Maths and Science Jokes!

[Cpt. Red]

Biologists think they are biochemists,
Biochemists think they are Physical Chemists,
Physical Chemists think they are Physicists,
Physicists think they are Gods,
And God thinks he is a Mathematician.

One evening Rene Descartes went to relax at a local tavern. The tender approached and said, "Ah, good evening Monsieur Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?". Descartes replied, "I think not.", and promptly vanished.

 

[pffh]

Q: What does a mathematician present to his fiancée when he wants to propose?
A: A polynomial ring!

Life is complex: it has both real and imaginary components.

A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space.
"How did you like it?" the mathematician wants to know after the talk.
"My head's spinning", the engineer confesses. "How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?"
"Well, it's not even difficult. All I do is visualize the situation in arbitrary N-dimensional space and then set N = 13."

Curse this for not allowing or me not knowing how to enter symbols

*edit* "Statistics shows that most people are abnormal!"
"How that?"
"According to statistics, a normal person has one breast and one testicle..."

 

[MikeTheElf]

A pure and an applied mathematician are asked to calculate 2 * 2.
The applied mathematician's solution: We have
2 * 2 = 2 *1/(1-1/2).
The second factor on the right hand side has a geometric series expansion
1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 +1/4 + 1/8 + ....
Cutting off the series after the second term yields the approximate solution
2 * 2 = 2 *(1 +1/2) = 3.

wait a sec, how does 1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8...? Do I not know something or does 1/(1-1/2) not solve as 1/(1-1/2) = 1/(1/2) = 2? Or did you mean 1/((1-1)/2)? which would end in division of 0

As far as jokes go:
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic (I think this was said earlier)

My favourites are actually the math/science pick-up lines:
If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes.

It's just an extra step to confuse you. 1/(1-.5)=2 and 2=1+.5+.25+.125+.0625 etc.

But wait, how can it equal 2 if the number you're adding just keeps halving? It'd only equal 2 due to rounding?

Yes.... Do you see the joke now?

eh, I guess lol

Okay then. Lousy non-mathematicians and their not understanding simple jokes.

more like "lousy mathematicians who don't round and their not understanding of rounding jokes"

 

[crimson5pheonix]

A pure and an applied mathematician are asked to calculate 2 * 2.
The applied mathematician's solution: We have
2 * 2 = 2 *1/(1-1/2).
The second factor on the right hand side has a geometric series expansion
1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 +1/4 + 1/8 + ....
Cutting off the series after the second term yields the approximate solution
2 * 2 = 2 *(1 +1/2) = 3.

wait a sec, how does 1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8...? Do I not know something or does 1/(1-1/2) not solve as 1/(1-1/2) = 1/(1/2) = 2? Or did you mean 1/((1-1)/2)? which would end in division of 0

As far as jokes go:
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic (I think this was said earlier)

My favourites are actually the math/science pick-up lines:
If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes.

It's just an extra step to confuse you. 1/(1-.5)=2 and 2=1+.5+.25+.125+.0625 etc.

But wait, how can it equal 2 if the number you're adding just keeps halving? It'd only equal 2 due to rounding?

Yes.... Do you see the joke now?

eh, I guess lol

Okay then. Lousy non-mathematicians and their not understanding simple jokes.

more like "lousy mathematicians who don't round and their not understanding of rounding jokes"

No, I understood the joke, not you. It still doesn't change the fact that 2*2 approximates to 3 and I am an inherently superior Mathematician.

 

[51gunner]

 

[Calobi]

Not exactly a joke, but all the biologists I know are either professors or really smexy gamer chicks.

You should introduce me to some from the latter category.

 

[crimson5pheonix]

A mathematician is flying non-stop from Edmonton to Frankfurt with AirTransat. The scheduled flying time is nine hours.
Some time after taking off, the pilot announces that one engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "Don't worry - we're safe. The only noticeable effect this will have for us is that our total flying time will be ten hours instead of nine."
A few hours into the flight, the pilot informs the passengers that another engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "But don't worry - we're still safe. Only our flying time will go up to twelve hours."
Some time later, a third engine fails and has to be turned off. But the pilot reassures the passengers: "Don't worry - even with one engine, we're still perfectly safe. It just means that it will take sixteen hours total for this plane to arrive in Frankfurt."
The mathematician remarks to his fellow passengers: "If the last engine breaks down, too, then we'll be in the air for twenty-four hours altogether!"

 

[crimson5pheonix]

One last joke while I still remember it. Let Epsilon be less than zero...

 

[Calobi]

http://www.math.ualberta.ca/~runde/jokes.html

 

[Syntax Error]

This is why I love this place.

 

[Drakstern]

Three tribes live in an area, spread out like this.

.

. .

However, they only have one pot amongst them, so they rotate it. The first tribe finishes and takes the pot to the second tribe.

.


.-------.

The second tribe uses it and takes it to the third.

.
|
|
|
.-------.

The first tribe realizes they need it back, so send someone to the first tribe with a message. "Hi, pot in use?"

 

[ChristmasChild]

I am new ot here, but I have a few....

Why are quantum physicists so bad in bed?

Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position


A physics professor, who was teaching a graduate course on superstring theory, decided to add an essay question to this year's final exam. The instructions read, "Describe the universe in 400 words or less and give three examples.


And here is a historical/mathematical/physics riddle for everyone....

A professor of theoretical physics put this question on a test:
If you were to travel through a wormhole to Proxima Centauri in 1919, get out a high-powered telescope to view the Earth, then what formula will you see Einstein writing on a chalkboard and what country will he be in?

 

[iseko]

Makes you wanna program

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXROnzpsrlg

 

[ChristmasChild]

String Theorist: Pity, really.... There are billions of Universes where the LHC works, and I got stuck with this one. What are the odds? (Highbrow joke)

 

[ChristmasChild]

I'm sorry, I don't really get that one...

 

[Shellsh0cker]

Biologists think they are biochemists,
Biochemists think they are Physical Chemists,
Physical Chemists think they are Physicists,
Physicists think they are Gods,
And God thinks he is a Mathematician.

xkcd did a version of that one:

A physicist and an engineer are in a hot-air balloon when a storm springs up, blowing them off course. When the storm subsides, the physicist yells, "Can anyone tell us where we are?"

A moment later, a reply is shouted: "You're in a hot-air balloon!"

"Huh," says the engineer, "a mathematician."

"Why do you say that?" asks the physicist.

"Well," says the engineer, "the answer was completely correct and utterly useless."

 

[iseko]

lol that second joke was really funny ^^

 

[slacker_bob]

What's the integral of 1/(CABIN) dCABIN? ...It's a houseboat!

Also, try this guy http://www.lab-initio.com/