Kick-ass characters! Your choice.

[AvsJoe]

I'm getting fed up with all of these "which character" threads so I'll make my own... with a slight twist.

Picture this: you're walking home at night and you notice that no one is around. You are alone. Suddenly, hearing a faint but sudden noise, you turn around ...

... just in time to watch your opponent strike you. You go down, hard. Your ass kicking has begun.

My question to you is:[HEADING=2]Which video game character would you choose to kick your ass?[/HEADING]​

Rules:

1. Any video game character is selectable, from Kratos to the Kraken; from a main boss to a lowly goomba. Good guys are included.
2. You lose the fight, no matter which opponent you choose. So choose carefully. No one wants to lose to a level 2 Rattata.
3. If your opponent has a signature weapon, that's what is used against you. If it's a deadly weapon, then you are killed.
4. You are not carrying anything special to fight back with. Your best weapon is probably your car key.
5. A camera records the fight and the recording finds its way to YouTube (and probably the Escapist). Again, choose wisely.
6. Your opponent is never seen again.

I'd choose to get my ass kicked by Yoshi. I'd be alive and the news stories would be awesome!

 

[bartholen_v1legacy]

Of course BATMAN From Arkham Asylum. He'd smack me a few dozen times, throw me around, and finish me off with a somersault onto me and a punch in the crotch.

Can multiple characters be put here? My second pick would be Kratos, armed with the Barbarian Hammer from God of War 2. There'd be nothing left of me except a bloody stain on the ground.

 

[Safe in the Dark]

Metal Gear Rex...If I'm gonna get my ass kicked,might as well get it kicked hard.

 

[Anah'ya]

Sam Fisher.

The result would be something like this...

 

[AvsJoe]

Metal Gear Rex...If I'm gonna get my ass kicked,might as well get it kicked hard.

Now *that* would be fun to watch on YouTube!

 

[Tourette]

Q-Bert as at least it would be funny

 

[Crispee]

I'd like it to be Kirby, he'd swallow me and absorb my power of having a mop on top of my head.

Alternatively, I'd have Ness use PK Starstorm on me, because getting hit by a meteor is an Epic Way to die, I might choose to be shirtless during this as well.

 

[Bobic]

A goomba, just to find out what it is they do that is so damaging to mario.

 

[DSK-]

Commander Shepard - The space-based version of Chuck Norris.

 

[GrinningManiac]

Ganondorf SSBB Warlock Punch

I'd rather go out knowing that Ganondorf finally got to land that move properly

 

[rockingnic]

Samus. I would be star-struck, among MANY other things, when she's beating my ass.

 

[rekabdarb]

well if i wanted to die... Mister Berserker rage over there

Spoiler

(Sword of the Berserk:Guts' Rage before everyone starts bitching)

Or if i wanted the shit kicked outta me and still live...Lego Indiana Jones... as long as he isn't in the Kingdom of the crystal skul I MEAN THERE ARE ONLY 3 INDIANA JONES MOVIES

 

[Kajt]

I'd choose a squad of Enclave soldiers equipped with tesla armour and laser rifles. I wonder how long I'd last against that.

 

[Cheesebob]

Bayonetta.

Might aswell enjoy the arse of the person kicking my arse.

 

[tomtom94]

Kairi because it would be incredibly kinky

Dante from Devil May Cry, because if it helps him get an SS ranking then I'm prepared to give my life as it seems so fucking impossible otherwise.

 

[Lawnmooer]

As tempting as it is to be videoed being falcon punched...

I'm gonna say Grunt as it makes sense to turn around as a Krogan is charging at you...

 

[AWAR]

It will be quick and painless...

 

[Blueruler182]

Of course BATMAN From Arkham Asylum. He'd smack me a few dozen times, throw me around, and finish me off with a somersault onto me and a punch in the crotch.

Well, yeah, but Batman would also break every bone in your body, then sever your spine, and leave you a hopeless cripple the rest of your life, in so much agony you wish he would have just killed you, or leaving you swearing revenge (as all his victims do) and turning into a villain to a character that the final rule says you'll never see again. Batman's the last person I'd want to fight.

Spider-man (Long list to choose from), on the other hand, will just leave me glued to a wall for an hour, when the webs dissolve. I'd have to choose him. Also, I'd get a laugh. So long as he doesn't have the symbiote, I would not fuck with him then.

I'd choose to get my ass kicked by Yoshi. I'd be alive and the news stories would be awesome!

Then there's the same problem with fighting any cartoon character in reality. What they do to other cartoon characters is probably more fatal to humans. Yoshi would eat you and then shit out an egg. Though it would make an awesome news report.

 

['The Eel']

Reimu Hakurei from the Touhou series, due to the guaranteed non-lethal nature of the beating and because the fight would end in a pleasant tea party and friendship

Never seen again? Aw...

Still probably Reimu.