Men of the Escapist: Keeping up appearances in order to reach "perfection"

[stroopwafel]

Well I'm not gonna lie when I feel just a tiny bit jealous everytime I see the response of women to a Jillz commercial or something. Ofcourse I want to be that guy every woman wants, who doesn't? Then again you mustn't forget these are models and its their actual job to look the part. Similairly as 99% of women don't look like lingerie models from an Aubade flyer. Does that make everyone who doesn't meet this beauty ideal undesirable? Ofcourse not.

As for myself well I exercise and try to look as best as I can. If you're comfortable in your own skin that's the most important part. How otherwise are you going to attract a woman if you can't stand yourself? You need to be your own best friend so to say. Having a positive outlook definitely helps. Also don't take rejection personal and definitely don't let your own sense of self-worth depend on it.

 

[Parasondox]

I tried to post a response this morning before work, but accidentally closed the window. So this is going to be the abridged version.

Does seeing Hollywood men like George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pratt etc, getting model type "beautiful" women, have you, yourself, feeling like you can either, never reach that stage or work overly hard to achieve that (may often reach a stage of obsession)?

This is a really bizarre question. I haven't heard a woman I know say anything about Clooney, DiCaprio, or Pitt in probably a decade.

The guys I hear women talk about are Orlando Bloom as Legolas and Benedict Cumberbatch. Which gets to what I think is the real issue here...

"Damn I gotta go to the gym and build my arms and abs and something, to get that that kind of response from the opposite sex"

You're mentioning guys that last I heard have mainly played in male-oriented movies. Now I'm sure there are plenty of women who find these men attractive, but for the most part the big muscly physique is something that guys tell themselves girls like because it's a way for guys to compete with other guys.

Now, if you want to run out and pump iron, there's nothing wrong with that. But if you think that's going to get you girls... I foresee disappointment in your future. I mean, sure, it could help. A little bit of weight loss and muscle tone never hurt anyone. But then again, you could also end up like the guy at the gym I used to go to... the guy who had a lot of muscle but who would spend his time after his reps furiously stalking laps around the gym (not running lanes, just striding through people's walkways), red faced, glaring, with his eyes and neck veins bulging. I did not see this guy talking to terribly many women. Guys with perhaps a small bit of definition but mostly just low body fat, an easy smile, and confidence... these guys I saw talking to lots of women. And leaving with lots of women.

Now where I'm going all this is that you're talking about jealousy over celebrities with supermodels, but it sounds an awful lot like these supermodels are, in the point of view of your post, just a way to compete with other men. These women aren't thinking, feeling creatures to have an emotional relationship with, they're status symbols to show one man as more manly than another.

That's probably not a very healthy way to deal with people.

Okay, shall we begin. Those I mentioned just popped into my head about the leading Hollywood men and those involved in comic book movies portraying Gods of some sort (Superman and Thor). You can put any leading guy in that list. I know some women who still do talk about those men and even on TV their are still talks about those guys and their appearances.

As I have pointed out because and even in the other thread aimed at women, there is nothing wrong with making yourself look good and feel good. Nothing wrong with working out and feeling fit as long as you are doing it for yourself and not an obsession in order to reach some kind of "perfection". Yeah I have seen those guys before that go gym daily that overload on nearly everything that during the process it's like they are harming themselves and barely move parts of their body cause of more bulging muscles somewhere. If you are building muscle to the point that you can't move your arms and neck fully, then that person may have a problem.

Yes, what I brought up was jealousy because that is another factor to this discussion. This whole thread is about exploring if men feel pressured to look a certain way and if yes, maybe give their point of view about how they feel which can include what some of the factors are. There is a small and I mean small percentage of men who would just date women as a kind of a trophy to compete with other men. I am against that entirely because women aren't a trophy or property. They are human beings with their own mind and thoughts and they should have the freedom to do what they want. I agree it's not a healthy way to deal with people.

Sorry if I sounded a bit mean or rude there. I do understand and agree with your points and wanted to add a bit more to that.

 

[Someone Depressing]

I'm atleast 20 pounds above the standard for a twenty-something year old, I'm much shorter than the same standard too, I have a wide built, I shave once a month, hate having hairy legs/chest and so obosessively shave them but don't care 'bout ma face cuz deal with it....

Nope. I'm not happy with my appearance (I am actually on a diet right now. When I did have a big meal, I just couldn't take it and vomitted because I was on it so long) but I don't particularly care about it.

 

[Libra]

I do struggle with insecurity around my weight a lot. Mostly my face though, and I can't change that without plastic surgery

 

[The White Hunter]

Nah why would I give a shit.

I'm fairly slim and muscular but more out of a necessity than pressure, I work out because I like to and it helps me keep sane, rather than feeling some kind of societal pressure to do so. I mean fuck society and whatever it dares think of me.

 

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

I think we should add where we all are and how social we are to add to our misgivings or no.

I mean, my hang out place is NYC. I go there with my friends who are acting in broadway shows, literally. My world is surrounded by beauty, and it comes up a lot. I was rejected a lot as a boy. Hell, no one wanted to be with me until after I was twenty.

I grew up a black geek in a white geek world. Put the card back in the deck? It's very telling that the most of the examples of male beauty followed only one melanin count.

I think I am ugly to this day. No matter what I gain in the gym, I think it's not enough to make up for how I look or that I just don't look strong enough. I also have more female friends than I do male friends. I think if I just talked to dudes about what girl is hot, I might not think about it. But I'm usually one of the only males around a close knit of female friends out in the city hearing about what guy has the best face, the best hair (hair that being a black man, I can't even grow), and the best body. I hear about what's desirable in a man, who's desirable, and how almost NOTHING else matters in terms of who they want to date.

I mean, yeah, they'll talk about how he's a great guy, and has a good job, and whatever. But all that stuff seems to be just the cherries on top of how hot they find him. It will always come back to how damn attractive he is. The difference between when they say a guy is a sweetheart but they don't see him in that way, and the difference between a guy they want... how they rave about the looks is always a missing factor in the 'sweetheart' camp.

And if it was a set of female friends, ok, they are shallow. Doesn't seem to be a one off thing. Once I get become friends with another female or set of females, here it all comes again. This interaction more than hollywood made me feel worse about my looks. I mean, yeah, the girls do talk about the guys in hollywood, but how they go on about it makes me feel worse than seeing it on Movies. If women didn't fawn over them all the time, why would we as men even care about Orlando Bloom or Ryan Gosling or Ryan Reynolds?

 

[Parasondox]

Okay, shall we begin. Those I mentioned just popped into my head about the leading Hollywood men and those involved in comic book movies portraying Gods of some sort (Superman and Thor). You can put any leading guy in that list. I know some women who still do talk about those men and even on TV their are still talks about those guys and their appearances.

But the key is, they're movies aimed at men. Not women. Women may well be in the audience and a certain segment of those women may find the men involved to be attractive, but the primary purpose of those characters is to appeal to men.

As I have pointed out because and even in the other thread aimed at women, there is nothing wrong with making yourself look good and feel good. Nothing wrong with working out and feeling fit as long as you are doing it for yourself and not an obsession in order to reach some kind of "perfection".

I agree. Though I'm not sure that perfection is a bad thing to strive for, in and of itself. The thing about perfection though, is that when one strives for perfection, just beating other guys isn't an adequate goal to reach the standard. Which is where the creepy gym rats go wrong, I think.

Yes, what I brought up was jealousy because that is another factor to this discussion. This whole thread is about exploring if men feel pressured to look a certain way and if yes, maybe give their point of view about how they feel which can include what some of the factors are.

Then the answer I'd give is, "Yes, many men feel pressured to look a certain way, however that pressure almost universally comes from other men."

There is a small and I mean small percentage of men who would just date women as a kind of a trophy to compete with other men.

Oh, I wouldn't say it's so small. The entire reason that things like giving women scores out of 10 and the PUA community exist is because of small men who want to feel big compared to other men.

Sorry if I sounded a bit mean or rude there.

No worries. Just in case it's clear, the "you" in all of my posts here is not directed at you personally, it's the rhetorical "you".

I had to Google search "PUA community" cause I had no idea what it was and when I found it, I had no clue this community actually exist over the internet. I can't access the rest of the site cause they want my email and that's a straight nooooooo. Am I surprised a community exist over the internet? No, it's the internet but I still had no clue about it before today.

"Pick Up Artist community", I mean... is this for an ego trip they are doing it for, or just something else? I don't like the "scoring out of 10" thing because that will give people either a massive ego boost and make their confidence and self-esteem pretty low. It also just shows in order to be a 10, you have to reach a standard and it's silly guidelines.

Thank you Danger - Must Silence, for the post and responses and I apologise about misunderstanding your answers before and I understand them now.

 

[Malty Milk Whistle]

I'm actually really happy with my appearance, mainly because I don't really think about it and just rely on my sparkling personality to get by. My body's not unfit, and my friend said I looked like 'that captain guy from firelfly' after I had a haircut.
So that was wonderful.

but eh, I think there's pressure on guys to look good, but no where near as much as it is on gals.

 

[OysterEleven]

Yeah I used to feel a lot of pressure to bulk up and get bigger. For reference, I'm 5'5 with a small frame, which makes me smaller than at least half the women I know. This used to bother me quite a bit but I've learned to accept what my body is capable of. I still work out a bit, plus I have a very physically demanding job, so I'm in good shape and pretty muscular for my size. So now I just appreciate that and am no longer chasing a fantasy. I'm never gonna have muscles like The Rock and that's okay.

As for waxing your chest and styling your hair and stuff... no. None of that. I trim my beard once a week and cut my own hair every month or so. That's about the extent of my grooming habits lol.

 

[Weaver]

I do feel pressure to look as good as I can, workout, dress well, etc.

The problem is I'll never be an Adonis for various reasons, and it is pretty disheartening to know that.

I do realize models look good because it's their job to look good. We could all be in great shape if it we were paid to work out all day. Alas, my job is to sit and type on the computer so my meager exercise routine is only going to pay so many dividends.