Isolation or instability?

Recommended Videos

Doclector

New member
Aug 22, 2009
5,010
0
0
It's that gorram time again folks. Time that one of my far too many far too small baby steps needs more thought than I can handle alone with my own limited experience and understanding of these odd creatures called humanity. I am so very sorry to bother this site again with my crap, but there are few other places I can viably turn to. Especially since I left college and the wonderful local council has recently decided no one needs any local support services. The multiple tales of teen depression drug abuse and suicide that I hear beg to differ, but I digress. If I get onto the topic of the government, I will be here all night.

Anyway, today one of my few friends invited me out. To play football. I would usually just politely decline, both because I'm something of a, at least self admittant now, hermit when I have no real need to venture out, and partially because I hate football. Anyway, he convinced me to go out for a little, and whilst I still hate football, being out like normal people would do was enjoyable. It gets me thinking about a debate in my mind that has been going for quite some time now.

See I'm going to uni soon. There, socialising will be much more crucial. I will be living with other people, and when the first year ends and I'm not in halls anymore, I will have to find shared housing, which means in order to guarantee a home during the last two years I must become accepted into a small social group. Otherwise I face housemate interviews, which I would be rubbish at. Also as much as I would love to believe I don't need other people, I will, first time living alone and all.

Which leaves me with a problem. My friend invites me out quite a bit, I usually decline. He knows I have problems with "outside" so he doesn't take offence. I wonder though, should I risk the outside world? I could be preparing myself for uni; learning how to socialise, how to fit in with other humans. Hell, i am lonely, a bit if company to liven up the next couple of months. But if I do go out, I put my sanity at stake. There are multiple things out there that seem to seek to topple my stability. One thing could set me off; a girl, a violent incident, a drunken mistake...a whole variety of things. If I lose it, their is no one who can or even will help in time for me to be stable for uni.

Miserable works, y'see. I've been coping with miserable for a large part of my life. I can work through it, I can create films through it, I survive through it. Instability is chaos. Chaos can't work. Chaos is anger, paranoia, frenzied fear. I can't work through that, I can't even socialise through that. My work is far more important to me than my happiness. For a long time I've thought my happiness as doomed.

I know I'll have to get out more when I go to uni, but what do I do now? Do I keep my mind "on ice" isolate myself? Or do I risk my sanity on practicing my social skills?

Thanks for reading that wall of text, and again, sorry for bothering you guys again.
 

Amarok

New member
Dec 13, 2008
972
0
0
Hello again, Mr. Lector. Glad to see you're no longer typing your posts as though you're a saturday morning cartoon villain.
You don't necessarily have to go and play football if you hate it (I do too, those things seek out my gonads like homing missiles), but since you have a friend I'm assuming you share some common ground, so there must be things you like doing together. Even if they're indoorsy things, that's fine, you don't have be outside to be social.

As for the uni thing, obviously it's quite easy to become the creepy guy who keeps his dorm room locked at all times and only ever ventures out to the kitchen at the dead of night when everyone's gone, but it's also pretty easy to not be that guy. Chances are you'll find something to chat to with dorm-mates, even if it's just your studies. No doubt you'll find one clique or another to consider housing with the following years.

If you get there however and you feel you can't hack it, you just can't make a friend or have a single conversation or anything of the sort, just do the washing up. People will be begging you to be your room-mate after that. (And no, that's not a joke; students are literally worse than cavemen when it comes to the maintenance of one's living space)

Finally. "One thing could set me off. A girl, a violent incident, a drunken mistake..." - Do you mean a particular girl, or any girl? If the latter, there are about 3,750,000,000 of them on the planet, you're going to have to work on being around them without going apeshit. A violent incident, do you mean you're violent, or the people around you would be? Ditto for the drunken mistake. If you can't trust yourself drunk, stay sober, if you can't trust others drunk, steer clear of drunk people, it's not *that* difficult to do (though it will be in uni, watch out for that.)
 

Oracle144

New member
May 5, 2011
26
0
0
Go for it! Sometimes things will set you off, and sometimes you'll lose control... It happens to everybody. All you have to do in those situations is just take a deep breath and take a little alone time to get your bearings again.

But I'd say get out there and get to know some people. I used to isolate myself from a lot of people and situations, and it can be really hard to start socializing at first. But over time, it gets much easier and quite rewarding. Good luck! =)
 

Doclector

New member
Aug 22, 2009
5,010
0
0
Amarok said:
Finally. "One thing could set me off. A girl, a violent incident, a drunken mistake..." - Do you mean a particular girl, or any girl? If the latter, there are about 3,750,000,000 of them on the planet, you're going to have to work on being around them without going apeshit.
both. There is one girl who i had a short thing with once, and she dumped me two weeks later, saying she had too much going on. A week later, she invited me out only for mr to find myself designated third wheel to her new boyfriend. This broke me, i was constantly angry for ages afterwards. She kept trying to contact me again for half a year after that, and I simply refused to reply, I want nothing to do with that *****. Every time I see her it makes me furious anyway. I do fear sometimes that if I go out, I might see her again, and either i'll lose it in front of everyone at her, making me seem like an asshole, or she'll tempt me back for whatever purpose she was using me for (my bets are she was using me to make her seem desirable in between proper boyfriends. Sounds strange, but hey, that's ***** logic for you. DISCLAIMER: I do not mean all women. I literally mean nasty women like her) which she could do because I am not swimming in female attention, i have sone desperate tendencies, and unfortunately she knows it. Same sort of worry goes for other girls, I don't want another incident like that, and I am not stupid enough to believe a girl could really actually be interested in me, but I know damn well if a girl seems like she likes me I'll get caught up in wishful thinking and I will probably be in that situation again. Yeah, I know not all girls are like that, but this ain't a nice world, and the girls that aren't like that could do far better than me.

A violent incident, do you mean you're violent, or the people around you would be?
i'm more worried about others. The damage i could cause in a vioent incident would be very bad, but i probably wouldn't do it without good reason. I can't say the same for others. I worry about the randomly violent nature of humanity enough, i don't know what yet another violent encounter would do to my psyche.

Ditto for the drunken mistake. If you can't trust yourself drunk, stay sober, if you can't trust others drunk, steer clear of drunk people, it's not *that* difficult to do (though it will be in uni, watch out for that.)
I'm fine drunk. Again, not sure I can say so for others. As for me I do sometimes worry that my increased confidence could lead me to do something stupid, hit on girls that are out of my league, try to talk to someone who is plainly not in the mood for talking with anything other than blunt instruments, or go to some bar which under sober circumstances even the most non-forward thinking people would decide to go somewhere else before it all kicked off.
 

Amethyst Wind

New member
Apr 1, 2009
3,188
0
0
The good thing about Uni, you'll find plenty of people who have similar interests to you, so getting yourself some buddies isn't hard to deal with.

After which you will gain the confidence to make other friends easier (there is no experience in the world better at getting you out of your shell than University).

You're on the Escapist so I can only assume you like videogames. This is a great start. Shitloads of people in Uni will play videogames, and it's easy as hell to find them in halls. That's a possible in, otherwise try some of the opportunities that you didn't have before (Uni clubs or societies - I joined the rock climbing and snowboarding clubs, having done neither beforehand, it was great).

One thing though, I understand that it's difficult for you, but you will have to put some effort into this. People in Uni, especially in halls, will try to talk to you, so long as you give them a reason to (i.e. don't close your door, don't be a ghost in your own dorm sort o' thing), as long as you provide an open image and maybe take the initiative in talking to others yourself, you can get some friends really quickly and easily, just don't wall yourself in and pine for them, it ain't gonna work, they need to know that you want to be friends with them and want them to be friends with you.

It doesn't take much for that to happen (a common interest, starting up a conversation etc) but it does take something.