Man informs stranger is wife is potentially cheating, starts controversy

[the_dramatica]

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/weird-news/football-fan-spots-woman-text-cheating-at-a-game-lets-husband-know-in-polite-note-9913041.html

As the article states the man is receiving praise and criticism from various communities.

 

[DefunctTheory]

I'm torn.

On one hand, I've seen quite a few disgusting people who knew couples, and knew one of was cheating, and would simply shrug and keep their trap shut, either because they liked the cheater more then the cheatee, or because 'it wasn't there business.' On the other hand, I'm not a fan of people jumping the gun and making bold, life changing claims without significant knowledge of the subject at hand.

I dunno. Personally would not have got my nose stuck in on this one.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Disclosing other peoples dirty secrets will usually not be met with approval, especially from those who have some damning stuff of their own going on.

I personally wouldn't do anything simply because I know from past experience how hostile people get if you try to help them out with anything relationship related.

 

[Lilani]

I think it would have been best for him to not say anything. He doesn't know the greater context. She could have been philandering, or it could have been a sick friend or family member, or maybe a friend or family member who's on vacation somewhere. Perhaps he saw enough to be reasonably suspicious, but it's still not worth potentially causing a rift in some stranger's relationship over something which may or may not actually be a problem. I can see how her telling a male friend she'd rather be with them could be cheating, but I also see how it could be her just not wanting to be at the game and telling a friend she'd rather be someplace they are.

It was really just none of his damn business.

 

[Darks63]

The fastest way to get yourself killed is to try to get in-between people in a relationship no matter how bad. It's always best to stay out of it unless the victim asks you directly if you have any knowledge. Then it is a question of your morality whether or not you tell the truth or not.

 

[DementedSheep]

...I find it weird that he was reading her texts in the first place.
Regardless shit like this is in the "not your business" camp to me. If I thought someone was cheating on a friend or even work mate I would (carefully) bring it up but not with some complete strangers. Unless someone is being smacked around stay out of random peoples relationship problems.

 

[Shock and Awe]

While I am questioning how this guy is reading this woman's text messages, I have to respect his adherence to man code.

 

[Dizchu]

Morally, this is a very grey area. On one hand, if cheating is going on the husband has the right to know. On the other hand, a stranger looking at someone's phone without consent is a pretty creepy violation of privacy.

It's like breaking into someone's house and finding that it is a crack den. Sure, you found a crack den but you also broke into someone's home and couldn't have known what was going on inside until after you broke in. An extreme comparison but hopefully it illustrates what's wrong with the guy's behaviour.

Though technically, no laws were broken in this case? I think? Looking at a phone isn't a punishable offence, though it is seen as a violation of personal space.

 

[CpT_x_Killsteal]

Assuming this isn't all or in part a hoax as the hash-tag at the end suggests, I'd say he's in the green. From the text messages he read, and the behaviour she was exhibiting, I would've gone the same route.
From what was said in the article, there was a good chance she was cheating. Standing by and letting the guy suffer is not the way to go, even if you consider it "not my business".
If it turns out you were mistaken, if their relationship isn't crap they can sort it out.

It all depends on how much evidence you have.

 

[Rellik San]

Being a guy who's had this done to me (as in someone who told me such a message) I'd have taken it with a pinch of salt, I'm fairly pragmatic and both myself and my partner agreed that if we developed feelings for another we'd call the relationship off. (Neither of us have financial investment in this nor is their a youngun to worry about so we could easily clean break).

Well anyway, we were at a party my partner was being weirdly hostile towards me and then friendly with me, kind of hot and cold if you get my drift, when eventually my friends sister comes up and tells me that she saw my partner texting "I love you" to someone, I asked if they saw a wider context to the message and they said no. So immediately I put it to the back of my mind, it's a pretty innocuous thing and I trust my partner, there are probably more ways to say that innocently than cheating (i.e. to parents, etc.) without a wider context it's impossible to parse as anything.

A few days later we're talking about the party and I mention in passing that my friends sister had mentioned this but I didn't think anything of it, it was just a funny thing a drunk person did. (I rarely think about things on a deep level unless I have reason too), as you can wager my partner was not happy and pointed out that if I did believe she was texting someone else that it could of done irreparable damage to our relationship.

 

[Smooth Operator]

A few days later we're talking about the party and I mention in passing that my friends sister had mentioned this but I didn't think anything of it, it was just a funny thing a drunk person did. (I rarely think about things on a deep level unless I have reason too), as you can wager my partner was not happy and pointed out that if I did believe she was texting someone else that it could of done irreparable damage to our relationship.

Well questions like this will always come up in relationships and if instead of an explanation they are deflected with "how dare you" that will build some nasty mistrust, on both sides. And every consequential time these things go unanswered it will get much worse.
Primary reason why couples just snap one day is because they don't talk things out and let it build up until they have enough dirt for a major blow-out.

 

[Queen Michael]

All I'm saying is that if the woman was cheating, then this was a 100% right thing to do. I hate cheaters more than I hate any other people. They're scum.

 

[Grouchy Imp_v1legacy]

If this lass hadn't been texting another fella this guy would be rightly slated for intruding on this woman's privacy and reading her private messages without her knowledge or consent, but now because she was caught doing something wrong then he's a 'good Samaritan' and his actions are defensible? Yeah, not buying it. Regardless of whether those texts were suspicious or innocent, he shouldn't have been reading them in the first place.

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

I really hope people dont read my phone over my shoulder now... I'm not a cheater, gods no, but I just dont like the idea of people reading my private messages... The fact I feel the need to defend the statement "I sure hope no one reads my private stuff over my shoulder!" with a disclaimer is sorta depressing.

In fact heres a sure fire way to be a hero!

Snoop as hard as you can, peer into private conversations, read other peoples texts, listen in on phone conversations, gather and snoop and eavesdrop as much as you can.

In the 0.001% chance you hear something that you can use to help someone else you will be hailed as a hero, and all you have to do is serially invade the privacy of people you know. Whats there to lose? Either no one knows, or youre a hero, all you need to do is set yourself up as the omniscient arbiter of other peoples lives, taking in all their private info and making sure that no one gets hurt with secrets like the guardian NSA angel they wish they always had. What a great person you will be Just imagine.

Also the NSA can now save their face for spying on people, just tell cheating spouses about their partner. Dont need a lawyer to craft that defence The ends dont justify the means when it comes to spying in on peoples personal lives. I thought we almost universally agreed on that?

 

[Little_Rudo]

I've seen too many news stories about someone doing terrible, horrible things when they find out their partner is cheating to approve of this.

Yes, cheating is wrong. But a) he doesn't know the context of the text, and b) you simply have no idea how the partner is going to react. If the man flipped out later and (heaven forbid) hurt or killed her over the accusation... I'd hate to feel in any way a part of that.

It's not a matter of not getting involved because "it's none of your business", it's that you don't know the business at all - you don't know the man, the woman or the situation, and by sticking your nose in based on overseeing a text, you could be making things many, many times worse.

 

[Jiggle Counter]

All I'm saying is that if the woman was cheating, then this was a 100% right thing to do. I hate cheaters more than I hate any other people. They're scum.

I've cheated before, more than once.

It was always the same too. I'd start a relationship that goes for roughly 3-4 years. Then another girl comes along.
She and I become friends, she finds out I'm in a relationship, she gets too close, my girlfriend and her have these quiet passive aggressive fights which fly over my head, and the year ends with me dumping my girlfriend for the new girl.

My current girlfriend is amazing. I've told her about my history, and she's taught me how to properly read women. She taught me that there's tons of girls out there who will only get to know me, my hobbies, my likes and dislikes, because they're interested in me. And even if I tell them I'm in a relationship, some of them (not all) see it as an obstacle to jump over.

OP: I find it weird that he was able to read the woman's text soo easily. Either he has 20/20 vision or her font is massive.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Meh. Cheating happens. I've never cheated, and I've been cheated on, and I can confirm it REALLY sucks, but I'm not going to get up on my little Moral High Horse and make sweeping condemnations of everyone who ever stepped out on a partner. Relationships are complicated. The circumstances that lead to infidelity are often also complicated. Romantic love is not unconditional and you do not own your partner. Some people are not hard-wired for monogamy. People go through bad spells. People go through life upheaval. It's possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time. The list goes on and on and on. It's really easy to sit on the outside of a relationship you know nothing about and make projections and judgments. Would you want someone making judgments based on a context-free snapshot of your relationship? Probably not so much.

On the flip side, reading someone's private text messages over their shoulder, there really isn't ever a justification for that. Maybe you can get half a pass if you work for the NSA and you suspect the person is plotting to overthrow the government or something, but I suspect those were not the circumstances in this case. Some guy decided to creep some woman's text messages at a sporting event, jumped to a lot of hasty conclusions, and inserted himself into a situation he had no business being in. He then hung a little bro-code hat on it and presented himself as a hero on the internet.

So...she MIGHT be an asshole. We don't know. She might be engaging in callous, thoughtless, mercenary cheating behind her kindly, trusting boyfriend's back. Or she might be texting a friend, or her brother. We really have absolutely no idea. But the guy creeping on her phone is DEFINITELY an asshole. A spying, presumptive, self-aggrandizing asshole.

 

[Scarim Coral]

The way I see it, it's up to that husband now if he should confront his wife about Jason or choose to ignore it and carry on with his life.
As for the guy who spy on her texts, seeing how a child is involved, he is right to tell the husband about it from a moral point of view but yet again I know this kind of stuff is always complicated in one way or another (is the child his or Jason?).

 

[BloatedGuppy]

As for the guy who spy on her texts, seeing how a child is involved, he is right to tell the husband about it from a moral point of view but yet again I know this kind of stuff is always complicated in one way or another (is the child his or Jason?).

What if the husband is controlling? What if he's abusive? What if the revelation results in a beating? What if Jason is a relative, or a friend? What if Jason is her boyfriend and the guy she's sitting with is a relative or a friend? What if they have an open relationship?

Captain Spies on Texts has absolutely no context for the information he's spying on, and shouldn't even be spying on it in the first place.