Movie script for Uwe Boll

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Housebroken Lunatic

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Sep 12, 2009
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PlipO said:
Uwe Boll must have good business sense if he is able convince people you invest in numerous films.
No, it's becasue he finance his movies with nazi gold. he even said so himself in Postal: The Movie. (which is the only good movie he has ever made) XD
 

Simalacrum

Resident Juggler
Apr 17, 2008
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well, situations in which famous actors have approached amaetuer film makers and whatnot have been seen before, so I don't think its entirely impossible...

Just highly improbable.
 

Horizontalvertigo

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Apr 2, 2008
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You could simply make a great indie game with your script, have it become an underground sensation, and then have several mainstream success sequels. Now after building a massive, devoted fan base, you can then make a movie about the game, then Boll will be interested and direct it. Afterwards you'll just stare in the mirror and ask yourself "Why? Dear God, why?"

Alternatively you could just go to Tarantino and try to get him to direct your script. Which is just as likely as Uwe Boll doing it, but a better end result if it happens.
 

Agema

Overhead a rainbow appears... in black and white
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Mar 3, 2009
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Well, the OP looks like a benign troll post but if it's serious...

As an idea if you want to contact Uwe Boll, watch one of his films or look it up on IMDB/Wikipedia etc. (preferably a recent one), and it will list a production company. Find that production company's webpage via Google, and it should provide contact details (Email, address, etc.) Contact them asking if they'd be interested in a script you've written, that you think Uwe Boll might like to make it, and they should tell you what to do with it.

Bear in mind it's a cut-throat industry. You might also want to find an agent/manager (might need to pay them in some way, obviously) who knows the industry and can give you advice to protect your interests. Film-makers happily steal ideas from "rejected" scripts and don't credit the creators.
 

The Great JT

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Oct 6, 2008
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Here's Bollsack's script-making process.

1. Sit down on toilet.
2. Take a shit.
3. Proclaim it will make him rich.
4. Exploit German tax loopholes that allow him to turn a profit, even if the movie is terrible.
5. Get the fim critically panned.
6. Challenge critic to a fight. (Class act, sauerkraut (sour Kraut, he's german). Class act.)
7. Repeat.
 

Tarmon'gaidin

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Jan 15, 2009
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Oh dude if I were you I'd watch it because I don't care but you could really start a flamewar by talking about Uwe Boll. :p
 

Macgyvercas

Spice & Wolf Restored!
Feb 19, 2009
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Okay, I looked on IMDB for scores on all of Uwe Boll's movies and I think I just lost some IQ points. None of them have scored above a 4.5. The only one that came close was Postal, with a 4.2.

A message for the OP: Don't contact Uwe Boll or watch any of his movies. You will be sorry you did, they are that bad.
 

PlipO

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Mar 26, 2008
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I have now watched Postal and Tunnel Rats.

Some people may think that Postal is offensive however is does not offend me because it has very little foundation in reality and is exaggerated to the point where the viewer cannot find anything believable in the plot and therefore cannot identify with any of the characters or scenarios.

The directing is not terrible, it just lacks any structure or imagination.
There are some good ideas in Postal even if they are obvious and used by many other Film makers in the past.
The ideas are thrown at the screen rather than being carefully planned and woven into the story.

Postal is a poor film but I cannot get angry about the film because it appears Uwe Boll did not have skill to deal with the ideas within the film therefore the film is a mess rather than having a sinister agenda as some people have suggested.

Tunnel Rats is even more bland and so so than Postal. It is treading ground that other films with better actors, better scripts and better directors have have long since left behind them with on the whole satisfying results.
Yes, Tunnels rats could have been a good film, if the story paid more attention to Vietnamese Communist army rather than putting too much focus on the American army. It could have been an engaging film even with the lack lustre and again unimaginative directing of Uwe Boll.

War films usually do not have to work too hard to get us involved in the fate of the characters because all wars still have relevance today because of the subsequent wars they spark and the political debris we have to deal with long after warring as seized.
The actors in Tunnel Rats did a good job with the material they had considering the script has close similarities to a weak tasting broth compared to the numerous and notable cinematic soups that is attempting to emulate.

Based on the two films I have watched; Uwe Boll is not a sinister man attempting to exploit the gullibility of the mass audience. He is a man attempting to make entertaining films with poor scripts, and an over estimation of his film making abilities.
The odd thing is, I have seen several of his interviews and he appears to know film history well. He also has good taste in films because he list a number of critically acclaimed films as being amongst is favourites and he is able to de-construct and explain why those films work. Why does he not apply these same skills to his film making ?
 

Macgyvercas

Spice & Wolf Restored!
Feb 19, 2009
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I'm probably going to regret this, but here goes...The IMDB scores of Uwe Boll's movies.

German Fried Movie: 1.3
Barschel - Mord in Genf?: 1.9
Amoklauf: 2.1
Das Erste Semester: 1.8
Sanctimony: 2.8
Blackwoods: 2.4
Heart of America: 4.0
House of the Dead: 2.0
Alone in the Dark: 2.3
BloodRayne: 2.6
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale: 3.8
Seed: 2.5
Postal: 4.1
BloodRayne II: Deliverance: 2.4
Tunnel Rats: 4.3
Far Cry: 3.2
Stoic: 3.7
Rampage: 4.0

Do you see a pattern here?
 

Cid Silverwing

Paladin of The Light
Jul 27, 2008
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Pyromania192 said:
You are a terribly obvious troll. No one enjoy's Uwe Boll(ocks)'s movies.
This.

Uwe Boll badly needs to fuck off and die for his crimes against games.
 

cloudywolf13

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Jul 6, 2009
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This is a joke, right? There's no way you don't know how bad his movies are, even if you haven't seen any. I mean. you've been an escapist for over a year. You must have come across a thread about how much everyone hates him.
 

Xojins

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Jan 7, 2008
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PlipO said:
Based on the two films I have watched; Uwe Boll is not a sinister man attempting to exploit the gullibility of the mass audience. He is a man attempting to make entertaining films with poor scripts, and an over estimation of his film making abilities.
Yea... so you're trying to get him to read your script and make it into a movie?
 

Baby Tea

Just Ask Frankie
Sep 18, 2008
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PlipO said:
Why does he not apply these same skills to his film making?
Well, let's make an analogy:

Joe Rogan is an announcer for the UFC. I'm sure he knows quite a bit about fights, fighters and technique, since he's seen and announced for a lot of them.
Fair enough?

Well, Joe Rogan would be a terrible UFC fighter.

He knows plenty of stuff about it, but he doesn't know how to apply it. He doesn't have the education (In this case, the physical education).

Therefore, Uwe Boll knows plenty about good, classic films and pick them apart and really sound intelligent when it comes to films.

But then he cannot make a good film. Why? Because he knows lots of 'stuff', but he lacks the education (And I think raw creativity) to really apply it. And, on top of that, he has an ego that will more than likely stop any actual good advice to get through to him.

He's a lost cause, unless he can swallow his pride.
 

PlipO

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Mar 26, 2008
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cloudywolf13 said:
This is a joke, right? There's no way you don't know how bad his movies are, even if you haven't seen any. I mean. you've been an escapist for over a year. You must have come across a thread about how much everyone hates him.
I first learned about Uwe Boll as a result of watching TANG on GinatBomb, this was a few weeks ago.
I do listen to other peoples' opinions and take them into consideration if they seem plausible however I usually make my mind up only after direct experience.
 

Monkeytacoz

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Sep 22, 2009
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Uwe Boll and Micheal Bay should team up for a movie. it would be the worst movie ever, but have the best explosions ever.