Love?

[Johnny Impact]

Do you think that falling in love is instantaneous, a sort of "love at first sight" feeling or do you think that love developed over time over the course of a relationship or a lifetime? If the second one is it that you fall in love over the course of a relationship or do you just realize that that was the person you loved the whole time?
Love at first sight is merely lust. I think you love someone when you realize how awesome they are, several times a day. When they say not just something, but the right thing. When they not only know that obscure TV show you like from thirty years ago, but they dislike that character you dislike, for the same reason. When waking up next to them every morning seems like the most wonderful thing that could ever happen. When, to quote Mia Wallace, you can just shut the fuck up and comfortably share silence. Or any of a hundred other things.

I dunno. Some people have some of those things without ever falling in love. Love can't be predicted or controlled, and is not available on tap. Hallmark, chocolate vendors, and the Axe people have been trying for a long time to convince us otherwise.
Do you think that every person has a "true love" and can only that person, or can we fall in and out of love with different people over the course of our lives?
I think belief in a one true love goes hand in hand with religious bullshit, i.e. "god put someone here for me to love." What are you going to do when it doesn't work out -- which, given that divorces outnumber successful marriages, it probably won't? If s/he was "the one," does that mean god was wrong? It can't mean you just weren't good enough, because god knows everything. He knew exactly what you and your partner needed. He even knew what you would do. Did he put you together just so you could fall apart? Doesn't sound like a loving, merciful being to me. If you're a believer and your love fails, it should cause you to question your faith.

And no, love is not a mystical force. It is a response programmed into us by evolution. It feels mystical because it is strong. It is strong because it had to be strong when we were monkeys. If the feeling were less powerful, we wouldn't even have noticed it. We'd have been too busy with the hunger, cold, and fear of tigers that comprised our lives back then. Anyway, the chemicals in our heads tell us to bond, and give us feelings of satisfaction when we do. Any deeper meaning is entirely fabricated by us (which does not necessarily make the deeper meaning worthless, it merely means it doesn't come from a supernatural agency.)

Anyone who has had more than one partner will tell you we can fall in and out of love with multiple people. Sometimes several at the same time.

Can you fall out of love? Or, if you "fell out of it" does that just mean it wasn't really love in the first place?

People change. The person you're with today may have the same name on their driver's license, but not be the same person you were with years ago. Time has a lot to do with it. If you are only together for a month, it probably isn't love. If your marriage fails after twenty years, that's another story.
Can you be in love with more than one person at once? So, for instance could a person in a polyamorous relationship really be in love with multiple people?

Guh. I tend to think not, but I come from a traditional nuclear family with a strong marriage at the center. Different strokes for different folks. I think it would be very difficult to keep all parties content.

And just to be controversial: do you think that an two people of the same gender can fall in love?

Jeez, are we still tripping over this? That's not controversial, it's old, tired, and ignorant. Two people can say to each other, "it's you and me until we die." That does not of necessity have anything to do with race, gender, age, or any other factor.

 

[Evil Smurf]

Love is the emotion that makes you care for someone. My sister for example, I would do anything for. Love is more then lust, love is a collection of memories that have fused with positive emotions. Emotions are polygons so videogames that you enjoy is love

 

[Whateveralot]

Do you think that falling in love is instantaneous, a sort of "love at first sight" feeling or do you think that love developed over time over the course of a relationship or a lifetime? If the second one is it that you fall in love over the course of a relationship or do you just realize that that was the person you loved the whole time?

Do you think that every person has a "true love" and can only that person, or can we fall in and out of love with different people over the course of our lives?

People fall in love time after time. To realise how many are actually happy, is quite shocking. People do not always require utter happiness, apparently. We humans tend to be afraid to let go. Now that all is no direct answer to your question, but what this means is that people tend to stay in love with people who they are "only" content with.

Game theory states that there is a chance of improvement at every turn, but people tend not to risk losing someone they are content with, in an attempt to find someone who they will be truely and utterly happy with.

Can you fall out of love? Or, if you "fell out of it" does that just mean it wasn't really love in the first place?

People tend to fall out of love after they started learning the other person a little better then when they "fell in love". However, people tend to also not know themselves very well. Learning that they do not wish to be in a relationship when it's too late is usually a mood killer.

Can you be in love with more than one person at once? So, for instance could a person in a polyamorous relationship really be in love with multiple people?

I don't know.

But I also don't know how on earth one would have the time and energy to spend the respective time and energy to sustain a polygamous relationship. I would feel like I couldn't give enough attention to either one of the lovers.

And just to be controversial: do you think that an two people of the same gender can fall in love?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

 

[White Lightning]

I don't believe in such silly concepts. I mean, it doesn't make any sense (to me). As far as I know I've never loved anything.

I mean I like certain things but I wouldn't say I love them, from what I hear love sounds quite silly and pointless.

 

[FrankatronX]

I don't believe in such silly concepts. I mean, it doesn't make any sense (to me). As far as I know I've never loved anything.

I mean I like certain things but I wouldn't say I love them, from what I hear love sounds quite silly and pointless.

You don't believe in love? like at all?

POINTLESS?

Dude love is awesome and it's for everybody but like most lifestyles it's a choice. My two cents on this matter are "Choose Love and regret nothing" The heart has to be filled with something and if you don't fill it with love then what do you fill it with?

 

[Angie7F]

- Both cases are true. I have been through both and either is quite fine. however I do realize that if someone is repulsive fromt he beginning it is ard to develop feelings for them later.


- I dont believe in true love, but I believe the sentiments that the word conveys.
I just give it my best in each relationship but alway move on when things fall apart.

- Yes you can. It was love in the first place but you can grow apart. Same with friends. Your best firned at age 5 is not your best friend at age 30 but the friendship you had back then was real.

- I think you can. I dont want to touch on the morality aspect of it because it depends on the culture.
But a easy example is, you can love a stable, nice guy but still be attracted to a younger bad boy type at the same time.
The appeal is totally different so if it happens it happens.

- yes absolutely.

 

[Tom_green_day]

A year ago I didn't believe in that nonsense, but then something opened my heart and I've already felt I loved two people.

Do you think that falling in love is instantaneous, a sort of "love at first sight" feeling or do you think that love developed over time over the course of a relationship or a lifetime? If the second one is it that you fall in love over the course of a relationship or do you just realize that that was the person you loved the whole time?

Not instantaneous, but very, very fast. Both people I've felt I loved, it was almost immediately after meeting them- maybe after a day or two, definitely after a week.

Do you think that every person has a "true love" and can only that person, or can we fall in and out of love with different people over the course of our lives?

No! I've already felt this way for two people and I'm super young. One was for about a year, and one... I realised I felt this way three weeks ago. Now I'm just trying to find a way to get in touch with her again.

Can you fall out of love? Or, if you "fell out of it" does that just mean it wasn't really love in the first place?

I don't think it's falling. I think if you've felt the way you do for a long time and nothing had progressed, your feelings just tail away and you realise that your efforts would be spent better elsewhere. That's what I found at least.

Can you be in love with more than one person at once? So, for instance could a person in a polyamorous relationship really be in love with multiple people?

I guess you can, although it's probably not really love- just really strong feelings. I think I'm in love when I think about that person all the time, when every action I do I convince myself is going to help me with them in the long run, when I jump miles out of my comfort zone just to get to speak to them again.

 

[WaysideMaze]

Must not be many metalheads online, when I saw the thread title all I could think of was this


Good old Devin.

 

[hooblabla6262]

As far as I can tell there are two types of love.

There is the "spark" love, which is when two people meet and have a typically instantaneous connection. These relationships tend to have much more passion at the beginning, but can easily flare out.

The second is the "learned" love. Obviously this is a far slower moving type of love, but also tends to have a lot more staying power.

All relationship previous to my current one have been the "spark" type. This latest one is my first "learned" love and has become a really enjoyable experience once I got over the initial shock of not having that "crazy in love" feeling.

The thing about falling out of love, especially at a younger age, is that you're still trying to figure out who you are. When two people meet, the odds of them going in the same direction of life is pretty slim. It would be wrong of you to try and stop that change, so best to roll with it or move on.

I currently practice a form of polyamory, and I can promise you that it is very much possible to be in love with more than one person at a time. Whether that is a good trait or not depends on the person.
And of course people of the same gender can be in love. What a silly question

 

[Lilani]

Do you think that falling in love is instantaneous, a sort of "love at first sight" feeling or do you think that love developed over time over the course of a relationship or a lifetime? If the second one is it that you fall in love over the course of a relationship or do you just realize that that was the person you loved the whole time?

I don't like to say things are impossible just because they didn't happen to me. I think people can become infatuated pretty quickly, depending on the situation and their tastes. Whether or not it pans out is another story. I imagine the people who were enamored immediately and then learned they were a total jerkwad don't like sharing their stories as much as the people who were enamored immediately and they went on to get married and have six kids.

Do you think that every person has a "true love" and can only that person, or can we fall in and out of love with different people over the course of our lives?

I think that entirely depends on the person. And I feel for this it's less about "falling in and out of love" and more about moving on after a loss. There are lots of old people who look for someone else after their spouse dies, and there are lots of old people who don't because they either can't bring themselves to love another or they feel it would be akin to infidelity. I think it's possible to love someone in memory and then continue to live your life. In fact, I've heard some old people encourage their spouse to move on and find someone else after they die, feeling that they deserve happiness and that if they find someone who can provide that in life, they should pursue them.

Again, I've never been in that situation so I can't know for sure, but I think I would encourage my husband (whoever it turns out to be) to do the same thing. It would be selfish of me to try to keep him even after death, and I would want him to be happy more than anything else. In that case, it's less about falling out of love and more about finding a new love and new happiness. Because I think there are way too many people on this planet for there to be just ONE person meant for every other person. That's just silly.

Can you fall out of love? Or, if you "fell out of it" does that just mean it wasn't really love in the first place?

Again, I've never been in that situation, but I'm not going to deny that it can happen. I would imagine it's possible to be so enamored with certain aspects of your partner that you are distracted from the really bad parts. And then when you regain clarity and see who they really are, it would be like "falling out of love."

Can you be in love with more than one person at once? So, for instance could a person in a polyamorous relationship really be in love with multiple people?

Same thing--I've never been in this situation (and nor do I have a desire to) but I've witnessed a couple of polyamorous relationships and I think as long as everybody understand where they stand, I don't see why not. It's not my place to judge what brings them happiness.

And just to be controversial: do you think that an two people of the same gender can fall in love?

But of course. I feel like that's not even really controversial these days, at least on these boards. I think your question on polyamory was more controversial to be honest, lol.

And to cap off this post on love, I'll post the video I've already posted too many times in threads like this. But it's a beautiful story and I can't get enough of it.

 

[somonels]

So, have any of you ever fallen in love? If so what was it like? If you haven't fallen in love what do you think love is like?

No. No idea. Imaginary.

Do you think that falling in love is instantaneous, a sort of "love at first sight" feeling or do you think that love developed over time over the course of a relationship or a lifetime? If the second one is it that you fall in love over the course of a relationship or do you just realize that that was the person you loved the whole time?
Do you think that every person has a "true love" and can only that person, or can we fall in and out of love with different people over the course of our lives?
Can you fall out of love? Or, if you "fell out of it" does that just mean it wasn't really love in the first place?
Can you be in love with more than one person at once? So, for instance could a person in a polyamorous relationship really be in love with multiple people?
And just to be controversial: do you think that an two people of the same gender can fall in love?

As others pointed out, it's desire, lust. Whether it's the entirety of love, a part of it, or irrelevant to it is up for debate.
No.
Love is subject to temporal change, aka. it can change over time.
Yes.
Yes, irrelevant to the nature of love.

 

[gazumped]

This might sound cynical so I shall add a disclaimer that I am in love and I think that love is wonderful. However, people make it out to be a wayyy bigger deal than it is. It's not magical, it's not even particularly special, it's an emotion just like every other emotion - except stronger, of course.

Do you love your family? Your friends? Being 'in' love isn't much different, it's only stronger, more concentrated. It's like you don't even have to think about your feelings about them, this person is unquestionably special to you, they are unquestionably your priority (perhaps only an equal priority to your own health and happiness, I am a firm believer that you should not suffer for someone else's happiness just because you love them, although maybe suffering to alleviate their suffering is acceptable), and they're such an important part of your world that being without them is like being without a limb or something. They are, as they say, your 'other half'.

It's just like having a super duper close best friend. Super duper uper bluper close.

And just like you can grow apart from friends, just like you can fall out with family if something REALLY awful happens, of course you can fall out of love. It doesn't make what you felt any less real than if you were sad one day and happy the next, emotions and feelings change, that's the nature of them. And yes, you can feel it with anyone who suits you, I don't think it's so much of a 'soulmate' thing as it is a 'person who I really get on with AND am attracted to AND is in the right location AND is in the right situation AND that I managed to somehow meet and interact with long enough to keep a connection with' thing... you know?

As for polyamoury, although I wouldn't know myself, my theory is that like people can have more than one best friend I think people can be truly in love with more than one person. It's just that most people don't have two best friends, not where they're really equally as close to both, and I think this is the case for why most people can't imagine really loving more than one person - they tend to naturally prioritise one person over another. But I think there must be people who are able to do it. I mean, most people love all their children or both their parents fairly equally, right? It can't be that impossible to do a similar thing with a different kind of love.

A friend of mine used this "equation" to explain love, and I've always found it to be accurate to my own feelings. It goes like this:

Like + Lust + Trust = Love

I've never heard this one before but I'd say that's pretty accurate as well!

 

[Full]

I don't know anything about it really. What I think though is at the very least, if you don't love or care, you probably won't leave that much of an impression after you die.

 

[Candidus]

Do you think that falling in love is instantaneous, a sort of "love at first sight" feeling or do you think that love developed over time over the course of a relationship or a lifetime? If the second one is it that you fall in love over the course of a relationship or do you just realize that that was the person you loved the whole time?

I've fallen in love with someone on sight. Or rather, during my first verbal exchange with her (same occasion). I pursued her on and off for six years, and the feeling didn't change over time. It started as love, went on as love, then eventually faded away (leaving behind a bit of baggage and a lot of regrets as you'd expect).

Those who dismiss the notion of love like this are simply speaking out of ignorance.

Do you think that every person has a "true love" and can only that person, or can we fall in and out of love with different people over the course of our lives?

The latter. I think you can fall harder for some people than for others though. I believe that there are degrees.

Can you fall out of love? Or, if you "fell out of it" does that just mean it wasn't really love in the first place?

Not only can you, but everyone does eventually fall out of romantic love with a given partner.

Can you be in love with more than one person at once? So, for instance could a person in a polyamorous relationship really be in love with multiple people?

I don't know. Not in my experience, but that's not enough evidence for me to say that it isn't possible.

And just to be controversial: do you think that an two people of the same gender can fall in love?
Also, if you have any other thoughts about love that you'd like to share I'd love to hear them. I'm just curious what other people think and why, and I'd like to hear about other people's thoughts and experiences.

I don't see why the above should be any different for homosexuals than heterosexuals.

As for extra thoughts. I don't really have any. Maybe I'll come back to this though.

 

[Flatfrog]

Lots of good things being said here very eloquently so I won't say a lot here except - yes, I fell in love quickly with the woman I am now married to (and have been for 16 years), love is real and great and *at the same time* is a product of our evolutionary background and a way to keep us from killing one another when living together for years on end.

Is it possible to love more than one person at a time - well, of course. I love both my kids as well as my wife. But that's not what you mean. Is it possible to love two people romantically at the same time? Well, in terms of someone having an affair I don't think it is, for the simple reason that when you're fully in love with one person, the idea of being with someone else is just ludicrous. So you have to be falling out of love with that person at least slightly in order to contemplate devoting emotional attachment to someone else. Sexual attraction is something else - I certainly can find other people attractive, and could even contemplate having sex with someone else in certain circumstances. But I almost certainly would resist that urge because of the hurt it would cause to my wife, and the fact that I love her and therefore don't want to hurt her.

In the context of polygamy/polyandry I could kind of see how it might conceivably be possible to care about all your partners equally in a romantic way, but I don't think there are many people who could pull it off. Sexual jealousy is built into our psychology pretty deeply and I think most such relationships would have to be fairly unstable. I think for them to work it would have to be more like a close-knit group of 'friends with benefits' than a mutual loving relationship. But I've never experienced one or known anyone who has so I may just be prejudiced.

 

[Captain Quetzal]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeZMIgheZro

If I didn't have you, I'd probably have somebody else. So yeah, love isn't instant and it is replaceable.

 

[A Weakgeek]

Love is so horribly over romanticied. Why be in love, when you could be making love instead?

 

[gazumped]

Love is so horribly over romanticied. Why be in love, when you could be making love instead?

It is horribly over romanticised. Having said that, as this might sound terribly sentimental, making love with someone you're in love with is... unbelievably hot.

 

[A Weakgeek]

Love is so horribly over romanticied. Why be in love, when you could be making love instead?

It is horribly over romanticised. Having said that, as this might sound terribly sentimental, making love with someone you're in love with is... unbelievably hot.

Yeah, but if we ditched this whole romance thing, and had everyone fuck everyone the quality difference would be made nill through sheer quantity.

When relationships starts its fun, but when they end its usually nasty. When sex starts its fun, and once it ends its FUN.

 

[D-Class 198482]

Do you think that falling in love is instantaneous, a sort of "love at first sight" feeling or do you think that love developed over time over the course of a relationship or a lifetime? If the second one is it that you fall in love over the course of a relationship or do you just realize that that was the person you loved the whole time?

Sometimes it's instant, sometimes it takes a while. When I met my current girlfriend it was instant for me, but it took time for her.

Do you think that every person has a "true love" and can only that person, or can we fall in and out of love with different people over the course of our lives?

Yeah, you can fall in and out of love with different people. I will awkwardly address this more a bit later.

Can you fall out of love? Or, if you "fell out of it" does that just mean it wasn't really love in the first place?

I'm not too sure. Some factors may do that, like not seeing them for a long time, but I'm not too sure.

Can you be in love with more than one person at once? So, for instance could a person in a polyamorous relationship really be in love with multiple people?

...Maybe?

And just to be controversial: do you think that an two people of the same gender can fall in love?

Awkwardly addressing my 'falling in and out of love' thing again. I've had two girlfriends - one I had to break up with and I lost contact with her, and my current one.
Sandwiched between those two relationships was a short gay one I had for a bit, loved my partner to bits. Sooo, yeah, you can.