Long Distance Relationships

[kypsilon]

Despite all the opinions on this topic my friend, every relationship is different and it's outcome will be based solely on the type of people you and your lady-friend are. So good luck to the both of you. Personally, mine didn't work out but I'm not jaded enough to say it never could.

 

[LittleJP]

Let me respond to a few things
First of all, we're both adults, with the legal power to move around and so on, provided papers and finances are in place.

Secondly, what ratio of close-to long relationships work out?

 

[suitepee7]

errr from personal experience, i've only ever had a long distance work for about 6-10 months, and it was ok then. but needs must, and i could not get all my needs. my advice would be to keep it going if you are planning to meet regularly, but without physical contact, i don't think it will end well

 

[similar.squirrel]

Have you actually met her?

Anyway, one of mine turned into one, and it didn't last long. My best friend has just gotten into one, and it seems set to last. Highly variable, and dependent on personality.

 

[Aur0ra145]

Ummh, mine is only three hours away by car. I get free flights with an airline (my dad works for them.) So it isn't that bad. Also, I have pilot's license to I can rent a plane and fly out to see her.

 

[gmergurl]

The only one I was in was temporary... and that helped a hell of a lot. Both of us realized it would only be a matter of time before we could be together "for good." and it helped calm any "I want someone here" either of us might've had. We missed each other like hell, but through Skype and phone, it wasn't completely unbearable... given we were fresh out of highschool... or at least I was and he still had a senior year, but he was able to get into my University and so everything's worked out so far. Like I said, we got lucky, most don't last because of the distance.

 

[King of the Sandbox]

Good fucking luck.

This.

I wouldn't even consider recommending someone get into a long distance relationship. They simply don't work in the long term. I'd recommend bailing if it's going to last more than a year and if it's going to last less than a year, then I guess it's worth a try.

My long distance gf-turned-wife and I just celebrated our 5th anniversary and are as in love as ever, if not more.

The exception that proves the rule (man that's a stupid idiom). Situational or contradicting examples doesn't change the fact that you are part of an incredibly small minority.

Well, OF COURSE we're the minority, when you compare the number of couple who met locally and those who met over long distance. I bet if you compared the success rates of matches by locals and then by long distancers, they'd probably be about the same, though.

Regardless, I was responding to your insinuation that they NEVER work.

I'd disagree, though I don't have any statistics to back it up. From personal experiences, I've seen relationships tend to last longer than short distance ones. And for it to continue to work, eventually it must become a short distance relationship.

Obviously the insinuation that they never work was a hyperbole, though, in my opinion, not much of one to be considered an issue. It always works for someone and I believe everyone would have made that assumption when reading my post.

Well there's your problem right there, and more evidence to my point. Compare how many local relationships you have ever seen to those that have been long-distance. I'm guessing the ratio is going to be pretty heavily skewed.

And sure, eventually it becomes a local thing, that's how you know it worked.

As for your hyperbole, it worked for me and I was (not really offended, but I can't think of a better word right now), and felt the need to counter it, so.... yeah.

All this aside, they totally work. They've worked since man began to travel outside his native lands, and it'll work like that forever, so I'd say there's some merit to them. The best advice on this I've seen in this thread so far was when someone mentioned it all being dependent on the people involved and their levels of commitment.

 

[Carbonyl]

I've been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend since the beginning. At first, it was only a two hour drive, but then I went to college and we were suddenly a 4-hour plane ride and then a two hour drive from each other. We talk every day, multiple times a day, we are there for each other, even if we can't be physically. When we get together, there is understandably a lot of sex involved, but physical presence isn't the make-or-break of the relationship. The two most important things to maintain are communication, and I mean constant communication, and a sense of trust in one another. Without both these things, you will never be able to work it out. I've been in a long distance relationship for four years, it's worth it. Our love is worth it. It comes down to whether or not you want to be with the other person enough to keep to keep you happy even when you can't hold them every day.

 

[Carbonyl]

Good fucking luck.

This.

I wouldn't even consider recommending someone get into a long distance relationship. They simply don't work in the long term. I'd recommend bailing if it's going to last more than a year and if it's going to last less than a year, then I guess it's worth a try.

Mine's been going for four years. I consider that long-term. We see each other every chance we get, talk every day and night, and it works. I've seen a lot that don't, but it doesn't mean it can't. I don't understand how people can be so vehemently against them.

 

[Carbonyl]

Long story short, I've gotten myself into one.

Thoughts, experiences, stories?

You have to work for it, and you have to want it, and you need to believe in it, but you can make it work.

 

[FalloutJack]

Long story short, I've gotten myself into one.

Thoughts, experiences, stories?

I find my story a bit personal. Rather not talk about it on-forum.

 

[Rawne1980]

Kind of.

I was still in the army when I met the lass i'm now married to so we didn't see a right lot of each other for a few years.

 

[enzilewulf]

Well I think they all suck considering I got left for a long distance relationship XD. So fuck them. No actually im happy that girl would of ended up killing me. I think they can work if your the right kind of people. If they can pull it off then go for it!

 

[Craorach]

I met the woman who is now my wife twelve years ago, and it took us awhile to become friends and eventually develop feelings for each other, all while being an entire planet apart. I came to Australia from England to see if it was going to work out, fortunately it did, and six years later we're still married and happy.

So when I say "be very very careful" I say so from the perspective of someone who it has actually worked out for.

However, I've known many friends get their hearts broken. Long Distance relationships are HARD and painful at times, they also require.. eventually.. one of you to uproot and go to the other. Don't for a moment underestimate how hard that can be for both parties. Immigration law in many countries is extremely harsh and sceptical of on-line, long distance, relationships.

More than any other, a long distance relationship requires you to be sensible if it is going to work out, especially once you decide to commit and move in together. One of you is going to end up shouldering the financial burden, and the other is going to end up dependant upon them until they get on their feet.

 

[Dark Knifer]

My best friend is in the middle of a long distance relationship. It's difficult but you can make it work if there's enough love and keep talking etc. Hope it works out for you mate

 

[King of the Sandbox]

I met the woman who is now my wife twelve years ago, and it took us awhile to become friends and eventually develop feelings for each other, all while being an entire planet apart. I came to Australia from England to see if it was going to work out, fortunately it did, and six years later we're still married and happy.

So when I say "be very very careful" I say so from the perspective of someone who it has actually worked out for.

However, I've known many friends get their hearts broken. Long Distance relationships are HARD and painful at times, they also require.. eventually.. one of you to uproot and go to the other. Don't for a moment underestimate how hard that can be for both parties. Immigration law in many countries is extremely harsh and sceptical of on-line, long distance, relationships.

More than any other, a long distance relationship requires you to be sensible if it is going to work out, especially once you decide to commit and move in together. One of you is going to end up shouldering the financial burden, and the other is going to end up dependant upon them until they get on their feet.

/International online romance that turned into true love brofist

And yeah, immigration can be a *****. I don't know if I was more proud or worried the day I told our case worker that, "Well, it all started when I wanted to clear up some rules about a mancatcher as a mounted weapon in D&D 2nd Edition Revised..."

Also, yeah, that financial thing is a big factor, too. We spent probably upwards of 7000 grand or more for all the paperwork, moving, flight tickets, etc. Luckily, my wife now works at a bank, I'm married to a fellow gamer, she's hot, and we have tons of extra income from both working and not having kids.... yet.

 

[Colour Scientist]

It depends on the distance. An hour or two away where you can still see each other regularly or distance that requires an aircraft?

I don't think long-long distance relationships would have a high chance of success, but obviously there are exceptions. Even if you had the power to move closer one of you would have to leave the rest of their life behind which would be alienating and would put strain on the relationship.

Personally, I'm not a fan. My boyfriend lived an hour and a half (by car) away from me for months and it nearly had us at breaking point. Luckily it's all sorted now without anyone having to make drastic changes.

 

[Craorach]

/International online romance that turned into true love brofist

And yeah, immigration can be a *****. I don't know if I was more proud or worried the day I told our case worker that, "Well, it all started when I wanted to clear up some rules about a mancatcher as a mounted weapon in D&D 2nd Edition Revised..."

Also, yeah, that financial thing is a big factor, too. We spent probably upwards of 7000 grand or more for all the paperwork, moving, flight tickets, etc. Luckily, my wife now works at a bank, I'm married to a fellow gamer, she's hot, and we have tons of extra income from both working and not having kids.... yet.

umm../brofist.. ?

>.>

But yes, it is kinda scary.... our original caseworker actually "lost" my paperwork and it was only discovered nearly a year later by his replacement after I contacted them, rather worried. I saw the judgemental look on the original caseworkers face during my application and initial interview but it never struck me till later how far he'd been willing to go to ignore it when he had no actual legal reason to do so.

The other stumbling block can be employment law... during the process I was told I couldn't work by a mistaken immigration employee, when actually I could.... several years of no income due to a misunderstanding.

If you do something like this, know your rights. Be smart. Don't get caught up in the romance of being together.. immigration officials don't care how much you love each other, they need proof, everything someone who met on-line will say has been said by frauds, so we're all in a battle against previous experience.

 

[King of the Sandbox]

/International online romance that turned into true love brofist

And yeah, immigration can be a *****. I don't know if I was more proud or worried the day I told our case worker that, "Well, it all started when I wanted to clear up some rules about a mancatcher as a mounted weapon in D&D 2nd Edition Revised..."

Also, yeah, that financial thing is a big factor, too. We spent probably upwards of 7000 grand or more for all the paperwork, moving, flight tickets, etc. Luckily, my wife now works at a bank, I'm married to a fellow gamer, she's hot, and we have tons of extra income from both working and not having kids.... yet.

umm../brofist.. ?

>.>

But yes, it is kinda scary.... our original caseworker actually "lost" my paperwork and it was only discovered nearly a year later by his replacement after I contacted them, rather worried. I saw the judgemental look on the original caseworkers face during my application and initial interview but it never struck me till later how far he'd been willing to go to ignore it when he had no actual legal reason to do so.

The other stumbling block can be employment law... during the process I was told I couldn't work by a mistaken immigration employee, when actually I could.... several years of no income due to a misunderstanding.

If you do something like this, know your rights. Be smart. Don't get caught up in the romance of being together.. immigration officials don't care how much you love each other, they need proof, everything someone who met on-line will say has been said by frauds, so we're all in a battle against previous experience.

Ha, you think that's bad, our case workers asked us three times for documents we had already given them.... then they sent us some (all) of a random Mexican guy's private paperwork and information by mistake.

After that, I contacted my Congressman and he got SHIT DONE. The very next day, after speaking to his assistant, we got the call for the final interview.

Remember kids, even if you hate politics, use them to your advantage when necessary. Always write your congressman.