Lol, Skyrim.

[Genibus]

Ok so I was investigating the odd shit in Markarth, ( like why some girl get shanked the moment I step into the City)

First when I go into some dudes office, someone mentions offhand that I'm naked. My elven armor had disappeared. I talk to the dude anyway, finish the cnversation and then a huge brawl breaks out behind me. Which I didn't start. WTF, of course no fucking armor still.

I run out of said office. Luckily checking my inventory I had a second suit. Then a monk type fellow who is with those Daedra Hunters catches me and asks me to help him look in this abandoned house to find Daedra activity. Well I got into the house, and the whole place seems to act like a Obliv Gate, everything goes red and black and the whole world starts violently shaking. And then I can't find the key to the basement room. Ok fuck this, leave house F/T to Whiterun, but the whole world is black and red and shaking, reload to save outside of Markarth and do not enter that city. I HATE THAT CITY

It's a known bug, in the ever growing list.

 

[michiehoward]

It's a known bug, in the ever growing list.

Really, even console version?

So mental note not to attempt to enter that House again.

 

[Genibus]

It's a known bug, in the ever growing list.

Really, even console version?

So mental note not to attempt to enter that House again.

Yes, I have had it on the console before, that's why I keep my master save like most people probably have, especially since it just came out and has not had extensive patching/bug squashing.

 

[Genibus]

I posted this in another thread. I'll try to keep the spoilers off as much as possible.

Mission on a ship next to Solitude. Had bounty with Solitude, though it shouldn't have affected the mission. Decide to go all stealthy and not raise the alarm.
So I come upon a door that's locked and there's no other way to proceed. I pick the lock, open the door, then...

YOU HAVE COMMITED CRIMES AGAINST SKYRIM AND HER PEOPLE

One lone guard from Solitude was behind the door. I didn't understand why it was there. I hit tab to exit the conversation thinking of quickloading. The guard ignores me and goes berserk on THE ENTIRE SHIP.
Huge brawl breaks out, sailors against guard. Sailors finish off the guard and turn towards me.
I quickload. Make sure I'm in stealth mode, cast Muffle and Invisibility so I don't get seen. Open the locked door, back up, get invisible again, attempt to proceed...

YOU HAVE COMMITED CRIMES AGAINST SKYRIM AND HER PEOPLE

Okay, this is bullshit. I'm invisible and inaudible. What, did you SMELL me?

Quickload again. Use Aura Whisper to see the guard through the wall.

He's... standing there. Camping the door. Not doing anything else. Just waiting. For me.
I back up a bit against the side of the door so I'm not in full view of him when I open-

YOU HAVE COMMITED CRIMES AGAINST SKYRIM AND HER PEOPLE

He talks to me THROUGH THE WALL. And yes, I still had Muffle on me.

That guard.

It's because guards can spawn on you when loading into a different zone when you have a bounty in a hold. Just pay it off or do time.

 

[michiehoward]

It's a known bug, in the ever growing list.

Really, even console version?

So mental note not to attempt to enter that House again.

Yes, I have had it on the console before, that's why I keep my master save like most people probably have, especially since it just came out and has not had extensive patching/bug
squashing.

Thanks dude, won't attempt that house again for a week or two.

 

[Woodsey]

Chickens actually count as townsfolk, like if you were to kill someone and the chicken saw it'd be a witness.

That was a bug during QA (which they removed, thankfully).

OT: I was almost in tears the first time I 'fought' a Horker. Three fat fucking seals belly-flopping towards me, with some of the game's most heroic music playing in the background.

 

[thethingthatlurks]

The most hilarious bug I've encountered happened after me and my fellow imperials wiped out the traitorous Stormcloak scum, which culminated in my executing Ulfric - bastard totally deserved it. As we (me, Gen. Tullius, and some quest related npc of no consequence) were about to leave, some random imperial soldier enters the room and starts shouting those annoying one-liners. Well, we left, and Tullius gave his big speech, but that damn solider followed us. He stood behind Tullius the entire time shouting how he'll single handily take on the entire Stormcloak army, and swinging his sword around.

Spoiler: behold, Skyrim at ultra high at 1080p

It seems military discipline is not really taught in the legion, or respect for superior officers...


It also seems that wearing Morokai and the Archmage's robes causes your face to disappear. I don't really mind though, because my character now looks like death incarnate. Bethesda really should add scythes as weapons for these kinds of bugs...

Spoiler: and once more

 

[Xooiid]

-A dragon somewhere around the Eldergleam Sanctuary takes a bite out of me right as I bring my shield up. Insta-death and rocket. I think my game re-loaded somewhere in Low Tamriel Orbit.

-Early on, when heading up to High Hrothgar, I spy an Elk at the end of the path. I crouch, take aim, and hit the sucker right in the head. I go up to collect my spoils...ad the elk is gone. Rolled off the cliff in a last-ditch 'Screw you'!

-Killed a lonely mammoth by jumping on top of a rock, which made it walk away, then jumping off the rock, which made it turn around and charge. I put about 40 iron arrows in that mammoth before it went down.

Spoiler

Killed Komato and the Alik'r in Swindler's Den for the redguard woman's quest in Whiterun by skipping out of the dialog early, getting in a power attack, then running and hiding until they marched back in their cave. Once they turned around, I used arrows to pluck them from a distance. Yeah, it kind of breaks immersion when one guys says 'I think I heard something' while stepping over his dead friend, five arrows sticking out of his back.

- Recreating the scene from the trailer by running after a Dragon about to dive off a cliff for it's spoils. The whole 'dragon soul' thing coming up from the cliff looked awesome, too.

-Hitting a Draugur so hard it clipped through the sloping floor. Yes, I hit him so hard I knocked him off the XBox.

- Also, for stealthy players: let your companion wear heavy armor and use a two-handed sword [Like Lydia]. Shoot an arrow, then back off far enough so they chase after Lydia, and ignore you. While she's chopping them, sneak attack. It has made my life so much easier in some quests, and her Superior Dwarf Armor makes her a beast.

 

[Ditzydoo]

When I found out that Dragons are not the biggest threat to Skyrim, no.....its the mammoths, damn things near unkillable I tell thee!, also, some bandit dieing by tripping over a rock, I couldn't compose myself for 2-3 miniutes

 

[Slowpool]

>Draugr runs at me in Bleak Falls Barrow

>Burn it with fire

>Dies while sprinting

>Body rockets past me while still on fire

>Splats into wall

>Slides up wall

>Splats into ceiling

>Slides back along ceiling

>Lands back where it started

>Sets off swinging spiked grating trap

>Kills two more draugr approaching and Aravel (sic) the Swift

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

Okay so...I'm up in winterhold in the village. A frost dragon swoops down to start a fight. It lands at the bottom of the high street. I slow down time with my archery perk and look around the corner of a building to shoot it. It starts doing a frost breath and all I see is this chicken running down the street in slow motion with this freaking great dragon and frost cloud behind it like 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOO'

I lolled.

This is kind of an indirect one but my friend was on Skype with me and I can hear his game because he doesn't wear headphones. He is leveling his enchanting and every single time he closes the soul gem vendor guy I hear. 'You know if you have the aptitude you should go to the mages college in Winterhold.'
After about the tenth time my friend lets out this primal scream and I hear the sounds of loads of fighting. xD

The next day I texted him 'You know if you have the aptitude...' He texted me back 'Fffffffuuuuuuuuu'

 

[StormShaun]

One time I was fighting a dragon near Solitude and this was after the Dark Brotherhood wedding (people should know this), I was running from my bounty and I came to an open field, but first I had to jump into the river below, so I did that...and guess what, a DAMN dragon swoops over and flames my ass in the water.

I didn't die though, so I hoped out of the water and shouted at the ***** dragon to land, and when he did, I pulled out my two daggers and charged attacked him (You know, the reeeeeeeeeally fast one), I didn't notice it, but when I went through the dragon for some reason (Glitch or awesomeness?) I turned around to hit it again but all it does it slump to the ground and starts being nom-ed by me. I was like "What the...how?", I instant killed the dragon by jumping through his very soul, I laughed for quite a bit.

Also the other time is when I killed a dragon in the College at Winterhold. He died in the courtyard and every time I go to it, all I see is a dancing dragon skeleton...its quite a nice decoration.

And there is the mountain of dragon bones in Winterhold too, how many have I killed there? X_X'

 

[smitmk]

Sigurd dropped dead one day in Whiterun. No idea why. People were standing around staring at him saying what a shame it was. I went to loot him and accidentally picked up his body and started dragging it and one of the Blood-Born's screamed at me "Stop That!"

 

[darth.pixie]

Most hilarious bug I've seen.


Every time I dismount a horse in a limited space it goes flying.


A dude walked up to the Jarl who was sitting down and didn't stop walking once he got in front of her. He walked up the throne into her lap and they began having a staring contest. It went on for quite some time until I got bored and left.

And I've seen a man wearing a wood plate around his neck. Taking it would have been stealing so I left it there.

 

[King of the Sandbox]

Spoiler: Hey, check out my totally k-rad elven boots.

 

[Dizeazedkiller]

Zig zagging up a vertical cliff, horse's ass sinking into the mountain, dismount at the top.... fall straight through the mountain and die to fall damage.

Now i haven't tried this one yet but im training up my pickpocketing atm and trying to get it to 100 so i can steal a whole towns armour so it can be the naked town. Trollololol

Also, for stealthy players: let your companion wear heavy armor and use a two-handed sword [Like Lydia]. Shoot an arrow, then back off far enough so they chase after Lydia, and ignore you. While she's chopping them, sneak attack. It has made my life so much easier in some quests, and her Superior Dwarf Armor makes her a beast.

Being a part of the dark brotherhood i have Shadowmere as my mount. I ran into two dragons in the middle of nowhere, and they immediately landed right next to me. I sneaked behind a tree hoping that maybe they'd stop attacking me. They agroed to Shadowmere. Shadowmere is invincible. I killed both dragons without losing any health because my horse will not die.

Shadowmere is better ;P

 

[Dizeazedkiller]

Nothing too great has happened to me so far, though I did run in to a child kiting a spider from who-knows-where. On my way to Ivarstead, ran past a mill I figured I'd discover, and on my way through a little girl comes running with an angry spider chasing her. First time I've even seen a spider out in the open.

There's also a scripted conversation during the main quest where they used the same voice actor for both parts. I assume that's what they've done, or it's one guard talking to himself while another guard listens.

There was also the time I did a Dark Brotherhood quest - I killed the target and remained unseen, but then someone sent to "help" runs up and talks to me, and suddenly I have an angry mob chasing me. The guy sent to help me just wandered off. I didn't even get the bonus for the job, even though I did it the way they wanted me to

You have to kncok the gargoyle onto her, you can't just kill her during her speech. I'm assuming your talking about the wedding.

 

[busterkeatonrules]

Not many funny things happen to Raj. Mostly tragic.

Raj get home, and go into living room, try to heal wounds after combat with dragon. Accidentally flame atronach. Certainly, this freak me out, so i proceed to stab it.

Flame Atronach fall over dead. Wife Mjoll come into living room, and scold Khajiit for miscasting. I apologize then "BOOOOOOM!", room bathed in fire!

Did you know Flame Atronach explode after death? Raj did not. Ruin house, sending everything in house off shelves. Make big mess!

Wife Mjoll cant help but laugh. Fire Burn off all of Raj's fur. Look pinker then pomegranate! Raj dislike next week in cold skyrim.

Now Raj see why nords always angry.

Hi. Just wanted to say, thank you. You've made my day.

Funniest thing that has happened to me so far, at least that I can remember, was the first time I tested out my new werewolf transformation in battle. Against werewolf hunters, natch. I hit the Werewolf button, my character got all hairy and muscular, ripped through three or four rooms worth of bad guys like a furry meat grinder - and then turned back into a scrawny (and naked) Redguard. RIGHT in the middle of a massive cluster of pissed-off werewolf hunters.

Oops.