It's the chainsaw clown apocalypse

[Bishop99999999]

It's happened. A mysterious epidemic has the world in its grip. People are dying in droves, and the dead, well, they don't stay dead. They come back. They come back...wrong.

Specifically, they come back dressed as clowns, face paint and all, weilding chainsaws, and really, really pissed off.

Where do the clothes come from? How does their face attain that sinister, pale complextion? How on earth do they manage to find chainsaws with nary a hardware store in sight? Better question: how do you SURVIVE?

Few ground rules:

-The clowns retain the agility they had when they were alive.
-They have the damage endurance of a psycopath on PCP, but they can be put down by damage to their body as well as their cranium.
-They do not leave their chainsaws, which inexplicably never run out of fuel.
-They are highly aggressive, but have only rudimentary intelligence.
-When five or more clowns are together, some people say that an ice-cream truck will appear, granting them a means of transportation. Listen for the jingle.
-They all wear large clown shoes that squeak when they step.

So, what changes do you make in your 'foolproof' zombie survival plan?

 

[Lectori Salutem]

Dress up as a clown, grab a chainsaw and stay away from other survivors

 

[Al-Bundy-da-G]

I open a chainsaw repair store.

Chainsaw wielding zombie clowns awaken

Open Seltzer and chainsaw repair store

????

Profit

 

[JackKrauserFtw]

Wear steel plate armor and laugh as the chains snap on it

 

[Dogstile]

I grab my chainsaw, makeup and shoes.

I see no change from my original zombie survival plan.

 

[SmilingWorlock]

You mean, I could be alive and frightened as s**t. Or I could die, come back and be a chainsaw wiedling clown? I think, I'd kill myself. ^^

Or I'd hide behind a really narrow corridor, that can only be passed sideways, which they couldn't do, because of the shoes.

 

[Rawne1980]

Stock up on water pistols and custard pies.

Enough to keep clowns entertained while I make my escape.

Failing that, i'm sure my family would be willing to sacrifice themselves while I made my get away. If they were not willing, well i'd have to tie them up with a big sign saying "Easy kills here crazy clowns, ignore the bloke fleeing in the opposite direction".

 

[Teh Jammah]

Thread title made me think that the apocalypse in question would be one of sentient chainsaws dressed as clowns. Which would be an epic B-movie. Someone needs to make this, stat!

Obviously I'd have to invest in buckets of whitewash, fields of rakes and the like, to exploit their clowish weakness to slapstick.