I've disgraced myself aka The Confessional

[ShipofFools]

SNIP

Dude... just wanted to say that I love the way you write! That was a pleasure to read! I hope I see you round the forums more often!

OT: In terms of confessions... Well, the only thing I ever did that I regret was start a personal vendetta against a lass from my school.

Essentially what happened was during my 6th Form, a girl joined my year at school after moving over from the US. Within a year of being at our school, her loud, obnoxious personality had a polarising effect on our school. She made a large group of friends who seemed to adore her, but she also seemed to rub everyone else up the wrong way. Throughout the rest of the school, however, she seemed to be well received, in a way a foreigner always is.

Well... we were of a year where the school had suddenly doubled the size of the 6th form, so we were the biggest 6th form there had been at the school, and due to the fact we were of the age where we got cars this left a problem with parking at the school. In order for the teachers to be able to get priority of students in the car park, the school made an agreement with the local football club for 6th formers to be able to park there, (approx 7 min walk away) which for some reason outraged a lot of the 6th form. This was spearheaded by the lass from the US, who didn't even drive, had been at the school less than a year, and got a story in the local paper that made it look like discrimination and made the school look bad! She then started a petition to make the school build a new carpark so the students could use it... (Instead of, you know, bringing it up to the governors, or actually requesting one like normal people!)

This riled me... like seriously riled me! I couldn't stand the *****, and now she was making my school look bad, the school I was loyal to, and had a lot of fun on the media and arts side at... So I started my own petition anonymously, and used my position in the school to get a copy of it posted into every tutor group in the school, so that one day, just after lunch, all the tutor groups had a cover letter to read, and a petition to pass round, trying to send the US chick back out the school and back over the pond... Harsh... I know!

The thing was, the teachers hated her, and many of them took it seriously, and within a day around 60% of the classrooms had it up on the notice boards, and it had more sigs than the carpark petition! Obviously it also caused a lot of upset... Seriously a lot of upset, and eventually I owned up (which shocked a lot of people!) and I wrote an apology to be read out to all tutor groups...

The weird thing is, although it was a horrible thing to do, I am also quite proud of the effect I had, and it is what first introduced me to the power of PsyOps and Info Ops and the effects of influence, which I now use in my career!

Ka-Ching!

Bravo mate. Just, bravo!
You should feel bad for doing something like that, I should feel bad for applauding something like that, but damn it, that was awesome!

 

[Hawkeye21]

I made my assistant dean piss all over himself first day I was in college.

I was in the bathroom (which happened to be quite small) and I was frustrated for some reason or another and kick the stall door in the bathroom open, and he happened to be using the urinal right in front of it. Door hit him on the back pretty hard, he lost track of his hands for a moment and sprayed himself with urine. He was wearing a white shirt and tie that day too. I just chuckled to myself and left. I didn't know he was assistant dean at the moment, but he made introduction speach like an hour later. He seemed kinda... pissed (*YEEEEAH*). I guess he didn't remember me, cause I've had exams with him couple of years later and I passed. All in all he was pretty cool guy, which is why I am slightly embarrased by what happened.

 

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

It seems weird that your school would condone xenophobic bullying. I wish I had gone to a school like that.

I wasn't quite condoneing... I had written it in a way that made it look official! It was more the teachers, pissed off with the negative attention the school was getting, just turned a blind eye for a while... I had to abbreviate the story for TLR purposes, but it wasn't well received after a couple of days... When the teachers who liked her/were more subjective realised they made sure it was all taken down! Some of the others just ignored the whole thing.

I had a 'bollocking' from the head of school and year, that I had to pretend I was getting a punishment from afterwards, but was actually just a talk that went along the lines of (abridged):

'We know she is being a nuisence, and we know that she has disturbed the schools reputation, but she hasn't technically done anything wrong. We know this has upset you along with a lot of other students, but this wasn't the best way of going about it. We are working to resolve the situation and dispel the media's negative view of the school ourselves and would rather not have to deal with a bullying case too. We think it would be best if you help organise another charity event which we can involve the local press in to boost the reputation...'
Then was made to promise that I wouldn't talk about the meeting to my peers, and make it sound like it was my idea... (Obviously, now it is 8 years later, I no longer care!)
I took it one step further though, I organised a series of charity events that mimicked popular TV shows... We had a Blind Date, a Never Mind the Buzzcocks and a Britain's Got Talent-esque talent show, and I co-hosted all the events with the Yank. So there we have it... I did feel massively guilty, and we got our 'best school in the area' status again...

I also feel the need to mention I was 16 at the time, and although my maturity levels in some areas were far beyond my peers, some were lacking... Obviously!

They also never did build a car park!

Bravo mate. Just, bravo!
You should feel bad for doing something like that, I should feel bad for applauding something like that, but damn it, that was awesome!

Haha, cheers fella! It wasn't my best day, but hell it was quite an achievement! It took quite a lot of planning and effort, and the fact I even hid it from my friends so they wouldn't be accountable!
If only I had put that effort and enthusiasm into my studies!

 

[Doclector]

That's horrifying.

Spoiler: spoilered for length

As for me, there are three floors in my house, I live at the top, the nearest bathroom is on the middle floor.

One night, I'm struggling to sleep. I have to get up early to shoot some footage for a uni project, so this is a bad time for my sleeping issues to strike. Tried almost everything, to no avail. Finally, I start to feel myself drifting off, getting more and more relaxed...when I realise I need to pee. If I get up, go downstairs, then come back up, I'll almost certainly take a while to get back to a relaxed state.

So, wanting to unsettle myself as little as possible, I grab a nearby, empty carton of orange juice, and after trying to forget that I'm pissing into a goddamn carton in my room, relieve myself. I "wash" my hands with some antibacterial cleaning wipes, and I screw the top shut, quickly scribble a "DO NOT DRINK" sign on the carton, and try to go back to sleep.

But I can't. The thought of my piss sitting warm in a container inches away from me disturbs me. I try to relax, it's in a container, it's closed, I've written a sign on it so I don't accidentally drink the damn stuff, but still, it disturbs me. So I give up, go all the way downstairs to empty my precious cargo, effectively making the whole excercise pointless.

But there's someone in the middle floor's bathroom. Someone in there who might spot me with a carton of orange juice with "DO NOT DRINK" scrawled on it.

So I go all the way to the bottom floor, empty it at the bathroom there, and then, not wanting to risk thinking about the carton anymore, throw the piss container in the bin in the kitchen.

Never told any of my housemates.

More disgusting than that, though, is the fact that I enjoy the occasionall Call Of Duty game.

IN SINGLE PLAYER.

 

[DanielBrown]

Simular to the OP.
When I was 14-15 and smoked I used to pick up cigarett butts from the ground and smoke them. It was my source of nicotine when I couldn't find a store who would sell to me. I was pretty fucked up during that period of my life. Stole and drank alcohol many times a week, didn't go to school much, was rude to adults and just didn't give a fuck.
Wish I'd hung out with a different crowd these days, but I most probably wouldn't be who am I if I didn't... and I did have a shitload of fun.

 

[Rastien]

Are you a joker? Are you a smoker? Are you a midnight toker?

I get my lovin' on the run, if that helps?

Come on and follow me you know i only love you for your company even though i'm attracted to you physically, my computer mechanism wants you mentally

Confession:

I shat myself at work when i had really bad diaherea and had to get a friend give me a lift home as it was to far to walk without needing another shit and i opened his car window in the freezing rain. Told him i was feverish didn't want him to smell the doody and realise i shat myself.

Totally got away with it.

 

[IamQ]

This one time, I bare-butt farted on my girlfriend.

It did not end well.

Shart? We're friendly around here, you can tell us.

 

[Fappy]

This one time, I bare-butt farted on my girlfriend.

It did not end well.

Shart? We're friendly around here, you can tell us.

It was more about how she reacted. She immediately jumped away and yelled, "DID YOU JUST BARE-BUTT FART ON ME!?"

Then came the flurry of slaps and screaming! Anytime I bring it up she gives me this terrifying look.

 

[Angie7F]

I was sniffing powdered sleeping pills because I so badly wanted to get high.
Just got me sleepy.
The next morning I felt sad. lol

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Snippity snip snip

Don't feel too bad, of all my friends that smoke, I know for a fact that they've all done pretty much that.

The worst thing of that sort that I've done was New Years 2011/2012. We were walking back through Bristol because we went up Brandon Hill to watch all the fireworks at midnight, and it had been raining a lot. We bought pizza on the way back, and in my drunken clumsiness, I dropped a full half pizza in the gutter, which was, by this point, a small stream. I promptly picked it back up and proceeded to polish off the whole thing.

At least no one asked for a slice.

 

[Bertylicious]

Jeez, I think the worst thing I ever did was not wash my linnen for a year when I first lived on my own. The only reason I washed them after that was because I'd gotten hammered on whisky and pissed the bed.

It was kind of comforting though. I mean, the whole room smelled of me.

 

[Bug MuIdoon]

It was kind of comforting though. I mean, the whole room smelled of me.

Spoiler: Eau de Bertylicious

You could always bottle that fragrance and smell of you all year round.

But right now............ I'm completely addicted to JPop in the form of Vocaloids. Hutsune Miku to be specific.

I, being neither a huge fan of JPop, Anime or the Japanese teen culture, was about to type a humorous remark about how you deserve no forgiveness for this sin and how you'll be shunned for eternity.

But then I watched it..
Oh God, It's so addicting.

I hate you!

 

[Kevlar Eater]

When I was 9-10, I was plenty damn cruel. I lived in an apartment complex that had a large duck population, and I messed with them quite frequently. One day I decided to take my cruelty a step further and urinated on a mother duck who was just trying to protect her eggs.

 

[R4ptur3]

snippy snip

Pretty much this. I was at a house party and the first half I remember. It was a lot of fun. Now the second part of the night is a massive blur. All I recall is standing outside and then throwing up in a toilet. Apparently I kept pouring whole cans of beer on people's heads, which I know for a fact is true as someone recorded it followed by someone throwing a beer can at my face. Then I apparently threw up in about 3 of my friends rooms and just started talking about random stuff. Then I woke up in my house with dry sick all over the place wondering how the fuck I got back home. Not getting that wasted ever again.

 

[Total LOLige]

I too have a confession, I can't stop myself from dancing to the funky beats of the rap group Cypress Hill, Black Sunday in particular. I'm not a weed smoker(or smoker of any kind) so I feel a little weird, I also don't like rap.

 

[saintdane05]

I'm making a game, and I considered adding in Micro-transactions.

 

[Colour Scientist]

This one time, I bare-butt farted on my girlfriend.

It did not end well.

Oh my God.
I'm going to die!

 

[The Funslinger]

This one time, I bare-butt farted on my girlfriend.

It did not end well.

Hilarious.

A couple of weeks ago I was at my best friend's house, along with some other friends. We ended up drinking and playing some board games, and a couple of us decided to play a drinking game as part of the board game. Now I don't remember much about the board game we were playing (nor do I remember much at all about the night), but from what I gather I was winning, a lot, and with each win I had to take a drink. So within a 2 hour period I drank something along the lines of 17 shots (no one is really sure of the actual number since no one was counting, but from other people's recollections this number seems about right). After this I blacked out, and according to my friends started babbling gibberish for a few minutes, then vomited onto the table, then laid down on the ground and vomited again, then got up, stumbled to the couch, and passed out face down for the rest of the night.

When I woke up I was pretty embarrassed, both because some of my clothing was caked in vomit, and because I quickly came to the realization that people had had to clean up my vomit after me (most likely my best friend and his girlfriend). In order to make amends to them I bought them some "I'm sorry you had to clean my vomit" fancy apology chocolate, because that's just the kind of classy guy I am.

Anyway, after that night I made the decision that I would never drink more than 4 drinks in a single night. I immediately deviated from that decision a week later, but that's another story...

I downed 750ml of vodka, neat, in under an hour, while high.

On top of that, due to a bout of hayfever, I had taken antihistamines so I wouldn't be gross at the party. Antihistamines enhance the effects of alcohol.

They had to carry me to an ambulance. Never drink while depressed!