Let's...get...Lovecraftian!

[mcpop9]

im in a world exactly like ours but everyone is justin beiber (they reproduce but splitting) and they've been searching for centuries for someone else to sing to and now im in a humvee running over hoards of them like zombies. i later run into one other poor soul who has the same fate. luckily she is a woman and we found a tank. so we are currently in a tank im driving and she is the gunner and going off to NYC to live and survive.

(i think i got the point right?

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Alright, I'm not sure everyone here knows the Lovecraft Mythos or at what depth, so I'll explain this first. The Dimensional Shambler is a ghoulish creature that can flit in from other dimensions and out again without effort. They are strong and generally vicious, known for abducting victims from a place and taking them...god knows where.

The Scenario!

A Dimensional Shambler has grabbed you and pulled you through to another dimension. WHERE ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU DO?

Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SP-33XI4frs

What I do: Cry.

 

[Paksenarrion]

OMG!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-...is that cake?

 

[SilkySkyKitten]

A Dimensional Shambler has grabbed you and pulled you through to another dimension. WHERE ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU DO?

A Dimensional Shambler, you say?

Looks like it's time to break out the Lightning Gun, jump through the slipgate, and kill the Shub-Niggurath.

 

[Blindswordmaster]

After killing the Dimensional Scrambler with my belt, it's a really good belt, I replace my pants and survey my surroundings. I'm in a small white hallway, doors extend infinitely on either side. I try one: it's just a man eating a cupcake. I open another one: it's a pornographic star wars parody. The next one is a snow covered battle field. There are Russians riding bears and shooting space Nazis with machine guns. The next contains Batman fighting aliens. I seem to be in some dimensional nexus. I return to the star wars porno. A smiling red chick walks up to me and takes off her bikini. Alright.

 

[FalloutJack]

I immediately turn my playing piece on it's side and cannot move until my next turn, whereupon I'll probably be driven mad, devoured or both.

What...? I got into Arkham Horror recently!

Maybe this is a bad time to mention that you're playing the Azathoth scenario.

(Totally savvy here too!)

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

I immediately turn my playing piece on it's side and cannot move until my next turn, whereupon I'll probably be driven mad, devoured or both.

What...? I got into Arkham Horror recently!

Maybe this is a bad time to mention that you're playing the Azathoth scenario.

(Totally savvy here too!)

I've always found the Azathoth scenario the easiest personally.

(Totally savvy here too!)

 

[FalloutJack]

I immediately turn my playing piece on it's side and cannot move until my next turn, whereupon I'll probably be driven mad, devoured or both.

What...? I got into Arkham Horror recently!

Maybe this is a bad time to mention that you're playing the Azathoth scenario.

(Totally savvy here too!)

I've always found the Azathoth scenario the easiest personally.

(Totally savvy here too!)

Yes and no. I'll admit I've actually beaten that one, but it can get out of control quickly. And then, if he's summoned, you automatically lose without even a fight because he's mindless and omnipotent and pissed.

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

I immediately turn my playing piece on it's side and cannot move until my next turn, whereupon I'll probably be driven mad, devoured or both.

What...? I got into Arkham Horror recently!

Maybe this is a bad time to mention that you're playing the Azathoth scenario.

(Totally savvy here too!)

I've always found the Azathoth scenario the easiest personally.

(Totally savvy here too!)

Yes and no. I'll admit I've actually beaten that one, but it can get out of control quickly. And then, if he's summoned, you automatically lose without even a fight because he's mindless and omnipotent and pissed.

Sure, but with the length of his health track you'd have to be playing damn badly to not elder sign every gate that comes up.

 

[AngelSword]

Alderbaran? No. R'lyeh? No. The Far Realm? Not even close.

I'm in a reality similar to our own, but I constantly feel out of place, because in this reality, I should be standing 2 feet to the left.

 

[FalloutJack]

I immediately turn my playing piece on it's side and cannot move until my next turn, whereupon I'll probably be driven mad, devoured or both.

What...? I got into Arkham Horror recently!

Maybe this is a bad time to mention that you're playing the Azathoth scenario.

(Totally savvy here too!)

I've always found the Azathoth scenario the easiest personally.

(Totally savvy here too!)

Yes and no. I'll admit I've actually beaten that one, but it can get out of control quickly. And then, if he's summoned, you automatically lose without even a fight because he's mindless and omnipotent and pissed.

Sure, but with the length of his health track you'd have to be playing damn badly to not elder sign every gate that comes up.

Oh, we work hard on that when we play. Even still, the portal overflows and the moving terror tracks add up.

 

[Flamezdudes]

I hate Lovecraft. He was a racist prick, ontop of a horrible writer.

OT:I am in a world full of cookies and it is wonderful. I will now proceed to eat zed cookies until I 'esplode

Well, that was the time that he grew up in.

And he's a brilliant writer.

 

[Quaxar]

Well, first roll 0/1D10 Sanity for seeing him.

Oh no... Kadath. Fuck.
Help? Somebody?

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

I immediately turn my playing piece on it's side and cannot move until my next turn, whereupon I'll probably be driven mad, devoured or both.

What...? I got into Arkham Horror recently!

Maybe this is a bad time to mention that you're playing the Azathoth scenario.

(Totally savvy here too!)

I've always found the Azathoth scenario the easiest personally.

(Totally savvy here too!)

Yes and no. I'll admit I've actually beaten that one, but it can get out of control quickly. And then, if he's summoned, you automatically lose without even a fight because he's mindless and omnipotent and pissed.

Sure, but with the length of his health track you'd have to be playing damn badly to not elder sign every gate that comes up.

Oh, we work hard on that when we play. Even still, the portal overflows and the moving terror tracks add up.

Ah, you just need a particular strategy, we've found that if one of the first things we all try to do is get a retainer, getting Elder Signs from there is easy and we don't bother wasting our time on clues.

Also, if you're fighting anyone other than Azathoth, try and get Charlie Kane the politician to get the ally which allows him to discard the ally to cancel the god's attack. This in conjunction with Charlie's ability to retrieve any ally from the discard pile at any time means you can't actually be hit by a god. Then if you manage to wake him up early with the music sheets you only have to fight him for a round or two.

 

[Realitycrash]

I'm in my own private hell, with it's own cheery, happy-go-lucky themesong (Imagine something Starbucks would play on TV-commercials, a band that have never been successful and are forced to downgrade themselves to something they clearly don't want to do, and thus sound rather insincere when trying to be enthusiastic and witty), populated by everyone from Jersey Shore and Big Brother, 4-Chan and every single retard that ever tried to make a Jackass ripoff on Youtube.
It's a small room, about the size of a classroom, it's warm, sticky, and the sallad-buffé has pineapple in it.

 

[Chamale]

la mayyitan ma qadirun yatabaqa sarmadi
fa itha yaji ash-shuthath al-mautu qad yantahi.

W̞̮͓Ḛ̜͓̹̻͂ͪ ͍̠̺͕̼ͣḀ͙̻̿ͪ̇̿ͩ̓̕R̴̥̠͕̦̥̣ͤͯ͂ͥͦ̈́̎Ḛ̐̽ͧ̌̍̒ͅ ̝̿ͭͭ̋͢I̖̻̦̝̊̿̇̃ͬ͐͌͝Ǹ͉͑̾ ͙̠̱̲̤̔ͯ̈ͅͅAͣ̄͗ ̲̠͝L̲̩͈͇ͤ̋̄Ŏ̮͍͙̲̄̀V̨̻͈ͨͧ̎̔È̸͎̼̋ͦCͭͨ͂͗͑̂͏̪̩̺̣Ŗ̦̰̟̙̭A̰͒͢Fͣͫ̾T̥Í̪͔͍̭̜̼A̶̬̘͙͗́̔N̜̻̲̹̥̼̜̋̓̃̊ͬ̌ͨ ͔̟̗̫ͯ͗̓̆̍N̘̼̦̝̉̒ͪ͌ͪ̓I̞̼͋̇̂͝ͅG̶͕̖̖̃̓ͣ̏̉̒H̾ͥ̅͑ͤ͒̊T̷̽M̖̺͔̭͕ͫA̵̠͖̠̩R̨̤͔͚̬̦̗͎͛̋̒ͣ͋̓ͨĘ̖̣ͣ̋̃ ̨̻̗͎F̬͈͍̱ͪ̀ͪ̌R̴̤̥̘͊ͩ̌ͮ̌ͭÔ̶̘̮̜̆̈́Mͧ̾̅̆͒͛͏̣̯̩̲̮ ̧ͮ͑W͑͂͠Hͭ͆͒͑̀ͯͥ͢Ī̱̝͚̖̣̔͂͟ͅC̨̥̟̝̮̱͖H͗̿ͤͬͩ͊̀ ̹͂̊Tͧ͛Ȟ̜͎̜̺ͭ̓E̸̓̆̎̇͆̓̚R̢ͨ́̇̓̉E͉͉͕ ̻̥̤͎̪̮ͫ͂̓̉̍̅̚͡Î̡̦̫̜͎̾̋ͩS̎ͨͯͥ ͇̣͈̥͈ͫ̒͢N͎͇͎̩̠̞̽ͪ̾ͭ͋͡ͅO̗̭ͨ̀ͬ͢ ͉̗͔̹E̳̭͓̮͢S͍͎̹̩̏̐̔̽̃̏̏C͙̥̾̍͛̓̅A̡̯̫̜̱̻ͤ̊ͩ͐P̛͙͔̙̖̔ͦͅẸ̦͔̱̞̆ͫ̊͒ͤͬ.̈́͑̾͂ͪ̇ ̥͎͗ ̄̍͆̂͠T͢H͉͈̣͛ͭͯ͒̽ͫ̀̕Ẻ̡͉͔̗̼͉̲̯̑ ̧̗̳̑͋ͤ̓ͭ̂͂H͖̯̳̙͔̭O̔ͬͥ̄̊̐̓Ṛ̨̙̰̞̺̘̲͒͊̆̌̈́̏͌Ŗ̘̩̔̂O̩̘͇͕̭͓̪̾̊ͬ͢Ȑ̜ͅS͕͇ͣͣͥ̾͘ ̼̻͎͓́ͮ̋ͥͮͨA͕̰̰̠͎̰ͤ́R̶͉̈́̇̂̆͊E̯̭̱̺͑ͪ͂̀ ̱̬̻͕͎̘̓̈́ͭ͌ͨ̉̎͘U̱̳̇ͮP̨̰̍ͯ̍̋̇ͨ̈́O̞̪̝̣̙̾̌ͬ̑ͅN̷̬̔́ͪ̈͆̌ ̲̌̈͂̃U̷̬̰͉̥͐͗ͧS̤̩͚͙̝͔̃.̮̩̠͔͙͉̘̇̂ͧ̀͐́ ̢͖̗͚̹̗͉̭͛̽ ̹̪̿͌̉͑̐̒̓Ó̯̲̲̹̟͇̝̾̽́͒́ͮÚ̺̜̤̫͖̜̓ͨ͂͛͒͟R̦̬̦̫̣ͯ͒ ̙̀͆͌̂͌̀̕O̬̭͛͛̋ͦ̇̐N͔͡Ḽ͇̖̌̏̅̎Ỵ̟̤̲͑ ͓͙̬̗H̹̿͐̃ͮO̴̝̫̙̪͖͙Ṕ̴̄ͥḚ̤̣̼ͩͨ͗͒ͭͧ ̠̻͔̑ͣ͐̍̍Ī̢̠͙̙̖̹͔̲̀ͭ̉S̍͏̙͍̺̜͙͈ͅ ͚͙̰͕͖̹T̬͎̗̍̋Ȍ̴̥͓͙̭͎ͨ̃̂̃͌̚ ͈̳̀G͙̞̤̫̦͚̳̑̈́̾̽ͮ͋ͮO͔̮͔̪̅̍͆ͮͫ̔ ̮̘̠̟̪ͦ̏̈͟ͅṂ̥̖͉ͨ̋̔ͮ̕A̮̤͎̪̩̺̮̔͝D̻̪̹̞̦̈́͒̌͑̉̅ͧ ̧̠̟͕̙B̜̟̹ͣͤE̟̪͕̼͌̅̐ͅFͬͫ͐̒͆̇͏̦͔͉̠͍̬O̓̒ͤ̒̓R͎͔̙̙̄ͪͧ̈́͢E̜̤͚̖̜̞̥ͫ̔ͦ̈̓ͫ ͙͍̃̔ͯ̅ͫͣ̆W̺̤̟̑̉̎̐̆͝E̘̥ͥͅ ̼̖̳̋̋͝S̸̙̼͑̎ͦ́͋̈́̑E̘̖̗̠̣̋ͣ̇̏̿ͮͩE̼͔ͩͭ̋͘ ̐ͫ͂̋̃͠T̶̟͚̆H͙̙͍̉ͨͭͧ̃̌̈́Å̵̱̣̫̫̞̬͌ͦṬ̦̦̦͂͛͋ ͎̥̘ͨ͞W̦̟̬ͧ̉̔ͪ͐́H͉̎̑͘Iͮ̃ͣ͏C̷̺̹͈̥͔H̨͇̟͐̑͐̄ ͉̣L̰̺͉̾͒̎I͇ͬ̑͑E̬̗͕̜͛̓S̷̩̳̭ͅ ͈̱̩̖͇̬B̻̩̂̾ͫ̆͂̅E͒̿̂͑̃ͩ͏̘̖̥Y̱͎͢O̵̞̝̞̟̙͈̫͛͐ͤN̼̠̾ͣ̒͠D͋ ̱̘̱͍̫̋̆͌ͫ͞T̝̬̥̹͗̌̑̕H̱̰͇̼̃͒ͦ̐̊ͣ͡Ḛ̊ ̹͎͈̏́̽D̦̠̫͘O̳̞̯O͍̒ͤͥ͆R͎̝͎̦̚͜.̸ͭͧ

la mayyitan ma qadirun yatabaqa sarmadi
fa itha yog-sothoth al-mautu qad yantahi.

tachpaelnsanwgoautregmorinasbsaotltrlhutyehofeuosrrwhmaopruamsuielssantsuhplerlyathyhaeevrsewwmaaasrdamebswshooarrlmblseomduebtayltdioavfremkaell o g o d

 

[FalloutJack]

-Implosion!-

That's a good strategy. Suffice to say, we've never been good at getting retainers or allies. It's all just a bit random. Oh, and let's not forget the lovely monsters, some of whom will be immune to things we have.

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

-Implosion!-

That's a good strategy. Suffice to say, we've never been good at getting retainers or allies. It's all just a bit random. Oh, and let's not forget the lovely monsters, some of whom will be immune to things we have.

There's certainly a bit of luck and improv involved, but when it works, it sure does work.

 

[Thaluikhain]

As an aside, given that Euclid lived millenia ago, and our knowledge has been updated since then, we are living in non-Euclidean geometry.

We should be harassing people in other realities.

 

[Ghengis John]

Alright, I'm not sure everyone here knows the Lovecraft Mythos or at what depth, so I'll explain this first. The Dimensional Shambler is a ghoulish creature that can flit in from other dimensions and out again without effort. They are strong and generally vicious, known for abducting victims from a place and taking them...god knows where.

The Scenario!

A Dimensional Shambler has grabbed you and pulled you through to another dimension. WHERE ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU DO?

Well if it took me someplace where creatures like "Dimensional Shamblers" live probably not a whole hell of a lot. Realize I'm somewhere else. Cry for a minute about how shit always happens to me. Wander around terrified. Get killed. That should cover all of about 5 minutes.

If it took me anywhere I wanted to go then a world where women can't keep their hands off me sounds like a good destination.

*Flash forward to find out I'm on the planet of pig-noses from the twilight zone.* Damn you shambler! DAAAAAMN YOU!

Well... if you squint. No.

Oh how about a world where government is competent and people actually limit the power of corporations? And the individual is valued for their intelligence, which can be relied upon because people don't make snap judgments and act as an irrational mob? It doesn't exist?

Damn you shambler! DAAAAAMN YOU!