The one and only relationship I've been in ended 4 days ago, she and I generally spoke at least once a day on average, she had a very busy life and after she was gone for 3 days she came back and broke up with me saying her life was too busy to have a boyfriend (even though she and I pulled it off for 3 weeks, all of a sudden she couldn't take it anymore? I found that hard to believe) anyway long story short, I'm surprised you two are still together to be quite honest, but if he cant find 5-10 minutes of his day to call you, you need to give him a serious talk.

 

[hailmagus]

That's not unreasonable. The only way I can see you getting any of his time is ... (ready?) you have to move in together. Do it. Do it now. If this guy means anything to you it's worth taking it to the next level. I'm not saying tomorrow, but eventually. The only thing I can't wrap my finger around is the phone issue. I'm a guy and I HATE talking on the phone too, but I could do five to ten a day no problem. Very strange. You might want to look into that before you do anything drastic.

I do know it sucks to be a student and have other obligations, let alone a full-time student. Maybe that's it right there. And your fifty hour work week doesn't exactly help either, sista. You seem like a pretty smart girl, and you can spell which is always a plus. I'm sure woman's intuition will tell you what to do.

Welcome to the Escapist. We're fucking crazy.

 

[sneakypenguin]

Hehe you people and your talking every day nonsense. Maybe just because I've been with my lady for so long but why the need to chat every day? I can spend every day with my lady or go 5 days without seeing her and it doesnt bother either of us...

 

[Straitjacketeering]

You want him to talk while he has work for school, ever think about his future and how a good grade when graduating might make your life together better?

Don't be so clingy.

 

[Flying-Emu]

Why are you asking the internet?

But no. Relationships thrive on communication. So on those two days where you actually get to see him, talk to him about this issue rather than letting it lie and asking an internet forum how to go about solving this problem.

 

[BonsaiK]

I am currently with a guy who I have know for 4 years now. We have been dating for 4 months. When I am around him he is everything a girl could want...attentive, charming, and a lot of fun. The problem is when we are not together is is a bit of a dick. I have made what I believe to be a simple and reasonable request (call me and chat for 5-10 minutes on the the days we don't see each other) We are both busy people I work 40-50 hours a week as an assistant manager and he is a full time student at ECPI. He claims that his school work and project are very important and take up wost of his weekday time, along with his friends. I only get to see him on the weekends.

I was under the impression that relationships require communication. How can a relationship thrive if you only speak to someone 2 days a week? Am I being unreasonable? Any advice?

I've posted a lengthy reply to your question in the following thread:

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161?page=8#2738345

Remember everyone, the Relationship Problem Thread is your friend.

 

[Mekado]

I hardly think that asking for 10-15 minutes a day from your "significant other" is unreasonable.It's not like you're asking for a 3-hour visit everyday or something.

If he can't find 15 minutes a day for you something might be wrong.

 

[matsugawa]

Communication is essential to a relationship, but there's also the question of quality vs. quantity. While five to ten minutes a day is not totally unreasonable (at the risk of baring my soul, it really is nice just to hear someone's voice for a bit), it's important to keep things in perspective.
Once upon a time, people in long distance relationships had to write letters for phone calls could get expensive and e-mailing was just something Arthur C. Clarke and Peter Hyams did. And yet, in spite of the long periods of anxious silence staring at the mail-slot, pepole got along and civilization moved forward. The point is, it's not how much you talk, but what you talk about. It's the quality of the time, not the quantity.
He's got a busy week and so do you. Okay then, just really make it a point to live it up on the weekends (take the phone off the hook, turn off the damn computer, throw the remote down the garbage disposal, hand your roommate 20 bucks with instructions to go see a saucy puppet show, you get the idea). If 5-10 minutes a day by phone is unreasonable (which, frankly, my knee-jerk reaction was "The cad! Drop that zero, darling! If he can't give you five minutes, what the hell can he give you?!") then double-down on the weekend warfare. And, if living it up (quality over quantity) turns out to be unreasonable, then it may be time to move on, or put the relationship on hold until you can get the 'student/professional' mumbo-jumbo out of the way.

Good luck.

 

[vampirekid.13]

I am currently with a guy who I have know for 4 years now. We have been dating for 4 months. When I am around him he is everything a girl could want...attentive, charming, and a lot of fun. The problem is when we are not together is is a bit of a dick. I have made what I believe to be a simple and reasonable request (call me and chat for 5-10 minutes on the the days we don't see each other) We are both busy people I work 40-50 hours a week as an assistant manager and he is a full time student at ECPI. He claims that his school work and project are very important and take up wost of his weekday time, along with his friends. I only get to see him on the weekends.

I was under the impression that relationships require communication. How can a relationship thrive if you only speak to someone 2 days a week? Am I being unreasonable? Any advice?

are you sure he doesnt have a monday to friday GF and a sat/sun GF?


it sure sounds like he does.

 

[DarkRaynePhnx]

I am currently with a guy who I have know for 4 years now. We have been dating for 4 months. When I am around him he is everything a girl could want...attentive, charming, and a lot of fun. The problem is when we are not together is is a bit of a dick. I have made what I believe to be a simple and reasonable request (call me and chat for 5-10 minutes on the the days we don't see each other) We are both busy people I work 40-50 hours a week as an assistant manager and he is a full time student at ECPI. He claims that his school work and project are very important and take up wost of his weekday time, along with his friends. I only get to see him on the weekends.

I was under the impression that relationships require communication. How can a relationship thrive if you only speak to someone 2 days a week? Am I being unreasonable? Any advice?

are you sure he doesnt have a monday to friday GF and a sat/sun GF?


it sure sounds like he does.

Believe me he doesn't...school is his Mon-Fri GF.

 

[afaceforradio]

It's already been said, but I think at least one or two phone calls a week should happen, even if you don't get daily phone calls. Maybe because you're already in the 'friend' zone, he's finding it hard to switch to boyfriend mode? Like you've spent four years not speaking daily on the phone, so why start now kind of thing.

Maybe just speaking to him will help?

I have to disagree with Vampirekid though... I reckon he's just one of these guys who ridiculously casual in a relationship. Some blokes are like that. I'd just talk to him, see what happens!

 

[vampirekid.13]

I am currently with a guy who I have know for 4 years now. We have been dating for 4 months. When I am around him he is everything a girl could want...attentive, charming, and a lot of fun. The problem is when we are not together is is a bit of a dick. I have made what I believe to be a simple and reasonable request (call me and chat for 5-10 minutes on the the days we don't see each other) We are both busy people I work 40-50 hours a week as an assistant manager and he is a full time student at ECPI. He claims that his school work and project are very important and take up wost of his weekday time, along with his friends. I only get to see him on the weekends.

I was under the impression that relationships require communication. How can a relationship thrive if you only speak to someone 2 days a week? Am I being unreasonable? Any advice?

are you sure he doesnt have a monday to friday GF and a sat/sun GF?


it sure sounds like he does.

Believe me he doesn't...school is his Mon-Fri GF.

back when i had a gf i would of died to be w/ her every second of every minute of my life


i cant imagine having someone that is to busy for the significant other.


and also, no you cant have a good stable relationship w/ only 2 days a week communication.

 

[afaceforradio]

The thing is, relationships oddly do not tend to work in the long run if you're with someone every single second of every single day (even married couples don't see each other all day due to work or whatever) - I've got friends who are dating and about to live together and she is sleeping with other people she's that bored of the sight of him.

Obviously the situation there is the opposite end of the spectrum entirely, but I think that although DarkRaynePhnx could do with seeing or at least speaking to him a bit more than what she is, a little space never hurt any relationship - to quote some lyrics "go away, give me a chance to miss you" )

 

[Mekado]

I am currently with a guy who I have know for 4 years now. We have been dating for 4 months. When I am around him he is everything a girl could want...attentive, charming, and a lot of fun. The problem is when we are not together is is a bit of a dick. I have made what I believe to be a simple and reasonable request (call me and chat for 5-10 minutes on the the days we don't see each other) We are both busy people I work 40-50 hours a week as an assistant manager and he is a full time student at ECPI. He claims that his school work and project are very important and take up wost of his weekday time, along with his friends. I only get to see him on the weekends.

I was under the impression that relationships require communication. How can a relationship thrive if you only speak to someone 2 days a week? Am I being unreasonable? Any advice?

are you sure he doesnt have a monday to friday GF and a sat/sun GF?


it sure sounds like he does.

Believe me he doesn't...school is his Mon-Fri GF.

back when i had a gf i would of died to be w/ her every second of every minute of my life


i cant imagine having someone that is to busy for the significant other.


and also, no you cant have a good stable relationship w/ only 2 days a week communication.

Are you in college ?

If not you might not know how crazy busy it makes life, not to the point of not finding time for your gf but it's the priority for a few years (for people that want to excel anyways)

 

[vampirekid.13]

I am currently with a guy who I have know for 4 years now. We have been dating for 4 months. When I am around him he is everything a girl could want...attentive, charming, and a lot of fun. The problem is when we are not together is is a bit of a dick. I have made what I believe to be a simple and reasonable request (call me and chat for 5-10 minutes on the the days we don't see each other) We are both busy people I work 40-50 hours a week as an assistant manager and he is a full time student at ECPI. He claims that his school work and project are very important and take up wost of his weekday time, along with his friends. I only get to see him on the weekends.

I was under the impression that relationships require communication. How can a relationship thrive if you only speak to someone 2 days a week? Am I being unreasonable? Any advice?

are you sure he doesnt have a monday to friday GF and a sat/sun GF?


it sure sounds like he does.

Believe me he doesn't...school is his Mon-Fri GF.

back when i had a gf i would of died to be w/ her every second of every minute of my life


i cant imagine having someone that is to busy for the significant other.


and also, no you cant have a good stable relationship w/ only 2 days a week communication.

Are you in college ?

If not you might not know how crazy busy it makes life, not to the point of not finding time for your gf but it's the priority for a few years (for people that want to excel anyways)

i went to college, for 2 years when i was w/ her, but i found time to call her everyday, and i even made sure i went to the same college as her so we woudlnt split up the first year, the second year i changed to a college in a diff town, and i would drive 60+ miles every day just to see her at the end of the day.


i later joined the navy as active duty sailor. i used to call her and talk to her every day for at least an hour or two.


i broke up w/ her after a year of being in the navy, she never admitted to this but i could feel how me being gone was hurting her and i decided that if i really love her the only fair thing to do is to let her go...so she can find someone that has the time to be there for her. and treat her the way she deserves to be treated. not someone that had to move to another continent, and that is so busy and at such a weird time zone she barely gets to talk to him once every 2-3 days.

 

[sneakypenguin]

back when i had a gf i would of died to be w/ her every second of every minute of my life


i cant imagine having someone that is to busy for the significant other.


and also, no you cant have a good stable relationship w/ only 2 days a week communication.

Are you in college ?

If not you might not know how crazy busy it makes life, not to the point of not finding time for your gf but it's the priority for a few years (for people that want to excel anyways)

Yeah I gotta agree with mekado 17 hours of school (plus the hours in between classes and studying) then 30-40 hours a week at a job(plus commute time) and suddenly spending 30 min zoning out when you get home at 11 sounds a lot better than calling the ladyfriend to see whats up with her day. I send text in snippets of downtime during the week but reserve time for the lady, on the weekends. I mean whats more important getting a great job so you have an easier life(financially) or keeping a GF happy? Some people can do both others can't.

Priorities differ for most I guess.