Most Inaccurate Lessons You Were Taught in School

[Naheal]

Elementary school. We were taught that the American Revolution "sounded the bell for freedom around the world" and "was fought for freedom" when in reality, it was a small colony in the middle of nowhere and what we were really fighting for was the idea that we didn't want to pay taxes to the Brits.

 

[Jaygee02]

You were there under false pretenses? I'm intrigued

I was there to learn some fuckin' facts, yo.
Not listen to someone monologue about how FUCK YOU IF GOD IS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE HE CREATED EVERYTHING YOU'D BEST BE GRATEFUL, FUCKBAGS

If I wanted that I'd...
...I don't know what I'd do.
Because I do not want that.

I can sympathise with that. Class isn't the place to be arguing personal beliefs, whatever they may be. Although on the other hand I remember we used to do our best to get our accounting teacher off on a tangent to avoid doing actual work.

 

[captainwillies]

Jr High. Modern American condoms were made of latex
or intestines. How friggin' romantic that must feel...

I call bullshit on the intestine condom idea. They tried to tell us about that in sex ed, but I know Tennis Racquet wires used to be made from cow intestines & that they'd fall apart if they got wet...

That would be because the strings are treated to a very special chemical cocktail that degrades in water.

Condoms were originally made from sheep intestines - and they still are.

For those who are allergic to latex, they make condoms from intestines to cover the latex intolerant.

I had a lot... Can't remember any off the top of my head, though.

Wait, so that wasn't inaccurate?! I've never typed "omfg" but OMFG! Prevent pregnancy by depositing male fluids (sorry mods, best I could think of at the moment) into the entrails of a dead animal?! No really, how the hell is that even remotely romantic or arousing to anyone? Hell, I'll even throw my faith in on this one and ask if this constitutes bestiality since an animal was used in the process of conducting the sexual act.

Maybe I'm looking at this wrong, but right now my mind has officially been blown.

The ancient Egyptians used baby alligator skulls as condoms I'm not surprised.

They also use the equivalent of primitive toilets to give birth to their children. We're supposed to be an evolved people, preferably capable of safely engaging the the sexual arts without having to resort to sheathing our man-handle in the eviscerated guts of another mammal.

Rolled up sheep guts sounds more like a third-world shantytown snack than a means for safe copulation. All this time I thought Mr. S was full of it.... *shudder*

going back to the bestiality though technically because the sheep is dead it can constitute necrophiliac bestiality but of course its non-consensual so again its necro-bestiality-rape on a technicality

 

[Just Joe]

Oh, and I just remembered this:
What did you learn in school today,
Dear little boy of mine?
What did you learn in school today,
Dear little boy of mine?
I learned that Washington never told a lie.
I learned that soldiers seldom die.
I learned that everybody's free.
And that's what the teacher said to me.
That's what I learned in school today.
That's what I learned in school.

What did you learn in school today,
Dear little boy of mine?
What did you learn in school today,
Dear little boy of mine?
I learned that policemen are my friends.
I learned that justice never ends.
I learned that murderers die for their crimes.
Even if we make a mistake sometimes.
That's what I learned in school today.
That's what I learned in school.

What did you learn in school today,
Dear little boy of mine?
What did you learn in school today,
Dear little boy of mine?
I learned our government must be strong.
It's always right and never wrong.
Our leaders are the finest men.
And we elect them again and again.
That's what I learned in school today.
That's what I learned in school.

What did you learn in school today,
Dear little boy of mine?
What did you learn in school today,
Dear little boy of mine?
I learned that war is not so bad.
I learned of the great ones we have had.
We fought in Germany and in France.
And some day I might get my chance.
That's what I learned in school today.
That's what I learned in school.

 

[Captain Blackout]

Jr High. Modern American condoms were made of latex
or intestines. How friggin' romantic that must feel...

I call bullshit on the intestine condom idea. They tried to tell us about that in sex ed, but I know Tennis Racquet wires used to be made from cow intestines & that they'd fall apart if they got wet...

That would be because the strings are treated to a very special chemical cocktail that degrades in water.

Condoms were originally made from sheep intestines - and they still are.

For those who are allergic to latex, they make condoms from intestines to cover the latex intolerant.

I had a lot... Can't remember any off the top of my head, though.

Wait, so that wasn't inaccurate?! I've never typed "omfg" but OMFG! Prevent pregnancy by depositing male fluids (sorry mods, best I could think of at the moment) into the entrails of a dead animal?! No really, how the hell is that even remotely romantic or arousing to anyone? Hell, I'll even throw my faith in on this one and ask if this constitutes bestiality since an animal was used in the process of conducting the sexual act.

Maybe I'm looking at this wrong, but right now my mind has officially been blown.

The ancient Egyptians used baby alligator skulls as condoms I'm not surprised.

They also use the equivalent of primitive toilets to give birth to their children. We're supposed to be an evolved people, preferably capable of safely engaging the the sexual arts without having to resort to sheathing our man-handle in the eviscerated guts of another mammal.

Rolled up sheep guts sounds more like a third-world shantytown snack than a means for safe copulation. All this time I thought Mr. S was full of it.... *shudder*

You all have missed the best part: Recipes for contraceptives that involve anything from honey to oh dear god but alligator dung *deep twitch*. At least the sheep-skin/intestine condoms are cleaned. How the fuck do you clean alligator dung for insertion?!?

EDIT: My wife's response: I am so glad I had my tubes tied.
EDIT: OT: I went to a 7th day Adventist boarding school. As a Christian I can say these guys missed the point almost completely, but did a better job than most denominations that completely misunderstood Jesus. At least they got the peace and loving your neighbor parts right.

 

[Iampringles]

I was spinning a globe during free time in second grade, looking at all the continents, when I suddenly realized that Africa and South America would fit together almost perfectly. It made me think about what my dad had said about earthquakes, so I went to my teacher and explained my theory: that once upon a time, the continents had all been together once, but earthquakes had broken them apart over time.

She said, "No, of course not," like it was ridiculous. Then she went on to say that the world had always been just the way it was, and would never change.

What the hell?

Aha, I guess someone hadn't heard of continental drift...

 

[Captain Blackout]

*snip*
I don't even care if you're one of those filthy godless atheists (like myself.)
But keep it to yourself, you fuck.
I didn't wake up to listen to you preach your religion.

It's fine when you do it to people who came to a place where they specifically wanted to hear it.
But when you're preaching at someone who is literally incapable of leaving and who is there under false pretenses, it makes me want to hurt you.

Emphasis everywhere you guys.

You have my apologies on behalf of Christians everywhere. Too bad 99%+ are deeply lost or complete fucktards.

 

[Just Joe]

Almost all history classes before college give the impression of history as one big logical progression, from the unhappy and unfair past to the completely and utterly perfect present. The suggest that the victories of the current ideas about morality and economy--basically, "Everyone's equal" and "Capitalism wins"--were inevitable, and will last forever. It's as though the textbook writers see the whole thing as a big story, and they decided to remove all tension, moral ambiguity, and give the whole thing a nice big happy ending.

Not that I'm bitter, or anything.

 

[Dr. UBAR]

My science teacher said once that an antiparticle combusted on contact with a particle. He was a biology teacher though, and I think he might have just been simplifying things a bit as we are in grade 10.

 

[BlueMage]

Athena was the Greek goddess of war/victory. WRONG she was the goddess of wisdom. what makes it even worse is the teacher was greek

Actually she was both (Yeah my mums Greek and taught yr12 Classics for 10 years) Athena was the Goddess of War and Victory as well as being the Goddess of Wisdom, you were both right .

yeah. so? were did she get that info from? western history books often get things wrong. Besides Athena can't be the goddess of victory because "Nike" was the Greek goddess of victory/triumph look it up

No, Nike was the personification of victory. Calling Nike a goddess would be a stretch. Although feminine in aspect, she didn't have the powers normally attributed to the Olympians.

Yes, I fancy myself an amateur classical greek mythology scholar.

 

[LooK iTz Jinjo]

Athena was the Greek goddess of war/victory. WRONG she was the goddess of wisdom. what makes it even worse is the teacher was greek

Actually she was both (Yeah my mums Greek and taught yr12 Classics for 10 years) Athena was the Goddess of War and Victory as well as being the Goddess of Wisdom, you were both right .

yeah. so? were did she get that info from? western history books often get things wrong. Besides Athena can't be the goddess of victory because "Nike" was the Greek goddess of victory/triumph look it up

What are you fucking retarded? I just said I got it from my mum who is not only GREEK but who taught YEAR 12 CLASSICS for 10 years. Maybe you don't know what Classics is? It is basically Ancient History, Myths and Legends. Basically she knows what she's fucking talking about when it comes to this and I confirmed it with her before writing that, they did often have multiple Gods for the same thing because Athena's brother Aries is also the God of War.

Oh and I also did the subject in years 10 and 11 and guess what they taught me...

 

[captainwillies]

Athena was the Greek goddess of war/victory. WRONG she was the goddess of wisdom. what makes it even worse is the teacher was greek

Actually she was both (Yeah my mums Greek and taught yr12 Classics for 10 years) Athena was the Goddess of War and Victory as well as being the Goddess of Wisdom, you were both right .

yeah. so? were did she get that info from? western history books often get things wrong. Besides Athena can't be the goddess of victory because "Nike" was the Greek goddess of victory/triumph look it up

No, Nike was the personification of victory. Calling Nike a goddess would be a stretch. Although feminine in aspect, she didn't have the powers normally attributed to the Olympians.

Yes, I fancy myself an amateur classical greek mythology scholar.

hmmmm i feel that there may be a loss of communication because of semantics somewhere in these posts/replies. Very well! may i request some sources and references on this knowledge.

 

[Tairan]

i think my 2nd grade teacher told me onec that 4+1=6.

But i think it was something to do with what we were doing.

 

[Tairan]

Athena was the Greek goddess of war/victory. WRONG she was the goddess of wisdom. what makes it even worse is the teacher was greek

Actually she was both (Yeah my mums Greek and taught yr12 Classics for 10 years) Athena was the Goddess of War and Victory as well as being the Goddess of Wisdom, you were both right .

yeah. so? were did she get that info from? western history books often get things wrong. Besides Athena can't be the goddess of victory because "Nike" was the Greek goddess of victory/triumph look it up

Actully Nike was a Roman goddess but thats if i remeber a couple of years back.

No, Nike was the personification of victory. Calling Nike a goddess would be a stretch. Although feminine in aspect, she didn't have the powers normally attributed to the Olympians.

Yes, I fancy myself an amateur classical greek mythology scholar.

hmmmm i feel that there may be a loss of communication because of semantics somewhere in these posts/replies. Very well! may i request some sources and references on this knowledge.

 

[Communist partisan]

"we are here to take care about the children and teach them" Pff bigest lie ever i'm told by teachers.

 

[captainwillies]

What are you fucking retarded?

Woooooooaaahhhh hold up there boy. (reported)

I just said I got it from my mum who is not only GREEK

yeah so my mum was born in Greece too. and she agrees with me. my mum vs your mum

but who taught YEAR 12 CLASSICS for 10 years.

cool story bro did she teach in Greece? or in the west?

Maybe you don't know what Classics is? It is basically Ancient History, Myths and Legends. Basically she knows what she's fucking talking about when it comes to this and I confirmed it with her before writing that, they did often have multiple Gods for the same thing because Athena's brother Aries is also the God of War.

Oh and I also did the subject in years 10 and 11 and guess what they taught me...

i guess they taught you the wrong thing.

 

[IronicBeet]

My 1st grade teacher said that there was no life before cavemen.

 

[Lukeje]

...that electrons orbit around a nucleus like planets around the Sun. Chemistry wouldn't be nearly as fun if that were true.