Okay, after a long hiatus I'm back, and having read the comments in the "Can I get some help on a relationship?" thread, I'm forced to really become curious (and a little concerned) about them. I'll preface this by saying that everyone's experiences are probably different, and so there's no generalizable "truth". With that in mind:
I've never had a girl who I believe manipulated me, or took advantage of me in a friendship. There have been girls I liked romantically with whom I've been friends, and sometimes it's worked, and sometimes it hasn't. My question is why there seems to be a prevalent attitude that if a man is friends with a girl who doesn't reciprocate romantic feelings it's either because there's a "friend zone", or because she's manipulative and selfish (usually, notably, both). More concerning to me is the number of suggestions to try to manipulate her in turn. For examples:
"She will ignore you until she needs help again and the cycle will continue. A few years down the road you will realise that she is using you."
"for me a female "friend" (because a true friend is someone with whom you've been to hell and back, not just some girl you like talking to) is worth much less than a chance of romance... try to make your conversations more like flirting, take her somewhere, show her that you're a heterosexual male, not her girlfriend"
"Liked same girl for like 3 years, but I changed the way I act to try and impress her and landed in the friend zone <.< So really, only advance I can give is to distance yourself from her a little. One of three things will probably happen. 1. Your feelings for her will go away, and stop pestering you. 2. She will realise just how important you are. 3. She ignores you forever. "
"If you're there for her all the time, she has no room to miss or want you, so she won't like you back. If she chooses not to confide about something, say something like "Alright well don't feel too bad about it, I'll be over here (playing a video game probably) if you need someone to talk to". And make yourself unavailible to her sometimes (but not in emergencies)"
"There is one thing you can do to get her interested: Be unavailable. Find another girl, date her, treat her and show her what kind of man you are. Girls never want what they can easily get. The more you appear unattainable, the more they will want you."
The thing that bothers me is that none of these sound like how to treat a friend, male or female. This isn't trolling (or at least, isn't meant to be), but I can't wrap my head around this mindset. I'm hoping this doesn't devolve into whether the "friend zone" exists, since that's an argument that never goes anywhere (one side says it's coincidence, that the girl wouldn't have liked him even if they weren't friends; the other side says it's causal). So, I wanted to ask those who made those posts above, or have similar attitudes:
Why do you believe that *all* women are manipulative, and "using" their male friends?
If you're willing to manipulate a female friend into dating her, are you really her friend? By this I mean, if you're willing to distance yourself, be "unavailable" to be there for her (as you would a male friend, or a female friend you don't like romantically), can you really say you're being a friend, or are you just a manipulative jerk?
Similarly, why would you treat a female friend you like romantically worse than a female friend you don't like romantically?
Or, is this all "too long, didn't read"?
Edit: Addendum; why do you not value the friendships you have with girls for the friendship itself. Why is being in the "friend zone" (if it exists) (a) bad, and (b) indicative that the girl just wants to take advantage of you?
I've never had a girl who I believe manipulated me, or took advantage of me in a friendship. There have been girls I liked romantically with whom I've been friends, and sometimes it's worked, and sometimes it hasn't. My question is why there seems to be a prevalent attitude that if a man is friends with a girl who doesn't reciprocate romantic feelings it's either because there's a "friend zone", or because she's manipulative and selfish (usually, notably, both). More concerning to me is the number of suggestions to try to manipulate her in turn. For examples:
"She will ignore you until she needs help again and the cycle will continue. A few years down the road you will realise that she is using you."
"for me a female "friend" (because a true friend is someone with whom you've been to hell and back, not just some girl you like talking to) is worth much less than a chance of romance... try to make your conversations more like flirting, take her somewhere, show her that you're a heterosexual male, not her girlfriend"
"Liked same girl for like 3 years, but I changed the way I act to try and impress her and landed in the friend zone <.< So really, only advance I can give is to distance yourself from her a little. One of three things will probably happen. 1. Your feelings for her will go away, and stop pestering you. 2. She will realise just how important you are. 3. She ignores you forever. "
"If you're there for her all the time, she has no room to miss or want you, so she won't like you back. If she chooses not to confide about something, say something like "Alright well don't feel too bad about it, I'll be over here (playing a video game probably) if you need someone to talk to". And make yourself unavailible to her sometimes (but not in emergencies)"
"There is one thing you can do to get her interested: Be unavailable. Find another girl, date her, treat her and show her what kind of man you are. Girls never want what they can easily get. The more you appear unattainable, the more they will want you."
The thing that bothers me is that none of these sound like how to treat a friend, male or female. This isn't trolling (or at least, isn't meant to be), but I can't wrap my head around this mindset. I'm hoping this doesn't devolve into whether the "friend zone" exists, since that's an argument that never goes anywhere (one side says it's coincidence, that the girl wouldn't have liked him even if they weren't friends; the other side says it's causal). So, I wanted to ask those who made those posts above, or have similar attitudes:
Why do you believe that *all* women are manipulative, and "using" their male friends?
If you're willing to manipulate a female friend into dating her, are you really her friend? By this I mean, if you're willing to distance yourself, be "unavailable" to be there for her (as you would a male friend, or a female friend you don't like romantically), can you really say you're being a friend, or are you just a manipulative jerk?
Similarly, why would you treat a female friend you like romantically worse than a female friend you don't like romantically?
Or, is this all "too long, didn't read"?
Edit: Addendum; why do you not value the friendships you have with girls for the friendship itself. Why is being in the "friend zone" (if it exists) (a) bad, and (b) indicative that the girl just wants to take advantage of you?
