I like how you think. Texted my friend this (in a similar situation), he called and screamed: WHOOO! I feel better now that you say that! I feel like climbing Mt. Everest in 8 seconds, jumping off the peak, and landing on King Hippo.Gralian said:
losing my virginity and how i feel used
- Thread starter gonzo20
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I definitely don't agree with you there, but each to their own, I suppose.Shirastro said:
Anyway, I'd feel the same way. I plan to wait until marriage to have sex, but if it did happen before then (for whatever reason), I'd want it to be meaningful; I would want an actual relationship with the girl.
Losing your virginity isn't the humongous deal a lot of people try to make you think. First time is often, messy, uncomfortable, unpleasurable, and emotionally awkward.
When I lost mine I was like, "That's it? This is the huge big-bad everyone talks about?" (although I was raised Southern Baptist in the middle of California, so maybe that was just the local culture) I felt a little hurt at first too, shocked at what I'd done (again, Baptist guilt), scared about the difference (which there wasn't, other than a new option in relationships), but after a while I got over it and found myself to be relieved to be rid of such a silly contrivance. Virginity is damaging to both men and women, not as a state of being but rather as a concept. Sex is natural and bound to happen, no one needs to feel bad about it (as long as it's consensual/legal, with legal being things that are banned for a reason like rape, not stupidity like anal sex).
As to the girl I'm afraid all you can do is attempt to maybe have a mutual chat about each others feelings and the fact that having sex doesn't bind either of you to anything just to wipe the slate clean and part ways amicably. I wouldn't push the matter, though. If she wants to just leave things there and pretend it didn't happen, fine, you could send her an email with your thoughts for your own closure.
Having sex with someone won't make them stay with you and it's not a good mindset to be in. On the positive side now you'll be more able to share a sexual relationship with anyone you may be involved with romantically down the line, and while they might not be your first you'll be more comfortable with it and yourself when it does happen.
(I feel I need to add a slight disclaimer since this is such a personal subject, but this is based off my experience with losing my virginity and the facts that I was raised HYPER conservatively and that I worked up to it as a "I want this person to be my first even if it doesn't work out." Also, for background purposes, I'm a psych major alumnus and someone with a rather progressive view of sex/sexuality and the social stigmas thereof. Just wanted to lay that out there so people don't think I'm talking out of my ass, lol.)
When I lost mine I was like, "That's it? This is the huge big-bad everyone talks about?" (although I was raised Southern Baptist in the middle of California, so maybe that was just the local culture) I felt a little hurt at first too, shocked at what I'd done (again, Baptist guilt), scared about the difference (which there wasn't, other than a new option in relationships), but after a while I got over it and found myself to be relieved to be rid of such a silly contrivance. Virginity is damaging to both men and women, not as a state of being but rather as a concept. Sex is natural and bound to happen, no one needs to feel bad about it (as long as it's consensual/legal, with legal being things that are banned for a reason like rape, not stupidity like anal sex).
As to the girl I'm afraid all you can do is attempt to maybe have a mutual chat about each others feelings and the fact that having sex doesn't bind either of you to anything just to wipe the slate clean and part ways amicably. I wouldn't push the matter, though. If she wants to just leave things there and pretend it didn't happen, fine, you could send her an email with your thoughts for your own closure.
Having sex with someone won't make them stay with you and it's not a good mindset to be in. On the positive side now you'll be more able to share a sexual relationship with anyone you may be involved with romantically down the line, and while they might not be your first you'll be more comfortable with it and yourself when it does happen.
(I feel I need to add a slight disclaimer since this is such a personal subject, but this is based off my experience with losing my virginity and the facts that I was raised HYPER conservatively and that I worked up to it as a "I want this person to be my first even if it doesn't work out." Also, for background purposes, I'm a psych major alumnus and someone with a rather progressive view of sex/sexuality and the social stigmas thereof. Just wanted to lay that out there so people don't think I'm talking out of my ass, lol.)
You got drunk and had a one night stand... can you see it as a good relationship start?
If you wanted a relationship then a date wouldn't go amiss here.
Anyway what's done is done, give her space, just play it cool for a couple of weeks and then try asking her out to see what's what.
If you wanted a relationship then a date wouldn't go amiss here.
Anyway what's done is done, give her space, just play it cool for a couple of weeks and then try asking her out to see what's what.
I'm going to sound like a ***** to say this, but it's your own damn fault. You were drunk. You were not in a relationship with this girl. You had consensual sex. If you did value your virginity to any degree, then you probably shouldn't have bonked a tipsy girl that you had feelings for but wasn't in a relationship with. Honestly, though, it might be better in the long run for you to have gotten it over with, so to speak, so if a serious relationship happens in the future, you won't place any inordinate value on sex then.
It doesn't really matter. If it was fun at the time then...well it was fun at the time. That's basically what it amounts to. Sex, be it the first time or the last, isn't as life changing as the stigma surrounding virginity implies.
My first? Didn't even orgasm. And I'm a male. She, however, did thrice. Think I was too enamored by the fact that it was even happening and by how well I was doing to focus on the sexual aspect of the sex.
Point being. It's never what you expect...and every subsequent time is similar. Same mechanics. Different results. If you enjoyed the experience, then take that aspect of it and trudge on toward the next lay. Not to sound callous or anything, but that's just how it works in this sort of situation.
My first? Didn't even orgasm. And I'm a male. She, however, did thrice. Think I was too enamored by the fact that it was even happening and by how well I was doing to focus on the sexual aspect of the sex.
Point being. It's never what you expect...and every subsequent time is similar. Same mechanics. Different results. If you enjoyed the experience, then take that aspect of it and trudge on toward the next lay. Not to sound callous or anything, but that's just how it works in this sort of situation.
Could have been worse. At least she remembered it.
I was dating a virgin when I was in high school and I genuinely expected her to not be ready for years, then one night while we were really really drunk we had sex. I didn't even remember, but I figured it out the next morning. I felt terrible, because I'd wanted to make it special for her.
I lied and told her that I remembered because I did care for her, and knowing the truth wasn't going to make her life any better and lying wasn't going to harm her.
At least she didn't regret it.
But yeah, at least your girl remembered it, your situation could be more like mine and she could have not even remembered it which would possibly be worse.
I can't really offer any other condolences, I hope you find someone who you love and who feels the same way to sleep with next time. Just don't let it be a flood gate, sex is still special, even if it's not the first time.
I was dating a virgin when I was in high school and I genuinely expected her to not be ready for years, then one night while we were really really drunk we had sex. I didn't even remember, but I figured it out the next morning. I felt terrible, because I'd wanted to make it special for her.
I lied and told her that I remembered because I did care for her, and knowing the truth wasn't going to make her life any better and lying wasn't going to harm her.
At least she didn't regret it.
But yeah, at least your girl remembered it, your situation could be more like mine and she could have not even remembered it which would possibly be worse.
I can't really offer any other condolences, I hope you find someone who you love and who feels the same way to sleep with next time. Just don't let it be a flood gate, sex is still special, even if it's not the first time.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's kinda pointless to disagree with me on this when you are still a virgin you self. In order for your opinion to have any value on the subject you would have to, first of all, have sex, and than wait couple of years and tell us do you still look back and regret how you lost your virginity.Mad World said:
Ill find my "forget me" stick.
To be honest, ideal world and all, it would have been nice if the first time was special and all but it wasn't. and rarely is, chin up, theres nothing stopping you from getting a repeat performance elsewhere.
I am of the mindset that its meant to be fun, we are one of 2 species on the planet that get actual pleasure from sex, may aswell make the most of it now you've got that hurdle out of the way.
To be honest, ideal world and all, it would have been nice if the first time was special and all but it wasn't. and rarely is, chin up, theres nothing stopping you from getting a repeat performance elsewhere.
I am of the mindset that its meant to be fun, we are one of 2 species on the planet that get actual pleasure from sex, may aswell make the most of it now you've got that hurdle out of the way.
My personal point of view is that your first time should be a decent amount of time into a good relationship with someone you really like and seems to feel the same.
From the sounds of things you had essentially a one night stand, you liked her and she was up for it, but you hadn't layed any groundwork for an actual relationship.
Also I consider it highly foolish of you both to be drinking enough to make you do something which (for you at least) was obviously a dumb move.
So essentially what I'm trying to say is, if you really fancied her and wanted a relationship, you shouldn't have had sex with her so soon.
From the sounds of things you had essentially a one night stand, you liked her and she was up for it, but you hadn't layed any groundwork for an actual relationship.
Also I consider it highly foolish of you both to be drinking enough to make you do something which (for you at least) was obviously a dumb move.
So essentially what I'm trying to say is, if you really fancied her and wanted a relationship, you shouldn't have had sex with her so soon.