Man sets entire neighborhood on fire after failed poop to gold transmutation

[Eri]

A man in Northern Ireland was arrested after his turning-my-poop-into-gold alchemy project set fire to his whole block. The operating hypothesis is that Paul Moran, who will serve three months in jail for this bit of idiocy, left his own "faeces" (the Queen's English! Paging Kat Hannaford!) on a heater along with a bunch of other gross stuff, like fertilizer. Then, presumably, he went off to make more. And of course, it caught on fire and burned a bunch of houses.

The judge presiding over the case had an agreeably deadpan soundbyte: "It was an interesting experiment to fulfil the alchemist's dream, but wasn't going to succeed," he told Mr. Moran, which is just about perfect, though it could probably do with a Tywin Lannister reference.

http://gizmodo.com/5851905/flaming-poop-sets-neighborhood-ablaze-after-failed-poo+to+gold-alchemy-experiment

So what did we learn from this failed experiment, Mr. Elric?

 

[IlikeLolis]

Equivalent Exchange;

1 pile of shit + Fire = A Neighborhood Fire


I think the Will of the Cosmos may have failed Mathematics this year.

 

[retyopy]

That there is true magic in the world? Is that what we learned? Because That's what I learned.

I want his children.

 

[Stealthygamer]

You would need a lot of shit to make equivalent exchange for gold

 

[TheSuperiorXemnas]

To quote Yathzee in this predicament, "This shit will not fly."
But honestly, I didn't think someone would be willing to do this.

 

[Kotaro]

I think that Truth is laughing at this guy right now.

 

[Darth_MAM]

SCIENCE!- You are doing it wrong!!

 

[ThaBenMan]

...though it could probably do with a Tywin Lannister reference.

In the end, it turned out Paul Moran did not, in fact, shit gold.

 

[Dragonpit]

Man couldn't turn lead into gold; what made him think his shit could make the same transition?

 

[Dango]

Spoiler: This was the first thing that came to mind...

 

[Tiger Sora]

I learned to keep my laughing under control at 1am. This is god damn hilarious.

Sorry for the people who lost their houses and stuff though.

 

[DeadlyYellow]

General humanity sinks another notch because of one man's idiocy.

 

[McMullen]

Is this real? The guy's name being Moran is just a little too perfect...

 

[x-machina]

Just another Thursday in Ireland

 

[Tartarga]

Sounds like he had a fake philosopher's stone.

 

[Boris Goodenough]

This picture is very apt: