Like every other mediocre human being, I love to voice my inane opinions in form of reviews no one would read but lack the cleverness to come up with clever metaphors so other people can say "ah! wasn't that clever?".
I'm reviewing Bionic Commando (2009), which, you know, has a fun core concept of swinging-slash-combat buried deep underneath layers and more layers of mediocrity and stupidity, like an tiny tiny pearl in a oyster of shit.
But then I recalled pearls are formed by the secretion of oysters, making them technically oyster shit - so that metaphor doesn't work anymore.
So, my friends, what other metaphor could I use (it won't be theft, because you are still getting credit at the review, see?) for a game with a concept that shows promise but it is ultimately brought down by everything else in the game?
I'm reviewing Bionic Commando (2009), which, you know, has a fun core concept of swinging-slash-combat buried deep underneath layers and more layers of mediocrity and stupidity, like an tiny tiny pearl in a oyster of shit.
But then I recalled pearls are formed by the secretion of oysters, making them technically oyster shit - so that metaphor doesn't work anymore.
So, my friends, what other metaphor could I use (it won't be theft, because you are still getting credit at the review, see?) for a game with a concept that shows promise but it is ultimately brought down by everything else in the game?