Lol Friend-zone

[generals3]

Then you were only pretending to be a friend if you were expecting more out of it, which means it's a different scenario as you were never friends in the first place. In this scenario the person's an asshole for pretending to be someone's friend when they were not.

And you're never someone's friend if you're seeing it in terms of what you get out of it as opposed to actually genuinely liking the person. If that's what a friendship is I'm friends with all my teachers and anyone at a restaurant I pay to get food from. Until I got what I wanted at least.

Not necessarily. I see relationships as some kind of extended friendship. After all if you aren't "friends" with your GF or BF your relation will be hell. So you may have been friends but with the hope of it being extended one day.

And i'm sorry but I wouldn't be friends with someone who wouldn't "give" me anything. I like people who give me laughs, fun, support,etc. I ain't gonna be friends with someone who doesn't care about me. And your last sentence is a silly ad absurdum.

Imagine you got friends with someone who's a nice person but than you notice that he barely hangs out with you (for whatever reason) would it make you a prick to terminate the friendship with said person? After all it would be exactly the same, you didn't get what you expected (hanging out, having fun together, etc.).

 

[Xyebane]

I thought it was funny

 

[Deralix]

Yanno, when I first heard the concept of a gender war, I really didn't believe it could ever happen. Then, I look on the goddamn internet and am pretty sure I'm going to see nerds of opposite sex clashing with each other with baseball bats or cheap reproduction katanas or...whatever the hell is in anime these days.

But seriously. This whole feminism issue hadn't been an issue for the majority of female gamers before certain feminist figures had risen to prominence. I'm not saying I don't understand why women follow these figures, people on the internet can be hurtful, and it'd be convenient to group them together and label them than to just say "you can't tell who is gonna be a good guy and a bad guy here." just like in real life. If we consider the internet to be kind of like the western frontier in America, then we should have known this kind of stuff would happen eventually. The rest of civilisation is finally catching up with us who used to be considered weirdos for even having modems back in the day.

Anyway, I'm digressing, basically the entire feminism thing is like the relationship between government and populace in V for Vendetta. I guess I'll be V here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKvvOFIHs4k

Enjoy.

 

[axlryder]

Dumb article. You make the kind of sweeping presumptions about woman as this guy makes about men and you get branded a horrible, misogynistic pig?

There's no way friend-zoning is not a thing. I often see people try to explain it away, but really just end up paraphrasing what the friendzone actually IS (at least based on how I and many people I know have come to understand it). Besides, I've too often seen people (men AND woman) openly admit that they "friend-zoned" someone because they'd been friends too long and
a.) didn't see them that way anymore because they'd gotten so used to them as a "friend".
b.) didn't want to ruin the friendship (not even bullshit. They'd been friends so long that they didn't want sexual feelings crowding one of the only stable things in their life)
c.) aren't physically attracted to them where they once might have been
d.) no longer find them interesting or exciting
or
e.) are now interested in/dating someone else

I honestly do believe a lot of people will opt out of a more stable relationships in favor of a quick and steamy relationship that's based purely around superficial feelings of attraction. Thus when a person doesn't fit that ideal or is no longer "interesting", then they're ruled out as a prospective partner. That doesn't mean I think people should have free reign to ***** about friend-zoning. It's human nature, boo hoo. I also think that most of those relationships wouldn't have lasted even if they did happen, since the party that did the friend-zoning might not have been more focused on getting a chemical high out of the relationship anyway. Similarly, I think a lot of people who whine about getting friend-zoned do objectify the object of their affections and don't actually think of how well the relationship would really work. Still doesn't mean that people fabricated the friend-zone as a purely passive-aggressive way to deflect their own inadequacy.

For instance, there's a girl I work with right now. When we first met, we went out a few times and she definitely showed some interest. If I'd asked her out then, she probably would have said yes. We're still good friends, but now? There's no way she'd say yes. We've known each other too consistently for too long. I'm now boring old co-worker with nothing new or interesting to offer. It would just be awkward. I'd probably turn her down as well, to be honest. Aside from lingering feelings of physical attraction I just don't see the relationship working. That's not me whining, that's the reality.

There's one key point I'd like to stress though: If they person never actually showed romantic interest in you in the first place, then they'd probably never liked you and you never even had a shot in the first place. I usually only use the term "friendzone" to refer to situations where there was some degree of mutual interest.

 

[generals3]

Except if all you want is more and don't value their friendship in and of itself I wouldn't say you're much of a friend to them. Sure, you can be friends and then want more. But if you're not gonna be friends unless you get a relationship then apparently you don't really want their friendship.

And how does not valuing someone's friendship enough to remain friends make someone a dick? And you did want their friendship, but also more than that.

Except there's a difference between doing the regular stuff friends do and being friends just to get something out of them. Particularly more than friendship. If you'd stop being friends with them if you didn't get more than friendship with them then you're a false friend, simple as that.

"the regular stuff friends do" is totally subjective. I've seen friendships end because the parties involved defined that in a different way. The bottom line is that friendship is about giving and getting, what that giving and getting involves will differ depending on the people involved.

How does someone not being much of a friend to you compare to someone not giving you more than friendship in terms of reasons not to be friends? It's not the same because one is part of being friends and the other is not. It's like comparing an employee not doing their job right versus not sleeping with you.

Your comparison is beyond silly and absurd. I would kindly ask to refrain making the most preposterous comparisons possible, thank you very much. Like i said above what one expects from a friendship varies among people and in this particular case someone expects a relationship, what's wrong with that? What's wrong with engaging into a friendship and upon noticing it doesn't yield the desired results to pull back? You could argue the desired results may not be reasonable to expect but what is reasonable or not is often very subjective.

 

[danon]

What is even the point of this thread. It's not even a new viewpoint or a uncommonly discussed one. You're starting the thread in a angrily fashion quelling all hopes of a serious discussion.

 

[generals3]

Snip

1st: I thought i said a friendship + more than that (sex in this case). Which indeed equates to a relationship. (or friends with benefits actually)

2nd: Did i say sex was part of the "regular stuff friends do"? No. I merely pointed out that such a statement means little to nothing because not many people would agree on what it consists of. They may agree on certain things that do not belong there but that's it.

3rd: Why should i stop pointing out things which are subjective are subjective? Do you often ask people to not state relevant facts? And i have never said relationships are the same as friendships i always stated quite clearly they are an EXTENSION. Now let me repeat that: relationships are extended friendships. And a relationship is never reasonable to expect? Well i'll be damned, all those poor folks out there going on dates hoping to get into a relationship, maybe we should tell them they shouldn't expect anything more than the size of their wallet shrinking.
But let's make the reasonable assumption that is unreasonable to expect more than friendship from what starts as a friendship (I personally think in certain scenarios it is not, friendships are good ways to explore each others personality to see if they fit enough to start a relationship but whatever) why would having an unreasonable expectation make you a dick? Unrealistic or unreasonable, sure, but a dick?!

4th: Your analogy is preposterous because contracts dictate what is expected from you at a job and unless you're a prostitute sex never is. I don't know about you but i don't sign "Friendship Agreements" with friends.