Marriage - Is it worth it?

[Reasonable Doubt]

I was a groomsman at my sister's wedding and it was huge I mean her biological father paid for it all we rented out an entire damn section of a convention center it easily cost nearly a million dollars.

When me and my girlfriend decide to get married we will foot the bill and have a quite family members only wedding and not that expensive wedding my sister had that went a little overboard, especially on the cake the damn thing was about ten feet tall and around ten feet wide, though it kind of had to be to give a slice to nearly three hundred very hungry people.

 

[wgreer25]

Why bother with marriage? I may as well find a woman I don't like and buy her a house.

I also agree with Gooble's comment in that a lot (not all) of the women I know would ultimately love to get married and have been dreaming of doing so since they were young.

My wife has some lofty ideas as to our wedding, but the price of some of that stuff brought her to reality. And really there are some good deals on locations (one of the more expensive parts) if you just look. We must have looked at/talked to a dozen different places. We found one that did the catering and flowers for less than what some places were charging just for the venue. And it was the best looking venue, outdoors and georgous. So you can compromise on the little girls dream and reality if you do your homework.

As to your other comment. I will again state that those were people who were probably not ready for marriage (an many married people today arn't). My circle of friends (my wife and my closest friends) have a 0% devorce rate, out of 10 couples ranging from 8 to 1 years married. Now my wife also has 3 co-workers who have been divorced (all under 26 years old I might add). So I also think that the couples that suround you can effect your mentality and possibly help or hinder any conflict resolution you and your spouse might encounter.

But overall i think you should wait until you are 25+ to get married, there is no rush. If you are in college and think you have met THE one, finish school (both of you) get jobs and then take a good hard look at your life and how your lives fit together. If you have stayed together through all of that, you are probably fit for marriage.

And I keep saying things like this, but I don't think I have really conveyed the benefits of marriage. If you are married to the right person (i.e. the truely till death do us part) then you have this great feeling that you will ALWAYS have someone there for you. Someone will always have your back and help you through any tough times you might have (and you will come across bad times). And that is a really good feeling. Oh, and you get a life long f*&k buddy.

 

[AnGeL.SLayer]

The problem isn't with the whole marriage process, it's the people who rush into it and fling the concept of it around like they fling the word love around. I do have a personal policy that I have no right to tell someone what love is or isn't, but when you fling it around like it means nothing then it means just that. It becomes just another word. Marriage is just another thing to everyone. Another big thing to mark off the list.

You shouldn't marry someone in less you are willing to accept them for all their good and bad traits. People tend to think marriage is the answer to a rocky relationship, that it will make everything alright. Marriage means that you have enough trust and love for that other person that you are willing to work things out, be with them through thick and thin. Most people just give up and look for instant gratification somewhere else. You have to work at love and marriage, it doesn't just happen. People can't seem to figure that out. They run at the first sign of trouble. Ridiculous.


^_^

 

[CartoonHead]

wgreer25

I should have mentioned that the large proportion of failed marriages I have seen have been those of friends' parents. Most had 5+ of marriage under their belts, and most were over the age of 25 when they did tie the knot.

I suppose the main marital disaster I draw reference from is that of my parent's, they were married for twenty years and got divorced a little under a year ago. I regret to say my father was never the same; he sunk into depression and died of alcoholism earlier this year, despite mine and my sister's best efforts to keep his spirits up, so to speak. This is obviously THE major contribution to my negative opinion.
However I do understand that some marriages work and some don't and am very careful not to be overly cynical and impede or corrupt friends' opinions on the matter.

 

[cleverlymadeup]

I was a groomsman at my sister's wedding and it was huge I mean her biological father paid for it all we rented out an entire damn section of a convention center it easily cost nearly a million dollars.

my cousin had a big wedding, had tons of family there and such, her grandfather ended up dying on the dance floor of a heart attack during the reception. i tend to look at the positive tho, he died a very happy man and we combined the 2 biggest drinking events in irish custom, a wedding and a wake

that being said i think ppl saying "i won't get married or recognize it till i can marry whomever i chose" are as Dan Savage said rather stupid and will probly come up with another excuse once they can.

 

[Reasonable Doubt]

my cousin had a big wedding, had tons of family there and such, her grandfather ended up dying on the dance floor of a heart attack during the reception. i tend to look at the positive tho, he died a very happy man and we combined the 2 biggest drinking events in irish custom, a wedding and a wake

that being said i think ppl saying "i won't get married or recognize it till i can marry whomever i chose" are as Dan Savage said rather stupid and will probly come up with another excuse once they can.

Wow thank god nothing like that happened at my sis's wedding it would have made everyone there laugh for the first few seconds then someone would be serious and try CPR while calling 911.

 

[BallPtPenTheif]

I live in England and a friend of mine, who is 19 btw, recently got married with the wedding, party etc. costing around £20,000 sterling. I was just wondering if anyone still believes that marriage (or civil partnerships) are important enough to a relationship to demand this kind of money or, as I believe, that just being partners is enough?
To go further is marriage still considered sacred, bearing in mind that in most countries adultery and divorce are not crimes and does no longer draw as much social stigma from communities as it did in earler years, or is it just a pointless legal confirmation of two peoples love for one another?

DISCUSS

during any relationship there is always a gray area where you don't really know where the other person stands. marriage, is a fairly clear semantic and as long as you are aware of the other person's meaning of the term "marriage" it is one of the rare and few times where you will know exactly where you stand in the other person's eyes.

however, if either of you are dishonest with yourselves or each other than words mean fuck all and everything is totally meaningless anyways. enjoy that psychotic guessing game that some people call a relationship.

all of that protocol and wedding brew-ha-ha doesn't mean much to my wife though and i'd imagine that if it did i would have probably thought she was frivolous and silly and wouldn't have asked her to marry me anyways.

 

[cleverlymadeup]

People tend to think marriage is the answer to a rocky relationship, that it will make everything alright.

i know a couple ppl that did that, they are divorced or getting so now. my one friend married a girl cause he felt bad for her, she was pregnant with his step-daughter at the time, they are divorced now

his ex is a real ***** too, on his wedding day, she dumped the kids on him and his now-wife and said "oh you get them for the weekend, have a good wedding" even the kids had the "yeah dad we know mom was being a ***** and we don't want to be here for your wedding night" the kids are old enough, 16 and 13, to know what their mom was pulling. his new wife kicks ass tho, i've become good friends with her

 

[cleverlymadeup]

Wow thank god nothing like that happened at my sis's wedding it would have made everyone there laugh for the first few seconds then someone would be serious and try CPR while calling 911.

well he was told by doctors to not come out, cause of his heart, and if he disregarded those orders he was supposed to sit down and do nothing, he didn't. before the ambulance got there they had a fireman, emt and a RN doing cpr, they were all guests there. my uncle who was the RN told us there's no chance of him coming back

the funny part was during the ceremony she got piped in to national anthem of Scotland the Flower of Scotland

 

[CartoonHead]

Interesting point BallPtPenTheif, but surely you can have and share the same happiness you find in and bring each other without the legal documentation? If you trust each other implicitly then surely you know a relationship with each other that is not marital is not going to be a "psychotic guessing game" as you have that level of trust in your relationship. A serious life-long relationship without marriage should be just as important as one that is sealed by wedding vows if you both trust one another.

I hope I don't sound aggressive in asking this as I do appreciate and in a way understand your view, I just wonder why the slip of paper and possible change of name is so important in a relationship based on the trust and love of two people when surely one another's word will do?

 

[Reasonable Doubt]

Then why did he not follow the doctors orders I see that as a bit strange.

 

[BallPtPenTheif]

Interesting point BallPtPenTheif, but surely you can have and share the same happiness you find in and bring each other without the legal documentation? If you trust each other implicitly then surely you know a relationship with each other that is not marital is not going to be a "psychotic guessing game" as you have that level of trust in your relationship. A serious life-long relationship without marriage should be just as important as one that is sealed by wedding vows if you both trust one another.

i never said anything about legal documentation, the point at which the relationship reaches clarity is at the moment of proposal. everything else is just a posto-facto procedure that acts as a social lithmus test.

and marriage was never about sharing happiness (see my post on meaning of life). for us it was being able to literally vocalize our needs and understand how we work and fit together in order to create an idealized life with each other.

and the marriage isn't the only point of clarity but it is a significant one.

 

[cleverlymadeup]

Then why did he not follow the doctors orders I see that as a bit strange.

he wanted to see his granddaughter married, i thought he was dumb for not doing it

 

[wgreer25]

Interesting point BallPtPenTheif, but surely you can have and share the same happiness you find in and bring each other without the legal documentation? If you trust each other implicitly then surely you know a relationship with each other that is not marital is not going to be a "psychotic guessing game" as you have that level of trust in your relationship. A serious life-long relationship without marriage should be just as important as one that is sealed by wedding vows if you both trust one another.

I hope I don't sound aggressive in asking this as I do appreciate and in a way understand your view, I just wonder why the slip of paper and possible change of name is so important in a relationship based on the trust and love of two people when surely one another's word will do?

It is a public commitment to another person. You care enough for someone to commit in public before God and say I am with this person till I die. If you are wanting to have a long time mate, that's fine, but I think it means a whole lot more if you make that commitment. It is just that today's society doesn't see it as a life long commitment and don't take it seriously. It really means something to me that my wife has stood before friends, family and God and committed herself to me (makes me feel all special). I realize that my view of marriage is not common, but I wish it was. And you know, ask me 20 years from know and I may think differently (I really hope not). And as far as your personal experience (PS. I am very sorry for your loss) would it have been any better if your parents were not married but in a 20 year realationship with 2 children and then separated? I think the depression is the result of the loss and the peice of paper wouldn't make a difference.

 

[Thais]

Marriage is'nt purely a "pair-bonding" ritual anymore, though. That piece of legal paper can become extremely important if bad things start to happen. In medical situations, or if a question of life insurance comes up or even for something mundane (most often in the case of gay and lesbian couples) like picking a child up from school/daycare or signing off on consent forms for a medical proceedure. We may not like it, but that's the way modern life is.

And really, weddings and the ungodly expenses they're currently designed to generate is a whole other topic...kind of needs to be seperate from one discussing the worth of marriage itself.

 

[Echolocating]

I've been married for a bunch of years (can't remember how many because I'm a guy) and it's been alright. We have a 3-year-old and lived together for bunch of years before getting married and having a child. It's nice because there's a good chance one of you will be responsible enough each day to keep the house clean. That's what married life is about; keeping the house clean.

I'd only recommend people refrain from marriage if they're intolerant, immature, or any combination of those two. It's a lot of compromise and it's not for everyone. I like having someone in my life that I care about, someone I can talk to, to call me on my bullshit, laugh at my jokes, have wild sex with, and take turns cleaning the house.

I'm almost 32 and everybody under 30 looks like a kid and acts like a little snot. I don't recommend that younger people get married. You have to live life a little more until you've been beaten down and you're too tired to fight because there's a mantra for marriage and it's "Yes, Dear." If you can't say that and genuinely look like your will has been broken and your soul has been severely crushed (do you cry yourself to sleep at night?), you're not ready for marriage. If both of you have dreams and desires, that's where marriages fail.

I don't know where I'm going with this.

;-)

 

[Susan Arendt]

First off, let's not confuse marriage with weddings. Weddings have become this overblown thing that cost a mint and end up causing more frustration, stress, and hurt feelings than they do joy. The best weddings I've attended are the ones where the bride and groom foot the bill themselves, because it allowed them to create the day THEY wanted, as opposed to pleasing someone else.

As for marriage, whether or not it's "worth it" is all in the eye of the beholder. There are some practical benefits, of course, mostly financial and legal, though those probably aren't the best reasons to get married. Having someone stand up in front of family and friends and say "I like and love and respect this person enough to put up with their particular brand of bullshit" can be a truly powerful experience.

You certainly don't have to get married in order to live a long and happy life with the person of your choice, but getting married isn't a guarantee that it'll all go wrong, either. Marriage can be beautiful, and it can be complete crap. It all depends on the two people involved and the work they're willing to do.

 

[Reasonable Doubt]

Thais your right on that aspect.

And also true.

 

[crimsnsacrifice]

Is marriage important?
Depends on the people really. It* is really just a symbolic thing, a stressful expense, and a lot of people now a days do not find it terribly necessary. I know there are a lot more common-law relationships now in Canada than in previous years. Being common law is recognized as "married" here, and is treated as such with regards to legal and tax matters.

I have been in a common law relationship for 6 years now. He IS my husband, and I his wife. We are not religious people, we arn't made of money (and neither are our parents), and we dont really see a point in getting "officially" married, especially not now (we are 23 years old). The only thing a wedding will be is a 10 minute ceremony, a party with close family and friends, and an excuse for me to wear a pretty dress. And all that can wait. It wouldn't change anything about our relationship as it stands anyway.

*a wedding, I mean.

 

[BallPtPenTheif]

oddly enough, this thread is a good example of my point.

what a relationship means is an entirely subjective concept, and the key is meeting another person who shares that concept.

using this forum as an example, you can see how complex and specific each person's individual idea is.. well, depending on who they are with they could all be theoretically wrong or right.

so if i love insanely retarded and expensive weddings, and so does my wife... then it will probably be the most insanely retardly awesome experience we would ever share. sure other might consider such expenses as frivilous and irrelevant but aren't shallow greedy people allowed to have joy as well?