Ladies needing space.

[Johnnyallstar]

Ladies, I need your help.

I have known a little lady friend of mine for about 5 years now. For most of that time, we had been talking almost non stop. We'd laugh, I'd sing to her, she tried once or twice, I'll admit that's one of the few things not perfect about her, but that's okay.

A few weeks ago, she told me she needed some space, and we have almost not spoken since. Now, we had a few disagreements on what I thought were entirely small issues over the years, but nothing earth shattering like child sacrifice or open relationships, and nothing even recent. I don't want to lose her, because she is nearly everything I've ever wanted in a woman, but I feel helpless.

The question I pose to you lady escapists is: what exactly does a lady mean when she says "I just need some space." If you ladies have used this ambiguous phrase, I'd appreciate some insight.

Is that a complete breakup? Could she still want the relationship, just her being afraid of commitment? Does she wish I would fall off the edge of a cliff?

 

[LetalisK]

"I need some space" can mean a few different things. Most of the time, it just means she's done and is trying to find a way to not break your heart. However, if you've been trying to push her deeper into commitment, it could just mean you need to back off and things aren't quite torpedoed yet and can come back(I put this as kinda unlikely, personally). Worst case scenario is the relationship is over and she's just keeping you tethered to her in case she can't find someone else.

No, I'm not a woman, but I am in touch with my feminine side. Despite the restraining order.

 

[CountChocula99]

"I need space" usually means "I want to date someone else"

My frank advice would be to consider the relationship completely over and move on.

 

[Terminal Blue]

I seem to be using the 'I need space' thing with my boyfriend all the time. Sometimes it literally does mean what it says on the tin 'I have other things to focus on and I will focus on you when I have the time'.

However, given the context and how long it's been going on, I would imagine that she is having doubts about the relationship somewhere, or possibly that she's finding you a bit full on. She almost certainly doesn't wish you would fall off a cliff though, or she wouldn't be trying to spare you feelings in any way.

Following Aylaine, I would also advice giving her more time. Consider this an opportunity to develop some independence and to become comfortable with yourself. If you've had a very long term relationship and you've been very 'full on' during that time, it may well be that she's just starting to find it exhausting.

Generally, by 5 years, a lot of the immediate 'romance' has gone out of a relationship. What holds it together is basically a firm friendship. If you can show her that you're comfortable with moving to a more relaxed relationship pattern, it might well make her more likely to stay with you. Noone can keep up the 'seeing each other every day and talking on the phone for 3 hours a night' level forever, eventually you just get a bit sick of each other and want a more varied experience in your everyday life. It doesn't mean you don't still love someone intensely and dearly, it's just not the all consuming everyday thing it is when you first meet someone.

Eventually, you'll probably feel the same. Maybe not right now, or even in a year, but ultimately noone sustains that initial passion forever. That's why it's important to ensure you don't throw your friends and other passions away for a relationship, because eventually you'll want to go back to them.