I don't think marriage is worthwhile... It's basicly a big flashy ceremony to say I love you. I think I can skip the flashy stuff. The only way I will marry someone if she doesn't stop bugging me for it.
Marriage - Is it worth it?
- Thread starter CartoonHead
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I'm sorry but just because some people do not believe marriage to be the ultimate goal of a relationship does not mean they will die without a partner - which is what I assume you mean by "die alone" - nor does it mean they are trying to ruin marriage for everyone else or that no one wants to marry them.TheNecroswanson said:
A friend of mine's parents are not married and have said they will never get married, but nevertheless have been with each other faithfully and loyally (as far as my friend knows of course) without any kind of separation for over thirty years now. It's right for some and not for others I guess but it certainly does not mean they would rather see no-one get married or the institution of marriage to die out - it's simply not for them.
Furthermore, to digress: we will ALL die alone without our partners; wife, husband or otherwise, unless we carry out some kind of suicide pact with them, or suffer some kind of terrible accident or event, these are not prerequisites or vows of marriage. "Till death do us part" I believe is the phrase. i.e. when we die we will be parted, ergo: we will be without each other when we are dead (I concede if only briefly if you have belief in certain religions).
Everyone is born alone and dies alone (save for cojoined twins if you wish to be pedantic, but they inhabit a single body and can therfore be discounted) it is a fact of life. To be clear I am not disputing that you may meet up again with your partner in an afterlife as this is down to religious belief, not your opinion on marriage.
A piece of paper shouldn't decide for me whether I love someone or not. A woman who comes into where I work has been with her boyfriend for 20 years, and they're not married, they call each other "husband" and "wife" because that's how they are but they just never saw the point in marriage, we have really interesting conversations when she comes in, makes my day
I know I maybe called a "spoilsport" or "no fun"(and believe me I have)but I would rather the money(£20,000 plus pounds knowing the type of woman I'll probably end up with)be spent on the mortgage, on a new car, deposit for a new house, put it away in a high interest account for a rainy day. You're spending a fuckton of money on one day where you basically exchange surnames and gain the "privilege" of calling each other husband and wife.
If you think you need to sign a piece of paper to say "I Love You and want to spend the rest of my life with you" to someone then honestly I really don't care about the "religious" significance or shit like that but you truly are bonkers in my eyes. And then you wonder why divorce is at all time high, marriage doesn't exactly get off to a good start when you're 20,000 plus pounds in the red.
I even more despise the people who look down on unmarried couples who have children just because they're "illegitimate". They may seem beneath you just because they come from a family where the parents aren't married but I would bet at least that kid is for the most part brought up right and taught a thing or too properly, much more than that married couple with a "legitimate" child. The level of ignorance and stupidity of some people is awe inspiring sometimes, what should it matter if the kid is "legitimate" or not? Is the kid loved? Yes. Is it taught well? Yes. Does it respect people? Yes. Etc. There is no one that should be swayed by what a piece of paper or a title of two people says, as long as I love my girlfriend and my child I couldn't care less about marriage, because I know I can do a goodass job anyway. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me otherwise. I feel sorry for the people who allow that bit of paper to rule their lives and make the decision for them because they have no belief that they can do a good job regardless of what anyone, never mind a bloody piece of paper, says.
I know I maybe called a "spoilsport" or "no fun"(and believe me I have)but I would rather the money(£20,000 plus pounds knowing the type of woman I'll probably end up with)be spent on the mortgage, on a new car, deposit for a new house, put it away in a high interest account for a rainy day. You're spending a fuckton of money on one day where you basically exchange surnames and gain the "privilege" of calling each other husband and wife.
If you think you need to sign a piece of paper to say "I Love You and want to spend the rest of my life with you" to someone then honestly I really don't care about the "religious" significance or shit like that but you truly are bonkers in my eyes. And then you wonder why divorce is at all time high, marriage doesn't exactly get off to a good start when you're 20,000 plus pounds in the red.
I even more despise the people who look down on unmarried couples who have children just because they're "illegitimate". They may seem beneath you just because they come from a family where the parents aren't married but I would bet at least that kid is for the most part brought up right and taught a thing or too properly, much more than that married couple with a "legitimate" child. The level of ignorance and stupidity of some people is awe inspiring sometimes, what should it matter if the kid is "legitimate" or not? Is the kid loved? Yes. Is it taught well? Yes. Does it respect people? Yes. Etc. There is no one that should be swayed by what a piece of paper or a title of two people says, as long as I love my girlfriend and my child I couldn't care less about marriage, because I know I can do a goodass job anyway. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me otherwise. I feel sorry for the people who allow that bit of paper to rule their lives and make the decision for them because they have no belief that they can do a good job regardless of what anyone, never mind a bloody piece of paper, says.
WlknCntrdiction, I completely agree with you.
These are my feelings and opinions on the subject in their entirety.
These are my feelings and opinions on the subject in their entirety.
And have you also heard of them bringing in laws giving unmarried couples more rights? Obviously not, otherwise you wouldn't be coming in and commenting, sounding like the 12 year olds that you think we are.NOOBSWTF said:
i didn't notice him until you mentoned it. just hit the report button on him... i tried pwning somebody back the other day and got a 3 day ban for it.CartoonHead said:
the mods here do a great job so use em and ignore the twits.
my friend just announced he proposed to his girlfriend and I am supposed to be in the wedding. am happy for him. Is marriage right for me? Who's to say? I always thought that I should marry one of my friends just for the legal reasons and tax breaks but still be able to have romantic relationships on the side. I don't know if I'll get so lucky, but I do want to start a family one day and a marriage is appealing to that end. In the end it's not the title, but what you make of it that makes the relationship.
Thanks BallPtPenTheif, will do. I was going to insult him, but then guessed I would get banned and so decided not to.
Squirrelman42, If you feel that marriage may one day be right for you then that is fine. Although as WlknCntrdiction pointed out you can soon get tax breaks for just being with a life partner so there's no need to get married for that particular reason.
Off-topic for a sec, is your Avatar from Warcraft 2 by any chance? A bell is ringing in my head.
Squirrelman42, If you feel that marriage may one day be right for you then that is fine. Although as WlknCntrdiction pointed out you can soon get tax breaks for just being with a life partner so there's no need to get married for that particular reason.
Off-topic for a sec, is your Avatar from Warcraft 2 by any chance? A bell is ringing in my head.
Marriage is worth it. As a bisexual living in a country where should I choose to partner with a man, I would be unable to in the eyes of the law. The rights and benefits gained from marriage cover so many things, help on so many levels, and do so much for you, that to even question their worth is to not know their value at all.
Weddings, however, I would consider worth it only to the person crossing the 't's and dotting the 'i's. Why? Because they are doing it all because they believe it will be worth it. It may or may not in the end, and occasionally people will look at it and go cross eyed over the whole fuss, but to the bride or groom trudging their way to the date, it may all be worth it. And while we may not go the extra miles to stress over how the salmon will be cooked and what songs are played in what order because it's not worth it us, to someone it is.
Me personally? I do have the occasional day dream about my wedding (which flip-flops between what gender I'm marrying) and sometimes I desire a nice outdoors wedding in the fall (I love the colors) and sometimes it's a beautiful church wedding in the winter (seriously, a hot stuffy church in summer or spring? No thanks). But in the end, it's always small, it's never extravagant, and I certainly can't see myself spending a lot of money on a wedding. As others have mentioned, I'd rather save it or use it towards something lasting.
Weddings, however, I would consider worth it only to the person crossing the 't's and dotting the 'i's. Why? Because they are doing it all because they believe it will be worth it. It may or may not in the end, and occasionally people will look at it and go cross eyed over the whole fuss, but to the bride or groom trudging their way to the date, it may all be worth it. And while we may not go the extra miles to stress over how the salmon will be cooked and what songs are played in what order because it's not worth it us, to someone it is.
Me personally? I do have the occasional day dream about my wedding (which flip-flops between what gender I'm marrying) and sometimes I desire a nice outdoors wedding in the fall (I love the colors) and sometimes it's a beautiful church wedding in the winter (seriously, a hot stuffy church in summer or spring? No thanks). But in the end, it's always small, it's never extravagant, and I certainly can't see myself spending a lot of money on a wedding. As others have mentioned, I'd rather save it or use it towards something lasting.
Marriages don't have to be expensive you know... it can be as simple as filling out that form, though that's not very appealing, is it now?
In my opinion, I'd like to get married, and well, I do think it's necessary. I've been raised up to believe that you should get married, then have kids, so a de facto relationship doesn't appeal to me.
Like several others have said, rushing into marriage, marrying for the wrong reasons or expecting change leads to relationship breakdown. I heard a long time ago that one of the most important things in a relationship is compromise, that ability to do something you don't want to for the sake of your other. In today's relationships, people think marriage (and love) is all about them, but it isn't, and that's where the relationship fails.
In my opinion, I'd like to get married, and well, I do think it's necessary. I've been raised up to believe that you should get married, then have kids, so a de facto relationship doesn't appeal to me.
Like several others have said, rushing into marriage, marrying for the wrong reasons or expecting change leads to relationship breakdown. I heard a long time ago that one of the most important things in a relationship is compromise, that ability to do something you don't want to for the sake of your other. In today's relationships, people think marriage (and love) is all about them, but it isn't, and that's where the relationship fails.
Why? What happens if you actually like staying single?Yan-Yan said:
If we're talking about money, aren't you just buying into a tax break?
If we're talking about commitment, what about basic trust?
If we're talking about something else, can someone spell it out in brief terms?
A wedding is not the same thing as a marriage - it's merely the celebration of the beginning of marriage. And it's completely up to the people getting married whether or not they need a full five-course meal with a band and all the people they've ever met in their entire lives, or if they are fine with a quiet ceremony in the park alone.
Marriage? Yes. I believe in it. Taking a vow in front of friends/family/god/each other to love, honor and cherish is a neat thing. Is it necessary? No, I think only in the situation of having children to provide them that sense of security as they grow up is it necessary.
But, I'm engaged to the most wonderful man ever, and I can't wait till it's officially he and I in it together, forever. Sure, we are now, but Official is a nice thing.
Marriage? Yes. I believe in it. Taking a vow in front of friends/family/god/each other to love, honor and cherish is a neat thing. Is it necessary? No, I think only in the situation of having children to provide them that sense of security as they grow up is it necessary.
But, I'm engaged to the most wonderful man ever, and I can't wait till it's officially he and I in it together, forever. Sure, we are now, but Official is a nice thing.
To me your post screamed "insecure", I'm not here to flame you but please let me explain how I read your post.
Marriage is an institution in which interpersonal relationships (usually intimate and sexual) are sanctioned with governmental, social, or religious recognition. It is often created by a contract or through civil processes.
I never knew love could be so difficult, all these forms to fill out before you "actually" love someone. And why does the vow have to be in front of everyone? Can you and your partner not make a vow to yourselves? "Dear (insert fiances name here), I promise to love you until the end of my days and that we shall spend the rest of our lives together". See? It doesn't need to be announced for the world to hear, I think they practically already know you're in for the long haul since you're getting married but I see this "vow" thing as conforming to the masses. Yes, I know I'm going to be called out for "non conforming just to conform" but for me it goes without saying that if I meet someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with then I will tell her and her only, it's no one elses business. I know that me and my girlfriend will last, we don't need "confirmation" of a vow to tell us that.
So am I right in thinking that since you're not officially "in love" you're going to last forever? And the minute you get married that mentality of lasting forever goes straight out the window? Please help me understand where you're coming from, my head hurts.
Most people can say they love their partner, but obviously because it's not official they can't then be in love can they? Or they clearly aren't as in love as you two are, how could they be? Their love isn't official, they aren't married.
What does that mean for the couple in my example in my other post? Does it mean their 20 years of "false" love can't possibly compete with your love because you're getting married?
To me it's this very mentality about marriage being a "I'm better than you, I've got the documents to prove it" thing that gets on my nerves. You got married, whoop de doo. I've been with my girlfriend for 20 + years, we have a kid who is loved, cherished and not a moment goes by where we don't love each other, our child may be "illegitimate" but he/she is most certainly brought up better than yours. Bullshit and chips for tea again methinks
Ok, that part I can agree withAndraste said:
From Wikipedia:Andraste said:
Marriage is an institution in which interpersonal relationships (usually intimate and sexual) are sanctioned with governmental, social, or religious recognition. It is often created by a contract or through civil processes.
I never knew love could be so difficult, all these forms to fill out before you "actually" love someone. And why does the vow have to be in front of everyone? Can you and your partner not make a vow to yourselves? "Dear (insert fiances name here), I promise to love you until the end of my days and that we shall spend the rest of our lives together". See? It doesn't need to be announced for the world to hear, I think they practically already know you're in for the long haul since you're getting married but I see this "vow" thing as conforming to the masses. Yes, I know I'm going to be called out for "non conforming just to conform" but for me it goes without saying that if I meet someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with then I will tell her and her only, it's no one elses business. I know that me and my girlfriend will last, we don't need "confirmation" of a vow to tell us that.
Sense of security? And here I was thinking that having a loving, caring, respectable family looking after you gave kids a sense of security, the fact that they can talk to their parents about anything should give them the sense of security, not whether their parents are married or not. And those unmarried parents should be able to teach their kids that security comes from those things, not marriage. I think you're talking about security as seen by society which again I think is insecurity. "If I don't get married then how will my kids ever have a sense of security that only marriage can provide", that's what I'm hearing.Andraste said:
This line just about confirms it for me. Official? Why does your love have to be official? And it's a nice thing? It's a nice thing to have your love be made official? Or do you mean it's nice to tell everybody that you two are madly, deeply in love? I'm going to go with the latter. You and him are in it forever? Then why get married? If you're in it forever that would imply you two can commit to each other for life, something far more valuble than marriage. But then you go back to conforming,("Sure we are now but official is a nice thing"),Andraste said:But, I'm engaged to the most wonderful man ever, and I can't wait till it's officially he and I in it together, forever. Sure, we are now, but Official is a nice thing.
So am I right in thinking that since you're not officially "in love" you're going to last forever? And the minute you get married that mentality of lasting forever goes straight out the window? Please help me understand where you're coming from, my head hurts.
Most people can say they love their partner, but obviously because it's not official they can't then be in love can they? Or they clearly aren't as in love as you two are, how could they be? Their love isn't official, they aren't married.
What does that mean for the couple in my example in my other post? Does it mean their 20 years of "false" love can't possibly compete with your love because you're getting married?
To me it's this very mentality about marriage being a "I'm better than you, I've got the documents to prove it" thing that gets on my nerves. You got married, whoop de doo. I've been with my girlfriend for 20 + years, we have a kid who is loved, cherished and not a moment goes by where we don't love each other, our child may be "illegitimate" but he/she is most certainly brought up better than yours. Bullshit and chips for tea again methinks