Ol' Godzynga was hoppin' around
Escapist City like a big playground
When suddenly, Inf Ward burst from the shade
And hit Godzynga with a frag grenade
Godzynga got pissed and began to attack
But he didn't expect to be blocked by Valve
Who proceeded to open up a can of Valve-fu
When Blizzard Entertainment came out of the blue
And he started beating up Gabe Newell's peeps
Then they both got flattened by a snowmobile
But before he could make it back to activis'
3D Realms came out of its grave
And pulled a Chaingun Cannon out from some chewing gum
And blew Infy away with a thunka-thunk-thunk
But he ran out of bullets and he ran away
Because Square Enix came to save the day
This is the ultimate showdown
Of ultimate destiny
Good guys, bad guys and explosions
As far as the eye can see
And only one will survive
I wonder who it will be
This is the ultimate showdown
Of ultimate destiny
Godzynga took a bite out of Square Enix
Like chocolate addicts take bites out of Twix
And Valve came back covered in a 'mobile track
But Bioware jumped out and landed on his back
And Infy was injured, trying to get steady
When 3D Realms came back with a mighty boot
But suddenly something caught his leg and he tripped
Konami Corp took him out with his whip
And he saw Godzynga sneaking up from behind
And he reached for his knife, which he just couldn't find
'Cos Infy stole it and he threw and he missed
And Bioware deflected it with his fist
And he jumped in the air and he did a somersault
And 3D Realms tried to pole-vault onto Square Enix
But they collided in midair
Then they both got hit by a recession
This is the ultimate showdown
Of ultimate destiny
Good guys, bad guys and explosions
As far as the eye can see
And only one will survive
I wonder who it will be
This is the ultimate showdown
The angels sang out
In immaculate chorus
As down from the heavens
Descended Notch Mojang
Who delivered a punch
That could shatter trees
Into the crotch
of Konami Corp
Who fell over on the ground
Writhing in pain
As Infy transformed
Into Treyarch
But Notch saw through
His clever disguise
And he crushed Infy's head
In between his thighs
Then EA Canada and EA Tiburon
and Sony Online Entertainment
And Namco Bandai
And Naughty Dog
And Harmonix and Creative Assembly
Rockstar North, Rovio Firaxis and Bungie
Epic, Game Freak, Polyphony Digital
Criterion and DevCAT (Nexon)
Capcom, DICE, Disney and LucasArts
All came out of nowhere, lightning fast
And they kicked Notch Mojang and his Indie ass
It was the bloodiest battle that the world ever saw
With civilians looking in eternal awe
The battle raged on for a century
Many lives were claimed, but eventually
The champion stood, the rest saw the better
Sid Meier in a bloodstained sweater
This is the ultimate showdown
Of ultimate destiny
Good guys, bad guys and explosions
As far as the eye can see
And only one will survive
I wonder who it will be
This is the ultimate showdown
(the ultimate showdown...)
This is the ultimate showdown
(The ultimate showdown...)
This is the annual March Mayhem
of ultimate destiny
A few disclaimers:
I know Infinity Ward do not really transform into Treyarch.
I know some of the lines don't rhyme or fit the rythm very well.
I know 3D realms is still dead as a dodo.
I know Mojang does not have Notch in front of it - that's the guy's name, not the devs'. I needed to make sure it had the same number of syllables as Chuck Norris.
I am not a Sid Meier fanboy. I've not even played any of his games. His name just happened to fit there (in place of Mr Rogers).
Most of the devs here were chosen at random (though it was a happy coincidence when I figured out I could replace Batman's Batmobile with Infinity Ward's Snowmobile). Bias doesn't come into it. If it did, Relic or Bungie would have featured more prominently.
Oh, and it anyone's still mega-confused: This is based off Lemon Demon's Ultimate Showdown song. Go look it up, the video on AlbinoBlackSheep (IIRC) is hilarious.
Anyway.
Devs I'm supporting in this year's March Mayhem:
Relic (made Homeworld, my favourite game of all time)
Bungie (made Halo, my favourite series of all time)
Bioware (made Mass Effect, my second favourite series of all time)
DICE (Bad Company 2 online is fun as fuck)
Mojang (Minecraft is so addictive and fun!)
Devs I'll be opposing:
Valve (just because I hate the fanbase)
Zynga (because it's ZYNGA, durr)
Blizzard (I still haven't forgiven them for beating Bungie last time...)
This year could be fun. I just hope Zynga doesn't run rampant again.
