Least scary horror movies

[Dangit2019]

The topic is just what it sounds like: what is the least scariest horror movie you have ever seen and why? But let's try to stay out of the ridiculously bad (for example Troll 2, Birdemic) and focus more on large-ish movies that had absolutely no effect on you and made you stare at your watch.

Spoiler: Here's mine

A remake of a slasher series that wasn't really revolutionary when it came out, Prom Night (2008) is one of the poorest efforts to make a horror movie I have ever seen. Why?

1. It's completely goreless with all killings going offscreen Alien vs. Predator style (ooOOoo use your imagination ooOOoo).

2. The killer looks like your average Joe, which COULD be scary in the "he could be anyone" way, but he just comes off as completely non-threatening.

3. The film doesn't even have jump scares. Seriously, there is absolutely no sense of tension or surprise. Every time he kills someone, he spends 6 minutes fighting them, the camera zoomed in on his face to make sure he REALLY doesn't look scary at all, and then it cuts to another scream-and-wide-shot cop-out killing from #1.

Overall, it's what would happen if a timid 60-year-old man made a movie based on what he considered scary in his day rather than any attempt at actual horror.

 

[DoPo]

Jason X - it's a great sci-fi dark-ish comedy. As for actual horror...not so much. Basically, Jason Voorhees (yeah, him. the X in the title is the Roman 10) is found frozen far into the future (no execution method worked) by a group of youngsters with a spaceship. So they take him on board and surprise surprise, he lives and goes on a killing spree. Or something. Has more comedy potential than some designated comedy films. And at some point, he is shot really bad, with flesh and body torn away by bullets. He falls back and lands on one of the medical tables and nanomachines automatically start "healing" him (yeah, they have nanorobots who reconstruct organic tissue or something) but they run run out of organic material, so they switch over to metal. Jason gets a new metallic skin on about a third of his body because of that.

 

[Eddy-16]

The Pact, for me it failed as both horror and a movie failed to be scary, entertaining, interesting and the plot twist(s) where just retarded.

 

[Lugbzurg]

I once saw something where a vote was taken for the best horror film of all time. What was #1? Psycho. What? I'm sorry, WHAT!? How the heck does Psycho qualify for horror!? I've seen that film. It's pretty good, yes. But when I watched it, it didn't even register to me that it was even trying to be a horror film! It's a lot of things! But "horror"? Not in the slightest.

 

[razor343]

Paranormal Activity 2...that film was HILARIOUS. Except for the dog. I felt sorry for the dog.

 

[Lazy]

The Cave. Pretty boring throughout, though notable in that the black supporting character actually survives for once.

 

[xplosive59]

Both The Human Centipede 2 and a Serbian Film were so over the top in how extreme they were that they seemed to be satire of modern horror films (and yeah I know A Serbian Film is supposed to be a satire of the Serbian government, but it fails at that), bad ones. It legitimately became hilarious watching the films instead of cringing at the horror.

 

[Odinsson]

See, this one's tricky because you need to differentiate between horror-comedies that are intentionally goofy, and films that are genuinely trying to be scary and fail spectacularly.

The Paranormal Activity films come to mind for me. The only reason I watch them these days is to burst out laughing at other people's reactions.

In terms of just fucking terrible, there was a film I saw a while back that had some Native American shaman bringing dinosaur skeletons to life. It had terrible CGI and awful acting, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was called.

 

[Sassafrass]

One Eyed Monster. It features Ron Jeremy's penis going on a killing rampage on some porn stars stuck in the mountains.

(Btw, i'm not making this up, this is a real movie)

I'm not sure the Wiki page for this film actually does it justice. This sounds be horrible and amazing at the same time.

As for my reply, I can't say. Mainly because I'm a pretty big wuss when it comes to horror films. :/

 

[Furbyz]

Pinata: Survival Island, Demon Island, whatever you want to call it. I'm not sure how serious it really was supposed to be, but there wasn't anything that seemed like it was supposed to actually be played for laughs intentionally. That didn't stop it from being completely hilarious though.

Really, it wasn't that bad. Much better than I expected going in. But then I find out the main character is Nicolas Brendan and everything he says suddenly takes a turn for the funny because he's in a wacky horror movie. Poor demon magnet Xander.

 

[Semudara]

The Ring.

Oh, it had some really good concepts and a decent plot, but it just wasn't genuinely scary at all. And the ending was basically just a cop-out. After hearing all the fuss about it, you can imagine my disappointment at just how thoroughly mediocre it was, and I don't even usually watch horror movies... because I'm easily frightened! XD

 

[Kenbo Slice]

I didn't find the the first Scream scary at all.

Fun fact: Scream was intended to be more comedy than horror. It's a satire of horror movies.

OT: Paranormal Activity. When the first one came out, everyone was talking about how scary it was. I went and saw it. It was shit. Just straight up shit.

 

[Bobic]

Dead Silence: While it may have been scary to some (ventriloquist dolls are inherently creepy, uncanny valley and so on), it mainly just bored me with the occasional laugh (with painfully obvious jump scares). But then the ending happens, and my god, did me and my friends burst out laughing.

Now I suggest you watch this with friends for a giggle, but if you just want to know the twist, click below.

Spoiler

So, the hero has a father or some fatherly old guy in a wheelchair that he consults a few times in the film. At the end, MR Protagonist goes back to his father (or whoever) and finds him in his chair not moving. He goes up to the man and tries to wake him, causing him to fall forward. It turns out that he is in fact hollow, and was being operated by his sister (or whoever she was, it's been a while) like a ventriloquist doll. Fucking hilarious.

I didn't find the the first Scream scary at all.

Fun fact: Scream was intended to be more comedy than horror. It's a satire of horror movies.

Made all the more hilarious when Scary Movie came out. A spoof of a parody of a horror. Brilliant.

 

[William Dickbringer]

Paranormal Activity 2...that film was HILARIOUS. Except for the dog. I felt sorry for the dog.

thee third one for me

Spoiler

ganny satanist was what jumped the shark it wasn't a good twist it was just stupid

 

[IrenIvy]

I'm not entirely sure if it was supposed to be a horror or a thriller but I can't be scared of "The Wicker Man" remake at all
Also really old "Hack-O-Lantern". This review [http://www.goodbadflicks.com/?p=151] pretty much sums it

 

[Klumpfot]

There's no shortage of horror movies devoid of horror. I'd say that their opposites are downright rare. But for me, the least scary horror movie I've seen (that's not a B movie or something to that effect) is 'Boogeyman'. Guess what it's about, and then guess why it isn't scary!

 

[[Kira Must Die]]

There were a few, but I can't remember.

But I did find Human Centipede hilarious.