Lost Causes

[Chromatic Aberration]

I'am always slightly amused when people go around proclaiming they are a lost cause and all.

Just to give you a little bit of perspective:

* I'm three/four years older than you.
* I never had a girlfriend.
* I never had a crush on anyone or anything I'd designate as a crush at all.
* I refuse to partake in that stupid "dating-game" anyone seems to be so keen on doing.
* I'm a sexual deviant with an almost exclusive focus on things that are physically impossible.
* I did have sex twice and it bored me.
* I suspect that I have if not one, then several mental conditions that keep me from ever getting close to anyone. Not that I didn't want to, mind.
* I decided the last 6 years that I wouldn't really care about the above at all and just keep going, since, honestly, I really have much more important and much more pleasant things to do than try to worry about that kind of shit that is very likely to be set in stone anyway.

And despite all this, I always knew that I have to keep trying at somepoint, that I have to try and get around these things - at least to some degree - because, well, you'll have to try, right? Even if its just incredibly spotty patchwork. You simply can't win if you don't make a bet once in a while.

So: Lost Cause my friggin ass.

Now get up and do shit - the others have already told you more than enough of what you can and should do.

Also keep in mind what Miyenne said:

Why is everyone so hung up on having someone who has sex with them as their partner? Yeah sex is great and all, but there's so many other ways you can have a relationship with someone.

...because, you know, you should really ask yourself if you really want a girlfriend or simply someone you can talk and connect to. Because if its the latter you'll have a lot more much less messy, opportunities at your disposal.

 

[Jf0urnier]

5: Confidence/self-esteem has to originate in something. It doesn't appear out of nowhere or from nothing. If you don't have anything for it to come from, you don't really got it.

To quote a wise man named Hutch, "Esteemable acts are things that you can point to when you're looking for ammo against a brain that tells you your a piece of s%*t - you build self esteem by doing esteemable acts, not by willing it or thinking about it."

Really not much else I can think to add to the conversation; if you continually put yourself down, you're gonna feel down. If you're putting yourself in that situation, it would be a good idea to change that.

 

[IamLEAM1983]

Snip!

It's all been said before:

- Shake yourself up;
- Get in shape;
- Take a ride and actually do scope out the gals;
- For the love of God, DROP YOUR FETISH LIKE A BAD HABIT, ASAP!

All four of these things are going to be hard if you wallow in your current state. Don't go thinking you need to go from having some love handles to being a six-pack god, mind you. Get some good clothes, make sure your personal hygiene is top notch and most importantly, work on your interests and skills.

As to why this is relevant - mostly because being an Anime enthusiast isn't necessarily a decent conversation starter. I've met a lot of hot girls who didn't mind waxing Miyazaki with me; but I've also met others for whom My Neighbour Totoro was basically a kid's movie with about zero interest or relevance. Considering, make sure you've got several avenues of interest to exploit, not just the one thing you're currently passionate about.

Finally, girls aren't really into guys who commiserate or who lay down their personal problems, even if you happen to do so sedately. Make sure to spend as much time as possible *listening* to whatever girl it is you manage to spend time with.

Finally, don't skip steps, ever. Do things right and you'll first gain a friend. Enjoy that while it's not too complicated and while there's no emotional affects associated to it. If you're serious, it probably won't last forever. You'll eventually both start to want more meaningful exchanges; at which point you'll lose someone who might have shown tolerance for anything from your gaming habits to your fetishes and gain someone who's going to hold you accountable. Never forget this works both ways, and that relationships require sacrifices. Tons and tons of sacrifices.

 

[Winthrop]

Snip

Thank god someone pointed out a lot of that. He refers to woman as vaginas in that first quote of yours which is absolutely horrible. He goes on about how noone will like him for his appearance but then proceeds to imply he will only date busty blondes. He NEVER mentions that he ever does nice things for girls or explains what he could bring to a relationship but expects beautiful women to date him with no effort on his part to seek them out or to do anything to attract them. He seems to ignore the individuality of girls (saying no girls will like certain things) and generalizes them constantly in his post. If OP wants to get a girlfriend, he needs to get a more mature and less sexist view of women because women don't like when guys treat them like that. I'm a guy by the way if that is relevant.

 

[Paragon Fury]

Snip

Thank god someone pointed out a lot of that. He refers to woman as vaginas in that first quote of yours which is absolutely horrible. He goes on about how noone will like him for his appearance but then proceeds to imply he will only date busty blondes. He NEVER mentions that he ever does nice things for girls or explains what he could bring to a relationship but expects beautiful women to date him with no effort on his part to seek them out or to do anything to attract them. He seems to ignore the individuality of girls (saying no girls will like certain things) and generalizes them constantly in his post. If OP wants to get a girlfriend, he needs to get a more mature and less sexist view of women because women don't like when guys treat them like that. I'm a guy by the way if that is relevant.

Woah, woah there buddy. You to chill for a moment and think.

1: It was a poorly worded attempt at wit, but not untrue. (An "x" desert is simply sociological way of saying that there isn't far too little of particular resource to adequately meet the needs of the people in that area. In this case it means there are far too few women in said area compared to the number of men, meaning personal relationships suffer, etc.)

2: I never said anywhere those are the only kind of women I would date; those were just the first pictures I had on hand (not really on hand, they were in my Tinypic history from posting to other threads). I later rectified said laziness in my second post.

3: I think you missed the part where I said I HAVE thought about it, but I couldn't see what I could bring that someone else couldn't bring + more. What "nice" things would I specifically do for women, especially considering that you know, I never meet any?

4: I don't think "ignoring the individuality of women" is quite what you mean here for what I said.

 

[Winthrop]

Snip

Thank god someone pointed out a lot of that. He refers to woman as vaginas in that first quote of yours which is absolutely horrible. He goes on about how noone will like him for his appearance but then proceeds to imply he will only date busty blondes. He NEVER mentions that he ever does nice things for girls or explains what he could bring to a relationship but expects beautiful women to date him with no effort on his part to seek them out or to do anything to attract them. He seems to ignore the individuality of girls (saying no girls will like certain things) and generalizes them constantly in his post. If OP wants to get a girlfriend, he needs to get a more mature and less sexist view of women because women don't like when guys treat them like that. I'm a guy by the way if that is relevant.

Woah, woah there buddy. You to chill for a moment and think.

1: It was a poorly worded attempt at wit, but not untrue. (An "x" desert is simply sociological way of saying that there isn't far too little of particular resource to adequately meet the needs of the people in that area. In this case it means there are far too few women in said area compared to the number of men, meaning personal relationships suffer, etc.)

2: I never said anywhere those are the only kind of women I would date; those were just the first pictures I had on hand (not really on hand, they were in my Tinypic history from posting to other threads). I later rectified said laziness in my second post.

3: I think you missed the part where I said I HAVE thought about it, but I couldn't see what I could bring that someone else couldn't bring + more. What "nice" things would I specifically do for women, especially considering that you know, I never meet any?

4: I don't think "ignoring the individuality of women" is quite what you mean here for what I said.

Yeah you are right. I know it probably doesn't mean much but I'm sorry I sort of lost my temper. I had a friend who was always upset about not having a girlfriend then recently got one and started treating her like shit. Guess I took out my frustration at him out on you. I really am sorry and I appreciate your levelheaded response to my lack of levelheadedness.

 

[Mossberg Shotty]

I am too weird to live and much too rare to die.

You my friend, have been listening to far too much Avenged Sevenfold.

Why is everyone so hung up on having someone who has sex with them as their partner? Yeah sex is great and all, but there's so many other ways you can have a relationship with someone.

If you can't find a woman to fall for, or who will fall for you, oh well.

Find a friend. Male, female, or whatever in between. Spend time with them. Live with them if it's financially a better option.

My twin sister and I are 29 and live together. No boyfriends, and it's not that we're unattractive. We're just quite comfortable with each other and men fall a far second.

Is there anything wrong with that? Maybe that's what you should aim for. Love is just a bonus in life. Friendship's a necessity.

See there, OP. A prime example of not needing a romantic relationship to be happy. It starts with learning to love yourself, and then maybe others will do the same. A girlfriend isn't the secret to happiness, I've been in relationships where I was completely depressed.

Try finding a really good friend and taking it from there.

 

[Realitycrash]

Why is everyone so hung up on having someone who has sex with them as their partner? Yeah sex is great and all, but there's so many other ways you can have a relationship with someone.

True, but it's hard to have a snuggly-cuddly relationship with a partner without having sex with them (either they expect it, or you expect it).
You know what I call a woman I am not interested in having sex with, yet care for, find amusing, trust and share secrets with, share interests with and in general have a great time with? A friend.
You know what I call same woman, except now we are having sex and cuddle without it feeling weird? A girlfriend.
And in many cases, if you DO find such a person, and you also find them physically attractive, it can be hard not to develop feelings for them.
In essence, having such a person in your life is great, but I'd still have such a person plus cuddling and sex.

 

[Doclector]

I am too weird to live and much too rare to die.

You my friend, have been listening to far too much Avenged Sevenfold.

Nope.
Although, I don't give a shit what anyone says about avenged, that song is awesome.

 

[Paragon Fury]

Try talking to women more, in a non-dating context. We're not scary. Knowing how to talk to women without being nervous will help.

Some people have a harder time dating than others, but writing yourself off as a lost cause isn't exactly a good idea.

I don't really talk that much. I've always been the quiet guy who only says something if he thinks it really matters and avoids talking to others to avoid annoying them or distracting them. And I mean, crap, I have a hard time just telling how old women are; I mean I can tell the obvious 14 or under or above like 32 or so, but anything in that range its pretty much just a guessing game. It makes it pretty damn awkward.

Snip!

- For the love of God, DROP YOUR FETISH LIKE A BAD HABIT, ASAP!

Fetish?

 

[Phasmal]

Try talking to women more, in a non-dating context. We're not scary. Knowing how to talk to women without being nervous will help.

Some people have a harder time dating than others, but writing yourself off as a lost cause isn't exactly a good idea.

I don't really talk that much. I've always been the quiet guy who only says something if he thinks it really matters and avoids talking to others to avoid annoying them or distracting them. And I mean, crap, I have a hard time just telling how old women are; I mean I can tell the obvious 14 or under or above like 32 or so, but anything in that range its pretty much just a guessing game. It makes it pretty damn awkward.

My boyfriend is also not a huge talker.
Most of the time if I'm talking to him, this is the reply I get:

It doesn't mean you are a lost cause. You may find online dating better, because you can take your time to think about what you want to say.

And with age, it's the same with guys. But it's not that hugely important. It's probably easier to get to know a person before and then either figure out or get told how old they are. As long as their in legal range and you're not too fussy about being with someone the same ages as you, it's not that important.

 

[manic_depressive13]

At 22, it seems I've missed my chance to be sexually inexperienced and not be looked down upon. I'm almost certain nobody would want me, and if they did, they'd just leave me once they found out how inevitably crap I am in bed, because I doubt anyone's a natural at this, let alone myself.

Woah dude, no one is going to leave you just for being crap in bed unless they were only in it for sex. Even if you weren't a virgin there's no guarantee that the stuff your previous partner liked will be the same for the next one. Part of being in a relationship is talking openly and discussing what you want in the bedroom.

 

[Mossberg Shotty]

Snip

Well, either way, I was right about you plagiarizing.

I agree, A7X kicks quite a bit of ass, though Bat Country isn't my favorite song by them.

 

[Zaire_Zero]

"However, there is always that little feeling in your gut that says those people are wrong." Yeah, bro, natural selection; mother nature's a *****, you're not guaranteed anything in life. You gotta go get it. Don't end up like me and miss opportunity after opportunity. It's like karma, what you put out comes back; so you gotta actually get out and start putting out. A lot of people are self fulfilling prophecies in this area. Personally, I look back at my situation, and I don't see any one specific mistake I made, it was all of them combined. Ya, know whad ya expect? Everything that happens to you in life really is your fault. Inaction is an action itself, waiting is a verb. With a online dating it's not that you're putting nothing out there, it's putting a more negative spin on it. I can't help but feel like most people dating online are desperate and put some of that energy out there. And I'm trying not to sound like my mother, it's not actual energy but this does feed into your relationship with yourself and yourself opinion aka your confidence and self respect.
I guess what I'm trying to tell you is man the fuck up and stop bitching about it on the escapist for crying out loud. If you actually cared at all, you'd have put the time writing this into doing something about it, even if it's popping a pimple or doing some *gasp* push ups or some exercise? There are no answers to these sorts of questions on the internet. Period. Why? I don't know you and you don't know me. //point. You can't deal with shit irl when you're not irl. Jad T. Jones can't help you, The Wing Girls can't help you, no one on the escapist can help you or tell you anything you wouldn't learn yourself the classic way. There's nothing here your mom or your therapist wouldn't repeat. No one's going to tell you what you need to hear, there's nothing you can read, or that can be written to help you. Just get out of your own damn way, or lay down. Make your fucking choice and live with it. It's your damn decision; not ours.