Make baseless assumptions about game characters!

[Flac00]

Gordan Freeman has an STD.

Sonic is a pervert.
Mario is an alchohalic.

Gordon only has one? What does he have an H-vac suit on his wang too? That guy has at least 40, he gets pussy.

 

[Flac00]

Spoiler: Master Chief is actually...

I love this image!

actually makes perfect sense

 

[Dr. Paine]

Commander Shepard is a xenophile.

... how is that unfounded?
-coughs- Anyway.

I take it you missed the fact all all of my baseless accusations were actually confirmed in-canon facts about the characters, and that they were followed by a big 'OH WAIT'.

I might have. I'm experiencing a bit of travel lag today, I haven't gotten back up to speed. Sorry.

 

[Lord Stompy]

Niko Bellic didn't see breasts until he was 25.

They were Roman's.

That's not baseless at all!

 

[Flac00]

Marcus and Dom think girls are for gays and survive on a diet of rocks.

Wait... these were supposed to be unfounded opinions!

Dom being married and all.

Anyway.

Mr Minecraft committed genocide, amongst other things, in his past life and is now sentenced to eternal life in an empty world, filled to the brim with monsters trying (and succeeding) to kill him over and over.

Mr. Minecraft is a bad man. (Plus Marcus and Dom do eat rocks though)
Here's one: Darth Vader has never actually used the bathroom since he was made into Vader!
PS: your image is creepy and cool at the same time

 

[Chairman Miaow]

Master Chief is in love with Cooking Mama, but she spurned him for Solid Snake.

 

[StraightToHeck]

the inhabitants of Pandora (that's the Borderlands Pandora, mind you) eat guns and wash them down with money

how else do you explain whats in all those toilets???

 

[moose_man]

Steve? from Minecraft: destructive personality. Megalomaniacal urges surfacing.

 

[Flac00]

"Gordon Freeman" was born Petre P. Carp in Romania, and worked as a farmhand for most of his life, his amazing ability to pick up sheep and have them hover in front of his face without using his hands proving to be an incredibly useful feat for his line of work. He eventually inherited his farm from his parents, Clara and Titu, at the age of 23, following an incident with a tractor that caused them both to tragically die. Clara from injuries sustained attempting to haul it out of a bog. Titu from injuries sustained attempting to carry Clara's coffin to its final resting place.

He continued to work on his farm with little incident until he was 29 when, after a particularly prosperous year, he decided he had earned a break. He decided to take a hiking holiday in Colorado, and intended to climb Black Mesa. Unfortunately, the phrasebook that he bought himself proved to be completely useless, and after informing many passers by that his hovercraft was full of eels he decided to use the little english that he did know to simply follow what few signs he could. He eventually arrived at a tram station and boarded the train that was waiting for him.

The real Gordon Freeman, who was in fact the spitting image of Petre Carp, had, the day before, agreed to lend his lawnmower to his colleague, Barney. That morning, in carrying it to his car, he tripped over one of the cables and was knocked unconscious, rendering him unable to call in sick that day until after the events of the day.

The entire game then follows a confused Romanian man as he attempts to understand the english that everyone keeps yelling at him, and staring blankly as people tried to convey meaning to him by pointing and just letting him follow.

Makes perfect sense. The floating farm animals, references to monty python, why "Gordon" never actually talks, its all coming together.

 

[Flac00]

Durandal is such an asshole because he has over 790 years of the internet in him.

Nice man, nice. Marathon FTW
Leela is actually Cortana's emotionless twin.

 

[Flac00]

The Locust Queen is Marcus's mum

Marcus's dad created the Locust as a biological weapon

Dom slipped a quick shag in before he had to do the terrible thing

Dude, that first two might actually be the major plot twists of Gears of War 3. It isn't too hard to imagine.
Cole Train is actually an avid listener of Coldplay and loves watching "Romeo and Juliet", crying heavily in the last scene.

 

[Flac00]

Niko Bellic wears a Justin Bieber T-Shirt at all times. Why do you think you can only buy jackets and sweaters in GTA IV?

'Cause its c-c-c-cold.

 

[kannibus]

Wing Commander's Christopher Blair used to have an acting gig about some zany space movie with laser swords and annoying as FUCK lizard fish dudes that sound like Barbara Walters.

All the dudes from Ace Combat are afraid of heights.

Morrigan from Dragon Age weighs the same as a duck.

Jim Raynor cuddles with a stuffed Hydralisk.

SHODAN loved all three Matrix movies.

AMIRITE?

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Most of the characters from Gears of War: compensating for small penis.

The OP said baseless assumptions.

 

[infohippie]

Duke Nukem volunteers at his local cat shelter on weekends.

 

[altobizzaro]

Max Payne is a former child star, and also made a brief cameo in the original mass effect

 

[Kron_the_mad wants to be deleted]

Albert Wesker is clearly hot for Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!

 

[Easton Dark]

Kratos hides a teddy bear in Helios' head.

He wubs it so.

 

[altobizzaro]

Bomber man trolls the escapist

 

[Internet Kraken]

Samus is causing massive amounts of environmental destruction and pays no attention to the consequences of her actions on the local wildlife. [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.244165-Metroid-represents-everything-wrong-about-our-treatment-of-the-enviornment]