My Bad jokes reserve is running low,

[Exmigrant]

SO fellow escapists, I could use some help with restocking my current joke supply. Mainly bad jokes, please note that a joke must not be racist/derogatory to be bad. I was leaning more towards clean jokes, at most risque.

Ex.
Do you know why birds fly in a v-shape with one side longer then the other?

Spoiler: Answer

Because there's more birds on that side

Or, more risque like

How do you circumcise a whale?

Spoiler

send down four skin divers

So fellow Escapists, whats in your comedy arsenal?

 

[Bagged Milk]

a priest, a rabbi, a dog, a cat, a horse, a redneck, an atheist, and a cowboy walk into a bar. the bartender says "what is this, some kind of joke?"

a man walks into a bar and say "ouch!"

I got more but can't think of any!

 

[LobsterFeng]

What do you call an abortion in Czechoslovakia?

Spoiler

A canceled Check

 

[Exmigrant]

New one just popped back up.

A baby seal walked into a club... how sad .

Eh, little bad but I like lobster's and the "the man walks into a bar" one though.

 

[omega_peaches]

What do you call a black pilot?

Spoiler

Nothing, you racist.

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks him, "Why the long face?"
The horse responds "My wife just died."

 

[Bagged Milk]

what do you call a fish with no eyes?


a fsh!

 

[Avatar Roku]

What do you call an abortion in Czechoslovakia?

Spoiler

A canceled Check

That's horrible, but it's also actually really funny. I admit I laughed.

 

[JCBFGD]

Two cowboys are walking along in a desert. One turns to the other and says, "If I die, I want you to name a town after me." The other cowboy replied with, "Sure thing, Mr Buquerque."

A black guy, a gay guy, and an atheist walk into a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community.

Yo momma so fat, she was walkin' down the street...she still fat!

Spoiler: Lengthy, bad one

A plane crashes on an island and the only two survivors are two men and a woman. After a few months of living on this island, they start to have urges. They, of course, act on them. After a few weeks of that, the woman decides, "This isn't right. God wouldn't want me to do this," and she kills herself. Well, after she died, the two men were left with their urges, and they put the awkwardness aside and act on them. After a month, the two men decide, "This isn't right. God wouldn't want us to do this," and they bury the woman's body.

 

[Exmigrant]

You should have seen this thread that got locked a while ago. Oh man, the high concentration of dead baby jokes were creeping me out...

I'm hoping this wont become one of "those" threads where it just leads to hideously bad jokes, I'm trying going to try my best to keep it clean. All I want is Funny, Bad Jokes.

 

[Raognerrrm]

Spoiler: What did one farmer say to the other farmer?

We're farmers.

Spoiler: What's green and has wheels?

Grass. I lied about the wheels.

Spoiler: How many legs does a dog have if you call a tail a leg?

Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.

Spoiler: Do you know the joke about the apple, orange and umbrella?

(They hopefully say no). Neither do I.

Just my humble contribution

 

[the spud]

Get ready for dead babies...Not for the squeemish.

Spoiler

What is funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit.

Spoiler

How do you fit a baby in a bowl? Blender.
How do you get it out again? Doritos!

Spoiler

How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.

Spoiler

How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off its head.

I hope nobody takes offense to these...

 

[Agent Cross]

A baby seal walks into a club.

*bows*

 

[RicoADF]

3 men walk into a bar, you'd think the 3rd one would have seen it.

 

[CM156_v1legacy]

What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?

Spoiler

Dying in a fire

Why did the kid drop his Ice Cream?

Spoiler

He got hit by a bus

That's all I can say without risking mod wrath.

 

[Ghengis John]

What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?

Spoiler

Two mimes falling into a vat of acid

snip

You I like.

 

[MrJKapowey]

What's the similarity between a mole and an eagle?

Spoiler: The punchline

They both live underground. Except for the eagle.

(With no hint of a smile or amusement) Okay, right. A man walks into a bar. He turns to the barman and asks for a pint of bitter, the bar man hands it to him. The man pays, gets up and goes outside. He crosses the road and gets hit by a bus, the coroner pronounced dead at the scene. *pause* No, don't laugh! Stop it! It's not funny, I was telling you a serious story relating to how people shouldn't drink over their tolerance because it can affect their ability to notice things.

 

[Dr.Susse]

If you need horrible puns I've got a twitter page full of em.
http://twitter.com/#!/DrSusse_puns

 

[bl4ckh4wk64]

My teacher had a really good pun.

He would roll up his tie and ask if any of us were good at physics. Whoever said yes, he would ask this question.
"Now, if I let go, which side will completely unravel first?"

Spoiler: Answer

It's a Tie!