Its a racist day in my neighborhood.

[Headdrivehardscrew]

Aye, one more vote for the "Turn the other cheek" camp.

Turn the other cheeck as in turning around with a friendly "Goodbye!" on your lips, leaving peacefully and holding any inner demons at bay that fume and spout and rage, demanding to go full ghetto gangsta on the old man.

Besides, I think Signa nailed it - the N word comes loaded with mostly negative connotations that have got nothing to do with historical facts. Even if you felt like telling the old man that, "hey, hohum, I'm a ****** myself! Get ready to get pummeled!", I believe you'd miss the point and the old man wouldn't get it. He'd never consider you to be a "******", would he? Or was he just checking you out, because he had this nagging feeling you might be of impure, non-Aryan descent? The fact he brought you coffee and never treated you poorly or stink-eyed you into feeling uncomfortable would go against that theory, so why bother?

It's not like anyone of us would want to wield ye Mighty Blade of Political Correctness, is it. I know I wouldn't, for it would make me do strange things to the way I handle language.

It's just plain not worth it. Hating the hater just ruins your day, day after day, so I'd recommend feeling sorry for the old man stuck in a shitty world to the end of his days. But that's already a rather negative way to go about it. Are you really sure he meant it the way you perceived it? Had it been a latino or white lady giving him a hard time, what would his descriptive word of choice have been?

 

[Mr. Eff_v1legacy]

I think people will have their opinions about these types of things, and you can't really change them. But getting angry about it - though understandable - would not help. I think people with these kind of beliefs see constant competition between races. By challenging him, you would only be reinforcing his beliefs.
I also don't think that just because people use racial slurs mean they hold any profound dislike for the people they are talking about. When angry, people look for whatever they can to bring others down. Think about it this way - does calling someone a ***** mean you hate women?

 

[Signa]

Sounds like you need to ask yourself what bothered you most about his use of the word. That woman he was talking about sounded like a piece of shit and you have no business associating yourself with her on basis of genetics and skin color. You're better than her, and you should not get angry at others who look down on her for treating people like shit around her.

I think the fact that he would even use the words colored him a racist in his mind so whether or not they were accurate never even entered his mind as a consideration. In his view nobody, no matter whatever they may do or be, can be referred to appropriately by the N word as a slur. It's a fact-disregarding term that is instantly inappropriate by virtue of it's history.


That's how modern society is as a whole here in this continent.

Which is bullshit IMO. We aren't ever going to leave the dark ages if we can't get past the history of one of our darker moments.

I understand the OP's aversion to the word. If anyone belongs being bothered by that word, it's him. Though, if you take a step back and look at the situation objectively, the offender wasn't saying to offend him, nor did he actually care about the OP's descent to actually talk to him honestly. Fact is, a racist will dehumanize anyone whomever doesn't fit his perfect ideal of what a human is. If the offender didn't consider the OP a ******, then it's not really an issue of being black, but acting poorly.

EDIT: I should add that Chris Rock has nailed this issue on the head. Us white folks don't think you're a ****** when you are black. Niggers are thieves, drug addicts, thugs and murderers. As far as I'm concerned, the only unfortunate thing about the N-word is that there isn't anything equally offensive to call our white trash. That means the only thing to do is stop being offended by it, because that inequality will NEVER be righted while we are scared of a word.

Hey, don't argue with me about it lol, I agreed with what you're saying on my first post in this thread, tell the OP!

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like I was coming down on you at all. I'll just hope the OP reads his own thread. I'm not going to force my opinion on him by quoting him directly. I can tell this is a particularly sensitive issue, and as much as I feel like I know what I'm talking about, the fact of the matter is that I don't. Which is still bullshit IMO, but there's nothing I can do about it.

 

[Dags90]

Eh, I probably would've said something. We had a contractor working on our house for a few days. We talked while he was taking breaks, mostly chit chat, etc. Then one day I hear him talking to my brother in earnest about how God created HIV to kill gay people. And my brother was just going along with it, nodding. I confronted him, told him how he was demonstrably wrong, and left.

My brother probably doesn't even remember this incident anymore, but I won't ever forget how weak he was.

 

[Grottnikk]

You'll be able to know if the guy ever figures it out for himself - he'll be embarrassed as hell and never say boo to you again.

In the meantime, good self control.

 

[Wintermoot]

call him a racist douche bag.

 

[zestamaster]

***EDIT*** I originally had what city I live in but have edited it out on the small chance some idiot on my property recognizes this.

So I live in one of the largest cities in the province of Ontario. We are nothing if not ethnic and racially diverse, whether Canadian born or new Canadians. I myself am a product of a bi-racial couple, my father White, my mother being Mulatto. (one black parent on white parent) Thus making my siblings and I Quadroons. Yes people still use these terms, and no not negatively.

I work as a Building/Property manager for a rental property. The incident starts out innocently enough, while having my break, I was speaking to a tenant, and another tenant approaches, this second tenant whom I thought a very decent person and whom always for over a month brought me a coffee in the morning. Anyway, due to what followed I can't even remember how whatever topic we were on got to race, but it did, and he piped up with his former social worker was a black woman and was a ******. And as just an after thought she was a thieving ****** who some how miraculously stole from his welfare cheque. And then it was ****** ***** with a ****** attitude.
I thought I was going to explode on the spot.

Now as I mentioned as I am a the child of a bi-racial couple, racism is not new to me. I spent a large chunk of my childhood beating the shit of of schoolyard bullies who thought it was a good idea to pick on my little brother. (the only one of us 5 children who got a fraction of my mother's skin color) And not just school age children, but school teachers, pediatricians, librarians, the public in general who would ask my little 7 year brother if he was adopted. As if the adult mind could not fathom that a white man would marry and procreate with a black woman. This was the mid 80's through the 90's. God I'm still bitter and angry for every time my brother would get upset.

So anyway back to my present situation.

This person is my tenant and I am at work, it took every ounce of self will I have to walk away, and not fucking explode and at the VERY LEAST start screaming, at worst fucking punch this man in the face.

But now 10 hours later what is bothering me is that I just walked away and let him carry on. I was choking on rage and stomach bile was curdling up in to my mouth. I couldn't even think of a sensible non-violent or non-insulting thing to say.

What should I have done?

you were the bigger man, just rember that

 

[Gloomsta]

Nationalism is always a sign for insecurity, weakness of charachter, lack of personal strength and just all around lack of intelligence.

No it's not. Please don't confuse the ambiguous, general term "nationalism" with casual racism.

Nationalism is taking pride in things you have not done,it creates division and sets up people for conflict. It is one step away from racism.

Do tell what is the point of nationalism?

There is none, it only creates a false sence of pride, people who are nationalist, lie to themselves.

 

[Treefingers]

You should have called him out on it, imo. I fucking hate racism. You should have called him out on it, for sure. But not by screaming, just in a calm yet pointed way.

If screaming was all you could manage, then walking away was probably the right choice. But if you could control yourself... absolutely, definitely, no doubt, you should have spoken out.

 

[milna64]

I also think you did the right thing. I also think you did it for the wrong reasons. You didn't do walk away to be the bigger man. You did it because your a coward.

 

[IamQ]

You did the right thing. Because while you may not agree with what the person has to say, as long as they aren't doing harm to anyone, you can't harm someone for their opinions.

 

[michiehoward]

snip

No, none. This man is from North Hamilton (all of you snoop way to much). A part of the city which is notorious for being the man's man, beer guzzling, working for Stelco Steel, hate all immigrants that steal our jobs, women can't be my boss area. He is also part of my parents generation. I said he was a decent person because he would ask me how I was feeling everyday and bring me a coffee. Not because I initially thought of him as being so Beacon for Good.

[/quote]

Sounds like you need to ask yourself what bothered you most about his use of the word.

Firstly he was lying. Secondly what bothered me was he used the word because he thought he was safe saying ****** in a private conversation with two other white people.

snippy

Finally, I think it incredibly immature to get mad at someone for asking if your brother was adopted if he looks really different from *his goddamn brother and father.* That's just normal curiosity based on the fact that we've understood genetics pretty well for 200 years and outliers, along with the effects of mixing dark/light skin genes, are exceedingly rare.

Don't think I want to get into the start of your post, but I will go into the personal issue, dumb I know.
Well my brother by looks alone look more like our Dad then our Mom, his facial features cheeks bones, nose, eyes, chin, my brother got his skin tone from our mother. We all, my siblings and I look alike if anyone takes more then a glance. Which those people in my history never did, and the assume we just picked up my brother at some orphanage for poor unwanted children of colour. It also fucks up the mind of a young child.

snip

woman, corrected LOL

 

[IamQ]

Wow, a lot of "Just be peaceful!" guys here.

At the end of the day, if someone treats me in a racist manner im going to let them know what I think of it. Even its just a "Fuck off, go hang yourself".

Since when are people actually following that bullshit "Anger and violence dont solve anything" fad?

Maybe because at that current situation all he would get is arrested and loose his job. Momentary vengeance means nothing in the long run.

 

[michiehoward]

I also think you did the right thing. I also think you did it for the wrong reasons. You didn't do walk away to be the bigger man. You did it because your a coward.

Your correct, I didn't walk away to be the bigger person, I walked away because really even after 18 years of growing up, I'm still just that ten year girl on the playground who shoved another kids face in the dirt for taking her brother's toy stegosaurus and called him a ******.

 

[r0binh00d]

Being able to walk away from that takes alot of doing, you should be proud.

I don't think you *should* have done anything else, although personally I think I would have said something. Maybe not exploded (casual (and even good-natured, however wrong that may sound) racism is par for the course where I am) but I think I would have asked if he realised how offensive what he was saying was, and let him know that it offended me.

Those are the two 'OK' choices as far as I can see, however by not saying anything and walking away, the problem isn't resolved - so there is one more thing I think you should do.

Go and see the guy, and have a quiet, professional word with him explaining that it offends you and ask him to avoid speaking to you about it in future. Most importantly, respect his right to think whatever fucked up bullshit he wants to, just ask him not to say it to *you*.

It sounds like he isn't such an indecent person to do it deliberately / maliciously (going from your original post I gather you aren't *obviously* mixed race?), and if he's nice enough to bring you coffee in the morning I'm sure he will respect you enough to do as you ask.

The one further thing you can keep up your sleeve is whatever laws and regulations there are regarding abuse in the workplace in canada - I can't comment on them but I'm pretty sure racism will be legislated in there somewhere.

This is something it sounds like you'd want to avoid as it could get ugly, but don't let yourself think that this guy somehow has you by the balls purely because he's a tenant - over here if the same thing happened, you would find yourself in breach of the law and relieved of your flat in short order if you abused your landlord under *any* context, casual and good-natured notwithstanding.

Most importantly, don't be a victim. This guy needs to know, in no uncertain terms, that he is being a dick - if he does it again afterwards, you know you can take it further.

Hope this helps, and although it will be hard, try to keep your anger in check when you speak to him - but it sounds like you have that covered already

 

[StBishop]

Just quickly, yeah you probably did the best thing, it's not worth losing your job.

When customers/clients say things that I disagree with or am offended by at work I tend to just not say anything.

I think it may be worth saying something next time you see him, just rehearse it before hand and once you're done walk away to avoid getting your blood pressure too high.

If you'd not been at work I'd have said you should have had a go at him, but as I said, it's not worth losing your job.

Also, where do "Mulatto" and "Quadroons" come from? Is this a local thing or does everyone else just know this. I understand what they're supposed to mean (because they were explained) but where do they come from and what's the story with them.

For a little reference as to why I might not have encountered them, I'm an Aussie, so it could just be they're not used here, and I'm only 21 so it could be a generational thing.

 

[michiehoward]

Just quickly, yeah you probably did the best thing, it's not worth losing your job.

When customers/clients say things that I disagree with or am offended by at work I tend to just not say anything.

I think it may be worth saying something next time you see him, just rehearse it before hand and once you're done walk away to avoid getting your blood pressure too high.

If you'd not been at work I'd have said you should have had a go at him, but as I said, it's not worth losing your job.

Also, where do "Mulatto" and "Quadroons" come from? Is this a local thing or does everyone else just know this. I understand what they're supposed to mean (because they were explained) but where do they come from and what's the story with them.

For a little reference as to why I might not have encountered them, I'm an Aussie, so it could just be they're not used here, and I'm only 21 so it could be a generational thing.

Actually the Aussie used to use the terms often in the past for the Aboriginal who reside in Australia when they married of procreated with white people.

They were/are terms used to define or quantify they percentage of "colored/mixed blood" an individual has. Most often during used during the Colonial Era of the US
Mulatto -One black parent/One white parent
Quadroon -Person has one grandparent of color
Octaroon- one great grandparent of color.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mulatto

 

[trollnystan]

Just quickly, yeah you probably did the best thing, it's not worth losing your job.

When customers/clients say things that I disagree with or am offended by at work I tend to just not say anything.

I think it may be worth saying something next time you see him, just rehearse it before hand and once you're done walk away to avoid getting your blood pressure too high.

If you'd not been at work I'd have said you should have had a go at him, but as I said, it's not worth losing your job.

Also, where do "Mulatto" and "Quadroons" come from? Is this a local thing or does everyone else just know this. I understand what they're supposed to mean (because they were explained) but where do they come from and what's the story with them.

For a little reference as to why I might not have encountered them, I'm an Aussie, so it could just be they're not used here, and I'm only 21 so it could be a generational thing.

A Mulatto is someone who is half-black, a Quadroon is someone who is 1/4 black. They are old terms that aren't used much nowadays for fear of sounding racist. I know I tend to associate them with the selling of slaves.

OT: I think you did the right thing. If you do bring it up to the man next time he tries to bring you coffee, try to keep a calm head, hard though it may be.

EDIT: Lol, ninja'd by the OP =P

 

[michiehoward]

Anyway LOL I'm alot calmer and I gotta go to work, really wanna thank my fellow Escapists for helping me figure something out about myself, go figure the internets can help ;P

 

[r0binh00d]

@trollnystan

your avatar.... is that... GARRUS!?
he is NOT doing some calibrations