Lost Causes

[Paragon Fury]

So I've been pondering my future a lot lately. Or one thing in particular.

Yes, this is going to be one of those threads, so you can see yourself out if you don't feel like dealing with one.

It seems like ever since I graduated from college a year ago, the world has endeavored to remind me exactly how alone and single I am. Even worse has been the past few months where it seems my Facebook page has been filled with near-constant updates on people with their girlfriends, wives/husbands, their new kid(s) etc.

Ads and junk e-mail constantly remind of "great free dating" and "meeting women". Even after being part of online dating for a year, I've never had anyone message me back; and the only message I've ever received has been from one of those fake "accounts" that try to get you to visit those "shopping" sites where they steal your personal info.

But you know, everyone always says you've got to have hope and that there is "someone out there for you". However, there is always that little feeling in your gut that says those people are wrong. That maybe inherently some people are just doomed to failure on this front, either by their own hand or things out of their control.

I have spent significant time just sitting and thinking about it. Logically trying to argue it out and find some bit of logic or evidence that I'm not really as much of a lost cause as it seems.

But I'm not finding the bright spot here. Because lets go through a bit here:

- I live in an extremely female-sparse area (a "vagina desert" if you will). The number of men GREATLY outnumber the number of women in the area, especially in the 18-30 years age group. It gets slightly better during college time, but not by much (and it brings an influx of college guys in too).

- I'm poor. Not "poverty" poor, but poor. Paying rent, food, savings and student loans leaves me with $100 or less at the end of the month. Only by some judicious saving and working was I able to get some of the really nice things I DO have, like my computer. I don't own a car (or even have a driver's license) or anything like that. I bike 5 miles back and forth to work, and hand carry my weekly groceries the mile and half from the grocery store. That might sound like a mildly impressive bit of self-reliance, but in today's world its met with more "What's wrong with you?" and "Why do you keep doing something so weird?" than anything else.

- I'm not physically attractive. My body is "ill-defined", though I did lose a little weigh since I graduated. My face looks like spiders bit me a couple dozen times, in addition to being noticeably asymmetric (which, as I learned in college is a MASSIVE, MASSIVE negative, even more so than being poor or fat in many cases).

- I've got zero in the way of special ability or talent. I can't doing anything notable or impressive; I'm about as entertaining as a dead cat on a hot sidewalk. The cat is probably more entertaining.

- I'm into things that women are by far not into or just put off by. Video games, anime, paintball are all very male dominated. And I've heard the "go to Cons and things like that where there will be women interested in those things". Except you know, I'm poor and can't afford to - not to mention there are literally NONE around here, except in Boston and NYC which are hella far away. And the male-female ratio will still be heavily lopsided; and I'm sure joining in the masses of guys drooling over the girls at the conventions will do just great for me. I'll be "weird anime/video game guy #4,361".

- I feel bass-ackwards compared to the rest my generation. Smoking, drinking, doing reckless/dangerous things? Nope. See ya; I'll take the check right there and leave, thanks. This makes me odd man out, especially around where I live.

Not to mention lack of actual social experience, shyness and things like that. And lets not get started on what kinds of personal preferences I might have in women that might cause hang-ups. When people ask me what kind of girls I like I have to shrug and give some non-answer, because I certainly can't describe them much less show them. Its kind of hard to get into detail when you are asked those kinds of questions and the only thing you can think of are women like this:

Spoiler

And its not like I can just ignore the pressure, especially when it can actually affect my future (its been shown that singles, particularly men, are at increased risk for not being promoted, hired, given raises etc. and a whole host of other issues). Hell, even my parents and grandmother started to wonder if I was gay while in college because "I never talked about girls, never brought one home and never went to anything where they might go". (Yes, it was an incredibly awkward conversation. Thanks.) Its not like I enjoy it either.

Even if I plan out into the future, I hit another wall; I'll be too old by the time my situation would realistically improve enough to overcome many of these things. I mean hell, my college loans won't be paid off for 10 years; longer if I go to graduate school at some point. So even if I strive and try hard, it would likely all be meaningless because I'd be too old and too inexperienced to be worth anything.

But maybe I'm over thinking it. But at least writing this thread will get my mind off of it for a bit. And just to make sure I'm covered, I AM asking if there is ever a point where someone (like say, me) is considered a "lost cause", or if there are other options.

 

[hazabaza1]

Well from what I can tell you like blonde women with tig ol' bitties, so... that's something to go on I guess.

 

[Realitycrash]

You aren't a lost cause. You won't stay 'poor' forever. Your habits aren't an instant turn-off for women. You can work out and change your appearance if you care enough about it (and you can change your clothes, etc).

However, your taste in women...Eh. They are just not realistic. Let me be blunt with you: Very few of those women actually exist. Second, many of those women KNOW they look good, and are most likely out of your league.
So yeah..Your biggest problem is most likely a lack of self-esteem and (yes, I am going to say it) far, far too unrealistic standards.
If you want to keep shooting for the stars, go for it. I'm not trying to be rude or insult you in any way, but it will most likely end in a very lonely life.

 

[Axolotl]

I can't really think of anything to say except well; grow up.

You're self description is pretty pathetic to be honest, and if you can't paint yourself as someone people should want to date, then you probably aren't someone people will want to date. But for god's sake it's not like this is something beyond your control, if this is something that really bothers you then just change yourself. If you don't think you're interesting then become interesting, get some cool hobbies and develop some unique skills. If you don't think you look physically attractive then just spend some time working on it, get fitter, dress smarter and take better care of your hygiene, I'm not saying you can become a model no problem but it isn't complicated to try and look better. If none of your interests have many females then get more interests if you want to meet women.

And while this may seem trite, stop caring. Whether you date or not doesn't matter one iota in the end. There is no good reason for you to care, and if caring is making you distressed just don't do it. Try and make yourself a better person and not only will you be more likely to attract people but if you don't then at least you'll be happier with yourself.

 

[NightmareExpress]

Well, I'll tell you that all that walking and biking is mighty impressive.
Have you considered taking the physical side of things more seriously? Maybe going for long, recreational jogs and what-nots, perhaps even one day going to the gym or volunteer marathons? That sounds like quite the hobby that might impress the other gender and net you some like-minded friends. If not, try out anything that comes to mind. Pick up an instrument and try to learn it, if at all possible. You don't have to necessarily be "good" at something to be interesting and it's often more impressive to watch somebody improve over the course of when you know them.

The only negative thing I see up there is funds, to be honest.
Because, believe you me, money is the single most important thing on this entire planet.
It gets you everything because people are just that despicable (if the concept of currency was phased out tomorrow, how many people would simply show up to work from the bottom of their hearts?). If you don't have an adequate means of provision (for yourself and others), you'll be rather lonely and secluded. People like to go out and do things, people like getting things and all those petty "wants". It's just one of those bullshit things about the human psyche that you have to tolerate if you want to get anywhere. I bet you have a decent collection of games and paraphernalia yourself, eh?

I've seen ugly people find a companion, I've seen complete idiots find a companion and I've seen poor people find a companion (though they did have a couple hundred if not a couple thousand of dollars left at the end of the month). Hell, I've even seen myself get a companion. But, I'd like to make an addition to the second paragraph there. Your esteem needs a makeup as well, because girls generally like confidence. Even if you're ugly and awkward, they'll still find something charming about how you pull through. But don't expect to be picking up girls like those pictures. You're going to have to be much more realistic. Geek girls are definitely a thing, but I can't give you advice on where to look because it varies from locale to locale and what franchises they despise and love.

Anyway, I'm not going to sugarcoat it.
There are people who lose in life. Typically, those are the people who stop trying. The people that shut up, the people that close themselves in a room for god knows how many years before they realize that they've locked themselves out of numerous opportunities by doing so. But even they, when they finally change, manage to find happiness and success. Life is both a funny and sick thing, is what I'm getting at. The only wrong answer is no answer at all and you'll always end up surprised at what the "correct" answer is. I don't know if there is a person that is meant for you, but the law of big numbers would suggest so. But she might be banging your complete asshole of a rival on the other side of the Earth and you'll never see her so you have to make do with who you can get where you can.

I hope you can find some help from this, because those are just my stark observations on how things typically work.
I, too, have long since grown tired of the people that spew pseudo-optimistic nonsense. Now change yourself and find happiness from within!

 

[BreakfastMan]

Well from what I can tell you like blonde women with tig ol' bitties, so... that's something to go on I guess.

But hey, I mean, who doesn't like blonde women with tig ol' bitties? I know I am fond of them.

OT: No one is ever a lost cause. To quote something I once read on one of these pity party type of threads "everybody is somebodies fetish" (not the most applicable, I know, but I think you get my drift). Just... Ask girls out. You will never know if you could have had a relationship with the girl until you do. So, you know, just nut up and talk to them. Not like you got anything to lose.

 

[lacktheknack]

Well, if you don't like how you are in your situation, it's up to YOU to change it.

-You already get lots of exercise. Put more care into what you eat and the pounds should melt off.

-Don't like your lack of special skills? Here's a tip: No baby pops out of the womb with a full skillset. If you want special skills, then pick an activity and start doing it. Music? Get a cheap keyboard, a guitar, a tin whistle, whatever, and start playing. Try imitating songs you've heard to help you start. Art? Get some heavy paper with paint and brushes, sketching paper with pencils, or printer paper with crayons and get started. Wanna make a room burst into laughter? By some jokebooks and analyze what makes them funny, watch and analyze comedy routines, read "How To Be Funny" books, etc. It's not easy, but nothing worthwhile in life is.

-Feel like you're forever low on money? Read/watch some good financial advisers (David Chilton and Gail Vaz-Oxlade are good places to start), shop around for a better job, redo your budget, start learning a bit about how the stock market works, and everything else you can think of. You can always wring a bit of extra money out of SOMEwhere, and keeping some money set aside for the stock market isn't always a bad idea.

-Wish you could attract girls? If moving truly isn't an option, well, I've heard it said over and over again (from girls, no less) that confidence is key, and reading your OP, that's clearly something you're low on.

Etc, etc.

No one's a lost cause until they're dead. You're not dead? Then you still have a bunch of great opportunities hanging out in the open, waiting for you to expend the extra effort needed to take them.

I highly doubt that you'll try anything I suggested, whether because I've offended you, you hate expending effort, or you're wallowing in self-pity so deep that you actually don't want to improve things. Everything I've mentioned is risk free, though (except maybe the stock market), so if the above doesn't apply, you have no reason not to try and prove me wrong.

 

[Mossberg Shotty]

I feel like I won't really be adding anything that hasn't already been said here, but I'll take a crack at it.

As far as funds, your situation can always improve, right now you seem to be crippled by the fact that you went to college and now have a large amount of debt. College is great for some people, but as far as I'm concerned it's just shooting yourself in the foot, in this economy anyways.

I'll be blunt here, your preferences as far as women are concerned are ridiculous. Even if you were a perfect 10 who brings jealous tears to the eyes of other men, it's ridiculous. Women don't look like that. Women are just like you, they worry about being alone, and they often times have poor self-esteem. They're human and fallible just like anyone else, and you should never be afraid to talk to them.

You're not happy with your appearance, but that's hardly written in stone. You could always change certain things about your appearance, like hair, clothes, body type, etc. There's always room for improvement. But you have to keep in mind that looks aren't the only thing at play when searching for a mate. It's also about how you carry yourself and display confidence. It may not be ideal, but you have to work with what you have.

And most importantly, I would urge you not to give up. I recently began trying to improve myself, and things have gotten better. I got a tattoo, I bleached my hair, and I started lifting weights, and the results have been good, though I still have a ways to go. And there's no reason you can't do something similar. It's the frustrated people like yourself who end up making a difference. Also, you might not be a spiritual person, but I would urge you to find God, if you haven't already. There's much wisdom to be found there, and someone such as yourself might benefit.

Hang in there, bro.

 

[Ratties]

Don't really care anymore about being alone. Of course as you get older, you will become more numb to it. Not going to lie to you, you may not ever meet anybody. Does happen. Remember that being single has it's perks. Alright so here you go. Pretty much don't have to waste your time doing stuff that you don't want to do. Every guy knows what a pain in the ass it is spending money on stuff for her. Really don't have to worry about her wanting to get married in a couple of years because thats what most woman want.

 

[frizzlebyte]

Well, as someone who can relate to some of your issues, I say there are a few things that you can do right now:

1) Realize that your situation will change if you keep on living and keep your eyes open to possibilities.

2) Don't bloody do activities and hobbies just to attract women. That hobby isn't your thing. Stop doing it.

3) Realize that there is a woman out there who *will* find you attractive, no matter what you look like. She will think you are the most gorgeous, caring, sweet, interesting man simply because she loves you. Sappy? Yeah. But it's the biggest truth in the relationship game out there, and I know because I've seen it dozens of times.

4) Realize that you don't *need* to have a relationship with someone to have a successful life.

For a long time I rode the fear and self-pity train (and occasionally jump back on, make no mistake) because I did not understand these four things, and what they are really saying: be yourself.

No, really. BE YOURSELF.

Yes, you may be shy, awkward, unattractive and boring to some people. But then again, so is everyone else. I can guarantee that all the celebs out there that are drop dead beautiful have plenty of people asking "why does society think he/she is pretty? I don't get it." And if you actually met an actor, and not the character they play, they would not be nearly as interesting as you think.

If you judge me by my interests, I am the most milquetoast person out there. I like to read, watch movies, play video games, and write, among other things. I do not like clubbing, drinking, partying, or any of the other "fun" activities that many in my age group enjoys. On free days, my greatest joy is to spend the afternoon at the public library reading a book.

But I do enjoy people and mild socializing, and once people get to know me, I can keep them entertained with my sense of humor, which people seem to enjoy, and we have a great time.

And there are plenty of people who share your interests. You just have to find them. The only thing I will say about that is you will have to work on is the shyness. I still am extremely shy, but I forced myself to get out there and talk to people, and I get better all the time.

I guess the tl;dr version is stop worrying and live whatever life you have. You only get it once, and if you spend your whole life trying to be someone else, you have just wasted the life you have already.

 

[Luca72]

snip

I don't believe there are many true lost causes, but let me over-analyze a bit of your post. You seem to have pigeon-holed yourself into the category of "average shy male anime/video game enthusiast". If that's truly the extent of who you are, then no, you really can't have a girlfriend right now. Think about it like this - if you were applying for a job, would you expect them to hire you just because you feel you deserve a job? No, they'll hire you if you can offer them something. The harsh reality of the world is that no one really cares who you are. They care how you can benefit them.

This is not the worst thing that can happen when you realize it. Once you realize that you'll never have a girlfriend until you have something to offer, you can make your life a journey of self-discovery. It sounds cheesy, but once you start, you won't want to stop. The first step is to get out and get some exercise. Don't worry about how you look or what other people think of you. Concern yourself with how you feel. If you're too embarrassed to ask about that, pm me and I can give you a starting routine. You'll get into a state of mind where every day you are stronger and more developed as a person than the day before. Just like in a video game, you have to build yourself up step by step. Get to a certain level, find you've improved somehow, then start grinding again. Once you start building yourself into a new, improved person, you'll realize that getting girls is the least of your concerns. Girls aren't all that - they just seem like they are when you can't get them. The real key is getting to a state where you're proud to be yourself. If you're not proud to be yourself right now, you can't just will it. Something is missing, and needs to be corrected.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking you'll find a girl who is into the same things you're into. Even if you do, she still runs on the basic laws of female attraction (in the same way that you run on the laws of male attraction). A girl that likes anime and video games will still prefer the confident male over one who simply watches the same anime and plays the same games.

This post got a little long-winded, but the point is that you seem to be out of a state of self-delusion where you're telling yourself everything will turn out alright, and instead are in a state where you're asking what could possibly change. This is an uncomfortable, yet potentially highly constructive mindset to be in. Everyone needs to be self-critical from time to time and take a look at what they can change about themselves.

 

[axlryder]

First of all, in regards to your time concerns, you do have an advantage being a man. I don't want to sound misogynistic here, but that sad truth is that it's far easier for men in their late 30's to early 40's (depending on various factors) to be seen as eligible bachelors. Being fit goes an especially long way in that regard though.

As to your other problems, I'd say the first thing you you need to learn is how to cultivate confidence and charisma. Those two qualities make the fucking difference. It's not just about impressing women either, it's about embracing yourself as a person, working your ass off to be the best you can be and then projecting that out for others to see. This will allow you to find far more success in virtually all aspects of your life, which will play off of one another to make your potential love life all the more promising. Right now you're afraid to fail and your crippling insecurity is showing. You're afraid of rejection, you're afraid of not being successful in almost any aspect of your life, you're afraid that if you got a women in bed you wouldn't even know what to do with her. I bet your procrastinate your ass off too and spend far too much time mindlessly browsing the internet when you're not begrudgingly slogging through your daily grind. With a disposition like that you might as well bathe in garlic. If you can learn how to put yourself out there without all of that fear hovering just below the surface, you'll find that women can be surprisingly reciprocating of your advances.

Now, I'm not saying that there's just a magical switch you can flip in your head that will make you more confident. There IS a magical drink that can help with that, but that's more of a crutch than a long-term solution (and there are those undesirable side effects). No, charisma is a skill that you have to cultivate on an emotional and psychological level. It's a refined skill too. Just being brash and outgoing isn't nearly enough to actually captivate people and make them want to be around you. Fortunately, the internet is ready and willing to help you out. Literally just google "how to be more charismatic", and you'll find a wealth of information on the subject.

Aside from that, you can learn how to be funny. You can learn how to be interesting and make things you're passionate about interesting. You can even learn to be interested in things you're NOT passionate about. It's okay to dabble in stuff that isn't intuitive to you. At the end of the day you have to work for it, but fortunately you're not just working towards getting laid. You're working towards IMPROVING yourself as a person. That alone is worth the effort, and it will make you feel good about yourself, which will help make you more confident. So learn to cook. Learn some magic tricks. Learn a few good jokes. Learn how to read people. Pick up a sport. Make yourself interesting, and then get out there and get ready to try your ass off while giving a middle finger to all your little insecurities. (also, I just noticed I say "ass off" a lot)

Btw, if you think you might have serious emotional or psychological issues (underlying or not) a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist can go a long way to helping you out. After all, getting ridding of psychological issues will aid you in becoming the person I'm guessing you'd rather be.

Anyway, not my best pep talk, but that's all I got for ya' right now. Sorry.

 

[trollnystan]

Can I ask you a question? What about those posted characters' personalities attracted you to them? 'Cos if you're looking for a life partner - not just a fuck buddy or whatever - based solely on how they look... Well.

For example - if we're going to talk fictional characters here - I find Garrus attractive because he's confident in his profession, he has a sense of humour, and he's loyal. Not to mention adorably fumbly around women who show interest in him. I find Ezio Auditore attractive because, again, he's funny and confident. His womanising is a bit of a turn-off, but then again he always treats women as equals; they are willing participants, not nagged or seduced into it.

Ezio is of course physically attractive yes, but Garrus? Objectively no. He becomes physically attractive to me because I find his personality attractive.

There are plenty of guys I find physically attractive both in fiction and real life, but their personality turns me right off. Eminem for example. Sexy as all hell but I wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot pole. I have a physical "type" I find attractive, but I wouldn't look for a potential life partner just based on that.

I've been single for over 14 years. (That's also the last time I had sex btw.) It IS tough, but there are parts of being single that I really like and that, if someone came up to me tomorrow asking me out (HA!), I would be hard-pressed to give up. However, I don't attract men because, like you, I have bad self-esteem and self-confidence; I'm fine with that at the moment but clearly you are not.

Others here have said that if you're unhappy with yourself then you should do something about it. I know how hard that can be though if you're depressed. However, it IS one of the best way to get out of it. Exercise alone brought my sister-in-law further out of her depression than anything else. Even if you're not clinically depressed it does work wonders for people with self-esteem/confidence issues. It has to be for yourself though, not some nebulous, hypothetical girlfriend. That's my problem with doing it; I don't see the point in doing it for myself - because I'm worthless, etc - so I don't.

As for your "spider-bitten" face, well I'm not sure what you mean by that because I don't know how a spider bite looks like. I'm guessing you mean pimples? But if you want to improve on that then it's not only women who can use facial products. As you're on a budget - like me - there are ordinary household items that can be used for facial hygiene; I like to use honey for example. And sugar mixed with a dash of olive oil for a body scrub? Awesome. Skin types differ of course but there are plenty of sites that can help you with that. Search for "no poo".

I don't know if this helped any, or if it just confused you. I hope it didn't make it worse at least.

An important part in finding love is learning to love yourself first.

 

[frizzlebyte]

Can I ask you a question? What about those posted characters' personalities attracted you to them? 'Cos if you're looking for a life partner - not just a fuck buddy or whatever - based solely on how they look... Well.

For example - if we're going to talk fictional characters here - I find Garrus attractive because he's confident in his profession, he has a sense of humour, and he's loyal. Not to mention adorably fumbly around women who show interest in him. I find Ezio Auditore attractive because, again, he's funny and confident. His womanising is a bit of a turn-off, but then again he always treats women as equals; they are willing participants, not nagged or seduced into it.

Ezio is of course physically attractive yes, but Garrus? Objectively no. He becomes physically attractive to me because I find his personality attractive.

There are plenty of guys I find physically attractive both in fiction and real life, but their personality turns me right off. Eminem for example. Sexy as all hell but I wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot pole. I have a physical "type" I find attractive, but I wouldn't look for a potential life partner just based on that.

I've been single for over 14 years. (That's also the last time I had sex btw.) It IS tough, but there are parts of being single that I really like and that, if someone came up to me tomorrow asking me out (HA!), I would be hard-pressed to give up. However, I don't attract men because, like you, I have bad self-esteem and self-confidence; I'm fine with that at the moment but clearly you are not.

Others here have said that if you're unhappy with yourself then you should do something about it. I know how hard that can be though if you're depressed. However, it IS one of the best way to get out of it. Exercise alone brought my sister-in-law further out of her depression than anything else. Even if you're not clinically depressed it does work wonders for people with self-esteem/confidence issues. It has to be for yourself though, not some nebulous, hypothetical girlfriend. That's my problem with doing it; I don't see the point in doing it for myself - because I'm worthless, etc - so I don't.

As for your "spider-bitten" face, well I'm not sure what you mean by that because I don't know how a spider bite looks like. I'm guessing you mean pimples? But if you want to improve on that then it's not only women who can use facial products. As you're on a budget - like me - there are ordinary household items that can be used for facial hygiene; I like to use honey for example. And sugar mixed with a dash of olive oil for a body scrub? Awesome. Skin types differ of course but there are plenty of sites that can help you with that. Search for "no poo".

I don't know if this helped any, or if it just confused you. I hope it didn't make it worse at least.

An important part in finding love is learning to love yourself first.

Those are actually really good points, and go pretty well with what I was saying. Can't see how they would make the OP worse off than he is. And you are right: any depression has to be addressed before you can really improve, though I think there are a lot of ways to get out of it. If it is clinical, then therapy and anti-depressants would be a good starting point, but if it is more a function of "not knowing where to start improving," then just trying to do *something* about your situation can be the push you need, even if you don't feel like it or are afraid to try.

 

[zefiris]

(a "vagina desert" if you will)

main reason listed for a girlfriend is possible job disadvantages as a single

ideal image of a woman is a huge-breasted blonde, while you yourself show little care to actually do stuff about you own appearance

I really have no idea why women aren't lining up, wanting to mate with you. I truly cannot think of a reason.

Video games, anime () are all very male dominated.

Pffft. I am not sure if this was some joke or if you're actually serious, because as a woman - nope, bzzt, wrong on both counts. Anime's not male dominated at all. Nor are games.

You simply stick to places that are somewhat hostile towards women. Like the escapist here, which is comparatively hostile - just look at the butthurt Sarkeesian haters infesting this place.


Look, dude. You're shallow, your interest in women is only for what they do for YOU - and you show little interest in what women could want (evidence: Your complete ignorance about, say, what women want or that women are not "overwhelmingly underrepresented" in the areas you're interested in. If you can't even spot that anime is nearly female dominated, and that videogames have 45% female players, then you're really having issues). You expect a lot of women, but show no interest to do things back - like, for example, make YOURSELF more attractive.

Guys seem to just expect attractive women to want them without realizing that women also want attractive men (or no men at all).



You are not a lost cause per se, every problem you have is caused by you and your own decisions. You either choose to fix it - or not. Up to you. You decide this.


[Edit; And sorry, no sympathy for your discomfort at being thought as gay. Try being gay and your family trying to force you to be straight. THAT's hard.]

 

[trollnystan]

Those are actually really good points, and go pretty well with what I was saying. Can't see how they would make the OP worse off than he is. And you are right: any depression has to be addressed before you can really improve, though I think there are a lot of ways to get out of it. If it is clinical, then therapy and anti-depressants would be a good starting point, but if it is more a function of "not knowing where to start improving," then just trying to do *something* about your situation can be the push you need, even if you don't feel like it or are afraid to try.

Thanks =) Right back at you, some very good points there.

I figured I'd focus on exercise as he never came out and said that he was depressed, but talking to a professional also does a lot. Again, you still have to really want it though. I have gone through therapy myself, but because of my inability to care much about what happens to me it hasn't gone well.

OP doesn't seem to be that far gone down the road to self-hatred/apathy, but I may be wrong.

 

[Eddie the head]

[Edit; And sorry, no sympathy for your discomfort at being thought as gay. Try being gay and your family trying to force you to be straight. THAT's hard.]

I'm pretty sure that's a fallacy. Yeah it would suck for you family to try and force you to be straight. But if I compare it to the 5 year old African child walking 50 miles to get dirty water and a bowl of rice it's a god damn cake walk. The fact there are worse problems in the world doesn't mean his problems are irrelevant.

 

[Doclector]

I kind of feel like that. People have no tolerance for anyone who didn't learn everything the exact same time you did. Hell, did ever you learn anything BEFORE everyone else got it in school? If so, you're probably familiar with the barrage of insults.

At 22, it seems I've missed my chance to be sexually inexperienced and not be looked down upon. I'm almost certain nobody would want me, and if they did, they'd just leave me once they found out how inevitably crap I am in bed, because I doubt anyone's a natural at this, let alone myself.

Work too. They wouldn't let me get a job straight out of school, and now they blame me for that gaping void in my CV, except it isn't. I did everything I could to improve myself and stop myself going mad, a path that eventually led me to university, but the dumb bastards can't see that.

And yet I remain confident that I'll find a way forward. Maybe I'll never have a girlfriend, but I'm far too angry to just fade away. I will leave my mark, one way or another, I will force my way forward, make too much noise to ever be ignored. When the film companies don't want to support me, I'll make my own damn stuff. I am too weird to live and much too rare to die, and I refuse to be ignored. One way or another, people will listen, and I will leave this world, if only slightly, better than it was when I arrived.

Other than my own ways of getting through, I suggest to yourself that you lower your asthetic expectations of women. Most of those examples aren't realistic, let alone common.