My Ex-Girl Friend

[Jesse Billingsley]

David DeAngelo, a famous dating guru, wrote this in one of his books:

I have read some interesting research that shows that women have a few main categories in their minds in which they slot men.
These are:
1) Not interested at all.
2) Interested as a friend.
3) Interested in a long-term relationship.
4) Interested in a sexual relationship.

Here?s the interesting part: If a woman sees a man as a good potential ?long-term? mate, she?ll usually hold back the sex. On the other hand, if she gets sexually involved with a man, she?ll usually still be open to a long-term relationship.
Most men who want sex make the mistake of doing things like taking women to dinner, buying them gifts, and being romantic. This behavior triggers the ?Hey, this guy is good long-term material? category in the woman?s mind, and they hold back sex. But if a man does things to turn a woman on earlier in the game and she gets sexually involved, he can choose where he wants the relationship to go.

^ That right there is pretty much the core part of the problem. "Nice guys" typically end up in zone 1-3, rarely in zone 4.

Not gonna lie, that actually makes sense perfect sense If you and a girl are good friends and you say you need a cuddle, chances are the girl will go along with it. Of course it doesn't always work mind you

 

[JoesshittyOs]

They aren't mutually exclusive. Look at the lovely words I used such as 'seldom' and 'usually'. That would suggest to me that it's not infallible logic and that there could be exceptions to the rule.

But, people who profess to being nice, usually aren't.

Someone posted this link earlier, I think it's more than slightly fitting.

http://mightygodking.com/index.php/2007/12/16/the-internet-nice-guy-rears-his-ugly-head-once-more/

You know, that was actually rather enlightening. Thank you for this link. I've been thinking about it for the past few hours and it really did kind of make me want to try to burst out of my awkward bubble around people.

Seriously?

If you're not being sarcastic that's great. The thing is, years of shitty rom-coms have been communicating this message to people. Saying that all the attractive women will eventually realise that the awkward person who fumbled around her is actually her dream guy. It just isn't true.

There aren't two classes of men. 'Attractive and dickish, un attractive and nice.' Women don't work that way and we certainly don't. There are plenty of well adjusted 'nice guys' out there. Infact, the stereotype tends to be untrue for a lot of the reasons the article stated. You don't have to treat women like shit for them to like you. You don't even have to be particularly attractive. Just be comfortable around people, be charming, funny, whatever works... Because a lot of things do.

Sure its true you get a lot of women complaining that there aren't any 'nice guys' when they're actively searching for 'bad boys'. But generally they make up a small, not quite so on the ball, collection of women. Most women end up being quite happy in their relationships because they find what they're looking for.

Yeah, I was serious but mostly because I kinda thought about my previous relationship where I chased a girl for about 6 months and did display some passive aggressive behavior like the article states. I eventually did end up dating her, but it took her two boyfriends till we finally did hook up.

I realized that most of it could have just been avoided if I tried being completely straight with her, I probably could have had an even healthier relationship with her (we broke up because of her being a ***** though, unrelated to the 6 months prior).

But I really did actually find the article hit close to home. I'm a rather awkward guy around women I like, and I think I do come off too much as "the Nice guy" that really never makes it known, but kinda expects them to figure it out.

It probably sounds a little unbelievable, but it really made me wanna start being less carefree about being around strangers in general. (though I still do hold strong to the fact that I'm generally a nice guy. I don't just do nice things to people I wanna bone.)

 

[Woodsey]

Whenever someone describes them self as a nice guy, and the other guy as a complete psychopath who the girl chose over them, I tend not to believe that person's side of the story.

So everyone you believe has to be the annoying modest type? Must be challenging.

No, they just have to not be the whining-little-***** type.

 

[shogunblade]

So my ex has dumped me for a jealous asshole who keeps threatening to "shut me up". So my question to you guys, Is it worth snapping and proving to her how bad of a move this was or is it best to be calm and let her learn how much a douche he is? If it helps i am a nice guy and im not just saying that plenty of people can back me up on this.

I played this game a few years ago myself. She (my Ex-GF) kept telling me that if I started something, her boyfriend would "kick my ass". I was kind of offended, to be honest. We were together for 5 years, and she thinks I would start something? I couldn't kill a spider, let alone attack a boyfriend.

The Boyfriend I never met, and not even a month later, her boyfriend broke up with her and she was calling me, crying.

The way I look at it, don't say anything. The tougher man says nothing, does nothing and acts like they are doing nothing. If you remain neutral (don't act tough, but don't act like the weakling), she'll find out how nice her boyfriend is, and it won't be long, I'm sure.