Love triangle mess? Suggestions and input from escapists

[@hot]

Well, this is a somewhat long story. So sorry ahead of time.

First off my best friend with whom I hang out with at least three to four times a week fell for our other friends sister. I supported him and pushed him to finally ask her out. She ended up rejecting him and he was depressed for about a month or so. Eventually he disassociated himself from her and seems to be doing better, though I never bring it up. During the time of me figuring out he liked her and the month of recovery, I got to know her on a very personal level. After a while I had the feeling she might be interested in me. The first thing I did was ask my best friend what he thought, he told me he hated the idea and I could tell it hurt him very much.

So I eventually gathered the truth from her, she did. Honestly I had somewhat grown to like her over the time we spent. We talked about it one night for a long time and came to the conclusion we should just be friends. Things were awkward for a couple of days then about a month later it was brought up again. We talked and I told her that I did have some sort of deep down feeling for her, she agreed saying she felt the same way, but there was one thing that kept her from acting on it. My appearance...
I understand that is extremely shallow and mean but I wasn't hurt by it much, more bummed than anything.

We never went anywhere with it. She has told me about someone new she is interested in but he is younger than her and that is her excuse for not accepting him. We still talk obviously, but lately those feelings have resurfaced... Just on my end though I believe.

My bestfriend is unaware of the situation as I don't want to hurt him. All in all, I have been fighting myself to protect my friendship with three people at once. My 2 best friends and ones sister.

I'm just curious if anyone had any suggestions or advice seeing it from a different perspective than me.

Thank you.

 

[manic_depressive13]

Obviously I don't know this girl, but from what you've said she sounds very shallow and immature. I would strongly advise against getting involved with her, if not for your friend, then because she seems manipulative and more interested in stringing guys along to validate herself than actually becoming involved in a relationship.

When you say she dislikes your appearance, could she have been referring to the way you dress, or did she mean she doesn't think you're physically attractive? If it's the former that's pretty shallow, but if it's the latter that's just mean. It's reasonable enough not to be attracted to someone, but to say it the way she did is just... yeah, she's no good.

 

[@hot]

Its what you just said plain and simple. I know it is, but I keep telling myself no. I keep going back I guess you'd say.
It was physical attractiveness btw. Though she was the one to say she cared about me first. Then I explained to her I wanted to just be friends. The when it resurfaced I told herhow I felt and she said she still felt the same but the appearance thing came up.

 

[manic_depressive13]

Its what you just said plain and simple. I know it is, but I keep telling myself no. I keep going back I guess you'd say.
It was physical attractiveness btw. Though she was the one to say she cared about me first. Then I explained to her I wanted to just be friends. The when it resurfaced I told herhow I felt and she said she still felt the same but the appearance thing came up.

I know it can be flattering when someone says they have feelings for you, and it can be tempting to pursue a relationship because you seem to have found someone who you can get along with. But this girl is immature and obviously doesn't know what she wants, and you know it yourself. I've been in a similar situation before. Even if you two do get involved with eachother, it won't end well and you'll probably lose a friend (or even several friends) along the way. Whichever way you look at it, it isn't worth it. If you're finding it difficult or confusing to be around her, disassociating yourself the way your friend did might be the way to go.

 

[Keoul]

You know your friend's in love with her, just try not to pursue her. Why are you interested in her anyway? sure you've talked and such and such but if it isn't anything beyond "dun wanna be alone and you look pretty" you shouldn't pursue her.
After all dude what happens if you do pursue her and it ends badly? you'd have lost both her and your mate.
If all else fails just bail O.O

 

[weirdsoup]

Its what you just said plain and simple. I know it is, but I keep telling myself no. I keep going back I guess you'd say.
It was physical attractiveness btw. Though she was the one to say she cared about me first. Then I explained to her I wanted to just be friends. The when it resurfaced I told herhow I felt and she said she still felt the same but the appearance thing came up.

So you knocked her back and THEN she made comments about how you look?

I'd say that's pretty open and shut right there, fella

 

[Phasmal]

Snip.

Dude.
Just cause this girl played a pretty nasty game with you doesn't mean you can start contemplating destroying her life and slut-shaming.
The girl can fuck who she likes. She's no more (and in fact LESS) immoral than the married guys. They made a promise, she didn't. She doesnt owe you a fuck because she slept with married guys.
*gets off soapbox*

This entitlement shit makes me feel ill.

As for OP.
Thats pretty weird.
If the girl's not attracted to you, its not really going to go anywhere. So I'd just back off if I were you, its probably not worth your time.

 

[Phasmal]

Which is exactly why I never did it, though the fact that she actively seeks to become a wedge in other people's relationships does make her a despicable person. Sure if it was just one guy I could overlook it, we all make bad choices every now and then, but she;s allowed herself to become the "other woman" in many different relationships.

*Shrug*
It's her life.
Having the hots for a bad person might be horrible, but doesn't mean you can get all judgy and it's not your job to `overlook` anything.

 

[Brown Cap]

Obviously I don't know this girl, but from what you've said she sounds very shallow and immature. I would strongly advise against getting involved with her, if not for your friend, then because she seems manipulative and more interested in stringing guys along to validate herself than actually becoming involved in a relationship.

When you say she dislikes your appearance, could she have been referring to the way you dress, or did she mean she doesn't think you're physically attractive? If it's the former that's pretty shallow, but if it's the latter that's just mean. It's reasonable enough not to be attracted to someone, but to say it the way she did is just... yeah, she's no good.

^ This guy knows.

I agree. However, you should think about your next choices carefully. Make your decision whether to cut it out completely, continue what you're doing, or actually pursue her. One of those choices might lead you to a swift kick in the pants, but that's the thing you probably need to give your head a shake and realize a different aspect of the situation

 

[Smooth Operator]

Wow we be flamin already in here

OT, walk away as far as possible, that sort of girl is trouble in every conceivable way and not even one worth your time.
I understand she looks like the best shot at a relationship right now but that isn't actually true, putting your time into others is by far the most sensible option for all parties.

 

[Vegosiux]

[
Dude.
Just cause this girl played a pretty nasty game with you doesn't mean you can start contemplating destroying her life and slut-shaming.
The girl can fuck who she likes. She's no more (and in fact LESS) immoral than the married guys. They made a promise, she didn't. She doesnt owe you a fuck because she slept with married guys.
*gets off soapbox*

*shrug* Slut shaming being an annyoing practice notwithstanding, she's not exactly someone not whose feelings I'd worry about hurting if I came across her. I'd not go out of my way to point fingers, but getting the kicks from actively interfering in other people's relationship is something that makes me pity the person more than it makes me despise them. I'd actually say she would need some counseling because she obviously seems to have some issues going on. And I'd say that in a neutral way, not the "LOL u crazy *****" derisive condescending way.

As for OT; I have two things to say.

1) Now sure while the wounds are fresh the time is kind of dodgy, but your friend's success or lack therof should, as selfish as that is, still not be the deciding factor whether on not you should go for it. Take it into consideration, yes, but it should be a consideration and not the consideration. I mean, would you not buy a new car because your friend can't afford it? Okay, bad, shallow analogy. How about this one: Would you stop wanting to have a child because your friend is sterile?

2) Seriously, that should be your the consideration. Looks to me like the girl doesn't exactly know what she wants. So yeah, I'd say, keep her an arm's distance away, and avoid unnecessary future complication.

Captcha: Come clean. Huh, good one.