I can't believe I was the only one thinking this.
There are some people that you want to stick with you and for others to keep away from, thus making the pairing official and to sink the other ships that might be sailing.
Marriage
- Thread starter Flutterguy
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I can't believe I was the only one thinking this.
There are some people that you want to stick with you and for others to keep away from, thus making the pairing official and to sink the other ships that might be sailing.
Religious folk have a way higher divorce rate mainly due to the anti- "try before your buy" deal.
Interestingly, Jews have laws stating that you have sex before marriage after you get engaged to make sure you are sexually compatible
Me personally I'd prefer someone with experience. Virginity as a "virtue" is the dumbest ideal that religion has provided humanity.
Interestingly, Jews have laws stating that you have sex before marriage after you get engaged to make sure you are sexually compatible
Me personally I'd prefer someone with experience. Virginity as a "virtue" is the dumbest ideal that religion has provided humanity.
Well I hold some value toward marriage as I see it as a celebration in a way, you know like how people celebrate Christmas and Birthday etc? Even then I like the idea that is when the person you're in love with will now be with you as humanly possible (death til us part) althought that can be changed (devoice). Also then the status of boy/ girlfriend will be changed to husband and wife.
Im raising the point of the "traditional" wedding were lots of family are invited as opposed to my idea were you go to a registry office with a few close relatives as witnesses and then spend what you wouldve spent on a traditional wedding on something intimate such as a holiday or maybe something sensible like a house deposit or a bigger family carRyan Minns said:
Personally, marriage doesn't itself bother me that much. Lots of religions are into it, you get neat benefits, it's easier to deal with custody stuff and nobody bats an eyelash at you living with your SO.
The problem I have is with cultural attitudes toward being not-married. People think you're selfish, ignorant, a misanthrope, living in sin, an atheist, or just some kind of freak who hates love. They think you're taking advantage of anyone you date if you don't eventually plan to marry them presuming the relationship doesn't fail before then. And as you get older the stink-eye only gets worse.
It would be nice if it was a choice where both options were considered acceptable (to marry or not), but that isn't the case by any stretch of the imagination. And while I'm all for everybody having the right to get married to consenting partners of their choice of an appropriate age and level of competency, I'd rather that not also come with an ever-increasing group of people to look down on their unmarried fellow mans and lady-mans.
The problem I have is with cultural attitudes toward being not-married. People think you're selfish, ignorant, a misanthrope, living in sin, an atheist, or just some kind of freak who hates love. They think you're taking advantage of anyone you date if you don't eventually plan to marry them presuming the relationship doesn't fail before then. And as you get older the stink-eye only gets worse.
It would be nice if it was a choice where both options were considered acceptable (to marry or not), but that isn't the case by any stretch of the imagination. And while I'm all for everybody having the right to get married to consenting partners of their choice of an appropriate age and level of competency, I'd rather that not also come with an ever-increasing group of people to look down on their unmarried fellow mans and lady-mans.
So, where exactly is it that this 'social judgement' thing happens?
Cuz where I'm from people just...don't really care what other people do.
You aren't 'supposed' to idolise anything.
Cuz where I'm from people just...don't really care what other people do.
You aren't 'supposed' to idolise anything.
Because, emotionally, people feel like Marriage is a Big Thing. A huge cornerstone in their lives. Whenever people feel that way, they want to celebrate it. Your objections to weddings and marriage are entirely logical, but humans aren't entirely logical. We didn't evolve to be entirely logical and we do silly things because they make us feel better and make us happy, even if logically they shouldn't.
It's good in life to find SOMETHING you are committed and loyal to. Otherwise you're just going to be blown about with the wind with no sort of foundation in your life. Now it's good not to bog yourself down with too many commitments so that you're inflexible, but there's such a thing as being too flexible. It's probably best to strive for some kind of middle path.
What you decide to commit yourself to is your business as long as it's not criminal. Some commit themselves to duty, some commit themselves to a belief of some sort, and some commit themselves to family. Some try to commit themselves to all these things, and I suppose it's possible when they don't overlap, although it really hinders flexibility.
Real actual marriage is a commitment to family, although it's tough to tell nowadays since so many don't honor their commitment. When you sign that piece of paper, or do the ceremony or whatever, you're saying you're going to stay with your new family no matter what. When times get tough, you're not just going to abandon your wife/husband and play back and forth with your kids. If you have doubts that you can honor the commitment, don't go through with it. But many do anyway, either because they take the commitment too lightly, or because their spouse ends up abusing them and they couldn't foresee it. Most of the time it's probably due to a light commitment attitude. And they probably just do it for appearances and a fancy celebration. Bad, bad reason to get married.
Whether you get married on paper or not, I don't care. But I would say, let your promises be true. I would think, if you truly cared enough for the person to live the rest of your life with them, you would say so even if you don't get married. There are going to be relationships you have when you probably don't feel that way, and that's fine. But I do think it's nice to find someone you can grow old with. If you don't want to grow old together in your current relationship, I recommend you don't have kids with the person you're with. Kids are not a short-term thing, and while they're tough and can handle being with just one parent if necessary, I bet it puts them in a bind when you start fighting over who gets to see them when.
If you can't stay committed, adopt a child in your name only. That way no one can fight over them, and you know whose child is whose. If you don't want to have kids, yeah, marriage may not matter, in verbal or in ceremony/legal form. So I guess marriage is ultimately an agreement to share any children you have together and not try to steal them away for yourself.
Personally though, I love romance, and were I not in a forum where everyone hated marriage, I would describe it much differently. I hope everyone that desires to find lasting love does so. Those who want a life of bouncing from one relationship to another, I guess I wish them that. I just don't know why that would be their desire.
What you decide to commit yourself to is your business as long as it's not criminal. Some commit themselves to duty, some commit themselves to a belief of some sort, and some commit themselves to family. Some try to commit themselves to all these things, and I suppose it's possible when they don't overlap, although it really hinders flexibility.
Real actual marriage is a commitment to family, although it's tough to tell nowadays since so many don't honor their commitment. When you sign that piece of paper, or do the ceremony or whatever, you're saying you're going to stay with your new family no matter what. When times get tough, you're not just going to abandon your wife/husband and play back and forth with your kids. If you have doubts that you can honor the commitment, don't go through with it. But many do anyway, either because they take the commitment too lightly, or because their spouse ends up abusing them and they couldn't foresee it. Most of the time it's probably due to a light commitment attitude. And they probably just do it for appearances and a fancy celebration. Bad, bad reason to get married.
Whether you get married on paper or not, I don't care. But I would say, let your promises be true. I would think, if you truly cared enough for the person to live the rest of your life with them, you would say so even if you don't get married. There are going to be relationships you have when you probably don't feel that way, and that's fine. But I do think it's nice to find someone you can grow old with. If you don't want to grow old together in your current relationship, I recommend you don't have kids with the person you're with. Kids are not a short-term thing, and while they're tough and can handle being with just one parent if necessary, I bet it puts them in a bind when you start fighting over who gets to see them when.
If you can't stay committed, adopt a child in your name only. That way no one can fight over them, and you know whose child is whose. If you don't want to have kids, yeah, marriage may not matter, in verbal or in ceremony/legal form. So I guess marriage is ultimately an agreement to share any children you have together and not try to steal them away for yourself.
Personally though, I love romance, and were I not in a forum where everyone hated marriage, I would describe it much differently. I hope everyone that desires to find lasting love does so. Those who want a life of bouncing from one relationship to another, I guess I wish them that. I just don't know why that would be their desire.
Not sure if you meant to imply otherwise, but plenty of us want to find lasting love, we just don't feel the need to get married. Marriage is certainly one way to express your commitment, no argument there, but it's not the only way.theboombody said: