Marriage doesn't look too Appealing in the Long Run...

[Supernatural Girl]

By the way, I'm not sure if the US has this or not but in the UK if you co-habit with someone for over 3 or 5 years there are laws against you being able to "Just change the locks on your door, and its over."...

We actually don't unless you declare your relationship a civil partnership. Co-habit gives you no rights what so ever, unless you've got both names signed on documentation, such as tenancy papers or mortgage.

OT: I think marriage in the sense of the big wedding and all the guests is overrated. I personally wouldn't get married, unless I was in a long-term, stable relationship and my partner suggested it, to simplify tax benefits and the like. Also the marriage would take place after some sort of pre-nup was made.

Even then, I would't pay hundreds/thousands on a big celebration. Probably, a meal with some guests, kinda like my mum and dad. (They spent around £100, taking into account inflation, total on their wedding 25 years ago)

 

[SenseOfTumour]

I don't have the stats to hand, but IS marriage the norm now? I thought more and more people are choosing to be partners without taking that huge expensive step.

I think that while now there might be that pressure from parents to 'make an honest girl out of my daughter', in one or two generations those feelings will be long gone.

I just feel that somehow marriage is touted as some sign of 'success' to women, that a man can't really love you and want to be with you forever unless he marries you, and that once you're married you're a 'complete' woman, which to me seems horribly outdated.

I'd certainly say that marrying because of what family and friends might think is a very wrong reason to marry, however, yes.

If you want to marry, do it because it feels like the right decision for you and your partner, and that you feel it'll be a decision for life, not because it'll shut your mother up for a few weeks.

 

[Shanannara]

Well.....fair point. Douk may have generalized his points a bit. But keep in mind, Other people treat it as the Greatest of Greats. While i don't mind you saying things like that, i suggest saying them a way that will limit Flamewars. For the sake of everyone involved. We have enough of that in other sites.

You're right. I apologise and I'll try and keep calmer in future.

Ah, we're on different sheets here. You're talking about being forced together and divorce (Which I admit are the shitty end of the stick), I'm talking about wanting to look after things together.

Just as a question, would things have been better or worse if they had split? And are you really sure?

I believe it would have been better but obviously I'll never know. It would have saved years of arguments and fights and tension. My dad would ***** to me about my mum, which is not something anyone needs to be burdened with. He stopped when they divorced and my mum and I became closer as a result. I could go on listing all the things that improved after they split up but it's unnecessary.

There are so many different factors to take into account (my age and personality, my parents personalities, etc.) it's damn near impossible to come to a definite conclusion. I would say that my parents did what they thought was best but I think they were wrong. It may be different for other families, but in our case my parents should have broken up when they knew they didn't want to be together.

 

[Darth Caelum]

I don't have the stats to hand, but IS marriage the norm now? I thought more and more people are choosing to be partners without taking that huge expensive step.

I think that while now there might be that pressure from parents to 'make an honest girl out of my daughter', in one or two generations those feelings will be long gone.

I just feel that somehow marriage is touted as some sign of 'success' to women, that a man can't really love you and want to be with you forever unless he marries you, and that once you're married you're a 'complete' woman, which to me seems horribly outdated.

I'd certainly say that marrying because of what family and friends might think is a very wrong reason to marry, however, yes.

If you want to marry, do it because it feels like the right decision for you and your partner, and that you feel it'll be a decision for life, not because it'll shut your mother up for a few weeks.

Well. I THINK it is. Though it's more of a cultural thing, as i said in my Assassin's Creed Reference a page back.
and No, it will not die off as quickly as you think it will. Speaking for the Philippines at least, 5 Generations seems to be a good number.
I'll be long dead by then, Tell me how it goes in the Civilized[sub]Subjectively[/sub] World!

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

I would say that my parents did what they thought was best but I think they were wrong. It may be different for other families, but in our case my parents should have broken up when they knew they didn't want to be together.

Then they're brave people indeed and you should give them both a hug when you next see them.

I still don't know that many people who say "Boy, I'm glad I got divorced when I did," unless it's followed by "so I could marry this person".

 

[SenseOfTumour]

I don't have the stats to hand, but IS marriage the norm now? I thought more and more people are choosing to be partners without taking that huge expensive step.

I think that while now there might be that pressure from parents to 'make an honest girl out of my daughter', in one or two generations those feelings will be long gone.

I just feel that somehow marriage is touted as some sign of 'success' to women, that a man can't really love you and want to be with you forever unless he marries you, and that once you're married you're a 'complete' woman, which to me seems horribly outdated.

I'd certainly say that marrying because of what family and friends might think is a very wrong reason to marry, however, yes.

If you want to marry, do it because it feels like the right decision for you and your partner, and that you feel it'll be a decision for life, not because it'll shut your mother up for a few weeks.

Well. I THINK it is. Though it's more of a cultural thing, as i said in my Assassin's Creed Reference a page back.
and No, it will not die off as quickly as you think it will. Speaking for the Philippines at least, 5 Generations seems to be a good number.
I'll be long dead by then, Tell me how it goes in the Civilized[sub]Subjectively[/sub] World!

yes, I phrased myself badly, I don't think marriage will be a thing of the past in 20 or even 50 years, just that I think it will decline in popularity as the disapproval of unmarried couples continues to fade, at least in places such as the UK, europe, USA, Australia, etc.

I do agree it works for some people, and I know two of them, and I'm happy for them. I just feel that it's not needed so much nowadays, and most people would be equally happily in love ,unmarried as they would be if they were married, if outside pressures were put aside, which again, I feel will fade over the next few decades.

 

[Darth Caelum]

I don't have the stats to hand, but IS marriage the norm now? I thought more and more people are choosing to be partners without taking that huge expensive step.

I think that while now there might be that pressure from parents to 'make an honest girl out of my daughter', in one or two generations those feelings will be long gone.

I just feel that somehow marriage is touted as some sign of 'success' to women, that a man can't really love you and want to be with you forever unless he marries you, and that once you're married you're a 'complete' woman, which to me seems horribly outdated.

I'd certainly say that marrying because of what family and friends might think is a very wrong reason to marry, however, yes.

If you want to marry, do it because it feels like the right decision for you and your partner, and that you feel it'll be a decision for life, not because it'll shut your mother up for a few weeks.

Well. I THINK it is. Though it's more of a cultural thing, as i said in my Assassin's Creed Reference a page back.
and No, it will not die off as quickly as you think it will. Speaking for the Philippines at least, 5 Generations seems to be a good number.
I'll be long dead by then, Tell me how it goes in the Civilized[sub]Subjectively[/sub] World!

yes, I phrased myself badly, I don't think marriage will be a thing of the past in 20 or even 50 years, just that I think it will decline in popularity as the disapproval of unmarried couples continues to fade, at least in places such as the UK, europe, USA, Australia, etc.

I do agree it works for some people, and I know two of them, and I'm happy for them. I just feel that it's not needed so much nowadays, and most people would be equally happily in love ,unmarried as they would be if they were married, if outside pressures were put aside, which again, I feel will fade over the next few decades.

Well the Decline is a better way of saying it. Everything decays eventually so you have a point there. Keep in mind, it's probable we won't reach it within our lifetimes. I COULD be wrong though.[sub]Always leave in a loophole[/sub]

 

[SenseOfTumour]

quote="Darth Caelum" (as its all above me)

I'd have to say I'm in agreement there, I'll shake your hand n call it a day.

Why can't more forums manage a compromise every now and then?

 

[michiehoward]

I've been with my husband going on 10 years (this May ten years)we've been together since I was 17 he was 19, we have two children.

"How can you call yourself married if you never got married in a church or at the courthouse?"

I'll tell you why. Firstly I don't need my minister at church to tell me he is my husband and I'm his wife, I don't need a paper to verify this fact. Secondly I have forsaken all others. Thirdly I made the life altering, no take back desicion to have my children with and by him. Fourthly, I know that if he ever left me, died, I leave him, I would never be with another man, ever, in any way. I previously stated in another thread "People that live in extremes are idiots" this one facet of truth is where my idiocy shines through, my husband is my life partner, I know there is no one who is better suited for me or who could know me better, I am committed til' death.

A wedding and a marriage certifacate don't make marriage real, and they certainly don't make marriage work, and I'd so kick anyone ass if they said we were not husband and wife.

 

[NoNameMcgee]

I'm a "parasyte single" & I believe in the Scarlet O'Hara Marriage Method; when you can no longer suck the life & spare finances out of your parents, find another life form to sink your teeth into.

I hate being employed, I've never enjoyed any job I've ever had. So if my parents die, I will marry the first guy who shows interest in me & my cooking & do the housewife bit.

I feel the same except I'm a guy, damn this is what makes me sometimes wish I was female.

I'd just go out there and meet the richest guy I can find, sleep with him, get married, and suddenly I'm a billionaires wife. Woo.

Doesn't really work quite the same, as a male. lol

 

[Baby Tea]

Most people do not know each other as well as you know your spouse (which I assume is a lot based on your post). They will think they completely trust them but then again they trusted their parents when they said santa clause was real, or trusted their highschool lover to e with them forever.

Well that doesn't mean marriage is a bad idea, that means people are getting married for bad reasons.
If you run off and get married to someone you don't really know very well, then you're asking for trouble.
Serious trouble.

I have a recommendation for anyone considering marriage: Premarital counseling. My wife and I took premarital counseling before we got married, and it was awesome. We didn't have problems (Quite the contrary), but it helped us get in the right mindset for marriage. That, eventually, the 'honeymoon' feelings of butterflies and 'swooning' don't come every time you see each other (I can't say they go away, though). That real love is actual work, not just something that happens.

This is why I said getting married is a serious commitment and not one to be made lightly.
If you don't understand the gravity of the promise you're making, then it's really not worth much and you're more likely to break it.

 

[Deleted]

1. I have to say no. I don't see myself ever being 'lovestuck' or otherwise drunk in love.

You will be. One day.

Well being in love is like being shot. You'll get hit the first time but if you're smart you'll be more careful. Just because other people fell for a paralyzing infatuation doesn't mean everyone will. I don't think its a fact of life that everyone will face.

Well. I feel like an ass for saying it AGAIN but since root said it........
I'm on your side about the marriage thing and love and probably[sub]at this rate[/sub] anything else you'll say, yet at the same time, i now how love feels like.
Now,personally, i look forward to the day when someone shoots you clean through the Head. It should be interesting. Please tell us if it does m'kay?

Y..you mean with a gun or with love?

 

[likalaruku]

I'm a "parasyte single" & I believe in the Scarlet O'Hara Marriage Method; when you can no longer suck the life & spare finances out of your parents, find another life form to sink your teeth into.

I hate being employed, I've never enjoyed any job I've ever had. So if my parents die, I will marry the first guy who shows interest in me & my cooking & do the housewife bit.

I feel the same except I'm a guy, damn this is what makes me sometimes wish I was female.

I'd just go out there and meet the richest guy I can find, sleep with him, get married, and suddenly I'm a billionaires wife. Woo.

Doesn't really work quite the same, as a male. lol

Of course it does! All you have to do is find a desperate old cougar who has no kids, no boyfriend, & a steady job.