Moving in with Ex

[CarpathianMuffin]

To put it bluntly, this summer I'm moving over to the UK to be with my girlfriend and go to college. However, it seems that my only safe option might be moving in with my ex, who my current girlfriend despises and who I don't share much fondness for either. For some reason, she thinks otherwise though and has offered her place for me to stay at if I need it. Anyway, my ex lives a good half hour away from my current girlfriend by chance, so if I can't find another place to live, that's the only option.

My question is, should I swallow my pride and stay with my ex if there aren't any other options? Or should I return home until another opportunity to stay indefinitely presents itself?


Forgive me if this is hard to understand, I don't think well late-ish at night.

 

[newuseforvintage]

snip.

No.
Here's the way I think about the situation.
You've got two options:
Go in the Summer and stay with your ex.
Wait until you can find more solid accomodation and go then.

Then weigh up the pros and cons.

Staying with Ex
Pro:
You get to go earlier.
It is close to your girlfriend
Cons:
You don't like her
Your girlfriend doesn't like her
She seems to misunderstand where your friendship is at.
(potential) conflict with current girlfriend in future.
(potential) worse difficulties with living arrangements if you find that it is impossible to live with an ex who you don't actually like all that much.


Waiting
Pro:
You get to live close to your girlfriend (maybe even closer)
You'll get your own space OR
if you live with housemates you find online you'll get to meet new people
you wont have to deal, daily, with somebody you do not like.

Cons:
You have to wait.

 

[Yureina]

To put it bluntly, this summer I'm moving over to the UK to be with my girlfriend and go to college. However, it seems that my only safe option might be moving in with my ex, who my current girlfriend despises and who I don't share much fondness for either. For some reason, she thinks otherwise though and has offered her place for me to stay at if I need it. Anyway, my ex lives a good half hour away from my current girlfriend by chance, so if I can't find another place to live, that's the only option.

My question is, should I swallow my pride and stay with my ex if there aren't any other options? Or should I return home until another opportunity to stay indefinitely presents itself?


Forgive me if this is hard to understand, I don't think well late-ish at night.

I seem to remember addressing this in a PM with you a few weeks ago... Be right back...

Found it.

My reply then remains the same as it is now: don't do it. I don't know your ex or how she might be, but the idea that she would invite you to live in her home with your current girlfriend knowing that and living within a half-hours distance smells like trouble to me. I wouldn't trust your ex to have good intentions in this case, since she might be making this offer to deliberately cause you trouble. That might sound like a reach, but I have known people who are that petty. You obviously know her better than we do though, so its up to you as to whether or not to believe she has good intentions.

Even if she actually did... I'd still say don't do it. Even if your ex does not have some twisted desire to cause your current relationship trouble, your moving into her home will probably cause trouble anyway. It just... does not look very good. I know that if I had a boyfriend who moved into one of his ex's homes, I would be suspicious even if I trusted him. You doing that is going to create a problem in your current relationship almost for sure. If you value what you have now, I would not take up this offer.

Good luck. I really hope you can find another place to stay so you can move to that area without those other complications.

- Rei

 

[SnootyEnglishman]

I say don't move in. Sure it my hamper your opportunities for college but the fact remains that you don't like her and neither does your current girlfriend the cons far outweigh the pros here. I recommend waiting until you get the prime time to be with your girlfriend there instead.

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

Wait, why don't you just move in with your girlfriend? I mean, if she's offering and the only option is your EX-girlfriend, it seems pretty clear-cut to me.

 

[2fish]

Bad Idea, bad idea, BAD IDEA!

ex you don't like RED FLAG

Near current GF RED FLAG

Conflict alarm has gone off RED FLAG

 

[fjelding]

snip

What the others said.

However should you decide to move Id recomend that you begin/keep on looking for your own place to live as soon as you touch UK soil.

 

[ZakZak59]

Wait, why don't you just move in with your girlfriend? I mean, if she's offering and the only option is your EX-girlfriend, it seems pretty clear-cut to me.

Ummm yeh what this guy said, wouldn't you just move in with your girlfriend? I mean, you're moving a long long distance, just to be with her, that sounds like you guys are close enough to be living in the same house...
So why would you consider your ex-gf, when you have a current gf to move in with?

 

[zombiesinc]

To put it bluntly, this summer I'm moving over to the UK to be with my girlfriend and go to college. However, it seems that my only safe option might be moving in with my ex, who my current girlfriend despises and who I don't share much fondness for either. For some reason, she thinks otherwise though and has offered her place for me to stay at if I need it. Anyway, my ex lives a good half hour away from my current girlfriend by chance, so if I can't find another place to live, that's the only option.

My question is, should I swallow my pride and stay with my ex if there aren't any other options? Or should I return home until another opportunity to stay indefinitely presents itself?


Forgive me if this is hard to understand, I don't think well late-ish at night.

Personally, I don't think it's a very good idea. Although, that's an opinion I've formed on the smallest amount of information about your current situation, so naturally, I could be off. I think that it's something you'd have to seriously discuss with your girlfriend.

Ultimately it comes down to how you and your girlfriend feel about the possibility of you living with your ex. Is your girlfriend comfortable with you living with your ex? Are you comfortable with it? Is it something you'd really want to deal with? I'd imagine living with your ex while dating someone you've just moved to be closer to isn't... a very stable situation. If you two were to decide that, so long as it's only temporary, it's okay, I'd suggest making up some ground rules. From there, be sure to make these rules very clear with your ex to avoid any trouble between the three of you.

May I ask how far you're moving to be closer to your girlfriend? That's something that will likely play a large role in this, because if something doesn't work out, you could be in a very sticky situation with (possibly) no where to go. Also, as already asked, why can't you move in with your current girlfriend?

 

[Naheal]

This is a recipe for disaster. No. Don't do this. You're looking to live with someone whom you've broken up with on less than friendly terms. Trust is an issue between you two and it will come into play later. You can't afford that while going to college.

 

[Kortney]

I'd never let my boyfriend move in with his ex. Actually, I have no spine and probably would let him - but I wouldn't like it! At all!

 

[Amnestic]

I'm a little confused as to why you're not moving in with your current girlfriend. Even if it's not permanent, it's a better place to stay for the summer while you find your own place that isn't with your ex.

 

[Imp Poster]

I personally hate drama. And your situation has "JERRY! JERRY!" written all over it.

Yes, the Jerry Springer show.

 

[CarpathianMuffin]

A few things that I didn't mention earlier due to being tired:

- Girlfriend's currently living with parents due to not having a steady job right now. There's a chance that they can rent out a room to me, though it isn't likely.

- I do have a backup option in moving to Ontario with another friend. This one my girlfriend doesn't get along with well either, but is much less hostile towards. It's the safest option in the long run, but if there's a way to live in the UK I'd rather take it.

- The ex is currently with somebody and isn't really the flirtatious type. But I've heard from her cousin that she still has feelings, but I don't know how trustworthy that really is.

- If things don't work out with moving to the UK, I do have a good $5000 in savings that I've set aside just in case. In which case I'll end up in Ontario.

- I talked it over with my girlfriend, and she was ambivalent about it. She obviously doesn't like the fact that I'd be moving in with the ex, but she said that if there's no other way she'd let it be as long as nothing funny happened.

- In anticipation of such a thing, I've talked with my ex about it. She seems genuinely remorseful for being less than pleasant after we broke up, and looks to be trying to make up for it. And I've let her know right away that if she tried anything that might jeopardize my relationship with my current girlfriend, I'd leave right away.

- Final point, I have enough saved up aside from my emergency escape fund to allow for staying in a hotel for at least half a year.



So... I think that wraps up all the details. Knowing those, I suppose the answers are still the same. But those are why I'm still conflicted on the matter. There's definitely a chance that it won't come up and be an issue. But there's an equal chance that it will, and will be something to mull over quite a bit.

 

[zombiesinc]

So... I think that wraps up all the details. Knowing those, I suppose the answers are still the same. But those are why I'm still conflicted on the matter. There's definitely a chance that it won't come up and be an issue. But there's an equal chance that it will, and will be something to mull over quite a bit.

So, I'm curious, with these savings is it at all possible to find an apartment to either stay in alone, or share with your girlfriend? As I'd imagine sharing an apartment would be cheaper than staying in a hotel.

But if your girlfriend would tolerate you living with your ex if there's absolutely no other option, then I suppose that is a choice. Still, if you did decide to go through with that, I would suggest actively searching for an alternative so you can get out as quickly as possible.

Ultimately, I think trying to avoid living with your ex, no matter who's comfortable with what, is the best option. I'm assuming you're currently in Canada (if Ontario is an option), so moving to the UK is a big step. Therefore I would avoid anything that could possibly jeopardize the move, and your relationship as much as possible.

 

[DigitalSushi]

Does your ex know you hate her?

put it into context, if your girlfriend was going to live with her ex, how would you feel? and do you care about your current girlfriend enough to keep her happy?.

Since my earlier comment was apparently a 'low content post', I'll elaborate. Moving in with an ex is a terrible idea because even if YOU and HER get on, and that isn't likely at all given your history, your GIRLFRIEND will definitely mind it and start to invent stuff going on in her head even if nothing is going on between the two of you. Think honestly about how you'd feel if your girlfriend moved in with her ex. Besides, most girls don't need much of an excuse to cheat on someone (my opinion).

(Maybe that's high content enough for the fricking banhammer to leave me alone)

Repeating the same word over and over is low content, if you would like to talk about moderation issues, we are but a PM away.