Losing to Cancer

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MasterOfWorlds

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Oct 1, 2010
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Since there was a thread that I saw sometime earlier where a man was answering questions for his last few hours of life since he was losing his battle with cancer.

First though, let me tell you my story. Or, more accurately, my mom's story.

December 14th, 2010, my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. At 47, she has been smoking for around 30-35 years. While she did quit a few times, she was unable to stay off of cigarettes. We decided to do one treatment that was supposed to kill off the cancer that had grown in the bronchus. While the treatment worked, since it was close to the holidays, they let her come home. She was home for Christmas, which we all enjoyed. In early January, we started another treatment, which also worked well, but she started having some issues from that as far as pain and the like went. We were admitted into the hospital for a time, for what exactly, I don't recall.

After about a week and a half after being released from the hospital, she went in to schedule her radiation therapies. While doing an X-Ray, they found something odd, her lung wasn't reaching quite the area in the body where it was supposed to. They took her in to do a chest tube and found more cancer in the other lung. She was put on a ventilator, and we were told that she had to come off of the ventilator in under 72 hours or the chances of her ever coming off of it were slim. While that was scary, she came off of it un under 24 hours.

We proceeded with radiation and were killing the cancer in the lungs, doing much better than we had anticipated. We stopped some accelerated doses of radiation, and moved on to chemo two weeks later. She had an alleric reaction to the chemo, so we stopped that and changed the medicine for that for the next appointment the next week. In the time between the initial chemo and the second one, she started having difficulty swallowing. Eventually, she was throwing up every time she tried to swallow. When she went in for chemo the next day, the doctor saw how bad she looked and admitted her to the hospital to have the throat looked at and a tube put in the stomach so that she could get nutrients until the throat was better.

While they were looking down her throat, they found cancer. Not only that, they found something that the doctors call a fistula, which is basically a hole, connecting the throat to the bronchus. They were unable to put the tube in because they didn't want to catch the tumor and rip the throat. They brought her back to the room, and started making plans to put a stint in her throat, which would block the hole and allow her to eat and drink. They told us that this was risky and was likely to result in her being on the ventilator again, but the chances were relatively small, but we had to consider that a possibility.

The stint went in with no problems, and while she was recovering from that, she developed a clot in her arm. The doctors called for a sonogram, which showed the clot, so they called for scans of the brain. In the brain, they found a lesion. We were also told that she would be lucky to live to see the end of the year. She wasn't strong enough to continue with treatments, and even if she was, the treatments would only prolong the inevitable. The cancer was going to find a way to beat it.

They were already telling us that the cancer in the throat was right behind the area in her chest that was getting radiation, and grew despite it, so they said that it was pointless.

Now, 15 weeks after diagnosis, she has decided to stop treatment. We're going to manage her pain, and not do anymore. Her time left, is between two weeks and two months, and will likely not live to see her birthday in April.

Please, do not misunderstand my reasons for writing this. I just found out a few hours ago that she doesn't want to do any more treatments. Right now, I am sitting by her side with my dad as we try to figure out how she can get home and have some peace in her last days of life. I needed some sort of outlet for this. I know that despite a lot of the reputation of being misanthropic, I know that there are a great many of you that are decent people. I'm just happy that we can make her comfortable so that she doesn't have to suffer anymore. I know that I would never wish such a fate on anyone.
 

similar.squirrel

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Mar 28, 2009
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I'm sorry. The fact that she has decided to discontinue the treatment shows a remarkable sense of dignity and strength.
I know you're not looking for advice, but enjoy these last few weeks with your mother. Don't get caught up in bad thoughts, because it's a waste of time considering the inevitability of her death.
Talk as much as possible and let her know how much everything she has done has meant to you. Make her proud to have brought up a compassionate child.

Edit: Ack. I can't get this post to sound right.
 

The Afrodactyl

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Jul 19, 2010
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Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that... :(

How you holding up?

She must be really strong, both emotionally and psychologically to make a decision like that. Just make sure that you give her the send off she deserves, let her know that you've cherished every moment with her.

I mean, we all occasionally say we hate our parents, but when do we ever mean it?

I can only hope that she stays strong until the very end. I'm so sorry for you :(
 

Artina89

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Oct 27, 2008
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My condolences. It must be a difficult time for you and your family. But at least she will leave this world knowing that she always has the love and support of her family, and that she was, and will always be loved by the people who matter the most to her. I don't know how to end this post, but all I can think of saying is, all the best for the future, and I hope she is as comfortable as she can possibly be in the final stages. Best wishes to your family.
 

Nickolai77

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Apr 3, 2009
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I don't think there are words in the English language to describe how sorry i am for you and your mother, and indeed how tragically unfortunate your family is.

The best you can do is try to enjoy your final days with her, at least you can be with her right to the end. But ultimately, life will have to go on, and while you'll have her memory shadowing your soul, i wish that the very best of life will come to you in future.
 

Erana

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Feb 28, 2008
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I honestly can't think of any way to respond to this, but you said you wanted an outlet for this, so I listened, and I am moved.
 

Lexodus

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Apr 14, 2009
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Embrace the time you have left. Don't make it about how she's going to die in what may be a matter of weeks/months, make it about how she's lived for the last 47 years. Celebrate her life with her, make her feel at peace and happy (as happy as she can be). Put it this way- you know it's coming, so there's no point living in fear. Dare I say it, have fun; what little time she has left should not be wasted on mourning her eventual death. Before my grandfather died, from cancer in much the same situation, we used our time to live as happily as we could with him. I remember that the last thing he said to me was a terrible joke he thought up whilst lying in bed that morning, and at his funeral, yes there was sadness, but we were also happy we'd gotten to spend such good times with him. Several people were outright laughing their heads off; he was a funny man, and that's what they carried on in their hearts. To an outsider, that must have seemed heartless, but not to us. And he wouldn't have wanted us moping about; my dad told me afterwards that he had imagined my grandfather saying 'what are you all looking so serious for?' as we all stood around listening to the priest. And because I was young, that's how I've remembered him. Yes, I'm sad, he's gone. Yes, it hurt. But goddamn, if it wasn't fun whilst he was here :')

Anyway, what I'm trying to say, in this long, incoherent ramble of mine, is keep your chin up. I'm sure your mum doesn't want her last weeks/months to be spent with this hanging over her, so have some fun and enjoy the time while you've got it. I hope that helps :)
 

BlumiereBleck

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Dec 11, 2008
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I'm sorry, but it's part of life. Death happens....the only thing you can do now is be there for your mother, let her know you love her. And make her time left the best she can ever have.
 

dvd_72

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Jun 7, 2010
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I know this is very cliche, but she'll never be truly gone as long as you remember her fondly. Keep the good times in your heart, make her happy in her final days. and remember that no matter how painfull things may get after, the pain will ease in time, life goes on, and memories will never completely fade.
 

Canadamus Prime

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Jun 17, 2009
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You have me sincerest sympathies. I had a friend die from cancer and I know how you must be feeling right now. I've been there.
 

Dags90

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Oct 27, 2009
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Well, I'm going to use this opportunity to get on my internet soapbox because this thread lacks clear direction anyway.


I hate the fighting/battle/etc. rhetoric of cancer that's so prevalent in the U.S. It glorifies cancer into some sort of "battle of will" when the best predictor for outcome is early detection and access to treatment, not steadfastness or positive attitude. You don't "lose" to cancer, it kills you. It's the same as any other thing. You don't "lose the fight" against cancer anymore than you lose the fight against malaria or aging. It's ridiculous to paint cancer survivors as brave and strong willed when those factors have little (if any) medical bearing on how cancer will play out.



One of our family friends was in a similar position. When they found metastasizes in his brain they took them out, but it was pretty obvious he'd never go into full remission so he started denying treatment and started with end of life care.
 

Jazoni89

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Dec 24, 2008
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My mum had throat cancer when i was a child, but luckily she beat it after swallowing a radiation pill to combat the cancerous tumours in her throat.

Its such a crying shame that your mum won't have the same luck as my mum had.

My heart goes out to you, your mum, and your family.

All i can express is that i can somewhat feel, and relate to what it is like to be in that terrible situation of a love one being succumbed to cancer.
 

PwnSt0nes

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Jan 10, 2010
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sry didnt read the whole thing, trying to watch unskippables but ill throw my 2 cents in.

A cancer patient's diet needs to be fresh fruits and vegetables. get all of your daily vitamin and minterals! no sugar, no corn syrup bullcrap. Your body needs certain things to live off of, not just mcdonalds'.

she needs to try her hardest to exercise, just walk or sit on a cycle machine.

and third, the most important is to think positive!

P.S. The only legal way to treat cancer in the U.S. (idk where u r) is thru radiation and chemo. which can actually CAUSE cancer.

GL think positive eat all the vitamins u can handle and dont give up! :D
 

Stammer

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Apr 16, 2008
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My best regards to you and your family. I wish for your mother a peaceful rest and for all those who love her the strength to cope.
 

David Demers

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Jan 24, 2011
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I lost my mother to cancer. She was diagnosed with 5 DIFFERENT TYPES of cancer. Talk about bad luck. She'd held on until she was sixty friggin' seven. She was a fighter 'till the end. Broke my heart to see her in the state she was. Never took the treatment either. She wanted God to do as he wanted.
 

Dags90

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Oct 27, 2009
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PwnSt0nes said:
P.S. The only legal way to treat cancer in the U.S. (idk where u r) is thru radiation and chemo. which can actually CAUSE cancer.
Factually incorrect, for both legal and medical reasons.