<url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.847543-lacktheknack-Assassinates-Terrible-Songs-Episode-3-Blood-on-the-Dance-Floor-GG-Allin-brokeNCYDE>Episode 3.
HI GUYS.
"LACKTHEKNACK WHY HAVE YOU ABANDONED US AND HOW DARE YOU SHOW YOUR FACE AGAIN"
The Juggalo episode isn't gonna happen, guys. I can't do it. I just can't.
So... Let's continue half a year later as if nothing happened.
Watagatapitusberry by Pitbull feat. Lil Jon, Sensato, Black Point and El Cata as suggested by my last echoes of sanity
I
I don't
I can't
<youtube=xzSeSe8XB0s>
I can't even
This is a real song. It exists. And it is performed by a Top 40 mainstay. The only adequate explanation is that God is real, and He has a strange, straaaaaaange sense of humour.
This is a song that was intended entirely for Pitbull, the least likable Cuban in the world, to screw around with his friends. The beat is unremarkable, and if you have poor bass, has pretty much no value whatsoever. But this song is not about the backbeat. The flow is technically... uh, there, and isn't the worst thing I've heard, but it's very unremarkable. But this song is not about the vocal technique.
No. This song is about roaring hilarious Spanish and slang in your face. Featuring Lil Jon. Because of course it is.
I'm not even going to address the lyrics. I don't have anything to say about Pitbull's physically impossible fivesomes, the gratuitous Spanish and accents, or or the multiple descents into lyrical madness the singers go through. There's really nothing to say about the lyrics beyond "Watagatapitusberry" actually means "hits a woman for her vagina". Pitbull: The classiest man on radio.
So we're left with five massive dolts mumbling in Spanish about how they don't understand a piece of ludicrous slang. That's the whole song. I guess I could comment on the vocal variation used throughout, which is mostly rap styles I don't like (Pitbull's insufferable smooth-dude, El Cata's mutter of doom, Black Point's runaway trainwreck verse) and inexplicable squawking in the chorus.
So I'm left with the video, which couldn't be less substantive if it actively tried! It's literally the five aforementioned dolts and a bunch of extras in suits (or plaid, because why on earth not?) ogling a bunch of ladies in random outfits while also acting like five-year-olds play-wrestling. You know... that soul-crushing same-old-same-old that plagues hip-hop nowadays with an unfunny Three Five Stooges skit attached.
Augh... LIL JON, SAVE THIS SONG.
And like a choir of angels all roaring one note over and over, Lil Jon comes in and Lil Jon's the joint up. I've said before that random screams do not improve songs... Lil Jon is the exception. Unlike the other four dolts who are mostly concerned with posing and screwing around with each other, Lil Jon is a dolt of much higher calibre. Of COURSE it's Lil Jon who pops out the dictionary and starts thumbing through it on a background of question marks. Of COURSE it's Lil Jon who stares at the blackboard and starts roaring like a bear. Of COURSE it's Lil Jon who tackles one of the poor models because screw subtlety.
And, of course, of COURSE it's Lil Jon who's entire musical contribution is roaring "WHAAAT?" and "QUE?" at the top of his poor abused voice.
It kind of feels that the others were trying to emulate Lil Jon in the video, but, well... it doesn't sell. Certainly not to me, anyways.
God bless you, Lil Jon. Now, make less of this and make more "Turn Down For What", please.
By the way... you can't blame Pitbull entirely for this baffling monstrosity. It's a cover.
<spoiler=Bonus Content>The wretched original, complete with "Oh My Berry".
<youtube=cvhDlzAuUrY>
Shisha by Money Boy as suggested by Youtube (I blame Google)
Ah, Money Boy. We meet again.
So, while I was... unenthused... about the <link=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.846625-lacktheknack-Assassinates-Terrible-Songs-Episode-2-T-Baby-Money-Boy-Design-the-Skyline-MHG>last effort of his I looked at, this was released only a couple months ago. Maybe he's matured as an artist and can actually lay down some style when he raps. Maybe he's pulled a Drake and has a surprisingly pleasant tenor to offset his... lackluster... rapping.
And maybe I'm actually the Queen of England.
But hey... Let's watch it and let him surprise us. I'd love to be crowned royalty.
<youtube=H0cndinHt8A>
What? What? What did I just witness?
I was expecting many things when I opened this sucker of a video, but not a single one of those things was desperate. What on earth is going on here?
Well... Money Boy apparently listened to a Kanye West autotuned album and decided that's what he wanted to do. The problem is, Kanye knows how to use autotune almost as well as T-Pain does. Money Boy, however, does not.
I've listened to this about ten times now, and I'm still at a loss for how to adequately describe the sounds that burst from Money Boy's smoke-filled vocal chords. He sounds like he's permanently on the edge of crying while high. On the other hand, he sounds like he ate an oboe (aka. The Adam Levine Tone) and then tried to temper it by swallowing a kazoo and then autotuned it as hard as he could to remove the buzz. But I could also say he sounds like a man who cannot sing being forced to sing a simple soprano part of a stoner choir ballad.
I don't understand my life anymore.
The backtrack is actually OK at the beginning, until it gets eaten my an overmodulated up-down scale. The lyrics are unremarkable in every way, except that he continues to slip in and out of German and English as the mood strikes him. He can't even get the chorus right, at one point switching to English for one line despite the rest of the chorus repetitions being in German. Also, he says "Movie star Clark Gable" at one point, because Money Boy is nothing if not timely and a rhyme master.
So... it's a song about NEEDING a hookah. Like, now. And he will cry if you don't give it to him (I assume, based off of his vocal quality). There's also the expected Versace references and homeboys callouts, but they're unimportant to the point of baffling hilarity. I'm not here for the lifestyle boasting, I'm here to listen to the most desperate man in the world squeal for a hookah. For two minutes straight.
...still a better song than Down 2 Clown by Murda Hatchet Girlz.
<spoiler=Bonus Content>Money Boy freestyling on a toilet.
<youtube=z915luyLUsc>
Ding Dong Song by Günther & The Sunshine Girls as suggested by [REDACTED]
<quote=The Official Günther Website>At a special point of his life he clearly saw his future mission, to change the attitude of the world to do something better, through his four commandments: Champagne, Love, Sex and Respect, Günther wanted to change how the world looks at Sexual Ways of thinking & Sexual Philosophy, so he started a new trend to Sexualize the world even more. In essence, a "Günther trend."
why do i do this to myself
<youtube=z13qnzUQwuI>
My prudishness is pretty common knowledge at this point, so let's ignore that part of it (BUT SERIOUSLY, GUYS-).
This song is a bit more competent than I'd like to give it credit for. The backing synths, while unimaginative and very, very Euro, is competent. The Sunshine Girls know what they're doing.
Günther, however... You can't mix that voice into a song of this type and expect to be taken seriously. By me, anyways.
Seriously. It's like someone's making a parody of Barry White sensibilities, but this isn't a parody. This is 100% serious. Günther thinks he's hot stuff, and thinks that I'm going to be aroused by his vocal quality alone but have you seen the guy? The voice doesn't match him at all and it's weird. I've seen the "uber-deep voice on a small thin guy" schtick before and seen it work, but it's just strange and creepy here.
And then the lyrics... oh the lyrics. You know you're in for a ride when the opening lines are "Ohhhhh you touch my tralala / mmmm, my ding ding dong". Overlayed on the video over Günther's scrawny ass and chicks making out.
Because Champagne, Love, Sex and Respect, amirite?
Then we have this gem of a verse:
Deep in the night I'm looking for some fun
Deep in the night I'm looking for some love
Deep in the night I'm looking for some fun
Deep in the night I'm looking for some
Anyone care to finish the rhyme? I've been racking my brain, but I can't do it. It's an effect also seen in Britney Spears' "3", where an obvious censor cut is placed where there's no obvious profanity, which just baffles and bothers. In "3", it made it sound like Britney Spears was declaring the universal adoration of mathematics ("Everybody loves counting 1, 2, 3!"), but here, it just sounds like Günther forgot to finish his line.
Then the Sunshine Girls pop in and change the key. Normally, I'm all for changing the keys, but doing that at semi-random intervals really can break a dance song. Which, ostensibly, this is.
The song's a bit of a bore, really, which is probably the worst I can say about it. It's not as interesting as it obviously wants to be, it doesn't make me want to dance, and the main draw (Günther's sexay voice) is a drawback, not a plus. And it somehow manages to say "MAH DING DING DONG" a couple dozen times without ever cracking a smile.
And if you won't smile while talking about your ding ding dong, we cannot be friends.
On a final note, you can't end your video with women uncorking explosive champaigne between your legs and then say "To Be Continued". What is there to continue? The cleaning up?
...
...ew... ewwwww.
<spoiler=Bonus Content>He released this one less than a year ago.
Warning: NSFL
<youtube=hcKPAGoDz8A>
Because nothing says "Champagne, Love, Sex, Respect" like the declaration "I'm Not Justin Bieber, *****", right?
Satellite Sky by who-the-heck-knows as suggested by [REDACTED]
<youtube=pg_NtOFMwEY>
I THINK ? I'M IN LOVE WITH HERRRRAIUFWEA!
HI GUYS.
"LACKTHEKNACK WHY HAVE YOU ABANDONED US AND HOW DARE YOU SHOW YOUR FACE AGAIN"
The Juggalo episode isn't gonna happen, guys. I can't do it. I just can't.
So... Let's continue half a year later as if nothing happened.
Watagatapitusberry by Pitbull feat. Lil Jon, Sensato, Black Point and El Cata as suggested by my last echoes of sanity
I
I don't
I can't
<youtube=xzSeSe8XB0s>
I can't even
This is a real song. It exists. And it is performed by a Top 40 mainstay. The only adequate explanation is that God is real, and He has a strange, straaaaaaange sense of humour.
This is a song that was intended entirely for Pitbull, the least likable Cuban in the world, to screw around with his friends. The beat is unremarkable, and if you have poor bass, has pretty much no value whatsoever. But this song is not about the backbeat. The flow is technically... uh, there, and isn't the worst thing I've heard, but it's very unremarkable. But this song is not about the vocal technique.
No. This song is about roaring hilarious Spanish and slang in your face. Featuring Lil Jon. Because of course it is.
I'm not even going to address the lyrics. I don't have anything to say about Pitbull's physically impossible fivesomes, the gratuitous Spanish and accents, or or the multiple descents into lyrical madness the singers go through. There's really nothing to say about the lyrics beyond "Watagatapitusberry" actually means "hits a woman for her vagina". Pitbull: The classiest man on radio.
So we're left with five massive dolts mumbling in Spanish about how they don't understand a piece of ludicrous slang. That's the whole song. I guess I could comment on the vocal variation used throughout, which is mostly rap styles I don't like (Pitbull's insufferable smooth-dude, El Cata's mutter of doom, Black Point's runaway trainwreck verse) and inexplicable squawking in the chorus.
So I'm left with the video, which couldn't be less substantive if it actively tried! It's literally the five aforementioned dolts and a bunch of extras in suits (or plaid, because why on earth not?) ogling a bunch of ladies in random outfits while also acting like five-year-olds play-wrestling. You know... that soul-crushing same-old-same-old that plagues hip-hop nowadays with an unfunny Three Five Stooges skit attached.
Augh... LIL JON, SAVE THIS SONG.
And like a choir of angels all roaring one note over and over, Lil Jon comes in and Lil Jon's the joint up. I've said before that random screams do not improve songs... Lil Jon is the exception. Unlike the other four dolts who are mostly concerned with posing and screwing around with each other, Lil Jon is a dolt of much higher calibre. Of COURSE it's Lil Jon who pops out the dictionary and starts thumbing through it on a background of question marks. Of COURSE it's Lil Jon who stares at the blackboard and starts roaring like a bear. Of COURSE it's Lil Jon who tackles one of the poor models because screw subtlety.
And, of course, of COURSE it's Lil Jon who's entire musical contribution is roaring "WHAAAT?" and "QUE?" at the top of his poor abused voice.
It kind of feels that the others were trying to emulate Lil Jon in the video, but, well... it doesn't sell. Certainly not to me, anyways.
God bless you, Lil Jon. Now, make less of this and make more "Turn Down For What", please.
By the way... you can't blame Pitbull entirely for this baffling monstrosity. It's a cover.
<spoiler=Bonus Content>The wretched original, complete with "Oh My Berry".
<youtube=cvhDlzAuUrY>
Shisha by Money Boy as suggested by Youtube (I blame Google)
Ah, Money Boy. We meet again.
So, while I was... unenthused... about the <link=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.846625-lacktheknack-Assassinates-Terrible-Songs-Episode-2-T-Baby-Money-Boy-Design-the-Skyline-MHG>last effort of his I looked at, this was released only a couple months ago. Maybe he's matured as an artist and can actually lay down some style when he raps. Maybe he's pulled a Drake and has a surprisingly pleasant tenor to offset his... lackluster... rapping.
And maybe I'm actually the Queen of England.
But hey... Let's watch it and let him surprise us. I'd love to be crowned royalty.
<youtube=H0cndinHt8A>
What? What? What did I just witness?
I was expecting many things when I opened this sucker of a video, but not a single one of those things was desperate. What on earth is going on here?
Well... Money Boy apparently listened to a Kanye West autotuned album and decided that's what he wanted to do. The problem is, Kanye knows how to use autotune almost as well as T-Pain does. Money Boy, however, does not.
I've listened to this about ten times now, and I'm still at a loss for how to adequately describe the sounds that burst from Money Boy's smoke-filled vocal chords. He sounds like he's permanently on the edge of crying while high. On the other hand, he sounds like he ate an oboe (aka. The Adam Levine Tone) and then tried to temper it by swallowing a kazoo and then autotuned it as hard as he could to remove the buzz. But I could also say he sounds like a man who cannot sing being forced to sing a simple soprano part of a stoner choir ballad.
I don't understand my life anymore.
The backtrack is actually OK at the beginning, until it gets eaten my an overmodulated up-down scale. The lyrics are unremarkable in every way, except that he continues to slip in and out of German and English as the mood strikes him. He can't even get the chorus right, at one point switching to English for one line despite the rest of the chorus repetitions being in German. Also, he says "Movie star Clark Gable" at one point, because Money Boy is nothing if not timely and a rhyme master.
So... it's a song about NEEDING a hookah. Like, now. And he will cry if you don't give it to him (I assume, based off of his vocal quality). There's also the expected Versace references and homeboys callouts, but they're unimportant to the point of baffling hilarity. I'm not here for the lifestyle boasting, I'm here to listen to the most desperate man in the world squeal for a hookah. For two minutes straight.
...still a better song than Down 2 Clown by Murda Hatchet Girlz.
<spoiler=Bonus Content>Money Boy freestyling on a toilet.
<youtube=z915luyLUsc>
Ding Dong Song by Günther & The Sunshine Girls as suggested by [REDACTED]
<quote=The Official Günther Website>At a special point of his life he clearly saw his future mission, to change the attitude of the world to do something better, through his four commandments: Champagne, Love, Sex and Respect, Günther wanted to change how the world looks at Sexual Ways of thinking & Sexual Philosophy, so he started a new trend to Sexualize the world even more. In essence, a "Günther trend."
why do i do this to myself
<youtube=z13qnzUQwuI>
My prudishness is pretty common knowledge at this point, so let's ignore that part of it (BUT SERIOUSLY, GUYS-).
This song is a bit more competent than I'd like to give it credit for. The backing synths, while unimaginative and very, very Euro, is competent. The Sunshine Girls know what they're doing.
Günther, however... You can't mix that voice into a song of this type and expect to be taken seriously. By me, anyways.
Seriously. It's like someone's making a parody of Barry White sensibilities, but this isn't a parody. This is 100% serious. Günther thinks he's hot stuff, and thinks that I'm going to be aroused by his vocal quality alone but have you seen the guy? The voice doesn't match him at all and it's weird. I've seen the "uber-deep voice on a small thin guy" schtick before and seen it work, but it's just strange and creepy here.
And then the lyrics... oh the lyrics. You know you're in for a ride when the opening lines are "Ohhhhh you touch my tralala / mmmm, my ding ding dong". Overlayed on the video over Günther's scrawny ass and chicks making out.
Because Champagne, Love, Sex and Respect, amirite?
Then we have this gem of a verse:
Deep in the night I'm looking for some fun
Deep in the night I'm looking for some love
Deep in the night I'm looking for some fun
Deep in the night I'm looking for some
Anyone care to finish the rhyme? I've been racking my brain, but I can't do it. It's an effect also seen in Britney Spears' "3", where an obvious censor cut is placed where there's no obvious profanity, which just baffles and bothers. In "3", it made it sound like Britney Spears was declaring the universal adoration of mathematics ("Everybody loves counting 1, 2, 3!"), but here, it just sounds like Günther forgot to finish his line.
Then the Sunshine Girls pop in and change the key. Normally, I'm all for changing the keys, but doing that at semi-random intervals really can break a dance song. Which, ostensibly, this is.
The song's a bit of a bore, really, which is probably the worst I can say about it. It's not as interesting as it obviously wants to be, it doesn't make me want to dance, and the main draw (Günther's sexay voice) is a drawback, not a plus. And it somehow manages to say "MAH DING DING DONG" a couple dozen times without ever cracking a smile.
And if you won't smile while talking about your ding ding dong, we cannot be friends.
On a final note, you can't end your video with women uncorking explosive champaigne between your legs and then say "To Be Continued". What is there to continue? The cleaning up?
...
...ew... ewwwww.
<spoiler=Bonus Content>He released this one less than a year ago.
Warning: NSFL
<youtube=hcKPAGoDz8A>
Because nothing says "Champagne, Love, Sex, Respect" like the declaration "I'm Not Justin Bieber, *****", right?
Satellite Sky by who-the-heck-knows as suggested by [REDACTED]
<youtube=pg_NtOFMwEY>
I THINK ? I'M IN LOVE WITH HERRRRAIUFWEA!
![[REDACTED]](https://eg-forums-escapist-data.nyc3.digitaloceanspaces.com/data/avatars/l/129/129871.jpg?1621054700){kind=avatar}