Marriage doesn't look too Appealing in the Long Run...

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SonicKoala

The Night Zombie
Sep 8, 2009
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LimaBravo said:
SonicKoala said:
LimaBravo said:
Marriage is a societal pressure placed on individuals to pair bond primarily for financial stability and secondarily to reduce relationship threats from stray males.


It is nothing but a legal contract. If you need a ring to not fuck other people well your an animal arent you?
Are you suggesting that animals require rings in order to not fuck other animals?
A bull chained to a post has a hard time. Animals by and large screw anything with a hole. Humans if they want to be considered part of society and sentient individuals should at least pretend to be civilized. Those who dont should be treated like cattle. Tink how much money wed save feeding criminals to cows (apart from the cow getting a taste for meat) whats the down side ? Adulterer CHOP CHOP Mooo Mooo.
Alright, I see your point, but I think you've really missed the whole point as to why people decide to marry. People don't decide to get married as a means of controlling themselves sexually - the majority of people decide to get married because of the love and dedication they have for the other person, and this desire to "spend the rest of their lives" with them. Yes, marriage isn't necessarily required for the facilitation of such a relationship, but for many, particularly religious people, marriage is an important and sacred institution which they regard as being essential. You can disagree with that, but there's no need to openly criticse or insult it.
 

Shanannara

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Apr 7, 2010
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The_root_of_all_evil said:
4) Stability for children, pets, cars etc. With two people looking after things, the chances of them going wrong are FAR less.
That's bullshit. My parents marriage fell apart when I was 13 but they stayed together for another three years for the sake of my brother and I. When they eventually divorced I ended up in therapy and my brother still hasn't recovered properly five years later. Had they split up when they knew it was over, we wouldn't have had to sit through all the arguments and all the rest of it, thinking it was our fault they hated each other. It would have saved us both a fuckload of emotional damage.

Marriage is completely pointless. I don't need a bit of paper telling me I love someone and I certainly don't need one telling me I'm now allowed to have sex.
 

Macgyvercas

Spice & Wolf Restored!
Feb 19, 2009
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The_root_of_all_evil said:
OK, I'll try and counter these from a point of ignorance (given I'm single)

1) Have you ever been in love with someone you love so much that you can see yourself growing old with them? Someone that puts up with your hideous rants? Someone who doesn't care that you look like death but cares enough to hug you when your favourite programme finally ends? Someone who will cry with you?

2) Financially, (cold emotional voice) marriage does make sense. Couples have more buying power, and in the credit crunch, divorces have shot down. Divorces may be a bad thing, but Marriage actually makes you more stable.

3) Duty. Once you are married, there's another little conscience that sits on your shoulder that stops you from the worst excesses of your life. Whether that's gaming all night, suicidal driving or a string of disastrous relationships.

4) Stability for children, pets, cars etc. With two people looking after things, the chances of them going wrong are FAR less.

5) Women get to look FABULOUS, Men get WASTED. ;)

6) Officially, it's easier for bureacracy to deal with you and be dealt with.

7) People get lonely. REAL lonely at times. People also die. That's when you know there's someone there who cares enough about you to deal with it.

It's a commitment, like owning a car or a house, to strive to improve your lot in life. It can go HUGELY wrong, but then...what can't?
I must say, those are rather excellent articles. I still don't understand the point of huge elborate weddings though (from my research, Michael Douglas' wedding (one of them? I think he was married more than once) cost about half a million per hour.

Hell, the only reason I go to wedding receptions is to watch people get drunk so I can take candid pictures of them doing stupid shit becuase I was hired to by the groom.

EDIT; [small]Root, do you have to have that avatar? Those angels are creeping me out...*trys uber hard not to blink*[/small]
 

Pegghead

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Aug 4, 2009
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While I do plan on getting married someday I'll admit it is just a sheet of paper and a grant of titles at the end of the day. Besides, who says that love has to fade at some point?
 

Deleted

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Jul 25, 2009
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Pegghead said:
While I do plan on getting married someday I'll admit it is just a sheet of paper and a grant of titles at the end of the day. Besides, who says that love has to fade at some point?
The countless movies about the boy winning the girl back, say so!
 

dragontiers

The Temporally Displaced
Feb 26, 2009
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I think part of the issue you have with it is the speed at which some people get married after dating. I don't have any statistics on the issue, but I'd be willing to lay money on the line that the less time a couple spent together before marriage, the greater the divorce chance (and for purposes of this discussion, I'd rule out drunken Vegas marriages completely as they tend to have a 24 hour turnover time). I personally spent about 4 years living together with my wife before we married, and you get to know a lot about a person in that period of time.

The main reason most people get married is to publicly declare how they feel for each other. Most people don't do it for the financial reasons (but they do tend to be a good bonus), and if they are doing it for children, it's usually the "Oops, I screwed up and now you're pregnant, guess we gotta get married" variant which is usually not a good idea. One partner or the other tends to feel resentment about it after a period of time, which will poison even a good relationship. And if they are the type of person who gets in that situation, they also tend to be bad at planning for the future anyways, making an extended relationship harder. I know I'm generalizing a lot, and there are relationships like this that work out, but it's hard not to generalize in this type of discussion.

As for kids, you could start a whole discussion just on that. I personally feel that it is better for the children if the parents are in a good relationship together, married or not. Marriage just helps to answer a lot of legal issues (child support, who the child lives with, what happens if something happens to one parent, which parent to officials like doctors and teachers need to consult about issues with the child, etc.). If the couple is married, or at least living together in a good relationship, either parent has the authority to address any issues. If the parents aren't together, then you constantly run the risk of one parent breathing down your neck about why you did/didn't let little Johnny go on the class field trip, or didn't tell them about some minor accident Susy had.

Is marriage always the right answer though? No. There are many reasons why it is right for some people, most of which were already mentioned (love, children, financial stability, religion, social pressure/tradition, family honor, legal reasons, etc.), but there are just as many reasons why it is wrong for some couples. One of my friends has lived with the same woman for over 20 years and neither of them want to get married. For all intents and purposes they might as well be married, but they (like the OP) don't believe in marriage, and that works for them. I know another couple who have been married to each other three times. Why? Because when they are not married to each other, they are great together. They love each other, want to be together, etc. But the minute they get married, they go at it like cats and dogs. Eventually they learned they didn't need to be married to each other, got the divorce, and settled down together. For some people marriage is a connection, and that's a good thing. For others, marriage is a chain and that's a bad thing.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that I don't think people should stay together just because they have children. If a relationship is not working out, I believe it is better for the children if the parents just make a clean break and come to some sort of agreement on the raising of the children. That way the children aren't stuck dealing with their parents' baggage.
 

Darth Caelum

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Jan 21, 2010
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Shanannara said:
The_root_of_all_evil said:
4) Stability for children, pets, cars etc. With two people looking after things, the chances of them going wrong are FAR less.
That's bullshit. My parents marriage fell apart when I was 13 but they stayed together for another three years for the sake of my brother and I. When they eventually divorced I ended up in therapy and my brother still hasn't recovered properly five years later. Had they split up when they knew it was over, we wouldn't have had to sit through all the arguments and all the rest of it, thinking it was our fault they hated each other. It would have saved us both a fuckload of emotional damage.

Marriage is completely pointless. I don't need a bit of paper telling me I love someone and I certainly don't need one telling me I'm now allowed to have sex.
Well.....fair point. Douk may have generalized his points a bit. But keep in mind, Other people treat it as the Greatest of Greats. While i don't mind you saying things like that, i suggest saying them a way that will limit Flamewars. For the sake of everyone involved. We have enough of that in other sites.
 
Feb 13, 2008
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Douk said:
1. I have to say no. I don't see myself ever being 'lovestuck' or otherwise drunk in love.
You will be. One day.

Shanannara said:
The_root_of_all_evil said:
4) Stability for children, pets, cars etc. With two people looking after things, the chances of them going wrong are FAR less.
That's bullshit. My parents marriage fell apart when I was 13 but they stayed together for another three years for the sake of my brother and I.
Ah, we're on different sheets here. You're talking about being forced together and divorce (Which I admit are the shitty end of the stick), I'm talking about wanting to look after things together.

Just as a question, would things have been better or worse if they had split? And are you really sure?
 

Deleted

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Jul 25, 2009
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The_root_of_all_evil said:
Douk said:
1. I have to say no. I don't see myself ever being 'lovestuck' or otherwise drunk in love.
You will be. One day.
Well being in love is like being shot. You'll get hit the first time but if you're smart you'll be more careful. Just because other people fell for a paralyzing infatuation doesn't mean everyone will. I don't think its a fact of life that everyone will face.
 

Deleted

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Jul 25, 2009
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starfox444 said:
Douk said:
I have found faults in marriage, I believe these faults will apply to me, ergo I do not want to get married. That, in itself makes sense. What you have to acknowledge is that if you can find the right person, a lot of those faults wouldn't be there.
This is actually a near perfect summary of my OP :D But really I'm not willing to risk the chances of failures as much as other people. And the perfect mate for me would agree on a common law marriage but, same thing really.
 

Darth Caelum

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Jan 21, 2010
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Douk said:
The_root_of_all_evil said:
Douk said:
1. I have to say no. I don't see myself ever being 'lovestuck' or otherwise drunk in love.
You will be. One day.
Well being in love is like being shot. You'll get hit the first time but if you're smart you'll be more careful. Just because other people fell for a paralyzing infatuation doesn't mean everyone will. I don't think its a fact of life that everyone will face.
Well. I feel like an ass for saying it AGAIN but since root said it........
I'm on your side about the marriage thing and love and probably[sub]at this rate[/sub] anything else you'll say, yet at the same time, i now how love feels like.
Now,personally, i look forward to the day when someone shoots you clean through the Head. It should be interesting. Please tell us if it does m'kay?
 

SenseOfTumour

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Jul 11, 2008
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Wasn't it Frankie Boyle who said about marriage and divorce 'all my stuff is shit, I'd happily trade in half of it for a couple of years of regular sex,'

Anyways, my personal opinion is that marriage is for weaklings and women. I'm not being sexist either, how many men do you think are on the subscription list of 'Bride' magazine?

It seems to be weddings are just one big day for the woman to show off that with a few thousand pounds, she can look really amazing and she's got a man who loves her.

Ok, cynical, but here's my view, if I love someone that much, I'd not marry because I want to stay with the woman I love because I love her, not because some legal tie says I have to or it'll be really expensive and I'll look like an asshole for divorcing.

I believe I can make a woman feel loved and special without all that stuff.

Seriously I'd love to see an honest poll of married couples based on who wanted to get married the most out of ten. I say that because of course it's traditional for the man to propose, but that could be after years of subtle hints about 'x and y got married, we really should think about it honey'.

Again, I'm not anti romance or women, I just don't believe I need some title or paperwork to make me stay with the woman I love, the emotional bond should be enough, and if it isn't , well it's kinda strange to choose to stay.

I also oughta say my best friend got married, and it's going great for them, and I wish them the best, I'm not saying it can't work, I'm just saying I feel it's an unnecessary fossil from history we don't need, a couple in love, are just that, and don't need legal documents.

As for these current UK ideas for the government to provide tax breaks for married couples, do they think that's going to swing it? With the average wedding costing about £20,000?

'I hate you! You never help around the house, and you drink too much!'
'Well you've got all fat and you never put out any more, and I know you've been fucking my brother'
'Still, we're £20 up a week since the government changed the rules on married couples, so let's stay together.'
 
Feb 13, 2008
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Douk said:
The_root_of_all_evil said:
Douk said:
1. I have to say no. I don't see myself ever being 'lovestuck' or otherwise drunk in love.
You will be. One day.
Well being in love is like being shot. You'll get hit the first time but if you're smart you'll be more careful. Just because other people fell for a paralyzing infatuation doesn't mean everyone will. I don't think its a fact of life that everyone will face.
Equally, however hard you try, if you stay on a battlefield for long enough, you will get shot. Badly. And it's a lot nicer than being shot the other way, though with perhaps more damage to your bank account.
 

Darth Caelum

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Jan 21, 2010
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SenseOfTumour said:
Wasn't it Frankie Boyle who said about marriage and divorce 'all my stuff is shit, I'd happily trade in half of it for a couple of years of regular sex,'

Anyways, my personal opinion is that marriage is for weaklings and women. I'm not being sexist either, how many men do you think are on the subscription list of 'Bride' magazine?

It seems to be weddings are just one big day for the woman to show off that with a few thousand pounds, she can look really amazing and she's got a man who loves her.

Ok, cynical, but here's my view, if I love someone that much, I'd not marry because I want to stay with the woman I love because I love her, not because some legal tie says I have to or it'll be really expensive and I'll look like an asshole for divorcing.

I believe I can make a woman feel loved and special without all that stuff.

Seriously I'd love to see an honest poll of married couples based on who wanted to get married the most out of ten. I say that because of course it's traditional for the man to propose, but that could be after years of subtle hints about 'x and y got married, we really should think about it honey'.

Again, I'm not anti romance or women, I just don't believe I need some title or paperwork to make me stay with the woman I love, the emotional bond should be enough, and if it isn't , well it's kinda strange to choose to stay.
Noted. But keep in mind that Marriage has been accepted as the Norm already. While you, and your loved one may not mind it[sub]If you're lucky[/sub] That doesn't mean that EVERYONE ELSE will. You will be crucified for that belief by the many others that outnumber you.
Hell, perhaps others too believe in your philosophy, but to keep the relatives and everyone else off their back they marry.

I'm not sure, but do you consider that weak?