It's time to settle this debate once and for all.

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Something Amyss

Aswyng and Amyss
Dec 3, 2008
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Not The Bees said:
Zachary Amaranth said:
Oh God, you're not one of those conspiracy theorists, are you? Albert Einstein was a myth created by the lumber union!
Of course, you doubt my claim about Albert. Everyone says I'm crazy for believing in Albert! NO ONE BELIEVED ME ABOUT THE PRESIDENT OBAMA BEING FROM ALPHA CENTAURI, but then he passed ACA and NOW WHO LOOKS NUTS!

They're going to prep us, and they're going to put us inside the earth so they can pilot the earth to Andromeda before the sun explodes, and the Woodchucks, well, they're all in on it. You just wait and see. >.> [small]*twitch*[/small]
That's stupid. I mean, yeah, I have to admit I was wrong about the Alpha Centauri Act, but that was done with specific sunset clauses and no law-abiding Earthling has anything to fear. Just because you were right once, doesn't mean you're always once. Look at Tesla. The man claimed to talk to UFOs, and people assume that just because aliens were then proved to exist he knew about this "electricity" crap.
 

Mr_Spanky

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Jun 1, 2012
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Reaction to thread title: "Oh no more shit people are going to rant on and argue about to stupid levels of insanity"?

Reaction to the thread: *shit-eating grin*

Good job OP
 

Fieldy409_v1legacy

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Oct 9, 2008
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lax4life said:
Is the woodchuck modified in anyway? Say it now has a chainsaw for arms and is fuelled by human flesh?
The woodchuck can't be modified, because then you get into the philosophical question of what a woodchuck is, it's body or it's soul? transwoodchuckism, when woodchucks use technology to become more than mere woodchucks. When does a woodchuck stop being a woodchuck as you add more cybernetic enhancements? When does it lose it's woodchuckity? It's souls? Is a woodchucks brain implanted into a twenty ton wood chuccker 9000 still a woodchuck? If you replace all the parts of a boat is it still the same boat?

Mechanical assistance is okay in my book however. A woodchuck can use a chainsaw just not be a chainsaw. I asked if a woodchuck could chuck wood. Not something beyond woodchucks. No woodchuck 2.0
 

Ten Foot Bunny

I'm more of a dishwasher girl
Mar 19, 2014
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But what if the woodchuck chucks wood to rebuild its home, which is only washed out once a year by spring snow runoff? Logically, that would mean the woodchuck would chuck wood once a year as well.

Since groundhogs (a.k.a., woodchucks - a derivative of the Algonquin name, wuchak) are usually born in April or May to parents who were feeling frisky after their winter hibernation, the young rodent doesn't build its first home, but rather settles into an abandoned den. That means it loses a year - subtract 1. Now if the average lifespan of the groundhog is four to five years, and taking into consideration that it loses a year, the answer MUST be 3 or 4.

What unit of measurement, you ask? Irrelevant, I say! Because I'm right and you're all wrong.

Neener neener.

[/illogical_smartass_mode] ;)

Zachary Amaranth said:
You know who disliked squares? THE NAZIS! You never see one of their tanks run on square wheels, do you? And do you know who was in charge of the Nazis? It was....I forget, but I think his name started with an R!
I believe his name was Reichmaster Kartoffelkopf. Legend has it, he was so versatile that he could change every part of his face at will, and all of the spare parts were kept inside a hollowed-out compartment in the vicinity of his buttcheeks. Hitler was little more than R.K.'s puppet, a fact that history has forgotten due to the sheer terror the almighty Kartoffel exuded whenever he entered a room. The mere act of writing about him sends a shiver down my spine!
 

DeaDRabbiT

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Sep 25, 2010
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I wouldn't hold your breath on getting to the bottom of this mystery any time soon. Before you know it a bunch of woodchucks are going to start talking about how chucking wood is highly insensitive to other woodchucks and that they are part of a despised underclass of woodchucks that should be ashamed to have ever chucked wood in the first place.

So my guess.

They chuck one wood too many.
 

briankoontz

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May 17, 2010
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I think the stupid levels of insanity are designed to make the discussion seem important. It's like when a child throws a tantrum - once the adult is sufficiently embarrassed it will give the child what it wants.

Or we could just spank the child. Hopefully I'm not mean for saying that would be more satisfying.
 

Something Amyss

Aswyng and Amyss
Dec 3, 2008
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Ten Foot Bunny said:
I believe his name was Reichmaster Kartoffelkopf. Legend has it, he was so versatile that he could change every part of his face at will, and all of the spare parts were kept inside a hollowed-out compartment in the vicinity of his buttcheeks. Hitler was little more than R.K.'s puppet, a fact that history has forgotten due to the sheer terror the almighty Kartoffel exuded whenever he entered a room. The mere act of writing about him sends a shiver down my spine!
Who's this Hitler guy everyone's so fixated on?

Not The Bees said:
Tesla. It always comes back to Tesla. Just because he went back in time and let loose the black death and killed so many people, everyone vilifies him and he loses all credibility. I think that's very hypocritical.

And every earthling should fear the Vogons. They already came for Emily Dickinson. They're coming for me. They're coming for all the bloggers. They're probably coming for you too.
I'm more worried about the Lizard People. My blog is decidedly against their cold-blooded agenda. Literally, cold-blooded. If you're an endotherm, you can't even go outside unescorted.

And don't get me started on the lobsters....
 

Fijiman

I am THE PANTS!
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Dec 1, 2011
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If a woodchuck could chuck wood then it would be able to chuck up to about 15 pounds an average of about five yards away.
 

NateA42

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Jun 12, 2014
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Woodchucks ain't no queer ass homos; I reckon if it were though then it could chuck at least 5. That be the highest number I know of, anybody even.
 

Something Amyss

Aswyng and Amyss
Dec 3, 2008
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Not The Bees said:
You only worry about the lobsters because they can read your mind. But so can the trees, and no one ever complains about them. I find that to so iRONic.
Hey, trees are people, too. I don't know why everyone treats them so bad. I mean, when's the last time you saw a tree harm anyone? Meanwhile, we make philosophical inquiries about whether or not their demise makes a sound!

Well, I hear it! It makes a sound *taps chest* in here!
 

Callate

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Dec 5, 2008
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Is the hypothetical woodchuck altered in any way, other than the addition of the previously unknown ability to chuck wood? Could said woodchuck undergo training and a regimen of steroids to optimize its chucking capability, recognizing the long-term hazards to the woodchuck's health, well-being, and ability to re-integrate among other woodchucks?
 

Fieldy409_v1legacy

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Oct 9, 2008
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Callate said:
Is the hypothetical woodchuck altered in any way, other than the addition of the previously unknown ability to chuck wood? Could said woodchuck undergo training and a regimen of steroids to optimize its chucking capability, recognizing the long-term hazards to the woodchuck's health, well-being, and ability to re-integrate among other woodchucks?
If the woodchuck were to start using steroids I do believe it wouldn't want to enter into any wood chucking sessions because cardio hurts it's gains. It would rather spend that time complaining about Crossfit.
 

florzk

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Feb 5, 2011
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No, no, no, you're all going about this problem the wrong way: the REAL question isn't about how much wood it would chuck, but rather a call to action to find a way to motivate one of the lazy buggers to actually chuck some goddamn wood.
 

Coppernerves

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Oct 17, 2011
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Something Amyss

Aswyng and Amyss
Dec 3, 2008
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Not The Bees said:
*recoils in horror* They got to you too?! My god, I knew the bushes were putting out chemicals and pheromones trying to recruit, but I didn't think it had started working yet.

But it's true now. And it's working. You've already started to feel it. Let me guess, you've already started to feel the need to dismantle the tall buildings because they "block the sunlight?" Or just sit there and blow at the trees on windless days, because they "might be hot."

I had hope for you Zachary... *shakes head* I had so much hope for you.
See? That's the kind of attitude I'm talking about. Got to me? I went to them? Why can't I make my own decisions in life? Always with the assumption that I was coerced, because I didn't know better! The trees are nice!