MiracleOfSound said:
InsomniJack said:
I like the music, but... I'm sorry, I couldn't listen to any more of it after "You're an out of date, redundant sacred cow." That line is so awkward, even to read.
I'm all for constructive criticism, so please do elaborate.
Well... I'm not sure what exactly to say. Music is such a subjective thing, it can be flawlessly argued that what works for you won't work for other people, and vice versa. I can't really call it constructive criticism as this one issue I have is just my own personal thought on a different subject altogether. In this case: wordiness.
What I mean is that I believe there are artists out there (and I've noticed this coming mainly from female [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUjGoXL6VKA] singers [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36ZOfeQKXUs]) that have the position of adding a lot of words in the lines that they sing. Whether it's to get a rhythm from the syllables used or to cram as much of their psyche in the song as possible, that's to be decided by the listener, I suppose. But I never really cared much for it. I guess you could blame my own music choices (Pink Floyd, Radiohead, Starflyer 59) for gravitating towards lyrics that are (for the most part) compact and carefully chosen.
But when I heard that line, it just... I don't know, it felt so out of place for me. I'm sure in writing it's a perfect view on Duke Nukem. But I can't recall a time I've heard "sacred cow" used in a song other than from Primus ("Line 'em up now, greet the sacred cow [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV5u_A8UqjQ]"). It's a rare expression, and as a result, I ended up unconsciously comparing your line with Claypool's line. His, which was divided and spaced out; and yours, which fit all those words into one breath.
Again, that's just my view. You may find that line works perfectly for you. And that's fine. I'm just stating my opinion. It's unfortunate that I can't really offer any constructive criticism, as pretty much all I have had to say is just my personal feelings based on my own experience with music (both listened and composed), and not from some guidebook on how music is to be written.
However I will say: I think it was rather petty of me to stop listening to the rest of the song based on my reaction to that one line. And for that, I apologize.