Lonley/Vent

[Dieter Meyer]

Heya, I'm not one to spill my heart out on forums but I thought it might be good to try and get this of my chest as its now 05:30 in the morning and I cant seem to get any sleep. I'll try to make this short. And I hope this is the right section even though I'm not directly seeking advice.

So basically for almost two years now I have been best friends with a girl (Guess you can see where this is heading). We've had many'a good times together at both highs and lows, keeping eachother company and comforting one another. It started out with just whining to eachother about our problems with love etc. But around February this year things seemed to go up a notch. We started spending alot more of the weekends together, and we'd take any chance to get in bed and just cuddle (no kissing or anything!!!). This worked out fine since we were both single. However, the innevitable happened and things started to go her way with the guy she had been telling me so much about. As her best friend I was obviously happy for her, but I noticed things were changing and she was no longer too keen on hanging out with me (ofc I completely understad that we coulndt cuddle). I have started to get pretty lonley since she's really the only person I genuinely enjoyed hanging out with. So in my state of loneliness the little devil inside of me has been hoping and thinking that this was just a temporarly thing... But today they officially entered a relationship (we havent been talking that much lately and I havent seen her for about a month now.

I know i brought this upon myself having this weird friendship with her but it still hurts when the day comes... And I get extra sad when I know that deep inside I hope they break up and that things can go back to how they used to be. Cause I feel like a prick not beeing genuinely happy for her.

EDIT: Oh and if any of you have gone to my profile to check how old I am and stuff, I'm not born in 1996 the entire info page is just filled with wrong. Its just a matter of me being overly paranoid because I wouldnt want any of my real friends to find this post.
I'm 18 by the way.

 

[Keoul]

Aw man that sucks :L
I know you're not looking for advice but be prepared to move on, don't keep her as a friend just to be your only "life line" in love, a backup plan if you will. If you loved her you should have told her sooner but now it's too late, the best you can do is to move on, find another gal to hang around and try not to let your inner devil turn you into an ass.

 

[Dieter Meyer]

Aw man that sucks :L
I know you're not looking for advice but be prepared to move on, don't keep her as a friend just to be your only "life line" in love, a backup plan if you will. If you loved her you should have told her sooner but now it's too late, the best you can do is to move on, find another gal to hang around and try not to let your inner devil turn you into an ass.

Yes, but if I stop hanging out with her I'm afraid she will make me out to be the bad guy for leaving her just because she got a boyfriend. An yes I'm well aware that this is my fault and if I loved her I should've told her long ago. At the time our weird friendship started to look normal to me and I'd force myself to say that we were just friends and no cuddling or movie dates could ever change that. In retrospect it seems kind of obvious that we probably were falling in love though, but I guess you never really know what you have.

Finding someone else I can be that intimate with is going to be hard, I dont exactly have the largest number of friends, nor do I very much enjoy the process of getting to know someone.

I appreciate your input though

 

[Bradd94]

Wow. I am so stunned that you posted this, because this is nearly exactly what I felt like posting on the forums myself.

Only difference between your situation and mine is that it's been 3 years, one of my friends dated her for ages and now that she's single, I'm living with her since I had to leave home. We're both 18 and it's at her parent's house. And as I type this, she's on a date -.-
Worst feeling.

Regarding your post, I don't really know what I can say other than I know exactly how you feel. If you figure out a way of not feeling terrible about it all the time, you let me know :/ best of luck man.

 

[MasochisticAvenger]

Aw man that sucks :L
I know you're not looking for advice but be prepared to move on, don't keep her as a friend just to be your only "life line" in love, a backup plan if you will. If you loved her you should have told her sooner but now it's too late, the best you can do is to move on, find another gal to hang around and try not to let your inner devil turn you into an ass.

Yes, but if I stop hanging out with her I'm afraid she will make me out to be the bad guy for leaving her just because she got a boyfriend. An yes I'm well aware that this is my fault and if I loved her I should've told her long ago. At the time our weird friendship started to look normal to me and I'd force myself to say that we were just friends and no cuddling or movie dates could ever change that. In retrospect it seems kind of obvious that we probably were falling in love though, but I guess you never really know what you have.

Finding someone else I can be that intimate with is going to be hard, I dont exactly have the largest number of friends, nor do I very much enjoy the process of getting to know someone.

I appreciate your input though

The question you have to ask yourself is if you stop being friends with her because she got a boyfriend, were you really her friend in the first place? I mean this girl let you get into bed with her (doesn't matter if it didn't lead to sex or even kissing) and you didn't realize she probably wanted you to ask her out? I'm not really an expert, but I don't think people let other people get into bed with them without being at least somewhat interested. Although I would argue if she was interested, she should have made the first move instead of just waiting (Still would like to know why so many women feel they shouldn't make the first move).

Also, and I wish I had enough money to get this posted on a billboard, don't worry too much about being single. If you want a girlfriend just for the sake of getting a girlfriend you'll probably end up more miserable than you are now. I really don't understand how some people just don't get that being by yourself doesn't make you any less of a person. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

[Dieter Meyer]

The question you have to ask yourself is if you stop being friends with her because she got a boyfriend, were you really her friend in the first place? I mean this girl let you get into bed with her (doesn't matter if it didn't lead to sex or even kissing) and you didn't realize she probably wanted you to ask her out? I'm not really an expert, but I don't think people let other people get into bed with them without being at least somewhat interested. Although I would argue if she was interested, she should have made the first move instead of just waiting (Still would like to know why so many women feel they shouldn't make the first move).

Exactly, that's why I dont want to stop being friend her because she has a boyfriend. It would be a terrible thing to do, and I want to keep her as my friend, even if we cant be as close as we used to be.

Yes, I know it seems fairly obvious by the story that she was indeed in love with me. However, what made this thing work out so well was the fact that I was madly in love with another girl, and she was madly in love with the guy who is now her boyfriend. To me, that felt like we could be that intimate together without having to worry about feelings and relationships. At the time I didnt love her, I just enjoyed her company... or atleast thats what I have been telling myself (and I still am). I dont love, I just miss her company and the "slightly too close" friendship we had.
As for girls letting you into bed with them; its not such a big deal around were I live. I have slept with (just literally sleep) with many of my girl friends, just without the cuddling.

Also, and I wish I had enough money to get this posted on a billboard, don't worry too much about being single. If you want a girlfriend just for the sake of getting a girlfriend you'll probably end up more miserable than you are now. I really don't understand how some people just don't get that being by yourself doesn't make you any less of a person. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Its not so much a worry about being alone as it is a longing to have someone to cuddle up to and such. Which is why I loved what I had with her before; I had someone to cuddle with and in addition I could go chase some other girl if I wanted to. (Hell she would probably encourage it)

Wow. I am so stunned that you posted this, because this is nearly exactly what I felt like posting on the forums myself.

Only difference between your situation and mine is that it's been 3 years, one of my friends dated her for ages and now that she's single, I'm living with her since I had to leave home. We're both 18 and it's at her parent's house. And as I type this, she's on a date -.-
Worst feeling.

Wow. That is indeed quite stunning! Sorry to hear that :/ I hope things work out for you too, man.

 

[MasochisticAvenger]

The question you have to ask yourself is if you stop being friends with her because she got a boyfriend, were you really her friend in the first place? I mean this girl let you get into bed with her (doesn't matter if it didn't lead to sex or even kissing) and you didn't realize she probably wanted you to ask her out? I'm not really an expert, but I don't think people let other people get into bed with them without being at least somewhat interested. Although I would argue if she was interested, she should have made the first move instead of just waiting (Still would like to know why so many women feel they shouldn't make the first move).

Exactly, that's why I dont want to stop being friend her because she has a boyfriend. It would be a terrible thing to do, and I want to keep her as my friend, even if we cant be as close as we used to be.

Yes, I know it seems fairly obvious by the story that she was indeed in love with me. However, what made this thing work out so well was the fact that I was madly in love with another girl, and she was madly in love with the guy who is now her boyfriend. To me, that felt like we could be that intimate together without having to worry about feelings and relationships. At the time I didnt love her, I just enjoyed her company... or atleast thats what I have been telling myself (and I still am). I dont love, I just miss her company and the "slightly too close" friendship we had.
As for girls letting you into bed with them; its not such a big deal around were I live. I have slept with (just literally sleep) with many of my girl friends, just without the cuddling.

Also, and I wish I had enough money to get this posted on a billboard, don't worry too much about being single. If you want a girlfriend just for the sake of getting a girlfriend you'll probably end up more miserable than you are now. I really don't understand how some people just don't get that being by yourself doesn't make you any less of a person. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Its not so much a worry about being alone as it is a longing to have someone to cuddle up to and such. Which is why I loved what I had with her before; I had someone to cuddle with and in addition I could go chase some other girl if I wanted to. (Hell she would probably encourage it)

I have to wonder if part of the reason this is bothering you is a case of territoriality: you only feel like you want her, because you can't have her. Wanting someone to cuddle up next to is fine, but if that's all you want it's never going to be a long-term arrangement. Regardless of how long you've been friends with someone, or how innocent it is, things change when that person gets a boyfriend/girlfriend.

If getting into bed with someone of the opposite gender is common in your area, it's possible she didn't really have any feelings for you. The only way you'll ever know is to ask, and considering she is already seeing someone doing so will only make things complicated.

I have to ask: what would have happened if you had gotten a girlfriend? Would you have kept getting into bed with this friend and cuddling with her, or would you have moved things to a more distant relationship? I'm just curious.

 

[Dieter Meyer]

I have to wonder if part of the reason this is bothering you is a case of territoriality: you only feel like you want her, because you can't have her. Wanting someone to cuddle up next to is fine, but if that's all you want it's never going to be a long-term arrangement. Regardless of how long you've been friends with someone, or how innocent it is, things change when that person gets a boyfriend/girlfriend.

If getting into bed with someone of the opposite gender is common in your area, it's possible she didn't really have any feelings for you. The only way you'll ever know is to ask, and considering she is already seeing someone doing so will only make things complicated.

I have to ask: what would have happened if you had gotten a girlfriend? Would you have kept getting into bed with this friend and cuddling with her, or would you have moved things to a more distant relationship? I'm just curious.

Yes, I was well aware that this could not last forever. It still hurts when its over though..
Getting into bed with someone is usually just a matter of "its so late and I cant be arsed paying the extra fees to take the train/bus". Cuddling, however not so much.. (people actually thought for a few months that we were together).

Here's what would happen if I got a girlfriend: I would not cuddle with her (I respect that we cant do that now that she has a boyfriend. Hell, I'd probably stop her if she wanted to cuddle with me.) I would still hang out with her and have "alone" time with her. I actually told her this a few months ago; if I got a girlfriend and my girlfriend couldnt respect that I was very close with her I wouldnt keep seeing said girlfriend.

 

[Broady Brio]

Considering your age, I don't think your friend will have a lasting relationship. It's just teenage nature to be shit with relationships at first. Just be there when you can and especially when the inevitable happens, it's all you can really do.

 

[Dectomax]

Heya, I'm not one to spill my heart out on forums but I thought it might be good to try and get this of my chest as its now 05:30 in the morning and I cant seem to get any sleep. I'll try to make this short. And I hope this is the right section even though I'm not directly seeking advice.

So basically for almost two years now I have been best friends with a girl (Guess you can see where this is heading). We've had many'a good times together at both highs and lows, keeping eachother company and comforting one another. It started out with just whining to eachother about our problems with love etc. But around February this year things seemed to go up a notch. We started spending alot more of the weekends together, and we'd take any chance to get in bed and just cuddle (no kissing or anything!!!). This worked out fine since we were both single. However, the innevitable happened and things started to go her way with the guy she had been telling me so much about. As her best friend I was obviously happy for her, but I noticed things were changing and she was no longer too keen on hanging out with me (ofc I completely understad that we coulndt cuddle). I have started to get pretty lonley since she's really the only person I genuinely enjoyed hanging out with. So in my state of loneliness the little devil inside of me has been hoping and thinking that this was just a temporarly thing... But today they officially entered a relationship (we havent been talking that much lately and I havent seen her for about a month now.

I know i brought this upon myself having this weird friendship with her but it still hurts when the day comes... And I get extra sad when I know that deep inside I hope they break up and that things can go back to how they used to be. Cause I feel like a prick not beeing genuinely happy for her.

EDIT: Oh and if any of you have gone to my profile to check how old I am and stuff, I'm not born in 1996 the entire info page is just filled with wrong. Its just a matter of me being overly paranoid because I wouldnt want any of my real friends to find this post.
I'm 18 by the way.

Remove her from your life and do something else. I know it ain't gunna be easy but it really is the only thing you can do. You might have been good friends and you might have cared for her, but honestly, delete and move on.

You're gunna have a lot of spare time by the sounds of things and more often than not that's gunna lead to you thinking about her - don't. Fill that time with other stuff; if you have a hobby do it, if you have people you can go out and fuck about with, do it. Start filling the time with other stuff. I know it won't stop the hurt, but it'll lessen it and you wont have as much time to dwell on it due to doing other stuff.