Most Badasas Countries : Awesome Meter Game; Preliminary Rounds

[stroopwafel]

The Dutch are too busy feeling guilty, and criticising America, to enjoy anything. Actually, I think that is what they enjoy. More so than weed and hookers.

When people think of Holland they usually think 'Amsterdam' not the swamp that surrounds it. I kind of agree with the sentiment that relaxed laws don't necessarily make for relaxed people but its probably way worse in conservative little towns that still suffer from a puritan hangover. Still though I'd say Holland is just a quiet place(as in, without any serious internal conflict) where the social order is pragmatic and open minded enough for people to live and let live. As for historic accomplishments; that such a tiny country was once in the same league of seafaring superpowers like Britain and France is quite a feat in itself.

And with that... Russia. They're being assholes and they don't give a shit. Because they know no one will oppose them at the risk of starting World War 3. They're holding all the cards and they know it.

They aren't holding any cards really except their tiring threats of using their gas reservoirs as an extortion method. Russia is engaged in a fight for self-preservation; their demographics are a mess, their economy relies solely on their gas supply, drug and alcohol abuse is rampant so much so that women now outnumber men by a fair amount and even the influence Russia had on former satellite states is dwindling.

What Putin does might look 'tough' but is actually a desperate attempt to garner much needed support of the few minority Russians who live in eastern Ukraine and Crimea and to create a unified cause agains a 'common threat' to prevent the country from falling apart. Putin is a douche and what he is fighting for is a lost cause.

As for most bad ass country? My vote goes to Switzerland. Why? B/c they know its pointless to try and change the world while you shoot yourself in the foot in the process. Protect your own interests and let other countries sort out their own problems themselves and establish relations only on economic benefit. Best policy doctrine ever!

The Swiss are also not to be fucked around with. Even Hitler feared his army being absolutely destroyed in the Swiss mountains and why he leaved the Swiss alone during WW2.

 

[SonOfVoorhees]

Im going with Britain. The sun never used to set on the British empire. The british empire put rome to shame

Considering it is a tiny island nation its batting way above its weight and even today in the 21st century we came 3rd in the olympics (to america and china) we have a great economy for our size and our living standards (even for the very poor) are higher than most countries

This. Biggest empire ever and end of the thread. Now days, no country will ever have an empire as big as Britain.

 

[shootthebandit]

Round 2: Britain again. Its fairly obvious as its called "victorian" named after the queen

Round 3: cuba. The cuban missile crisis had america quaking in its boots especially after they failed to overthrow castro previously

Round 6: switzerland. They provided a limited safe haven for refugees and made a shit ton of money off both sides without getting involved

 

[TheIronRuler]

Im going with Britain. The sun never used to set on the British empire. The british empire put rome to shame

Considering it is a tiny island nation its batting way above its weight and even today in the 21st century we came 3rd in the olympics (to america and china) we have a great economy for our size and our living standards (even for the very poor) are higher than most countries

This. Biggest empire ever and end of the thread. Now days, no country will ever have an empire as big as Britain.

I feel like you missed the point of this round, namely that we're not just naming the best country that's ever existed but focusing on the 21st century only, meaning that the British Empire of the past is irrelevant right now. It'll probably crush it in the Victorian Era, but that's a separate thing.

OT: Should we just throw up all our votes here and now or are there going to be new threads for each round? The mix of the thread title and people apparently ignoring said title is confusing me.

.
Fixed the mix-up. The thread is for all of the Preliminary rounds : 1-8.
Next thread will feature the winners battling against each other, and bonus rounds from the escapists (You can also suggest fantasy scenarios for bonus rounds).

 

[Frankster]

Round 1: Germany, it carries the EU and works towards uniting countries in a peaceful manner and uses its influence in a positive way instead of being an international bully like other nominees.

Round 2: I honestly feel UK has a strong claim here, for a small island nation to have the largest Empire yet seen is some accomplishment.
Edit: I was thinking of changing my vote to a smaller country that gave the brits trouble but considering that the brits are hardly blessed with vast ressources or reserves of manpower, building such a wide empire really is a badass thing.

Round 3: I was going to say USA as they were the big winners but then again.. This is the most "badass" right?
Well in that case the honest answer is Vietnam, they gave the american invaders a bloody nose. Badass is beating up someone bigger then yourself rather then being big and beating up on smaller people right?

Round 4: Holy Roman Empire. The last vestiges of true Roman civilization holding the line whilst Europe was in flux.
I'm a dumbass, meant the Byzantine Empire.

Round 5: Don't know enough about countries achievements in this era so not voting on this one.

Round 6: Soviet Russia. Single most important allied country who fought the main german armies head on, this was a global allied effort and everyone playing a part but at the end it was their victories that turned the tide long before any d day landing which was more of a nail in the coffin.
Edit: Changed vote to Finland. This is about who was the most BADASS after all right? Honestly I feel a lot of people here are just naming off countries without considering the BADASS aspect which really isn't the same thing.

Round 7: Spain. It is CRIMINAL if Spain doesnt win this round and yet people here are nominating USA for anything on account of just half a century of dominance.
Spains forces were practically undefeated for 300 years and the scourge of Europe. Their mixed Tercio formation dominated the battlefields of their time and forced other european countries to copy them though they were never the equal of spanish Tercios.

Undefeated for 300 years and never ran from battle (the morale of tercios were legendary), can ANY country here say that? Exactly. Spains record of battlefield dominance is one that has never been matched, even by the British Empire.

And then they participated in and had command of 1 of the most epic sea battles the world has ever seen.
It's a goddamn tragedy this battle isn't more known then it was, since it only just saved all of Europe from being overrun by the Ottomans: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Lepanto


Round 8: Romans. Dont think this one needs explaining.

 

[ClockworkPenguin]

Oh, my round 4 vote was for the mongols. I know I wasn't very clear and just sort of posted my musings as I had them, sorry.

 

[tuliphead]

round 1 goes to America the only super power left
round 2-England fuck the era is named after the queen
round 3-america again after all the Soviet union did collapse
round 4-I don't really know enough about the time period to say
round 5-I'll go Denmark
round 6-my inner bald eagle wont let me pick Russia so murica it is again
round 7-italy cause idk da vinci I guess
round 8-rome don't really need to explain that one I think

 

[snowpuppy]

Round 1: 21st century (2000-Today)
New Zealand, so chill.
Round 2: Victoria Era ( 1830-1910)
I'm going to have to vote Britain here.
Round 3: Cold War (1945-1991)
Australia, join ALL the wars.
Round 4: The Crusades (1100-1300)
The Eastern Roman Empire, such a sad tale of its demise due to fellow Christians.
Round 5: Viking Era (800-1000)
The Eastern Roman Empire, or the Byzantines if you prefer. While the rest of Christendom was, well, going through the dark ages, these guys had cataphracts.
Round 6: World War 2 (1939-1945)
Finland, no contest.
Round 7: Renaissance (1350-1650)
Venice.
Round 8: Antiquity (600 BC - 600 AD)
A third vote for Rome! Although Persia does tempt me.

 

[Vegosiux]

Okay then.

Round 1: My vote goes to Russia, for the exact same reason TheIronRuler stated - it just doesn't give a fuck. It's like a beast you can beat down, break its legs, but shortly after, it'll just casually shrug it off and keep causing you trouble. Honorable mention to China since its economic growth is making it into a power in its own right.

Round 2: The sun never sets; 'nuff said. (That's Britain, yes). Honorable mention to Prussia, setting the grounds for the unification of Germany.

Round 3: I'll have to go with Yugoslavia here. 1948, Tito tells Stalin to go stick it where the sun don't shine, Stalin tries to take the matter into his own hands, Tito goes "Stop sending people to kill me. We've already captured five of them, one of them with a bomb and another with a rifle. If you don't stop sending killers, I'll send one to Moscow, and I won't have to send a second." Plus, spearheading the non-aligned movement, Yugoslavia kept relations with both East and West to the point it was safe from both. Honorable mention to Cuba, for the not-giving-a-fuck factor.

Round 4: Here, I vote for the largest ever territorial entity, the Mongol Empire. They even conquered Russia!

Round 5: I'm giving this one to the Abbasids, on the same note as Rofl Harris.

Round 6: Yugoslavia again. Seeing as the people were just so peeved with the Axis occupation that they kept stirring up trouble, keeping a considerable number of troops locked in the Balkans that the Axis powers could have really used elsewhere. Honorable mention to Finland for its effort defending against USSR.

Round 7: Going with Spain here. Considerable empire, and quite a powerhouse, and wrapped up the reconquista. Honorable mention to Japan, finally unifying itself around there.

Round 8: Asterix the Gaul. No, really, this one is a toss-up between Rome and Macedon, and I simply can't decide.

 

[Tuxedoman]

The Dutch

...

Are you serious!?

If there's anything as clear as day during these times, it's that no one from Europe is even remotely bad ass. Not while they're depended on energy from Russia.

And with that... Russia. They're being assholes and they don't give a shit. Because they know no one will oppose them at the risk of starting World War 3. They're holding all the cards and they know it.

Well, we did steal half our country from the sea gods. Who else can say that? ^^

Well, to be fair, Holland did invade Britain in 1667 and won...

To sum it up; There was a revolution in England, and the newly crowned King James was a Roman Catholic, while most of the country was Protestant. Rather than stay there and be killed for not believing in the right flavour of God, he left the country and Prince Nassau of Orange, the leader of the Dutch Republic, was invited to take the throne.

Now how would a tiny merchant state compete with the largest empire of its time? Simple; take the biggest ships with the biggest guns and ram it right down Englands throat.

50 odd ships with 1,700 guns between them, and a 200,000 man strong army behind them floated down the Thames and Midway Rivers, destroying everything they met. Two English capital ships were captured and one was shipped back to Holland as a trophy. Despite it being such a large empire, no one in the English command structure actually had a plan for if something like this happened.

Long story short; the dutch lost about 50 men, England pursued peace with Holland, and the entire ordeal was blamed on Commissioner Peter Pett who was promptly exiled.

The end.

On Topic though..

Round 1: 21st century (2000-Today)
Honestly, In terms of 'Badass" im going to go with the USA. Sure is has a lot of problems, but it managed to come out on top after the Cold War, and is one of the few true modern super-powers. It may be past its prime and in the decline, but as of right now I personally think it is still the top dog so to speak.

Round 2: Victoria Era ( 1830-1910)
Hmm... Im going to go with France partially for Napoleon (Yes, he died in 1829, weh weh weh), but also for an instance that I can not remember the name of, but it was badass none the less.
Basically, there was this little crappy island off the coast of America that no one wanted, but at the same time no one wanted someone else to have it. Now this island was nothing more than a craggy outcrop; it really was nothing. England owned it at first because it was England, but do you know how France took it from them?
A ship circled the island while a diplomatic representative read out a declaration saying that France now owned it.
Then eventually, America took it. Because it was right next to America.

Round 3: Cold War (1945-1991)
Hmm... America and the USSR were both pretty badass here, but the introduction of the British nuclear subs that basically had the role of 'If England is nuked, bomb everyone else from random places around the world' takes the cake. See the "UK Trident Program" for more information.

Round 4: The Crusades (1100-1300)
The Mongols as a civilization take this hands down. They single handedly took Russia, eastern Europe, and the middle east. They leveled most of Arabia to the point where their cultural identity was lost. They thought that Russians were bear-people when they first encountered them. Say what you will about their lack of cities and the like, but Genghis Khan's Horde was the most destructive force of the 1200's.

Round 5: Viking Era (800-1000)
DA VIKINS

No. I'm going to go with Byzantium here. They were what was left of Rome after the fall of the Empire, and in this time they actually began to expand. If the pope hadn't had a few jihads called against him, and the crusaders didn't sack Constantinople thinking it was a 'Heathen City' then they may have just succeed in reforming Rome. But they didn't. Rip.

Round 6: World War 2 (1939-1945)
I may catch flak here, but Germany. Considering the situation that Germany had been put in after world war 1, it was amazing that they rose back so fast to the point where they actually held most of Europe. Nazi methods were awful, but you can not deny the results nor the technological progress that was achieved in that time, by all sides of the conflict. They did however make the small mistake of invading Russia in winter. The only people who have ever done that successfully were the Mongols, and that was only because their winters were worse.

Round 7: Renaissance (1350-1650)
Venice. In this time, Venice was THE ballin place to be. They were the richest, most powerful and most colourful city state in Europe to the point where they looked down on EVERYBODY who wasn't them. They used their massive wealth to fund mercenary armies against the Ottoman Empire and basically started the Renaissance. I don't actually know why they fell from grace; Im assuming they just slowly stopped being relevant...

Round 8: Antiquity (600 BC - 600 AD)
This is a tough one. Im torn between Rome and China. Rome did have its share of badass moments, such as leveling Carthage to the point that no one really knows anything about it, making the Mediterranean into a lake and basically being the culture most our society is based off of, but China did... well... the same sort of thing but in Asia. Can I have a draw?

Honorable mentions go to:

Portugal! Super-power of its time, when Lisbon was destroyed by a hurricane it not only caused trade to collapse in Europe, but also spurred on a huge decline in Asia as they controlled the only ocean trade routes there.

Mayans! A mostly peaceful culture that was way ahead of its time. They then disappeared, came back, and disappeared again. Although the second time had something to do with smallpox rather than just... leaving.

Saracens! Arabia was amazing at its peak. If only the mongols hadn't leveled most of the middle east, they would have easily been the ruling power in the world.

Tonga! A bunch of US students went to a small island in the Pacific in the 1980's (I think it was the 80's. Maybe the 70's) and formed their own micronation. It lasted two years, until Tonga invaded them, took their flag down and replaced it with the Tongan flag.

 

[Steve Waltz]

Cute idea! I'd like to participate.


Round 1: Germany. Yea, yea, I'm American so I'm supposed to have that unwavering patriotic faith, but I just don't. I've really lost faith in my country and looked elsewhere for a country that looks like it knows what it's doing.

Round 2: Even though I love cowboys to bits I'm going to have to say The Brits. I mean, they rocked the world at this time.

Round 3: USA for sure. USSR send the first man into space (Which is totally awesome), but the USA sent someone to the moon. Now that's awesome.

Round 6: As much as I don't want to say it, I'm going to have to go with the USA again. The USA was a sleeping giant and when Japan woke it up the USA joined both conflicts and became a vital part of the conflict against the Axis. The last time the USA did anything justifiable as far as war is concerned.

Round 8: Yea, Rome was the center of the world and all, but Carthage was the most badass. Four words: Hannibal, Alps, war elephants.

 

[Allar]

Round 1: 21st Century - Germany seems like the best candidate here, given their propping up of the Eurozone and repeatedly demonstrating how to balance economic and social policy. Bonus points for getting to this position less than a century after World War II.

Round 2: Victoria Era - Britain seems to be the best answer here. Regardless of how one feels about the successes and failings of the Empire it still remains to this day the largest empire that has ever existed and as a result its influence is still felt from Canada to India.

Round 3: Cold War - Yugoslavia for the same reasons that Vegosiux mentioned. Tito's attempt at a different kind of socialist project coupled with Yugoslavia's successful resistance of Soviet pressure make it truly remarkable.

Round 4: The Crusades - Though not a state in the modern sense of the word my vote goes to the Hashshashin. A bunch of secretive religious devotees living in mountain fortresses and gaining a reputation for public murder? The fact that such a reputation was almost certainly wildly exaggerated just makes it more impressive as they were able to acquire the image without needing to get their hands quite so dirty.

Round 5: Viking Era - The Abbasid Caliphate. They made Baghdad a centre of learning and culture and kicked off the Islamic Golden Age.

Round 6: World War 2 - Poland. Despite being the first country conquered by the Nazis they did their damnedest to resist and continued to do so for the entirety of the war.

Round 7: Renaissance - The Ottoman Empire for all the reasons previously listed

Round 8: Antiquity - I'm going to buck the trend here and say the Achaemenid Persians. They created a massive empire with an extensive postal system and road network while maintaining a prohibition against slavery and ruling with a form of religious and ethnic toleration long before it was cool.

 

[evilnancyreagan]

I don't have a vote per se but, instead issue a -1 penalty for Australia across the board

for their right-wing censorship shenanigans that will be the lynchpin in the downfall of western civilization

way to ruin it for EVERYBODY

 

[Thaluikhain]

Round 3: Cold War (1945-1991)
Hmm... America and the USSR were both pretty badass here, but the introduction of the British nuclear subs that basically had the role of 'If England is nuked, bomb everyone else from random places around the world' takes the cake. See the "UK Trident Program" for more information.

Er, firstly, the UK was doing that before Trident, and secondly, how are UK SSBNs any differnt from US or USSR SSBNs (in concept as second strike weapons, at least), or those of other nations during that period?