Make me laugh

[JemothSkarii]

Right, my girlfriend's ex has been intent on making her life miserable and it's breaking my heart to watch her cry (especially since she's so far away) and it's harder for her since there's lingering feelings for him (which pisses her off since she wants to love only me and she has quite an 'open' heart).

Anyways Escapist, make me laugh, videos, pictures, songs, anything. Oh, and since I'm fond of food, some actual recipes I could use (preferably serious, but I'm not fussed) I like stuff with meat, rice, or noodles, or a combo of them ^^.

EDIT: Since this is a public thread, so then people can laugh with me, and perhaps for a brief moment just be happy. As to be expected, my problems are my own, I just wanted some context in starting this thread.

 

[littlealicewhite]

How can you identify an Irishman at a cockfight?
He brought a duck.
How can you spot the Italian?
He bet on the duck.
How do you know the Mafia was involved?
The duck won.

 

[Who Dares Wins]

http://www.cracked.com/article_16817_5-cosmic-events-that-could-kill-you-before-lunch.html

http://www.cracked.com/article_16583_the-5-scientific-experiments-most-likely-to-end-world.html

http://www.cracked.com/funny-5588-hybrid-animals/

There you go, it will take you some time but definitely worth reading. Just don't fracture a rib.

 

[Cogwheel]

Lamb or mutton. Mince it, make a few large, vaguely egg-shaped blobs mixed in with herbs/some parsley. Throw in garlic powder and pine nuts, put the lot on/in a tray, place in the oven, bake for a while. Works quite well.

If you want rice with that, I suggest yellow (turmeric, not saffron) rice, with small carrot cubes and some peas, possibly with some butter, though the meat may be greasy enough already. Soy sauce is always nice, if you have it, as is black pepper.

Hope that helps. Should be easy enough to make.

 

[newguy77]

Here are a couple pictures I like.

Spoiler: Sailor Demotivational

Spoiler: The Voices

 

[JemothSkarii]

Lamb or mutton. Mince it, make a few large, vaguely egg-shaped blobs mixed in with herbs/some parsley. Throw in garlic powder and pine nuts, put the lot on/in a tray, place in the oven, bake for a while. Works quite well.

If you want rice with that, I suggest yellow (turmeric, not saffron) rice, with small carrot cubes and some peas, possibly with some butter, though the meat may be greasy enough already. Soy sauce is always nice, if you have it, as is black pepper.

Hope that helps. Should be easy enough to make.

Mmm, sounds delicious, will have to try it, thanks ^^

And to everyone else; These are great, keep em coming!

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

Well, I was about to tell you that your happiness is in no way my responsibility...

But then I remembered that it's International You're The Only Person In The World With Problems Day, so I'll just post this:

Seriously, why are there so many Escapists who can't take care of themselves?

 

[Aris Khandr]

Youtube search for Mitch Hedburg.

 

[Eumersian]

This picture has caused many laughs. Not sure why, but it works.

Spoiler: Get ready?

I died laughing the first time I saw it.

 

[JemothSkarii]

Well, I was about to tell you that your happiness is in no way my responsibility...

But then I remembered that it's International You're The Only Person In The World With Problems Day, so I'll just post this:

Seriously, why are there so many Escapists who can't take care of themselves?

Well, I can take care of myself quite well, just thought a joke thread would help a bit AND other people will be able to see it and laugh. So in turn it's not just about me, it just looked that way...probably should clear that up. Thanks for the contribution though, and smile.

 

[Wharrgarble]

This always makes me laugh. Maybe it will make you do so too. *Shrugs*

 

[SovietSecrets]

Congratulations!!! You make 12175 on waiting list for petite lap giraffe. You can expect giraffe in fall 19524! Then you will be most happy. Share greatest news with family on the facebook or tweeter.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

You: Hey want to hear a joke?
Chum: Sure.
You: Woman's rights!

All of my immature friends love this joke.

Spoiler: Sailor Demotivational

Sweet Jesus, that's comedy gold.

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

*snip*

Actually, that clarification DOES help. I see a lot of whiny people on this site, so I assumed you were one of them. Turns out, you aren't. I apologize.

Also, this:

 

[trooperpaul]

An American, a Frenchman, and a Russian are all debating the meaning of happiness
The American says that happiness is having lots of money.
The Frenchman says that happiness is being surrounded by beautiful women.
The Russian says "Happiness is when the KGB kicks down the door to your shabby apartment, and it turns out they were looking for someone else!"

 

[Cogwheel]

Lamb or mutton. Mince it, make a few large, vaguely egg-shaped blobs mixed in with herbs/some parsley. Throw in garlic powder and pine nuts, put the lot on/in a tray, place in the oven, bake for a while. Works quite well.

If you want rice with that, I suggest yellow (turmeric, not saffron) rice, with small carrot cubes and some peas, possibly with some butter, though the meat may be greasy enough already. Soy sauce is always nice, if you have it, as is black pepper.

Hope that helps. Should be easy enough to make.

Mmm, sounds delicious, will have to try it, thanks ^^

And to everyone else; These are great, keep em coming!

No problem. I do something rather similar (the garlic-grease-herbs-pine nuts-bake-hyphen-thing, I mean) with salmon quite regularly too. It works quite nicely.

Hope you feel better soon, in any case.

 

[JemothSkarii]

*snip*

Actually, that clarification DOES help. I see a lot of whiny people on this site, so I assumed you were one of them. Turns out, you aren't. I apologize.

Also, this:

Spoiler

It's okay, I've been known to not be clear from the start, and I loved that episode of RvB XD.

This picture has caused many laughs. Not sure why, but it works.

Spoiler: Get ready?

I died laughing the first time I saw it.

Why does it make me laugh so hard!? It's beautiful!

Youtube search for Mitch Hedburg.

Man, I remember seeing this guy years ago Loved his toothpick joke.

 

[Syphous]

Paying attention makes this 1000 times funnier.

 

[ADDLibrarian]

For game-themed dessert recipes, check out www.snackordie.com (the Portal cupcakes are my fave!)
As for funny things, I think it's physically impossible not to at least smile when watching the Trololol guy-
http://trololololololololololo.com/
Maru makes me smile too
http://www.youtube.com/user/mugumogu
His owner said on his blog that Maru is safe, the disaster has not affected them, but he's got a cat carrier ready to go in case they have to evacuate
So many funny folks on That Guy With the Glasses
http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/

 

[HandsomeZer0]

Pick up line.

"Hey there, i got the toy story syndrome. I used to have a buzz, but seeing you makes me get a woody"